Chapter Text
Evan Hansen sat distractedly at lunch, fidgeting with the drawstrings of his hoodie, mostly listening to the story his boyfriend was telling him. Boyfriend . Evan still wasn’t used to saying that. Connor Murphy was his boyfriend . They had been dating for a few weeks, coincidentally around the same time his friend Jared had found out about his little crush. But he couldn’t really be mad at Jared and his gossipy ways, because it actually ended up being a good thing for Evan. He was happy and he really liked Connor. He was abrasive and confident, but also really sweet (to Evan at least) and mostly understanding about Evan’s anxiety, not to mention he was really cute, Evan especially liked the little patch of brown in one of his blue eyes.
“Evan, Evan, earth to Hansen,” Evan suddenly hears Connor saying. “Where’d you go just now?”, Connor adds, sitting next to him, pushing the drawstrings out of his hands and interlacing their hands, making Evan blush.
“Um, sorry, I j-just was spacing out. W-what were you saying?” Evan replies quickly, even though he and Connor had gotten closer over the last few weeks of dating, Evan still felt anxious around him sometimes, still unable to even out his speech or completely drop his stutter.
“I was asking you if your mom had made any more of those awesome cookies? If there’d be any when we got out of school?”, Connor laughs poking Evan playfully, ignoring his slight wince at the action, in Connor’s mind the more Evan got used to casual touches the better.
“Connor, I told you y-y-yesterday, we can’t go to my h-h-house today after school, my m-m-mom has a thing,” Evan says, dropping their hands to return to fiddling with the strings. He didn’t want to tell Connor that their landlord was coming by to hopefully fix their hot water heater that had been broken for more than week. He already felt like his house, that his mom rented, wasn’t enough compared to Connor’s family’s McMansion, and he didn’t want to add to that feeling of inferiority.
“Well, we could go get coffee or snacks or something after school, like an impromptu date”, Connor offered, but his smile dropped as soon as he saw Evan give a deep sigh as a response. It’s not that Evan didn’t want to do those types of things with him, but ordering things was really hard for him and all his extra money from his job as an apprentice park ranger went to his college fund and things he needed for school, not extras. He didn’t want Connor to order for him or pay for him, more things that made Evan feel less than and second guess his contribution to their relationship.
“Ugh, fine I guess we could go to my house even though my crazy mom and bitchy sister will be home. I just really want to hang out today,” Connor whines pressing a chaste kiss to Evan’s cheek, reigniting Evan’s faded blush.
“Y-y-yeah me t-t-too. I think your house will be f-fun. Probably won’t even see t-them”, Evan says, bumping Connor with his shoulder, trying to reciprocate his boyfriend’s playfulness.
Connor smiles an Evan’s attempt at affection, and bumps Evan’s shoulder back, just as the bell rings, signaling that lunch was now over. The boys quickly gather their stuff and head inside walking side-by-side. Connor pretends to not be upset when he reaches for Evan’s hand, and Evan deliberately grips his backpack straps with both hands, avoiding Connor’s outstretched one. Again, it wasn’t like Evan didn’t want to hold his hand, he just felt like in the hallways it drew too much attention to them, which made his palms sweaty, which would probably gross Connor out, so he avoided it from the get-go.
They stopped at Evan’s locker because it was closer, and it was usually where they went their separate ways for their afternoon classes. Evan had grabbed his books and was about to say goodbye to Connor, when Connor takes him by surprise, kissing the corner of his mouth and cheekily saying, “See-ya after school, Evan”, and hastily making his exit.
Evan stood frozen in front of his locker, looking around to see if had noticed Connor kissing him. Luckily, everyone in the hall seemed to be minding their own business, either not noticing or not caring about the actions of Connor Murphy and Evan Hansen. It took Evan a couple of deep breaths to calm back down, before he started walking to his AP Biology class. He and Connor had only actually kissed a couple of times since they started going out, and never at school, so Connor’s half-kiss took Evan by surprise. To Evan, kissing was just okay, fun, but he always felt like something was off, but he had only kissed (or been kissed by, he supposes) Connor, so he didn’t really have a reference point to go off.
Evan lets his thoughts run wild as he finally starts walking to class on autopilot. He wasn’t really okay with what Connor just did, but it wasn’t a super big deal, if he brought it up would he seem naggy? He didn’t want to mess up what him and Connor had going because he wasn’t too sure he’d be able to get anything like it again. Also, he hated confrontation, even thought of bringing up something unpleasant to Connor made his heart race and his breath quicken, so for now he’d just push it down and focus on other things. He had AP Biology now, and it was one of his favorite classes. He loved the material, and his teacher didn’t believe in partner work, which made the class even better for Evan.
Evan sat in his favorite seat in the back row, by the window and was organizing his notebook and pencils on the desktop when he accidently caught eyes with Connor’s sister, Zoe Murphy. Zoe simply waved at him and Evan gave a very shaky wave back before she turned around in her seat to organize her own notes.
Ever since Evan and Connor had started dating, Zoe made an effort to acknowledge him in the classes they shared. They never spoken to each other even though they had gone to the same school since the 7th grade when Connor and Zoe had moved. Evan figured she had found out who her brother was dating and was just being nice.
It was weird, Evan had a tiny crush on her when they had first moved, but she quickly became part of the in-crowd and Evan let his dream of them possibly being friends die, and now flash-forward a couple years and he was dating her brother. A brother, who always described her in the most awful ways. That was something that always confused Evan.
What Evan had seen over the years led him to believe that Zoe was sweet, talented, smart, and incredibly pretty (and that wasn’t even just his old crush talking, that was simply the truth, Zoe was gorgeous), a stark contrast to the bitchy, obnoxious little sister that Connor described. Evan didn’t know much about their homelife or relationship, so he always tried to steer clear of Zoe-talk when he was with Connor and tried to remain neutral on his own judgement of her.
Evan’s two afternoon classes seem to fly by and before he knows it, he’s walking to his locker, surprised for the second time that day, that Connor is waiting for him. Evan knows that Connor’s sixth period is on the far side of the school, there’s no way he’d be at Evan’s locker before him, unless…
“Connor did you skip sixth period again?”, Evan asks slightly concerned about Connor’s new habit of skipping class whenever he felt like it.
“I’m pretty sure I know more French than that old crone Ms. Babit anyways, and I wanted to greet you. C’mon it’s not that bad, I’ll try my hardest to go tomorrow, if it makes you happy”, Connor says smiling crookedly at Evan, resting his hand on Evan’s shoulder.
Evan tried his best to not flinch away from the contact, still a little upset from earlier, grabbing what he needed and slamming his locker closed a little harder than he meant to. Connor doesn’t seem to notice either of Evan’s actions, happily babbling on about something Evan didn’t catch at the start. Something seemed off to Evan, Connor didn’t usually act like this, chatty, calm, Evan would even go as far to say bubbly. He did his best to ignore the suspicious feeling in his head and enjoy the good mood Connor was in as they walked out to Connor’s black sedan.
The drive to the Murphy’s was actually pretty relaxing for Evan. Connor sang way off key to the songs playing on the radio, making Evan laugh and Connor abided by the majority of traffic laws, after Evan had chastised him last time they drove together. Evan was almost sad when they pulled into Connor’s driveway, now it wouldn’t be just the two of them, he would have to possibly talk to Mrs. Murphy, and also possibly see Zoe, and he didn’t want Connor to drop his happy mood, just the imagined tension was making Evan anxious.
Connor didn’t seem phased though, he simply grabbed Evan’s hand, opting to not intertwine their fingers, and led him through the front door. They were inside so fast Evan didn’t even see Zoe’s blue bug pull into the driveway behind them.
“Connor, Zoe, is that you?”, Cynthia Murphy’s cheery voice echoed from the kitchen.
“It’s me mom. And Evan’s here too”, Connor responds trying to drag Evan quickly up the staircase before Cynthia could come barrage them with questions. Evan’s fumbling, however adorable, slowed them down just enough that Cynthia appeared in the entry way looking up at them happily.
“Boys, don’t run away so soon, come to the kitchen, tell me about your days, I can make a snack, anything you want. Are you hungry Evan?”, Cynthia pleaded trying to connect with her son and his boyfriend.
A look flashed across Connor’s eyes and Evan thought for a moment he was just going to blow his mom off and continue to trudge up the stairs, but instead he just huffed dramatically and slowly pulled Evan back down the stairs. This was another thing about Connor that Evan didn’t really understand, he had a mom who was home all the time, willing to talk with him about anything, and legitimately tried to be a good mom and Connor always seemed annoyed by it. Evan loved his mom and was very aware of the sacrifices she made for them, but it doesn’t mean he didn’t wish she could be home more, offering him and a guest snacks and to just talk about his day. The little time he got to spend with his mom he cherished, and he wished Connor did the same with his mom too.
Right as they enter the kitchen, the door opens again letting everyone know Zoe was now home too. She cheerily walks to the kitchen and gives Cynthia a side hug and waves hello to everyone saying, “Hey Connor, hey Evan”, saying Evan’s name a little softer, like she wasn’t sure if she was allowed to talk to him.
“Nope, we’re not doing this. Sorry mom. C’mon Evan, we’re going upstairs”, Connor says tightly, not giving anyone in the room a chance to say or do anything, before actually dragging a very confused Evan out of the room.
They don’t talk until Connor slams his door closed, his good mood clearly gone, replaced by annoyance. Evan speaks up first, asking nervously, “Wh-what just h-happened Connor?”.
“Look”, Connor starts, dropping Evan’s hand, pacing around his room, “I can deal with my over-eager mom trying to push hummus on us, but throw in Zoe and the nightmare begins. She probably came in the kitchen just to make me mad”.
“I d-don’t know, she just, uh, said hi, what’s so bad about that?”, Evan asks, truly perplexed as to why Zoe being in a room with them was setting Connor off.
“Why are you defending her?”, Connor accuses Evan, who hadn’t moved from his awkward spot in the middle of the room, “Can’t you just take my word for it? That Zoe’s a total bitch, and we’re better off without her around”.
“O-o-okay, okay,”, Evan manages to get out, trying to calm Connor down, as Connor’s little tantrum was making him very uncomfortable, and rather than ask more questions about Zoe because he had a million racing through his mind, Evan simply asks, “D-d-do you want to watch some B-b-buzzfeed videos?”, a safe activity they often did at Evan’s house.
“Yeah, c’mere”, Connor says grabbing his laptop from his desk and lounging on his bed, beckoning Evan over. Evan goes and lies next to him, letting Connor put his arm around his shoulders, even though he still felt a little tense from how upset Connor was just seconds prior.
After a solid hour of videos, Evan finally speaks up, “Hey Con, I’m just going to go to the bathroom, be right back” and hops off the bed, walking out and closing the door before Connor could respond.
Evan knew the way to the hall bathroom and tried not to stare at all the professionally-done family photos of the Murphy’s, last time he did that he went into a thought-spiral about what must have happened to make Connor feel so distant from the rest of his family, and he didn’t need a repeat of that, not right now.
As Evan leaves the bathroom, he hears the soft strumming of a guitar, and some simple humming along with it. He aimlessly follows the music, stopping next what he presumed must be Zoe’s bedroom door and just listens. He feels like he’s in a trance, he knows he should get back to Connor, but his feet just don’t move. He hadn’t heard Zoe play in a long time (he usually had an excuse to miss assemblies and there’s no way he’d be at a football game, the two times he knows the Jazz Band performs) and he’s amazed by how good she sounds.
Suddenly the music stops, and Zoe’s door opens, revealing a flustered Evan, and a surprised looking Zoe, she probably thought he was creepily stalking their hallway.
Before Evan can stop himself, he blurts out, “You sounded really good. Just now I mean. Your guitar playing. What else would I be talking about”, and starts playing with the hem of his shirt, not looking her in eyes. When she doesn’t say anything for what felt like minutes on end, but was probably only a few seconds, he quickly adds, “Um, yeah, I should go”, and turns walking back towards Connor’s room.
He almost misses Zoe’s soft voice saying, “Thanks Evan”, and when he glances back, she’s offering him the smallest of smiles, which he returns before opening Connor’s door and stepping through. Zoe Murphy , their very small, insignificant interaction makes Evan feel tingly, like something big just happened, but he doesn’t know what exactly, and he can’t shake the music she was playing form his head for the rest of the day, so much that he doesn’t even realize he didn’t stutter once while talking to her.