Work Text:
It was the annual company picnic at Aperture Science. Glados had prepared a basket full of lunch, laced with neurotoxin of course, for the employees. Wheatley was watching some ants, Doug carried the Space Core up a hill and dropped him down, watching him roll. Cave Johnson talked to Chell about his hatred for Black Mesa, but she seemed to be uninterested.
GLaDOS led Wheatley and Cave to another location, where they left Wheatley in the wing of the office and moved to a narrow passageway. Wheatley set off the door at the other end of the passageway, which had a bunch of filters around it to catch anything that fell into it. Glados laughed at the fact that they had ditched Wheatley, and she and Cave Johnson went back to join the picnic.
Glados and Cave didn't have to go back to the park—it was just a few hundred feet from the playground. There were lots of machines and as they were driving in, one of them noticed a large sign that read, "Olympic Medalists and Male Models."
"It’s a creepy and absurd sign," said Glados.
Cave Johnson said Glados was surprised when she started receiving threatening calls from people who accused her of crossing the line between opposing views and spreading hatred.
Meanwhile, Chell and Doug were watching Glados and Cave Johnson drive back to the picnic. They were starting to get hungry. The Space Core, however, was not hungry. A little disappointed, Chell turned to Doug. "Do you think you could take a break?"
"Why the hell not? I'll just tell Glados to drive me to dinner," replied Doug.
"Doug, it's way too dangerous, I can't even drive at night."
"Fine, I'll drive you. We can drop her off on the highway," Doug offered.
"Alright, what'd we miss?" asked Cave. He and Glados walked back to the picnic. Little did they know what Chell and Doug were planning. The sun was beginning to set and an unexpected tragedy occurred. As Cave and Glados returned to the picnic area, they heard the horrible news.
"The Space Core is missing," announced Doug. "We need to go find him." He turned to Glados. "Would you mind driving us around, so we can look for him?"
Glados watched her partner's tone. "That won't be a problem."
"I'll come along too," said Cave. Everyone glared at him.
The group of four set off on the highway on a mission to find the Space Core, but Chell and Doug were secretly waiting for the moment to shove Glados out of the car and leave her on the side of the road. Once they reached the road and began driving, they heard Glados making some aggressive statements, including statements about the 8.9 million people who die in U.S. road crashes each year.
Once they were at the perfect spot to ditch Glados, Doug told her to stop the car. Then, he and Chell shoved Glados out of the car, Chell took her spot in the driver's seat, and they drove away.
Chell and Doug drove to the ruins, where they both rejoiced when they heard Glados say that someone had found her. Doug and Chell gave thanks to the gods, the Great Old Ones, and the blind spider deity they both believe in, and then they drove away in their car.
Cave Johnson was befuddled. He said “I remember hearing about the sighting from my father. I remember being told a hog was being held in the road because it was running out of food. He was always telling me that we should feed those hogs, get them bigger, cause they keep giving away the food”
Chell and Doug decided to ditch him on the side of the road, too. Then, they went back to have their picnic peacefully, away from Glados and Cave. And, just like that, they walked away without hearing Glados or Cave's voices.