Chapter Text
I am a 17 year old shut-in/highschool boy who wants to commit suicide, but can't decide if I want to die or not. I currently live with my parents and i'm bullied at school. I have no real plan other than to end my life by jumping off a bridge in the hope that it will be enough to end me.
What do I do?: • Write a letter to someone?
I write a letter to my sister saying how much I love her and how I don't want anything bad to happen to her. She doesn't answer back, she just leaves the room.
I go into my room and cut myself in the neck. It hurts like hell, but I manage to pull it off without dying. I then vomit blood all over myself before collapsing onto my bed sobbing uncontrollably.
I cut my arm as well, but this time I manage to keep it together long enough to throw up some more blood on myself. This is followed by vomiting blood again. Finally I collapse onto the floor crying hysterically.
I put some gauze on my wound and try to stay calm. I think about what I should do next. The first thing I could do is call the police, but if they come here they might not be able to save me since there aren't any hospitals near where I live.
I take some sleeping pills and try to sleep for a while. When I wake up I feel really tired, but I still feel like I want to die.
I take some Prozac (Zoloft) which makes me feel a lot better. I'm able to fall asleep and when I wake up I actually feel like I want to live!
I take some Xanax (Valium) which makes me feel even worse. I'm now feeling suicidal and I feel like killing myself right now. Well, that was fun wasn't it? Well I guess I'll see how this ends up...
"..."
I decide to change my mind and I decide to kill myself anyway. The only problem is that I didn't know what drugs I took or how many of them, so I was pretty high when I did it.
I end up cutting myself open with a knife and bleeding out everywhere. My mom comes home from work and finds me lying naked on the bathroom floor. She freaks out and screams at me, but eventually calms down after seeing my dad who comes running in.
I put some bandages on my wounds and tell her to get an ambulance. After taking care of business at the hospital, I leave with my mom. After driving around aimlessly for awhile, I finally find a place to stay: A motel called "The Blue Room".
As soon as I enter the room, I realize that it's way too clean. It reminds me of my childhood house. I also notice that there are no windows in this room. There must be a reason why nobody has checked in recently, because there are no signs of life anywhere else either.
I go into the bedroom and turn off all the lights. As I lie there watching a scary movie, I suddenly hear loud noises outside. Then someone knocks on the door. "Who's there?" "It's me, its me!" I answer back in a scared voice.
I turn off the lights and lock the door. "I'm sorry, I just can't let anyone in here."
I walk towards the front door. Suddenly I hear someone calling my name. I turn around and see a man dressed in black clothes standing in front of me holding a gun to my head.
"AHH!"
I scream out in terror and panic. "What the hell do you want?" He asks. "Please don't shoot me! I've done nothing wrong!" I plead. "No, you haven't! But if you keep acting like this, then yes, I will!"
I quickly run out of the room. I'm not sure where I should go next, but I need to find somewhere safe.
