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His head is buzzing.
Jae slumps over the bar counter, empty shot glass between his fingers. God, he doesn't deserve this; no one deserves this. He just wanted to live a simple and happy life with his girlfriend, that’s all. They don't have to be famous (because Jae hates reality TV shows) or be rich enough to be able to fly overseas twice a year. All he ever wanted, as mentioned earlier, was a decent income and a classic happily-ever-after. With his girlfriend, Jiyeon.
At that thought, Jae sighs. Just – he checks his phone – six hours ago, he reached home, looking forward to their weekly movie marathon on Friday nights. I officially hate Fridays now. Fuck TGIF! He screams internally, tapping the shot glass against the bar countertop. Anyways, back to his story. He was expecting to see a familiar figure lounging on the couch, waiting for him to come home. The couch was empty. Which was strange, as Jae knew Jiyeon’s work schedule well enough to surprise her at her workplace. The absence of any sounds except that of wheels rolling was another dead giveaway. At that point in time, six hours ago, Jae was too brain dead to even take note of these details; he just wants to get out of his uncomfortable suit and lie on his bed. So it was definitely a shock when he saw Jiyeon appearing from their room, with two suitcases and a duffel bag.
“Babe, where’re you going?”
Jiyeon met his questioning look with a coldness that nearly froze Jae right at their doorstep. “What do you think? Put that brain of yours into use, Jaehyung.”
What? “If you’re mad at that time I forgot to –“
She stopped him with a raised hand. “Park Jaehyung,” she stared him in the eye, “I am so tired of waiting. I am already 29, I don't know how many times have I hinted… I want to settle down and start a family. But… You’re not ready to. You don't have money to even buy a house, much less enough to raise a family. I don't know why am I wasting my time with someone who doesn't even have the same wishes as I do.”
He could only stare at her, the question of them breaking up chewing away at his sanity.
A car honked. Jiyeon softened her glare, and she reached out to squeeze Jae’s shoulder gently.
“Good-bye, Jae. We were good while it lasted.”
Her flowery scent wafted past his nose, as she dragged her baggage down the granite steps of their tiny rented apartment. He tried to voice out his anguish at the unfairness, but his vocal chords were sewn shut. He couldn't speak. What did I do wrong, exactly? He didn't think the lack of marriage proposal was the only reason Jiyeon left him. Jae couldn't understand, why? He is a good man, who earns good cash, and does not smoke, gamble or cheat. In essence, The One. So, why? He sighs loudly, raising his head from the bar counter.
That’s why I am not in a relationship, bitch, Wonpil’s voice jeered at him. “Fuck you, Kim Celibate,” he mumbles, before calling the bartender for another shot. The bartender arrives with his drink, and he knocks it down his throat without a second thought. The liquor scorches his throat, leaving his belly warm. He sets the glass down, and in his peripheral vision, he spots the bartender staring at him.
He cocks an eyebrow.
“Um, not to be nosy, but I have served you seven very potent mixes in the last ten minutes. Do you want to slow down? I don't want to be sued if you get alcohol poisoning.” The bartender replaces the empty glass with one filled with water.
He sits up slightly straighter. He’s not going to let a random stranger take pity on him, he’s a – Jae sniffs – strong man. Maybe not physically, but he is strong. “I-I can handle my liquor fine, thank you,” Jae peers at the bartender’s name tag, “Sungjin-ssi. Now, will you please bring me another–”
“Sorry sir, but we have a policy that allows us to decline customers if they drink more than a certain amount in a short period of time. Do you want to let out some steam by singing at the open mic?” Sungjin-ssi interrupts, pointing to the dimly lit stage. “I will serve you another shot if you sing a song,” he adds, unperturbed by Jae’s annoyed expression.
“Are you actually serious? I come to this bar all the time and there is-isn’t such a policy! Wh-where is your bar ruler – I mean manager?”
Sungjin-ssi sighs, and replies, “Manager at your service, sir.”
“Wow, so you’re the new manager.” He studies Sungjin: sparkly big eyes, a big nose and shaven head. And a decent jawline (no one can beat his sharp-enough-to-cut-diamonds jawline). This guy looks trustworthy and honest; good call Dowoon. “So, how exactly did y-did you convince Dowoon to make you manager? In my knowledge, he isn’t an easy nut to crack.” Jae applauds himself internally when he saw Sungjin’s eyes widened at the mention of Dowoon’s name.
“How do you know Dowoon?”
“Junior from the same college. Amazing drummer. Good friend. He told me about his new bar last year,” Jae gestures to his surroundings shakily, “and I have always visited for a drink. Ah, he’s so busy with other things that he doesn't even reply my messages.”
“Oh… Well, I am Dowoon’s hyung from Busan. I’m doing my masters in food science in Seoul so I work here to earn some money.”
“Okay, okay… now I see. But come on, I am too drunk to sing pr-pr-properly. Dowoon and I… have connections, so gimme my shot.” He made grabby hands at Sungjin, who gives him an amused smile before shaking his head.
“Rules and regulations, my friend. I’m not changing my mind no matter how much you try to whine.”
Reasoning with a half-drunk Jae is futile, but Sungjin’s resolve is firm; he refused to give Jae his drink. God, should I just sing a song? Is a drink worth the mess I’m about to make on stage? Then he concludes, no one will remember him anyways; everyone is drunk out of their minds.
“Song for a drink, right? R-right. You better make that drink extra spicy ‘cause I’mma b-b-burn your stage with my vocals.” He knows he isn’t making much sense, but fuck it. He is fresh from a breakup, so he deserves to do whatever he wants to feel better.
He hears Sungjin laughing behind him as he wobbles towards the stage. Just you watch, Jae thought, I am the best singer in town.
Park Jaehyung is a good singer. Good is an understatement; over-the-top jazz singer seems more fitting. But he isn't sober and as he approaches the small stage, he truly felt a little anxious. He has never – when intoxicated – sung in public or even out loud in private; he was a quiet drunk with intense mood swings. Jae has never heard how he even sounds like drunk. Can I belt better? High notes? Can I shatter glass? He almost walks into a table at that thought.
He stumbles onto the slightly raised stage and grabs the mic stand, physically stabilising himself. Tightening his grip on the mic stand, Jae rises to his full height, taking the chance to check out how many people were there to see his embarrassing show.
Three.
That seems pretty alright.
Shakily, he presses the numbers for his favourite karaoke song. The familiar guitar riffs blare from the speakers, and Jae rocks unsteadily on his feet. In his peripheral vision, he spots an unfamiliar man air-guitaring to the song on his left. Oh, a kindred soul! Jae turns to face him and mirrors his actions, grinning widely when the man noticed him. As the guitar-driven introduction draws to an end, Jae motions for the stranger to start the song with a shaky hand.
"She's gone," the stranger croons, "out of my life."
Jae is floored the moment the first note left the stranger’s mouth. The stranger’s voice is velvety smooth, light in quality with a hint of depth.
“More dramatic!” Jae whispers into the mic and the stranger follows, adding long-drawn pauses and vocal runs in the melody.
“Your turn,” Kindred Soul mouths to him and Jae continues, leading into the chorus of the song with his rising adlibs.
The two men engages in a duet subsequently and for the first time in his life, Jae felt genuinely happy singing in public, drunk and with a stranger nonetheless. Call Jae a stay-at-home or whatever, but the man hasn’t done anything stupid for alcohol till today. College Jae can never imagine himself singing in a bar, half-plastered; much less with a handsome stranger... Wait, is he handsome? Jae flicks his eyes to his duet partner for the first time since they started singing, tracing over the stranger’s profile. The stranger had black hair, almond-shaped eyes and an amazing block of a nose. Oh, and an adorable brick-red jean jacket over a stripped blue flannel shirt, giving the outfit a nice pop of colour.
“I like your fa-fash-fashion, dude,” Jae blurts into the mic carelessly, missing his line.
The well-dressed stranger turns, shoots a smile at Jae and covers Jae’s missing parts, while the latter stared, momentarily stunned by the brilliant smile thrown his way by a very, very, very handsome man. Jae... Jae! Hello! Blast those high notes, what are you staring at? Show him what you’re worth! Jae blinks rapidly, his brain finally registering where the song was at: the climax.
He proceeds to kneel on the ground while screeching the words, voice breaking off in desperation.
“Lady, oh lady, oh lady!” The two screech (it’s mostly Jae, the other transitioned smoothly to falsetto) in unison, and start feigning guitar shredding at the instrumental break.
He raises his head from his air-guitar playing; the stranger was already looking at him. A playful smile hangs on the stranger’s lips and Jae can’t help but flash a small, shy smile in response, before looking away. Jae is not one to break eye contact, but this guy, this particularly cute guy scares Jae slightly; he is so handsome that he intimidates. You know those people that look freakishly good for no reason? Yeah, moving works of art.
The stranger takes a step closer to Jae’s personal bubble, still air-guitaring. Grinning, Jae mirrors his movements and the two face each other as the guitar solo ascends in pitch, leading back to the last chorus. The high register of the song forces the two to scream their notes into the microphone, with Jae sitting down on the floor and the stranger leaning on the mic stand. “Lady, oh lady, lady, lady!” Jae could only watch as the stranger did vocal runs on the word “lady”, awed at the talented vocalist in front of him. Gradually, the song quietens, prompting Jae to pick up the microphone.
“My heart, belongs to you.” He pauses, and looks out into the almost empty bar. He could almost see her standing at the bar counter, disappointment on her face. “Lady, can you forgive me?”
He shakily releases a breath into the microphone.
“For all I've done to you...” He trails off, voice dipping, going into a low hum. His eyes are moist; when did he cry? Wiping his eyes quickly, Jae looks up to see Sungjin clapping behind the bar counter. “You earned it, come over!”
Instead, Jae turns to his left to see the stranger beaming at him. “Great song choice and you were amazing!” The stranger’s voice is warm, comforting, perhaps a little too perfect. “No, dude you are so good. Like,” Jae attempts to recreate the vocal runs but his parched throat fails him and he ends up choking on air. He laughs, embarrassed upon hearing giggles from the stranger. “You know what I mean right? Like those runs were so-so-so smooth. How do you even do that?”
“I’ll tell you if you join me for a drink?”
Jae nods, and heads towards the bar counter with the stranger. He spots a plate of fries next to a filled glass of beer, and he thanks Sungjin for the food, with the latter waving off his thanks.
How does a man this perfect happen to be in a club at the same time as Jae, in the wee hours of the morning? He took a large gulp of beer, the liquid immediately quenching his thirst. “So...” Jae starts, “what are you, a fine crooner, doing here in this dingy establishment at 3 a.m.? Oh, I am Jae.”
“I’m... Brian. And honestly, I don't know why am I here. I was taking my usual late night walk or you could call it ‘wandering’; I am pretty new to this part of Seoul. Anyways, I saw this pretty empty place and thought that maybe I could get some drinks to relax...” Brian frowns slightly, and he turns his attention back to Jae; his unspoken question hung in the air. Jae hums, popping a fry into his mouth.
“Where’re you from, Brian? Your English is pretty good.”
“Oh, that. I studied in Canada for high school and came back to Korea for university. And I was originally not that good at speaking English...” Brian continues, and Jae laughs at how the man used to watch Shrek on repeat to pick up English. It was a cute imagery: 14-year old Brian sitting in front of his television watching Shrek and Donkey banter and mimicking how they speak to familiarise the feeling of English words rolling off his tongue. Brian blushes in embarrassment and the two drink to the success of Shrek’s English lessons.
They talk about movies, with occasional high-fives and yells in excitement; they talk about food, about how Brian can eat six servings of meat in one sitting and Jae’s never-ending list of allergies; they talk about life abroad, about how Jae took a while to get a grasp on the Korean language, his homesickness, and Brian’s friends in Canada; they talk about music, about how Jae used to dream of being a famous singer but gave it all up in the face of reality, and Brian’s internship as a marketing intern at a well-known music company.
In the short time that they spent together eating and sharing about themselves, Brian makes Jae feel safe, a feat achieved by only a selected few in this universe.
And so Jae tells him why. His reason for being in the bar at 3 a.m.
Brian watches him carefully, nodding in sympathy. He hasn't cried at all the whole night, but the way Brian is gazing at him makes him feel vulnerable; he feels exposed by the attention Brian is giving him. Mind you, Jae doesn't ever allow himself to get comfortable with a stranger, more so allow his fragile inner self to be out in the public. He wants to stop talking, because he is revealing too much of his true unfunny self to Brian, but he can’t stop himself. “And she just, she,” Jae finally made eye contact with Brian, and a stray tear trickles down his cheek.
“I’m sorry,” he sniffs, hastily wiping at his tear.
But they just keep coming, and after a minute of furiously scrubbing at his face, Jae gives up. The years of bottled up hurt he felt in his recently severed relationship came in the form of unrestrained tears, and he cries freely. He knows he is an ugly crier, with tear streaking down his face and snot dribbling from his nose, but he cannot find it in himself to stop crying. He is tired of holding it all in, tired of being the stable and strong friend, and mostly tired of being the bigger person in the relationship. He leans his elbows on the bar countertop, resting his face on his palms, covering his eyes with his fingers. His hands are wet with tears and he is sure his face is turning into a salt field at the rate he is crying, but he can’t stop. It has been a long time since the floodgates are wide open, and Jae is going to cry at least 4 years’ worth of tears before his tear ducts dries up, forcibly halting his sob fest.
Through his covered face, he hears Brian getting off the seat on his left. Right, Brian. He had forgotten all about him in his sad haze. Jae sniffles, wiping his eyes with the back of his hands. Fuck, why’d he break down? Another stray tear slides down his face. All he wishes for, at this moment, is a simple act of comfort – a hug. “God, why am I like that?” he mumbles to himself, propping his chin on his right palm, left hand wiping at residual tears. He is about to continue wallowing in self-pity when a soft thump alerts him to a plastic bag placed in front of him. “I got you some ice-cream... I don't know what flavour you’d like so I got a little bit of everything...There’s a chocolate one, strawberry –“
He laughs, cutting Brian off mid-sentence. Jae looks up at Brian hovering on his left, nervousness clear on his face. “I’m sorry I didn't – I didn't mean to cry. I – I just, I’m so tired,” Jae breathes out, blinking away tears.
Brian’s face relaxes slightly. He takes out a handkerchief from his coat, dabbing gently at Jae’s cheek. “It’s okay to feel that way; we all have different ways of releasing the weariness we feel from daily life. Some people cry; some people exercise; some people binge on food and movies...” He steps closer to Jae, “You must have really love her, hmm?”
His eyes are getting watery, so he nods. Brian sighs softly, and he passes the handkerchief to Jae, reaching over Jae to open a tub of Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey. “You know I’m lactose intolerant right?” Jae mumbles softly. Brian’s eyes widen in realisation, and Jae continues with a small smile, “But that doesn't mean shit when someone you literally just met bought you 3 different tubs of ice cream to cheer you up.”
Maybe it's the alcohol, maybe it’s the sadness, maybe it’s something in the air, but Jae feels bold, despite looking dishevelled. He grins at Brian, with the latter mirroring his grin. Jae guides Brian’s hands to rest on his shoulders, and he holds them there lightly. Brian gazes at him curiously, but didn't make any move to shift his hands away. He holds Brian’s gaze steadily, and without breaking eye contact, he rasps, “Can I – can I hug you?”
He spots the surprise in Brian’s eyes before the latter can speak. Was he too rash? He is a literal stranger Jae! No shit, he would be freaked out if a random person asked him that! The confidence he felt earlier began to evaporate and he slowly removes his hands from Brian’s.
“Ah, uh s-sorry I – ”
He was pulled into a warm embrace, his face resting snugly on Brian’s chest. His arms are stuck between their bodies awkwardly, so he moves to circle them around Brian’s lean waist to bring them closer. Brian’s hands pull at Jae’s shoulders tightly, as if he was trying to hug away all sadness embodied in Jae’s lean frame. Jae feels himself tearing up again at that thought, and he presses his face into Brian’s shirt, breathing in the comforting smell of musk and rain. They stay like that for a while, with Brian resting his head lightly on Jae’s head and Jae burying his face in Brian’s chest. If Sungjin had seen what happened, he pretends he didn't, and goes to the back lounge to give the two some space.
The two not-really strangers remained in their positions, with Jae enjoying the warmth and soothing back pats from Brian, while the latter noses Jae’s hair teasingly.
“Are you feeling better, Jae?” Brian mumbles lowly, and Jae feels the low vibrations from Brian’s chest buzzing in his ear.
“Brian do that again! Say something in a low tone; my ear is vibrating.”
“What?” Brian laughs and Jae feels the vibrations of Brian’s hearty laughter in his ears. It envelopes him, making his bones shake in joy and he smiles.
“You make me feel so much better, Brian.” Jae raises his head to peer at Brian, whose nose scrunch and dimples make an appearance as he grins widely at Jae. He moves his hands from Jae’s shoulders to cup the back of Jae’s head, thumbs resting on Jae’s cheekbones.
“I don't like to see you cry, Jae. I know we barely just met but my heart almost broke when I saw you cry; it wasn't pity. I just felt sad, and I don't even know why. I guess I’ll be seeing you more often then? To buy you more ice-cream and make your stomach regret the choice of ingesting it.”
They burst out in laughter and Jae lets go of Brian, opening the tub of Chunky Monkey ice cream. He eats a big spoonful of it, sighing, “It tastes so good but ugh, the taste of regret, Brian. I’m going to feel this tomorrow.” The latter giggles and the two dig into the ice-cream, with the promise of future meetups lingering in their minds.