Work Text:
.
“Jared...we should do this, it’s killing both of us.” Jensen said with a pleading stare.
“No, Jen...what will the people think? What about our fans? The show?”, Jared dismissed in a stiff voice.
“Oh come on man, this is the perfect timing! This is the last season and we’re in a position to face the shit storm. Hell, even Danneel and Genevieve are ready.” Jensen tried his best to get through his stubborn husband. “We all agreed that this bearding will be temporary. And this has taken a toll on our relationship a lot of times. You have to admit it, Jared, we can’t survive this for too long. At least I know, I can’t.”
Now Jared was the one left dry mouthed, “What do you mean you can’t? Are you breaking up with me?”
Jensen looked into the brownish green eyes of the man he loved so dearly. It was full of sadness, insecurity and longing. But Jensen didn’t give in to that. For too long their lives had been dictated by PR. When they had come out as a couple, the network executives had forced them into bearding and doing a couple things with their so-called wives. The recent example being the Austin Music Festival. Jensen wanted to go to the fest and enjoy the time with his husband. Instead, his manager had asked him to go with his wife and someone other than Jared. Jensen hadn’t liked it one bit, but it was Jared’s soft voice telling him that it was okay, that they had to do it for the show, had mellowed Jensen. Because when it came to the soft voice and puppy eyes, Jensen had zero control.
The show was renewed for last season and Jensen wanted the end of it to be a memorable one. After all, this was the show that introduced him to the love of his life. Jared Padalecki had been thrown in his life by fate and it had been the most beautiful thing ever happened to Jensen. He had taken one look at the man and promptly fell for him. But it had been Jared who had made a move on Jensen. It was during filming the episode 12 of season one, when after the scene of Dean being saved by the pastor Jared had followed him to his trailer and kissed him stupid. He had confessed that the thought of losing Dean hit him hard and he couldn’t keep his feelings to himself for too long. And Jensen had melted on spot. They’d even gotten married during mid season hiatus in 2008. Jared was his sunshine and his moon light. He was stars and the clear blue sky. He was Jensen’s everything. Jared Padalecki was Jensen Ackles’ whole world.
They had come out to their network, during season four and they were immediately asked to shadow their relationship. They had even tried to parade a lot of girls to be their beards but they both chose the ones they trusted the most. Danneel had known Jensen for as long as she was his friend. So, she had been Jensen’s natural choice. And Genevieve had been in an accident. When she first arrived on set, Jensen took her for a general character who would just hang around and then go. What he’d underestimated were her observation skills. Three days into filming and she had sensed what others took a year to see – Jared and Jensen were together. She had confronted them while they were having lunch and assured them that their secret was safe with her. He had also warned them to never let go, “Because, idiots, they don’t make love like yours anymore” was her advice. Ever since, she had become their friend. So, it was easy at that time. In reality though, it was very tough.
Later on, the idea of having kids had popped up and their wives had agreed to be the surrogates. They were ecstatic that IVF had worked and they were soon parents of a beautiful bunch of children. But the seasons progressed and the network PR pressure was too much so they had given in; thinking next season would be final, then the next and next. Alas! Their managers and PR had gotten a good grip by the and they both started struggling. Especially when they were being dictated how much time they could spend with each other in public. Jensen was getting frustrated. Who the hell these people thought they were, telling him when and how to meet his own husband? He felt an odd sense of doing something wrong whenever he touched Jared in public. In contrast, he'd been okay with the idea of playing husband to Danneel. It felt wrong. He should be able to touch his own husband freely in public. Jared was his husband after all! He had every right to do anything and everything with Jared! It was all a fucked up situation.
And now, they were into filming season 15 already and this Toronto Con was a good opportunity to come out and stake their claim on each other as husbands. Jensen wanted to do it. But Jared still seemed doubtful. Jensen knew Jared was just concerned about their career but Jensen was tired of it all. He was tired of being Jensen Ackles. He wanted to be Jensen Ackles Padalecki. It was something he never had a chance to enjoy. His life with his husband. Was that too much to ask?
He saw the signs of heartbreak on his husband’s face and he felt like an asshole, but he was desperate and he needed to take drastic measures to make his husband realize that they’d be just fine. He sighed as he saw Jared’s eyes shine with tears. He quickly wiped them away, cupping his husband's face and kissed his forehead. “No, Jay. I’m not breaking up with you. But I need this. Please. I want to be able to hold you, touch you, kiss you as freely as I can. You’re my husband jay. And I can’t take this stupid PR anymore. I just want my husband, Jared. But if you’re not ready then maybe we should take time apart. Think this through. And then decide on future course. Because Jay, I love you and I can’t handle this shit anymore.” Jensen quickly kissed his husband and left the room. This had to be the hardest thing he’d ever done. It broke him to see tears in his husband’s eyes but he had to do it. For the sake of their relationship. For the sake of their marriage.
Jared stood there stunned. What just happened? Did Jensen just break up with him? No, that wasn’t possible. But what did it exactly mean by “time apart and think this through”? Jared was scared and confused. Surely his husband won’t break up with him. Or did he just do it? Oh God, even the idea is ghastly his mind. If there’s one truth to Jared’s whole life it’s that he can’t survive without his husband. He had tried it but failed miserably when he had taken an impromptu trip to Switzerland. He’d ended up facetiming with Jensen, crying his heart out and telling him that he loved him. It wasn’t pretty. But it had taught him a lesson. Never hide from Jensen because he simply could never pull it off.
When Jensen suggested they come out tonight, he’d been blinded by the thought of pulling PR’s wrath. But did he care so much about PR to incur his husband’s disappointment and their marriage to fall apart? Was this hiding all worth it if he lost Jensen in the process? No, Jensen was his anchor, his center in this crazy world. Without him, Jared would be lost. He didn’t get much time to freak out into full blown panic attack as Rob came into the room, asking him to join as the SNS was about to start. He quickly dashed to the bathroom, straightened himself up and went into the side arena to seat himself in the corner. He was still in trance when he heard the familiar drawl on stage and snapped his head up to be greeted with the beautiful sight of his husband dressed up and ready for the concert with his stupid hat on.
“So, this song is for someone special, who is the reason behind my existence and my happiness, and this is my expression of my feelings right now. This is for you, my love, without you, I’d be nothing. You've made me what I'm today. And I wanna shout out to the world just how lucky I’m to have you in my life. Life is hard and it’s full of thorns in my path, so, this is for you, my love, to let you know that you’re the reason, I am able to walk it off, without a hitch.” Jensen said as he looked up in the audience to search Jared. Once he caught the sight of his husband, he made sure to maintain the contact so that his message got home.
He strung the guitar and started singing,
There goes my heart beating,
Cause you’re the reason
I’m losing my sleep,
Please come back now
There goes my mind racing,
And you’re the reason
That I’m still breathing
I’m hopeless now
I’d climb every mountain
And swim every ocean
Just to be with you
And fix what I’ve broken
Oh cause I need you to see
That you’re the reason
If I could turn back the clock
I’d make sure the light defeated the dark
I’d spend every hour, of every day
Keeping you safe
And I’d climb every mountain
And swim every ocean
Just to be with you
And fix what I’ve broken
Oh cause I need you to see
That you’re the reason oh
(I don’t wanna fight no more)
(I don’t wanna hurt no more)
(I don’t wanna cry no more)
(Come back, I need you to hold me closer now)
You’re the reason, oh
(Just a little closer now)
(Come a little closer now)
(I need you to hold me tonight)
I’d climb every mountain
And swim every ocean
Just to be with you
And fix what I’ve broken
Oh cause I need you to see
That you’re the reason
Throughout the song, Jensen didn’t open up his eyes, because he knew, they’d spill the truth of just how much it hurt to hide their relationship. He kept them close so as to not break down like a girl in front of the audience and he kept them close to avoid seeing the sight of Jared, who’d definitely feel guilty for stringing Jensen so long when he would notice Jensen’s hurt from his eyes. He only opened them when the song was done and the audience was shouting `once more”. He quickly took a look at where Jared was sitting only to find the place empty and to his surprise see Jared walking up the stage right in his direction.
Jared watched his husband as Jensen sang, his eyes closed and his voice whisky smooth, hitting every note right. And it hurt him a little to understand how deep the emotions ran in Jensen and he decided that the world can go fuck itself. Because Jared just couldn’t take watching Jensen so broken and shaken up. He needed Jensen like he needed his limbs and the song reminded him just how precious their love was. He was gonna do it. For Jensen’s sake. For the sake of their relationship. For the sake of their marriage. Because nothing was more important than them, right at this moment.
So, Jared threw the caution in the window and for once did what his heart told him to do. He quickly strode up to the stage and took determined steps towards Jensen. He couldn’t stop the string of excitement run through his blood at the thought of finally kissing Jensen, laying his claim on Jensen. He saw the way Jensen was eyeing him, surprise clear in his gaze. He smiled at his husband assuringly and dragged him close. It didn’t escape his mind, that the audience had gone silent. He lovingly looked into the expressive green eyes and said, “I love you, Jensen. I realize I’ve been a complete idiot. And I know I hurt you in the process. So, here’s my way of apologizing.” He captured Jensen’s plush pink lips and kissed him deeply, mindful of his audience who had gone berserk and was screaming at the top of their lungs.
Jared broke the kiss when the need for oxygen became a necessity and saw Jensen become teary eyed just as his eyes spoke of his joy. “Jay…I love you too”, Jensen pecked his husband once again maintaining eye contact. He was overcome with the feeling of love for this man. A very brave and beautiful man. He embraced his husband and felt Jared hold him tight to his chest.
It didn’t matter, Jensen thought. Even if tomorrow they’d have to deal with the shit storm that was about to hit them both. Because Jensen knew, with Jared by his side, he’d conquer the world. It wasn’t going to be easy, but he’d done the hardest for the last 15 years and he was pretty sure he'd do it all again.