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“Yachiyo Tsuruhime-san. From this day on, you’re Frau Perle.”
Fumi couldn’t quite believe the words coming out of her own mouth, because the girl standing before her was nothing like an Edel at all. Her relaxed posture, her improper side curl, the way she didn’t even bother wearing her blazer properly… and most of all, that damned smug smile of hers. There was no way the girl before her took performing on stage seriously, let alone performing at a prestigious school like Siegfeld.
“So I am. It’s quite an honor to be here,” Yachiyo remarked, in that same smooth, irreverent tone of voice she had been using since she entered the room. Fumi couldn’t help but interpret her words as an insult.
“Ahem,” Fumi said, pretending to interrupt Yachiyo even though she had already stopped speaking. “As Edels, it is your duty to uphold the fine traditions of Siegfeld Institute of Music. Being an Edel is more than about having the skills. It’s about being one of the faces of Siegfeld, about being the best of the best, about being the person that everyone looks up to. You’d better take things seriously, because from now on, things are going to get a lot harder for you. Got it?” Fumi was ostensibly talking to both the new Edels in the room, Yachiyo and Mei Fan, but as she said this she couldn’t stop glaring at Yachiyo.
Michiru chimed in, saying “Is it really necessary to put so much pressure on them, Fumi?”
“Absolutely! It’s important that they know what they’re getting into.”
“Aw, I’m glad you care about me so much,” Yachiyo said with a giggle.
“Excuse me?!” Fumi snapped back. “I didn’t say all that for your benefit. If one of you falls behind, it holds all of us back, so both of you had better carry your weight.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t, but why are you so hung up on how we look to others, anyway? Afraid you’ll slip up yourself?” Yachiyo insinuated.
How dare she? Did she just question my ability just now? “And just what do you mean by that?”
“Fumi. Tsuruhime. Cease this.”
Akira’s stern voice froze Fumi in her tracks. With some satisfaction, she could see that Yachiyo had stopped talking as well, and that smile on her face had disappeared, replaced with an expression of slight surprise. It was suddenly so quiet that Mei Fan could be heard breathing a barely audible sigh of relief.
“Sorry, Akira,” Fumi apologized, which was followed by Yachiyo saying “Right, right~”
After several more minutes of debriefing, Akira concluded the meeting and turned to leave the room. Mei Fan ran over to Akira, and Michiru followed both of them out, leaving Fumi and Yachiyo alone in the room.
“I’ll be keeping an eye on you, Tsuruhime,” Fumi growled.
Without missing a beat, Yachiyo quipped back, “I don’t mind you keeping an eye on me at all, Fumi-senpai. Over the last several minutes, I’ve found that I’ve taken quite a liking to it.”
Fumi, much to her embarrassment, realized that she'd been staring at Yachiyo the entire time. She could feel her face starting to burn, a sensation she did not appreciate at all. She opened her mouth to protest, but before she could get even a fraction of a word out, Yachiyo giggled and slipped out of the room, giving her the last laugh.
Yachiyo soon decided that among all of her Edel upperclassmen, she liked Fumi the most.
At first, it was because she was fun to mess with. Akira was a brick wall, and Michiru always seemed to deftly maneuver around Yachiyo’s sly comments, but Fumi was the perfect combination of overly serious and easy to fluster. Fumi had a reputation as the most outwardly prideful of the Edels, and while Yachiyo respected her skills, she also thought she needed to be taken down a peg or two.
True to her word, Fumi watched Yachiyo like a hawk. She would always admonish her over the most unimportant things, things like her attitude or wearing her blazer correctly. However, Yachiyo was never really bothered by Fumi seemingly having it out for her.
Firstly, Yachiyo was an Edel, and therefore Fumi’s equal. Yachiyo was secure in her own abilities, and had a clear idea of her own strengths and weaknesses. Why would she need to prove anything to Fumi? There was nothing Fumi could say or do that could possibly bother her.
Secondly, Yachiyo kind of enjoyed the attention. Seeing someone fuss over her so much was something Yachiyo was unused to, and the fact that it was another Edel doing it amused Yachiyo. (It helped that Fumi was quite easy on the eyes.)
Thirdly, Yachiyo suspected Fumi didn’t really mean the things she said. There was this air of hesitation and insecurity about Fumi’s words. Between her frequent angry denials and the way she went on and on about what Edels were supposed to be like, Yachiyo could tell that she was putting up a front of some sort. It made Yachiyo curious—what might an Edel, of all people, have to be insecure about?
It was because of this that Yachiyo started to hang around Fumi, despite the latter’s frequent objections. Whether it was during lunch, after practice, or at night in the dorms, Yachiyo would pester Fumi with her provocative comments. Fumi would dismiss some comments, angrily retort at her for others, and the flirty ones would turn Fumi into a blushing, outraged mess without fail (which pleased Yachiyo greatly). By gauging Fumi’s reactions to different things that she said, Yachiyo could figure out how she worked, and with each poke, each prod, each new situation Yachiyo put Fumi in, Yachiyo was one step closer to understanding her. It was her way of getting to know Fumi better—after all, there was no way Fumi would accept if Yachiyo just straight-up asked to become her friend.
Yachiyo became so engrossed with Fumi that before she knew it, Fumi became a constant presence in her life.
“Hey, Fumi-senpai! Can you help me with dance practice?”
Fumi stopped her walk down the hallway and turned around in surprise, only to find none other than Yachiyo, looking at her while wearing that same smirk she always did. Sheesh. Fumi swore she would never get used to Yachiyo sneaking up behind her. She was so irked that it took a second for Yachiyo’s words to register.
“Wait. You actually want me to help you?”
Why on earth would Yachiyo ask for her help? Yachiyo had already made it clear that she didn’t give a damn about Fumi’s opinions. Was this another one of her schemes?
“That’s right,” Yachiyo responded in that same sickly sweet voice of hers, as if she was deliberately ignoring the irritation in Fumi’s voice. “You did this routine as part of a play last year, right? Since you’re more experienced with it, I thought I could get some pointers from you.”
“Why don’t you ask Akira or Michiru?” Fumi would have figured that her abrasive behavior would have gotten Yachiyo off her back by now. She was almost certain the first year had made it her mission in life to annoy her as much as possible.
“Oh? Brushing me off so soon, even though all I did was ask for your help?”
“I didn’t say I wouldn’t!”
“I suppose it’s true what they say. You really are a bit scary and unapproachable,” Yachiyo smirked, as if she hadn’t been brazenly approaching Fumi every single day. “Akira-senpai gets away with it because she’s Frau Platin, but you yourself should tone it down a little, you know?”
“You haven’t given me much of a reason to,” Fumi grumbled, annoyed that she had compared her to Akira, “so why should I act any nicer towards you?”
Yachiyo paused for a moment. “How about this, then? You help me practice and I won’t bother you for three whole days. Deal?”
A tempting offer, Fumi thought, but she couldn’t let Yachiyo convince her to give in so easily. “And how do I know you’ll hold up your end of the bargain?”
“Fair, I can’t guarantee that with anything other than my word. How about a bit of upfront payment? Maybe some... ponzu to sweeten the pot?” Yachiyo pulled out a bottle of ponzu sauce from seemingly nowhere, presenting it to Fumi like a stage magician performing one of their tricks.
“Ponzu?!” Fumi didn’t make her love of the miracle sauce a secret, but it wasn’t something she shouted from every rooftop, either, so it surprised her that Yachiyo knew of her little obsession. More importantly, Fumi was shocked that Yachiyo wanted her help so much that she was willing to give something up for it. She now found it unlikely that Yachiyo was doing all this just to annoy her. Fumi sighed. “Geez, fine. If you want my help that much, I guess I’ll watch you practice.”
“Thank you, senpai~”
Fumi found herself completely absorbed by Yachiyo’s routine.
In part, it was because Fumi was extremely focused on analyzing Yachiyo’s moves for mistakes. That was what she asked Fumi to do, after all, although Fumi couldn’t help but look forward to the chance to get back at Yachiyo by pointing out genuine flaws in her skills. At the same time, however, it was genuinely mesmerizing. Fumi felt the impact of each glide, each turn, and each leap, and she was entranced by the grace that Yachiyo performed each move with. She reminded herself that this was supposed to happen—if Yachiyo wasn’t at least this good at what she did, she wouldn’t be an Edel.
“So? How was it, Fumi-senpai?” Yachiyo said with a wink.
Fumi was itching for this moment. “Well, first of all…”
For the next minute or so, Fumi addressed every single mistake she had noticed in Yachiyo’s routine with all the strictness she could muster. They weren’t especially big mistakes, but enough that it would take some time for Yachiyo to perfect it. Fumi had hoped to bruise Yachiyo’s ego a bit, but if she was bothered by Fumi’s words, she didn’t show it—Yachiyo simply appeared to be listening intently to Fumi.
“Now, do it again from the beginning,” Fumi sternly instructed.
“Ah, is it really necessary for you to push me so hard?” Yachiyo offhandedly asked.
Fumi gave her a sharp look. “Do you want to get better or not?”
Yachiyo gave a quick shrug. “Alright, alright.”
During the next half-hour, Yachiyo’s usual unwanted comments disappeared, and she eagerly incorporated Fumi’s advice into her dancing. As Fumi witnessed Yachiyo visibly improving with her instruction, her desire to get back at Yachiyo disappeared from her mind, replaced with a warm, satisfying feeling that was strangely familiar...
Like whenever I teach Shiori, huh?
“Another round, Fumi-senpai?”
Yachiyo’s voice broke Fumi out of her trance. At this point, Yachiyo was visibly sweating and panting, and she was slightly slumped over. How could she still be prepared for another round, despite how tired she was?
“...No, that’ll be all for today.” Even though she wasn’t the one physically exerting herself, Fumi found herself feeling strangely exhausted as well.
“Thanks again, Fumi-senpai,” Yachiyo said. Retrieving the ponzu bottle from earlier from the corner of the room, she continued, “As promised, here’s your ponzu bottle”—Yachiyo gingerly placed the bottle into Fumi’s hands—“and I won’t pester you during the next three days. You might not believe me, but I’m a girl of my word, you know.”
“Don’t worry about that, I enjoyed helping you.”
“Eh?”
“You not only carefully listened to my advice, you adapted it to your style and put your own unique twists on it that really brought out the flair in the routine. I couldn’t take my eyes off it for a second, and not just because I was looking over it for mistakes. I’d even say that you have a shot of doing it better than I did last year. You did great, Yachiyo.”
Only when the words finished coming out of her mouth did Fumi realize what she was saying. Her own voice sounded a bit too gentle and soft, contained a little too much honesty and vulnerability, things she couldn’t possibly afford to show to Yachiyo. And did she just admit that Yachiyo could surpass her?! Fumi had said too much. She had made a terrible mistake exposing herself to Yachiyo like this—now, Yachiyo was going to mock her again. Fumi steeled herself for the inevitable...
But nothing came. Fumi only saw Yachiyo staring at her, saying nothing, as if she was struck speechless. And was that her face being a slightly darker shade of red than usual? No, Fumi was just imagining things…
It took a second for Yachiyo to regain her composure. “...Anyways, we should probably do this again sometime. After the three days, of course.” Yachiyo began gathering her things.
“I’ll think about it. If I do, it’ll be on me, so don’t worry about giving me anything in return. But don’t ever expect me to go easier on you!” Even as Fumi returned to speaking to Yachiyo as she normally did, that feeling of warm satisfaction in her chest did not fade.
“Don’t worry, I’d always expect you to go hard on me, senpai.”
“And don’t count on me being available all the time. Got it?”
“Loud and clear. I suppose this is goodbye, then, Fumi-senpai. See you later!” Yachiyo gave Fumi a little wave, after which she left.
As Fumi watched Yachiyo leave, an unfamiliar and slightly bothersome feeling came over her.
...Three whole days, huh?
From that encounter, Yachiyo learned that Fumi could actually be quite nice.
Yachiyo wasn’t kidding when she said she needed help with dance practice—she really was a bit behind on that routine compared to the other Edels, and she needed to get up to speed. However, Yachiyo had another reason to approach Fumi. This time, Yachiyo wanted to see how Fumi would react if she was forced to help her.
Yachiyo was entirely aware of the main reason Fumi disliked her: Fumi perceived Yachiyo as arrogant, and she believed Yachiyo thought of herself as superior to Fumi. Therefore to change Fumi’s view of her, Yachiyo planned to put herself in a position where Fumi was in a position of authority over her and could clearly see her weaknesses.
Since Fumi was so obstinate most of the time, Yachiyo had to plan out her approach, and she decided that the most effective approach would be to give Fumi something in exchange for her help. She quickly came up with the idea of not bothering Fumi for a few days, but she suspected it might not be enough, so she decided to find something tangible to give her.
Yachiyo thus set about spying on Fumi in the dorms to find out more about her likes and dislikes, during which she discovered Fumi’s all-consuming love of ponzu sauce. It was kind of adorable, really, seeing her hardass senpai shamelessly dousing all of her meals with copious amounts of the stuff. Now armed with knowledge, Yachiyo bought a ponzu bottle of what she presumed to be Fumi’s favored brand, and she put her plan into action the following day.
It worked better than Yachiyo expected. Maybe a bit too well.
Yachiyo hadn’t expected Fumi to get so into helping her. Fumi was a harsh taskmaster: she deconstructed her entire dance routine, pointed out every single mistake in it, and drilled her repeatedly into perfecting it. One could have interpreted this as Fumi taking out her frustrations on Yachiyo, if it were not for the fact that all of Fumi’s advice was on point, and the fact that Fumi’s usual annoyed frown disappeared, replaced with a gentle smile that Yachiyo was certain Fumi wasn’t aware was on her face.
And the way Fumi complimented her at the end of practice… It was different from the many other times her skills were praised. The leaderly respect of Akira, the cheerful but strangely detached encouragement of Michiru, the orderly compliments of Siegfeld’s teachers, and the fannish adoration she got from the student body, all of those were things she were used to, so she often brushed them off. Fumi’s praise, on the other hand, sounded honest and personal, as if she really did want Yachiyo to be the best she could be from the bottom of her heart. Before that moment, Yachiyo didn’t even know it was possible for Fumi’s voice to be that soft. When she heard those words, for a moment, Yachiyo felt as if she could soar as high as she wanted, become the best actress she could possibly be, and if she fell, Fumi would catch her.
Okay, maybe Yachiyo was being overly sentimental, because that sounded too good to be true. As two of the Edels of the cutthroat Siegfeld Institute of Music, Yachiyo was supposed to be in direct competition with Fumi, and Fumi was easily the most competitive of the Edels. There was no way Fumi would willingly bear the burden of supporting Yachiyo when she had herself to think about.
Still, though, if Yachiyo had to guess, she would say that she and Fumi were friends now. After that encounter, they started interacting more, including through the occasional times Yachiyo asked her for help with practice. Fumi seemed to be bothered by her presence less and less, and she didn’t yell at Yachiyo as often about minor things anymore. Indeed, Fumi even started to smile more around Yachiyo. Nevertheless, Yachiyo didn’t want to push her luck, as she suspected that Fumi didn’t consciously consider her a friend yet. That would be understandable, to be honest—Yachiyo knew she could be a handful. Still, she had gotten her foot in the door, and the closer she got to Fumi the better she would be able to figure her out. Yachiyo never forgot the original question that caused her to gravitate towards Fumi in the first place: “What might an Edel like Fumi have to be insecure about?”
“Shiori Yumeoji has been making such great progress lately.”
“She’s doing so well. At this rate, she might even surpass her older sister and become Frau Jade herself.”
Fumi had overheard two teachers saying those words while she was on her way to morning classes. For some reason, from that moment forward, those words began to weigh on her mind.
It wasn’t the first time Fumi had heard people talking about Shiori that way. Every time people talked about Shiori’s accomplishments—whether it was an offhand comment by one of the teachers, gossip between students, or even Shiori herself telling her big sister what her day was like—an unpleasant feeling came over Fumi that she couldn’t put into words. It was an unwelcome companion to the pride she expected herself to feel, one that felt almost as if it threatened to strangle that pride and choke Fumi from the inside. Fumi wasn’t happy, and she didn’t know why. Why couldn’t Fumi just be proud of her sister? Shouldn’t she just be happy that Shiori had come so far despite her sickly body?
These thoughts continued to linger in the back of Fumi’s mind as the day went on, hanging over her like a specter.
The last class of the day had ended, and Fumi was now heading to practice with the other Edels. While she was heading over, Shiori ran up to her from afar in the hallway, beaming. “Onee-chan!”
Seeing her sister always put a smile on Fumi’s face, even if putting up that smile had become harder and harder lately. Fumi waved at her, saying “Shiori! You look pretty excited. Did something good happen?”
“Yes! Today, I just earned the lead role for the production that the middle school third years are holding,” Shiori gushed.
“Ah, that one! I remember you telling me about it.” From previous conversations with Shiori, Fumi recalled that the play was one that she herself had performed with Akira and Michiru, when they were in their third year of middle school at Siegfeld. Fumi was glad that Shiori was following in her footsteps, even if it made their paths in life a bit uncomfortably similar.
“They even said my audition was worthy of an Edel,” Shiori continued. “Do you think I can really become one?”
Remembering the conversation she heard between the teachers earlier today, Fumi felt that same unwanted feeling slowly rise within her again. “Yeah… I think you can.”
“Just imagine, onee-chan! Both of us as Edels, performing together like we always dreamed of!”
Fumi went quiet, as the initial enthusiasm she had for her sister began to fade. It felt like Shiori innocently didn’t realize that for her to become an Edel, someone else would have to be stripped of their position—and Fumi feared that she herself would be the first on the chopping block.
“Onee-chan?” Shiori’s face took on a look of concern.
“Hey, Fumi-senpai!”
Yachiyo suddenly appeared at Fumi’s side, seemingly from nowhere. Fumi found herself jolted out of her thoughts by the sudden intrusion, and Shiori almost leapt in surprise, yelping “Y-you almost scared me!”
“Ah, is that so? My apologies~” Yachiyo said in an amused tone that did not sound apologetic at all. Fumi gave Yachiyo an annoyed look as she instinctively took a step between Shiori and Yachiyo.
“You’re Frau Perle, Yachiyo Tsuruhime-san, right? I’m Shiori Yumeoji, Fumi’s younger sister.” Shiori gave Yachiyo a little bow.
“Nice to meet you, Shiori-san,” Yachiyo responded, responding to her greeting with a wave. “You’re certainly the talk of the school these days.”
Fumi internally groaned. Did Yachiyo have to bring that up too?
“Oh, am I?” Shiori’s face reddened a little, and she pulled her arms towards her chest like she always did when she acted shy.
“Yep. I’ve even heard people say that you’ll even get better than your sister—”
A jolt of anger surged through Fumi’s mind.
“Ahem,” Fumi snapped at Yachiyo. “We don’t have time to stand around talking. We’re going to be late to practice.” Then, noticing Shiori’s look of worry at Fumi’s outburst, Fumi said in a reassuring voice, “We’ll have to get going now, Shiori. You can tell me more later, alright?”
“Okay. Excuse me, Tsuruhime-senpai. Bye, onee-chan!” Shiori gave Fumi a slight nod and walked to the other end of the hallway and out of sight.
After Shiori left, Yachiyo continued to badger Fumi. “Hm, so you don’t like being compared to your sister? But it’s a good way to motivate someone.”
“That’s enough, Yachiyo. Just get going,” Fumi growled, attempting to steer the conversation away from Shiori.
“Oh? Are you worried she might steal the title of Frau Jade from right under your nose?”
“I said, that’s enough.” Fumi instinctively balled her hands into fists, and at this point, she was outright snarling. By now, Fumi was more than simply irked with Yachiyo’s needling—now, she was downright enraged. She didn’t want to think about Shiori at all—she hated how the mere thought of Shiori would twist her on the inside—and yet here Yachiyo was, always insisting on ravenously picking at Fumi’s every single misstep and flaw.
Yachiyo paused.
The rage in Fumi’s head started to clear slightly. Fumi realized she had just risked exposing her true feelings to Yachiyo, and she was probably the last person she wanted to know about them. Fumi couldn’t let her know it affected her this much. She turned away from Yachiyo as she said, “Please, Yachiyo. Just... stop.”
To Fumi’s surprise, when Yachiyo opened her mouth to speak again, the detached casualness in her voice was gone, replaced with a gentle lilt.
“I said too much. Fumi-senpai, I’m sorry.”
Fumi felt a numb surprise at Yachiyo’s words, and she began to loosen her fists. Did Yachiyo just... apologize?
Fumi sighed. She tried to pass it off as a sigh of annoyance, but it was actually a sigh of relief. “It’s fine. Let’s just go.”
“Your sister’s pretty cute, by the way.”
At that comment, Fumi narrowed her eyes and turned again to give Yachiyo a look. “Don’t get any ideas.”
“Oh, don’t worry, I think you’re cuter anyways.” Yachiyo gave her a wink.
Fumi felt her face heat up for a moment. “Oh, be quiet,” she said back, to which Yachiyo let out a little giggle.
While Fumi acted outwardly irritated with Yachiyo’s banter, deep down it made her feel a bit better. But it would only be a temporary reprieve.
“Everyone, get into position,” Akira ordered.
The Edels were about to practice a routine they had done several times before—one that they were close to perfecting, in time for their next play. Fumi, in particular, was confident in her ability to do it by now.
As the Edels heeded Akira’s words, thoughts about Shiori continued to swirl within Fumi’s mind. Could Shiori surpass her and become an Edel? Could Fumi lose everything she had built up to her sister? Could Fumi keep being the ideal sister Shiori wanted her to be, even as Shiori herself threatened that ideal?
By the time they began, Fumi’s body was on autopilot, having unwittingly surrendered most of her brainspace to thoughts about Shiori. Fumi didn’t try to focus, believing she had already mastered this routine. At first, practice went decently well, but as they repeated the routine, Fumi started making stupid mistakes. One misstep from Fumi here, one wrong turn there, and by the time Fumi came to, everyone was out of position, the repercussions of Fumi’s missteps having rippled throughout the entire routine.
“Stop.”
With Akira’s words, the other four Edels stood up and turned to face Akira. Akira met Fumi’s eyes with a look on her face so contemptuous and cold that Fumi had to will herself to not shiver.
“Fumi, that was disgraceful.”
Fumi could only hang her head in shame. “...I know.”
“This isn’t the first time you’ve made these egregious mistakes during practice. I do not know what brought this on, but it is an Edel’s duty to remain in top condition at all times, regardless of personal feelings. I see this as enough cause to question your understanding of what it means to be Frau Jade.”
At those words, Fumi felt like she was just punched in the gut. It was one thing when some teachers said it, but hearing Akira, her long-time rival and comrade, saying it? Did everyone think Fumi didn’t deserve to be an Edel?
Fumi felt the other Edels looking upon her in judgment. Out of the corner of one of her eyes, she could see Mei Fan sternly glaring at her. Out of the other, she saw Michiru wearing that expression that looked like concern on the surface, but which Fumi just knew hid worse underneath. And while Fumi couldn’t see Yachiyo, since Yachiyo was right behind her, Fumi hated to imagine what she was thinking of her right now.
Fumi couldn’t possibly tell the others what had been bothering her. It would just make her look weak and unworthy of being an Edel; the others would simply judge her even more. There was nothing Fumi could do, other than pretend to shrug it off.
“I won’t make any excuses. It won’t happen again.”
Fumi intended to make good on that promise, but she doubted her ability to do so.
“Very well,” Akira said. “Then let us continue with practice.”
After practice, Fumi changed and hurried out of the locker room as quickly as possible, deliberately avoiding the other Edels. With practice having gone as poorly as it did because of her, Fumi wanted nothing more than to run off somewhere, anywhere, where she didn’t have to face the other Edels or think about Shiori.
“Leaving so soon, Fumi-senpai?”
As Fumi exited the door, she heard a voice she didn’t expect to hear. Fumi saw Yachiyo standing right in front of her in her school uniform, much to her displeasure. How on earth could Yachiyo have changed that quickly and left the locker room before her? Did she do so just to tail her and make cutting comments about her failures?
“What do you even want?” Fumi said disdainfully. She locked her eyes onto Yachiyo’s eyes and mustered all of the frustration she felt about today into her expression, vaguely hoping that she could perhaps intimidate Yachiyo out of the way.
Unfortunately for Fumi, Yachiyo held her ground, and didn’t even seem to acknowledge Fumi’s anger. “Oh, don’t worry about me. More importantly, where might you be going?” Yachiyo inquired in a faux-curious tone.
“And why do you want to know that?”
“So I can tag along, of course,” Yachiyo casually said, as if Fumi letting Yachiyo hang around her when she was in a sour mood wasn’t a totally ridiculous idea.
“Forget it,” Fumi shot back. “I’m not in the mood to put up with your constant needling right now. If you have nothing important to say to me, I’m going to go.” Fumi took a step to leave.
“Whoa, slow down, Fumi-senpai. I’m not going to tease you, don’t worry.” Yachiyo raised her hands in front of her defensively. “I honestly do just want to hang out.”
Fumi was puzzled at Yachiyo’s demeanor. She fully expected Yachiyo to be mad at her for what happened in practice, like the other Edels were. At the very least, Fumi expected Yachiyo to sneer at her weaknesses the way she often did, the same way she painfully pinpointed Fumi’s jealousy of Shiori earlier. But for some reason, Yachiyo hadn’t tried anything on Fumi yet, and for some reason, Fumi felt inclined to believe that she wouldn’t.
“...You’re not going to give up on this, are you?” Fumi sighed.
“Nope.”
“Fine, do whatever you want, but don’t expect me to act friendly with you.”
“That’s good enough for me, Fumi-senpai~,” Yachiyo chirped cheerfully, as if Fumi hadn’t been acting low-key hostile towards her for the past minute. “So where were you headed, anyways?”
Fumi paused for a moment. She hadn’t thought this far.
“Shopping,” Fumi decided. “I needed to buy some groceries anyways.”
“A shopping trip, hm? Now that’s definitely my style.”
The day’s events still lingered in Fumi’s mind, but the shopping trip helped Fumi push the thoughts out of her head as much as possible.
To Fumi’s surprise, Yachiyo did not say a word about Shiori or practice the entire time they went shopping. She seemed content to just talk about the little things, such as Fumi’s ponzu obsession or clothes from the stores they were passing by. (Fumi admitted to herself that she was a little bit impressed by just how much Yachiyo knew about fashion.) Even when Yachiyo teased her like she usually did, it was always over something minor rather than Fumi’s deepest insecurities.
As a result, Fumi began to feel at ease around Yachiyo, and indeed, Fumi realized that Yachiyo had been making her feel content whenever she was around her for a while now. She was annoying, yes, but dealing with Yachiyo meant that Fumi didn’t have to think about the myriad other things weighing on her mind. By the time they got back to the dorms, Fumi felt a lot better.
As they stepped into the common room, Fumi felt a slight sense of dread at the prospect of seeing the other Edels, but to her relief, the Edel dorms were empty. It was then that Yachiyo offered, “How about I help you out with making dinner?”
An unusual offer, Fumi thought. “Is this just so you can call in some favor in the future?”
“Aw, I didn’t mean it like that, senpai,” Yachiyo denied. “This one’s on me.”
“Wait a minute.” Fumi pulled out her phone and glanced at the clock on it. “Isn’t it a little early for dinner, too?”
“Oh, it certainly is, but I’m going forward with it anyways, whether you like it or not~.”
“Well, if you insist…”
“I can’t believe you, Fumi-senpai. This is way too much ponzu.” Yachiyo stared at her bowl cautiously; the rice in it was covered in more of the sauce than it had any right to.
“There’s no such thing as too much ponzu,” Fumi smugly claimed. “Come on, try it.”
“Looks like I’m doomed. Welp, thanks for the meal.” Yachiyo took a bite, paused, and then nodded in approval. “Okay, this is actually good. You win this round.” Yachiyo playfully shook her fist.
Fumi let out a laugh. She hadn’t forgotten about the day’s events, but in that moment, they felt like a distant dream. Right now, Fumi got one over Yachiyo and got her at least slightly hooked on ponzu, which was all that mattered in the world. “Told you.” Fumi smirked. “Looks like you’ll never question ponzu again.”
After they finished the meal and put the tableware away, Fumi took a step to leave the room.
“Got something to do, Fumi-senpai?” Yachiyo asked.
“Yeah,” Fumi nodded. “There’s the usual homework and studying, and I should really look over that routine so that Akira doesn’t yell at me again.” Fumi was slightly surprised by the words that came out of her mouth. When Akira criticized her and questioned her ability as Frau Jade, it nearly ruined her day, so how could Fumi talk about those events so casually now?
“That’s fair,” Yachiyo nodded.
“And also… I had fun today. Thanks, Yachiyo.”
It was only then that Fumi noticed the smile on her own face. Had she always been smiling like that? What was it about Yachiyo that made Fumi feel so relaxed and comfortable? She was fairly certain that Yachiyo had gone out of her way to cheer her up, but how did it have this much of an effect on her? Was Fumi being too open?
Yachiyo went quiet for a moment. In an uncharacteristically soft voice, she said, “...Me too. Don’t mention it.”
“Alright, I’ll see you later.” At that, Yachiyo gently responded, “See you~.”
Now, Fumi could finally admit to herself that she and Yachiyo were friends.
After Fumi stepped back into her room, she heard footsteps. Then, she overheard talking.
“We’re back. Yachiyo, where is Fumi?” Fumi heard Akira’s voice say.
“Oh, she’s in her room. Studying, I think,” Yachiyo responded.
“Guess I’ll tell her to get ready for dinner.” Michiru’s voice said.
“Ah, don’t worry about that. Fumi-senpai and I already ate.”
“Oh, did you, now?”
On that day, Yachiyo learned what Fumi was insecure about: her sister.
Yachiyo had heard of Shiori Yumeoji before. After the Edels and some of the former Edels, Shiori was probably the most well-known student of Siegfeld. Even just skimming over the hallways, Yachiyo had heard rumors of Shiori’s renowned skills. Fumi even sometimes talked about her herself, although she had been doing so increasingly less in the months since Yachiyo got to know Fumi.
On the morning of that fateful day, Yachiyo casually decided to tail Fumi before the first classes of the day, where she stumbled across Fumi overhearing two teachers talking about Shiori. From that moment on, Yachiyo noticed changes in Fumi’s behavior: her voice sounded ever so slightly more tired, she started acting more irritable, and she got more easily distracted.
Curious, Yachiyo decided to pester Fumi about her sister after school. When she found Fumi, she was surprised to stumble upon Fumi talking with her sister. Fumi was becoming noticeably uncomfortable with her sister’s presence, so Yachiyo decided to step in, but Yachiyo decided to poke at Fumi’s insecurities about her sister herself to satisfy her curiosity…
It explained everything, but at the same time, it was a big mistake.
Now, Yachiyo was finally sure why Fumi acted the way she did. Fumi acted so uptight because she had to convince herself that if she acted like the perfect Edel, then she could prove that she was more deserving of the position of Frau Jade than her sister. Fumi refused to show any weakness, she had to be perfect, so she adopted a facade of arrogance and haughtiness so that whenever she did show weakness, she could angrily deny it and cover it up.
If Fumi was just mad that someone could usurp her position, then Yachiyo wouldn’t have thought very well of it; in Siegfeld, everyone was expected to be gunning for the Edels’ positions, and if you couldn’t handle the pressure of that, you probably weren’t worthy of being an Edel. But in that moment, Yachiyo could tell that Fumi was legitimately upset by her words. Fumi’s voice wasn’t just angry, it was pained and hurt—she didn't want to be jealous of her own sister. Hurting Fumi's feelings was the last thing Yachiyo wanted to do. She could annoy people sometimes, but she never meant to make them feel genuinely awful.
The practice session that day only confirmed to Yachiyo just how much Fumi’s jealousy affected her. Yachiyo winced when she heard Akira question Fumi’s dedication to her position as Frau Jade, as without knowing she had hit exactly upon Fumi’s deepest insecurities. She felt bad about Akira yelling at Fumi, as she felt she was partially responsible. Yachiyo wasn’t angry at or disappointed in Fumi about practice in the slightest—the only thing Yachiyo was concerned with was how hurt Fumi was feeling.
At that moment, Yachiyo resolved to do whatever she could to make Fumi feel better. After Yachiyo managed to get Fumi to let her hang out with her, she deliberately tried to cultivate an atmosphere that would make Fumi feel comfortable. Yachiyo decided not to talk to Fumi about Shiori or practice, instead using her usual relaxed attitude and teasing jokes to get Fumi to calm down and put herself at ease. She even insisted on having Fumi eat dinner early so she could avoid the other Edels. When it all came together, Yachiyo found Fumi smiling and happily laughing alongside her, which stirred feelings within Yachiyo that she didn’t know were there before and which she didn’t completely understand—all that she could tell was that she was exhilarated beyond words. Fumi was so beautiful when she smiled, and the fact that Yachiyo herself was the one who brought that smile to her face made her feel warm and content.
Now that Yachiyo knew about the source of Fumi’s insecurities, though, she wasn’t sure what to do next. Yachiyo racked her brains trying to come up with ways to help Fumi confront her own jealousy, but she wasn’t sure if she could.
Maybe Yachiyo should talk to Fumi about it? That could have unpredictable results; talking about her sister could just agitate Fumi even more. Besides, Yachiyo believed there was nothing she could say that could stem Fumi’s jealousy. While Yachiyo would like to tell Fumi that she didn’t need to compare herself to her sister and that she appreciated her the way she was, she knew that Siegfeld, Fumi herself, and everyone else would compare her to her sister anyways. That’s what Siegfeld’s competitive atmosphere encouraged, after all.
Maybe Yachiyo should talk to the others about it? Yachiyo was uncertain if Akira would be sympathetic, given her brusque and perfectionist personality, and Mei Fan would probably just tell Akira. Yachiyo found it hard to get a read on Michiru, so even though she seemed like she would be helpful and supportive, it felt like contacting her was too much of a risk. Besides, it was clear that Fumi didn’t want to talk about this, and Yachiyo was uncomfortable with revealing Fumi’s secrets without her permission.
Perhaps Yachiyo could help Fumi improve her skills? That would be the safest option, but no, Yachiyo doubted she could do much on that front. Fumi was already an excellent actress and a hard worker. The only thing holding her back was the very jealousy that demanded Fumi to stay ahead of her sister. Fumi’s jealousy didn’t drive her to better herself, it distracted and weakened her.
Yachiyo decided that all she could do was keep an eye on Fumi like she always did. If she couldn’t help her directly, she could at least be there for her as much as possible, to make her feel better and distract her from her problems. Yachiyo strongly suspected, though, that it wouldn’t be enough.
That said, even though the signs of her jealousy never faded, since that day Fumi’s attitude towards Yachiyo improved dramatically. She still acted grumpy and tsundere often enough—Yachiyo now figured that really was a genuine part of Fumi’s personality rather than just an act—but Fumi now seemed to allow herself to openly smile and laugh around Yachiyo, and she actually began seeking out Yachiyo’s companionship herself rather than it always being the other way around.
Yachiyo was pretty happy with her life prior to befriending Fumi. She was at Siegfeld, one of the most prestigious acting schools in the world, perfecting her skills on the stage that she loved and strived for so much. She couldn’t say she was lonely, either, as she got along well enough with Mei Fan and Michiru and her other classmates. But her friendship with Fumi was something special—it took her preexisting happiness and elevated it higher than Yachiyo could have ever imagined. As tenuous as this state of affairs was due to Fumi’s problems, Fumi made these days probably the happiest of Yachiyo’s life. It was almost as if...
“Wanna go on a date later?”
Yachiyo and Fumi were alone together in the student council room, poring over mounds of paperwork like any other day. Yachiyo seemingly tossed the question out there casually, as if she were simply talking about the weather or how practice was that day.
Fumi took a moment to process what she had just heard.
“Excuse me?”
Fumi could hear Yachiyo sigh from the other desk, although she heard no annoyance in it. “I’m asking you out, Fumi-senpai. You. Me. Together. On a date.”
At that moment, a million questions exploded into Fumi’s mind. Was Yachiyo seriously asking her out? Was Yachiyo really into her that way? Was it just a joke? Was she planning something? Did she really think that they had time to be going on dates, when they were busy with so many things like studying and practicing and student council work? This was absolutely ridiculous. There was no way she was going to agree to Yachiyo’s date.
“Sure.”
Damn it.
All Fumi did was let slip that one word, uttered as carelessly as Yachiyo’s question, but now her fate was sealed. Why did she do that? Why did she do that?
Fumi’s face was red from embarrassment over having accepted Yachiyo’s suggestion, and she was very glad that Yachiyo was facing away from her at the moment. Fumi expected Yachiyo to poke fun at her for showing even the barest indication that she honestly liked her back, but after a short but tense pause, she heard Yachiyo’s reply, said only in the gentlest and sincerest of tones.
“I’ll text you the details later. I’m looking forward to our date, Fumi-senpai~”
Even though Fumi’s mind was screaming at her to take it back, to clarify that this was all a big mistake, she did not. Despite herself, on some level Fumi wanted this too.
“...I’ll be looking forward to it too, Yachiyo,” Fumi said, allowing herself to smile.
At first, Fumi told herself that her accepting Yachiyo's date offer didn't mean anything, that it didn't mean they were going to be in a relationship or anything like that, that she did not have those kinds of feelings for Yachiyo. But Fumi soon realized that none of those excuses rang true. She could only conclude that she did have those kinds of feelings for Yachiyo on some level. Not only that, she realized she had had a crush on Yachiyo for a while now.
Between the way Yachiyo's presence always uplifted her spirits, the way she was always there for her where others would only judge her, the way Yachiyo's smile always put her heart at ease, the way Fumi's eyes would drift to her thigh-high-clad legs... how on earth could Fumi have let herself develop feelings for Yachiyo so easily? She was supposed to be the one in control, the strong, reliable senpai, the person people looked up to. People were supposed to have crushes on her, not the other way around! Was she so desperate to find an escape from her stressful life that she needed to distract herself with a cute girl, even when entering a relationship at this time would only be a risk? Even if it was a given that Yachiyo returned her feelings, did she even feel as strongly about Fumi as Fumi did about her? There were too many possible ways this could go wrong, too many uncomfortable possibilities this brought up, too many red flags...
...And yet, there was no denying that Yachiyo made Fumi happy. Oddly enough, admitting that to herself was rather easy. There was something about Yachiyo that made it a little easier to be honest with herself. Fumi's better judgment told her that continuing on this path was likely ill-advised and dumb of her, but a part of her held out hope that maybe, just maybe, being with Yachiyo would be a net positive for her life.
Soon after that day where Yachiyo cheered Fumi up after that disastrous practice, Yachiyo put it all together, and she could only conclude that she had a big crush on Fumi.
Yachiyo had been monitoring her own reactions to Fumi’s presence for a while, and they were… very telling. Between the way Fumi’s presence always uplifted her spirits, the way she acted so cute whenever Yachiyo teased her, the way Fumi’s smile always made her heart flutter for a moment, the way Yachiyo’s eyes would drift to the curves of Fumi’s body… How could someone be so hot and so kind at the same time? It was unfair to Yachiyo’s poor gay heart.
Once Yachiyo was sure she was in lo—like liked Fumi, she carefully weighed the pros and cons of letting Fumi know about her feelings. The pros were obvious: Yachiyo would be able to express her affection for Fumi more openly (and vice versa, hopefully), and she could possibly soothe Fumi’s jealousy of her sister. However, Yachiyo could easily come up with several cons, all of which sounded more convincing than the pros:
One, she wasn’t sure if Fumi liked her back. Fumi did seem to go out of her way to be friendly with Yachiyo, perhaps a bit more than she would with a friend, but for all she knew, Fumi really did just see her as a friend.
Two, it could mess with their duties as Edels. Not only were they busy, they were supposed to be rivals competing against each other (at least on paper), and them dating could be a distraction that would make them complacent regarding each other and weaken their performing skills.
Three, Yachiyo didn’t want to become another burden to Fumi. Fumi was already burdened by a lot of things, her jealousy first and foremost, and Yachiyo knew that with all her own faults, quirks, and secrets she could be a lot to handle.
Yachiyo was still hopeful, however, perhaps foolishly so. They didn’t have to start big. They could just carry on like they always did, with them hanging out and going out occasionally, they’d just slap the “dating” label on it. And if it turned out that dating Fumi would interfere too much with their duties, oh well. They could just decide to stop calling it “dating,” and go back to being friends.
Yachiyo decided that she would offhandedly suggest that she and Fumi go out on a date one day, preferably when both of them were alone. If Fumi accepted, great! If Fumi rejected her suggestion, she could just play it off as a joke or a tease, no harm done. However, Yachiyo found that asking her out was much harder for her than she expected, because she meant it.
Putting her genuine feelings out there, even in such a small and insignificant way, was difficult, as Yachiyo was used to having her feelings ignored throughout her life. As a result, it took Yachiyo several weeks, several tries, several meetings with Fumi, before she could gather up the courage to speak with her. Not too long ago, Yachiyo would have never believed that she would be put into the oh-so-cliché position of being a teenage girl working up the nerve to ask out someone that she liked, but here she was.
When Yachiyo finally managed to make her play, she was fully prepared for Fumi to object to her date proposal, to go through her usual tsundere routine, or to even just hesitate. But instead, Fumi just accepted straight away. It was surprising… and incredibly relieving. It made Yachiyo strangely, almost hopelessly happy, knowing that Fumi liked her back.
Over the next few weeks, Yachiyo and Fumi’s relationship didn’t change much, exactly as Yachiyo intended. They still acted the same around each other, except Yachiyo started flirting just a bit more with Fumi, who became just a little more receptive to it. Sometimes Fumi would even flirt back, which always made Yachiyo flustered. (Wasn’t Yachiyo supposed to be the one flustering Fumi, not the other way around?) They also started to go out together more, as off-campus was the only place they could be alone together without looking suspicious. They even occasionally engaged in the dangerous and forbidden practice known as “handholding.”
Yachiyo was undoubtedly the happiest she had ever been, but while Fumi also looked happy when she was with Yachiyo, in every other way Fumi’s life seemed to be getting worse. Fumi’s jealousy had taken a noticeable toll on her—not yet enough that the public and the student body had noticed a pattern, but enough that she was coming under fire from Akira and the school’s faculty. Her interactions with Shiori were getting more and more strained, even though Fumi tried her hardest to hide what she was feeling. Yachiyo didn’t know what to do.
On the surface, everything was calm. Fumi and Yachiyo were alone together on a couch in the dorms, quietly enjoying each other’s company. Yachiyo was busy reading a fashion magazine and taking notes about it with that little notebook of hers, her eyes occasionally flickering in Fumi’s direction (was she imagining Fumi in different clothes?). Fumi was ostensibly reading a book. Ostensibly, because Fumi couldn’t find it in her to concentrate on what she was reading. All she could think about was her.
No matter where she went, Fumi could never seem to escape her sister’s impending shadow. It felt as if around every corner, people were talking about how amazing of a stage girl she was and how she was superior to Fumi. Fumi had worked so hard, sacrificed so much in becoming one of the best performers at Siegfeld, one of the best in the entire country! She had dedicated her entire life to this dream, and she couldn’t let it be all for nothing just because of her.
But no matter how hard Fumi tried, she found herself falling behind the other Edels. Akira, Michiru, Mei Fan, and Yachiyo all seemed to be improving by leaps and bounds, as expected of them, but Fumi struggled to even maintain her skills. Every time she practiced, all she could think about was how she would eventually just do it better anyways, so was there any point in doing her best anymore?
Soon, Fumi would be replaced by her, and everyone would just carry on like nothing happened, throwing Fumi away like garbage in the process. If Fumi wasn’t the best, then what good was she? She would be worthless—to Akira and Michiru, to her sister, to herself—
Damn it all. If it weren't for her, none of this would be happening in the first place. Why did Fumi ever sacrifice so much to prop her up, just for her to destroy her dreams? Fumi was on the verge of losing everything because of her. If only she was sick again—then she wouldn’t have to deal with her—
At that thought, Fumi’s veins went ice-cold.
Did she really just think that?
“Fumi-senpai? You okay?”
The next thing Fumi knew, she saw Yachiyo looking at her with a slightly concerned expression.
“Huh?” Just looking at Yachiyo’s face caused Fumi’s head to clear, putting her mind at ease even if only for a moment.
“You just shook a little.” It was just Yachiyo’s regular voice, but hearing it soothed Fumi’s soul ever so slightly.
“I’m fine,” Fumi lied.
“Oh, you sure are fine, alright,” Yachiyo purred. She put her hand at her chin and her eyes scanned Fumi’s body, as if she was checking Fumi out.
Fumi let out a light chuckle, but her heart wasn’t in it. “Oh, shut up, Yachiyo.”
Yachiyo looked at her for a moment before she cheerfully responded, “Okay, Fumi-senpai~”
With that, Fumi returned to being lost in thought, staring at the pages of her book.
How could Yachiyo have this much of an effect on her? Her relaxed attitude, her gentle voice, her kind face, even her smart comments—everything about Yachiyo made Fumi forget about her problems, made her heart twist, made every dark day just a little bit brighter. Somehow, even for a moment, Yachiyo made Fumi forget that she had just wished ill on her own sister.
How could Fumi even think of such a thing? Shiori did nothing wrong. She was only following in her footsteps—she only wanted to make Fumi proud. No, it was Fumi who was in the wrong. She had let her resentment of Shiori go too far. In her belief that nothing she did mattered because of Shiori, she had let herself atrophy. She had become weak. She was now nothing more than a liability: to Shiori, to the Edels, and to Siegfeld.
Akira, Michiru, and Mei Fan needed someone who could stand alongside them as a pillar of strength. Akira had put her trust in her ever since their first year as Edels, and the trust of Frau Platin carried much weight—a weight that Fumi failed to carry. Michiru had put in so much effort, in her goal to turn the Edels into the ultimate troupe—but Fumi would only cause those plans to fall apart. Mei Fan expected her to set an example as an Edel—an example that Fumi had failed to set.
Shiori expected so much from her. She looked up to her, believed in her, thought of her as the coolest big sister a person could have. To her, Fumi was her caretaker, her biggest supporter, her mentor, and her idol, all in one. These were roles that Fumi could no longer carry out. By hating and resenting her, even for the slightest moment, she had betrayed her. Shiori didn’t deserve that.
And Yachiyo…
Fumi’s eyes drifted towards the girl in front of her. She was currently engrossed with her fashion magazine, to Fumi’s momentary relief; this way, she would not notice Fumi staring longingly at her. Fumi took a moment to take in Yachiyo’s features—her turquoise eyes, her rose-colored hair with its playful side curl, the content smile she always wore when she was doing something she loved…
It was hard for Fumi to admit it to herself, but Yachiyo was the best thing that had happened to her in the past few months. Even when she fell behind and failed, even when she was being choked by her own jealousy, even when she was crushed under the weight of so many expectations, Yachiyo was always there to lift up her spirits, and she never seemed to judge Fumi for her faults.
But Yachiyo deserved better than her.
Yachiyo was ambitious, she was independent, and she had a firm idea of what she wanted out of life. The thing she treasured most was the stage, and Fumi could tell she performed not for glory or fame or expectations, but out of love for performing itself. Compared to that, Fumi was nothing more than something that gave Yachiyo a little bit of happiness on the side. There was no way Yachiyo would willingly bear the burden of supporting Fumi when she had herself to think about. Fumi was sure that, when the time came, Yachiyo would choose the stage over her, and she would be fully justified in doing so. Yachiyo actually had a future.
The stage girl Fumi Yumeoji had no future.
As long as she was a stage girl, she would only hurt and disappoint the people around her even more. She would grow to be more and more resentful of Shiori, dragging everyone down with her in the process. Fumi had to leave Siegfeld and the stage behind, forever. That way, the people who wrongly believed in her only had to be disappointed in her one more time. Then they could be free of her, once and for all.
Fumi suddenly stood up.
“Fumi-senpai?”
Fumi turned to look at Yachiyo, who had resumed her concerned look.
This was Fumi’s last chance: her last chance to say whatever she needed to say to Yachiyo, to look at her, even just to touch her and feel her warmth. Fumi lifted her arm ever so slightly, as if to reach out to Yachiyo...
...Only to lower it again.
No. She couldn’t abuse Yachiyo’s kindness to make herself feel better any longer. She had to learn to live without it. She had to leave.
“I’m going to my room.”
There was nothing left for Fumi to do but to make preparations for her inevitable departure.
Yachiyo held Fumi’s gaze for a long moment. Her mouth opened as if to say something, but it simply hung there for several tense seconds. After what seemed to be an eternity, Yachiyo finally quietly said, “Alright. See you later.”
Fumi turned away from Yachiyo, and began her long march away from everything she knew and loved.
Mei Fan. Akira. Michiru.
Shiori.
Yachiyo.
I’m sorry.
“Our Frau Jade, Fumi Yumeoji, has left the Siegfeld Institute of Music.”
When Yachiyo heard those words leave Akira’s lips, her veins went ice-cold.
Did she really just say that?
“That’s impossible!” Mei Fan shouted. “How could Fumi-san abandon us like that?!”
Yachiyo’s body froze, and her mind was running wild. A part of her wanted to think that it was impossible, that Fumi would never leave, that this was all just a big joke…
But Yachiyo was never the type to be in denial. Fumi would leave. And Yachiyo knew exactly why she would.
“Unfortunately, it’s true,” Michiru grimly stated. “She submitted all the paperwork perfectly. She even changed her address, and her old phone number doesn’t work anymore.”
So Fumi was so thorough as to cut off all contact from the other Edels. Her shame must have been so strong that she couldn’t face them anymore.
“Yachiyo, do you know anything about this? It seemed like you and Fumi were pretty close.”
With Michiru’s question, the three Edels turned to look at Yachiyo, and while Yachiyo knew they just wanted answers, it felt as if their eyes were looking at her in judgment.
Of course Yachiyo knew. She was the only one who knew what Fumi was going through. She could have done so much to help her. She should have done something. She should have done anything.
But she didn’t.
Yachiyo met Michiru’s gaze, and opened her mouth to say something…
...Only to close it again.
Even now, Yachiyo believed it wasn’t her place to talk about this. Only Fumi had the right to do that. She wasn’t sure if it was the right decision anymore, but she couldn’t reveal Fumi’s secrets in front of the other Edels.
“She didn't tell me anything,” Yachiyo said. Not a lie, technically.
After giving Yachiyo a long look, Michiru said in a low voice, “...I see.” Yachiyo was certain that Michiru didn’t really think she didn't know anything; she had simply chosen not to press the interrogation for now.
“Regardless, there is little point in speculating why Fumi left,” Akira decided. “This is a difficult situation. We will have to work to repair the hole that Frau Jade left. We now have to divide student council work between the four of us, and any roles that Fumi would have played in upcoming shows will have to be given to others or written out entirely. We will have to choose a new Frau Jade, as well.”
A new Frau Jade… Yachiyo’s mind went to Shiori Yumeoji.
How did she feel about Fumi’s departure? Was she going to be okay? If Shiori became Frau Jade as everyone expected her to, how would Fumi feel about that?
“The work begins tomorrow. Meeting adjourned.”
With Akira’s declaration, she turned to leave the room, and Michiru followed. Yachiyo, seeing no point in staying, turned to leave as well.
“Yachiyo, are you okay?”
Just before Yachiyo exited the door, she heard Mei Fan’s voice. She turned to look at Mei Fan, who was wearing a concerned look on her face; she could be serious and strict, but she fretted over her friends a lot.
Yachiyo put on a fake smile and winked. “Oh, I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me.”
“Really? I just figured since you and Fumi-san were dating, I thought…”
“I’ll be fine,” Yachiyo repeated.
Yachiyo wasn’t fine.
Again, she wasn't lying. When she said she would be fine, she meant it. She would be fine. But right now, she wasn’t.
With Fumi’s departure, Yachiyo’s worst fears had come true.
Fumi, the one person who cared about her the most, was gone. When Yachiyo needed extra practice, Fumi would no longer be there to give a helping hand and a pat on the back. When Yachiyo felt a bit lonely, Fumi would no longer be there to give her the love and warmth she craved so much, love and warmth on a level Yachiyo didn’t even know was possible before she met her. Fumi was now lost to her forever, severed away in an instant like a cut string, and Yachiyo’s life would be colder and emptier for it.
But there was no way Yachiyo could let herself wallow in her own pain, not while ignoring Fumi’s pain. Compared to the pain and hurt Fumi had to be feeling, Yachiyo’s own pain was unimportant.
Yachiyo could barely imagine what Fumi was going through. She must have hated being jealous of her own sister—it must be an awful, scary feeling, holding hate for someone you knew you were supposed to love with all your heart. All this time, it was tearing at her from the inside, and in the end, she became so ashamed of herself, ashamed of burdening Shiori and the other Edels with her own weakness, that she left.
And she couldn't open up to anyone about it. She couldn’t tell the other Edels. She could never have told Shiori. And even though Yachiyo was the one closest to her, the only one who knew any of this was happening, Fumi couldn’t open up to her, either.
After all, since when had Yachiyo ever made it clear to Fumi that she deeply cared about her?
Yachiyo had always had problems with being sincere. She weaseled into Fumi’s life with her unreadable smile and attitude, but she never said anything like “I love you,” or “I like you just the way you are.” She kept Fumi in the dark, unwilling to truly commit to Fumi out of fear that Fumi wouldn’t accept all of her feelings, but that only caused Fumi to fear committing to her out of fear that Yachiyo wouldn’t accept hers. Was it any surprise that Fumi wouldn’t trust her?
Yachiyo failed Fumi when she needed her most.
She should have said something.
She should have said something.
Yachiyo so desperately wanted to tell Fumi the things she should have said all along. She should have said that everything was alright, that she didn’t have to push herself, that she would unconditionally love her no matter how flawed she was, that she would do everything in her power to help Fumi get through this. (Would that be enough? Even if Yachiyo made it clear that she would forgive her, she was uncertain if Fumi would forgive herself. But it would still have been better than doing nothing...)
And now, Yachiyo wanted to tell her that she made the right decision to leave. Yachiyo wanted to say that she wouldn’t judge her for leaving, that the only thing that mattered to Yachiyo was that Fumi was safe and happy, and if leaving would ensure that, then so be it.
But now, Fumi was gone. And the things Yachiyo left unsaid would stay trapped within her, possibly forever.
However, Yachiyo couldn’t let herself give in to despair. Even if Fumi was gone, there were a few things she had to do.
First, she needed to hold her head high, and continue with her life. Fumi was gone, but Yachiyo’s purpose in life remained—to become one of the best actresses this world had ever seen. She couldn’t let Fumi’s departure affect her, for her own sake. Yachiyo Tsuruhime was not lost. She was strong. She could get through this. She had to.
Second, she needed to help the others understand why Fumi left. While Yachiyo was the closest to Fumi, the other Edels must have been hurt by Fumi’s departure in their own ways—Akira and Michiru lost a comrade, and Mei Fan lost a senpai. And she couldn’t imagine what Shiori was going through—out of everyone, she was probably the most lost and heartbroken by Fumi’s departure. There was no way she could tell them the truth about why Fumi left—that secret was for Fumi, and Fumi alone, to tell—but she believed she could perhaps help them see Fumi’s point of view, that Fumi was going through a lot and had good reasons to leave. Yachiyo would also have to keep an eye on Shiori in Fumi’s place, especially if she became Frau Jade.
Third, she would have to look for an opportunity to apologize to Fumi. Yachiyo didn’t know if she would see Fumi again, but if she did, she would apologize to her for everything. And then, if Fumi needed it, she would disappear from her life, never to see her again. If Yachiyo staying by Fumi's side meant that she would burden Fumi, keep her in the dark, and hurt her even more, she would absolutely refuse do so.
But for now, she couldn’t apologize in person. She could only apologize in her mind, over and over again.
Fumi.
I’m sorry.