Chapter Text
6 years later
It had been 6 years since the fight in the arena and your first pregnancy. And since then you had given birth to another child, a boy named Valens who was three years old now. And everything was going well; the Empire was in peace and full of wealth, the Emperor was finally getting along with the Senate. And Commodus was being an amazing father; you had never seen him smile so much.
You spent a lot of time taking care of your kids now, and you were glad Commodus had accepted to partly rely on the Senate, it was one less worry for you. And taking care of your children was as exhausting as dealing with the Senate, maybe even more. You were in charge of teaching and feeding them, you could have asked childminders to take care of them for these tasks but it was important to you to spend time with them, they already didn´t see their father so much, they needed to know family was important and that they were loved. Commodus agreed more than anything with it, he had suffered too much from the absence of his father and did his best to be there for them. Thankfully, Lucilla often helped you, after all she had raised Lucius, she knew how to deal with children.
However, there was one thing Commodus had still trouble with; to have someone else pick your attention, he was so used that you had only eyes for him and now his own flesh and blood was stealing you from him! So, he always did or said silly things to make you take care of him, you often pretended to be annoyed but you actually found it very cute, just like today.
“Y/N I´m in urgent need of your care!” he said urgently as he arrived in the room where you were watching over the kids with Lucilla. You turned to him with a worried frown.
“What is it?” you asked with concern. Quickly, you got up and came to rest your palm on his forehead to check for fever, you realized he was holding his left hand against his torso.
“I cut myself.” he said as he showed you his index, it was a small cut, barely bleeding, you sighed, hiding a smile.
“Love, it´s a paper cut...” you stated, arching an eyebrow, it was almost impressive at how many ideas he could find to have you take care of him.
“But it terribly hurts.” he pouted looking to the side, was he sulking!? A chuckle escaped your lips, he had a really cute pouting face.
“Lucilla, can you watch over Valens? I need to take care of our severely injured warrior.” you asked her with a grin; she laughed at your comment, her brother had always had a childish personality.
You guided your husband to the bedroom, and made him sit on the bed as you went to take a bowl of water and a clean piece of cloth, you sat close to him, your thigh against his, you gently took his hand to clean the small cut; he hissed at the contact of the clothe against it.
“Don´t be a baby, you´ve been through worse.” you laughed at how childish he behaved. When you had finished, you brought his hand to your lips, gently kissing his injured finger, he exhaled in satisfaction.
“Y/N, I suddenly have a headache, it must be the fatigue, maybe a kiss would make me feel better?” he began with a hint of hope in his tone. You retained a laugh and played along, kissing his forehead, his hand came to caress your lower back, and you suddenly wished you had time for more.
“Does your lips hurt too Commodus?” you flirted; his eyes traveled down to your lips.
“Very much...” he breathed with desire; you grinned as you placed your lips on his in a loving kiss, you giggled as he pushed you down on the mattress, you buried your fingers in his hair. How right it felt to be in his arms, the kiss went deeper and his hands started to travel down your body.
“We should get back...” you said between kisses; you missed the time where you both spent hours in each other's arms but now you had a happy and loving family to take care of; something Commodus had always wanted. Your husband sighed, caressing your cheek.
“You’re probably right; as always.” he whispered, his eyes full of tenderness, he gave you another kiss before helping you back up.
The both of you headed back to where you had left your children with Lucilla. As you arrived, you noticed Lucius was there too. He had grown into a fine young man; he was 18 years old now and he was a great uncle to Julia, he was very often seeking her company and wanted to teach her all the things he knew. Right now, your daughter was playing fighting with him, she had her own small wooden sword and Lucius still used the one he used to when he was younger, he wouldn’t want to hurt her by accident. You chuckled at the ferocity of Julia despite her young age.
“She really has your Gallic blood.” complimented Commodus has he watched her fight, he was smiling proudly, she was going to get even better as she grows up
“But she has your combativeness” you replied as she ferociously groaned against her uncle.
“I want to be Commodus the Invincible now!” she insisted grumpily.
“But you need to be tall and strong for that, little Julia” he teased her, she stuck out her tongue to him.
“That’s not true!” she argued, her patience getting thin.
“Lucius...” warned Lucilla, Julia was also quick to extreme emotions just like her father and her young age only increased the probabilities of a tantrum. Your nephew sighted in defeat and accepted that Julia played her father’s role.
“You can’t kill me, I am invincible like Hercules!” she claimed loudly, brandishing her little wooden sword in the air; as they fought Lucius pretended to be in difficulty and let her win. You turned your head to look at your husband, you noticed the look on his face, his eyes were wet, he swallowed down truly moved by how he was viewed by his own family, he never thought he’d be loved so much. You smiled softened, this was the true Commodus that had buried himself deep into a cruel being under the rejection of his father; and since Julia was born, he was himself again, a caring and sensitive man.
He wished he could spend all his time with his family, you had been right about how he should rely on the Senate as a support, now he had more time to dedicate to his family, it was better than what he had before.
“I will see you tonight.” he said, quickly kissing your cheek before leaving to his duties.
And now, you missed his presence; the whole day seemed endless and you couldn’t wait to be in his arms once again. Thankfully, he was able to join you for dinner, and the kids behaved better when he was there, partly because no one wanted to see an angry Commodus and also, they had missed him so much that they were happy of his presence.
“Alright Julia. It’s time for you and your brother to go to bed.” you said, getting up and taking Valens in your arms.
“I’m not tired!” replied the little girl, she was a bit too excited for this time of the day.
“Julia you will obey to your mother. You have to sleep, it’s good for the mind.” Commanded Commodus, he got up and took her in his arms while you kept Valens in yours. The both of you headed to the bedroom they shared. They also shared the same bed for now, and they loved it. After changing them in their nightclothes and tucking them under the covers, you kissed them goodnight on the forehead, their father did the same; but your children weren’t ready to let go of their parents just yet.
“Father, can you tell me your story again?” asked Julia, her eyes shining with hope. Your lover chuckled, he couldn’t resist to her beautiful pleading eyes; so, he sat down on the mattress, and you on the other side of the bed, softly caressing Valens dark hair.
“Alright. This is the story of a beautiful princess named Y/N and a tormented Emperor, me...” he started, your children no matter how many times they had heard this story, were still completely hooked by it.
It was Commodus who came up this story, he had surprised you when he told it for the first and it had brought tears to your eyes and still today it moved you. You watched as your younger child fell asleep; as for Julia, her eyes were starting to feel heavy, she was struggling to stay awake until the end of the story.
“And that’s how the princess, your mother saved me, became Empress of the Roman Empire and got two beautiful children.” finished your lover with a smile turning his head to tenderly look at you in the eyes, before bending to kiss his daughter’s forehead. You got up to let them sleep, closely followed by your husband who suddenly caught you by the waist.
“And now it´s the turn of mama to go to bed!” he purred against your ear, his hands still around your waist, he started to place kisses on your neck.
“Honey the kids are here!” you giggled, the both of you laughing, you hurried to your bedroom.
You pushed him on the bed, climbing on top of him, his hands slide under your stola, caressing your thighs.
“Finally alone...” he purred against your lips, you smirked, licking his lips.
“I need you so much...” your breathed between kisses, your tongue caressing his. Since his little act this morning, you wanted him to take you. You took off your stola, his hand guiding the clothing down your body.
“You’re so beautiful.” he said as he looked at your naked body, since you had given birth, your body had become more luscious and it turned out Commodus was loving it. He straightened up and hungrily captured your breast in his mouth, you bit your lip as he sucked in your nipple. You buried your fingers in his hair as his mouth trailed kisses up until he reached your lips.
You felt him hard against your spot and it made you even more impatient to have him inside of you; your hand wandered down his neck and down his torso, you wanted to feel his naked skin against yours but his toga was in the way.
“By the gods, take that off.” you muttered with a bit a frustration which made your husband laugh. So, he toppled you over on the mattress, still between your legs, you watched him take off his clothes, his wounds had healed well and now his body bared two beautiful scars, Commodus’s body remained perfect to you and you reminded him as much as you could.
His eyes were dark with desire as he came back on top of you, hungrily capturing your mouth and in one slow thrust he entered you, making you gasp in pleasure. You wrapped your legs around his hips to bring him even closer to you, he moaned against your lips; you grabbed his shoulders as he started to move, your mouth traveled to his jaw and then his neck, earning a needy groan from him.
“Feel so good...you’re so good...” you whispered against his skin, your tongue went to caress the scar on his neck, he moaned at the contact on his sensitive patch of skin; but soon you found it difficult to take care of him as he increased the pace, you felt waves of pleasure washing over your body until you reached climax, Commodus quickly joined you a few seconds afterwards.
“I love you, I love you so much Y/N...” he panted resting his forehead against yours, you smiled at his tender words, caressing his cheek before kissing his lips.
“I love you too Commodus, always.” you replied looking at him the eyes, a big happy grin appeared on his face, after all this time, he was still surprised to have someone caring for him. Then, he lied down on his back, so that you could snuggle against him, you placed a kiss on his torso before resting your head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat, lulled by his calm breathing.
But in the middle of the night, as you both peacefully slept, you were awaken by the sounds of crying, it only took you a few seconds to realize it was Valens; he probably had a nightmare, you sighed trying to gather energy to get up and go to your child but before you could your husband stopped you.
“I´ll take care of this.” he yawned, placing a soft kiss on your forehead before getting up and covering his naked body with the strict minimum. He knew how tired you were, especially with Valens who was having a lot of trouble to sleep and was often waking you up, more than Julia ever had. You were glad that Commodus sleep wasn´t as heavy as before and that he took the initiative to go sooth his child.
Barely a few seconds after he left, he was already back, carrying your son in his arms, you slitghly frowned in confusion.
“I know how nightmares can be scary, baby.” he was whispering to Valens, caressing his back in comfort, your lover saw that you were still awake.
“He didn´t want me to leave his side” he explained, laying down Valens next to you, before putting himself under the covers. Your son snuggled against your naked chest as you started to hum a lullaby to put him to sleep, you passed an arm around his small body, your hand stroking your husband´s forearm. You noticed how it also made Commodus fall back asleep, you smiled soften by how he was still the same even after the terrible ordeals he went through.
Now that Lucius was grown man, he spent a lot of time with his uncle; he needed to learn how to rule the Empire while waiting for Julia and Valens to be old enough. Some would have thought Lucius would feel bitter about this and would want to take power for himself but since the events of the arena, his ambitions weren´t the same anymore. He had confessed it to you one day; because he had seen the terrible effects it had on his dear uncle, he didn´t want to suffer like him.
“Uncle, Y/N. When I´ll give back the powers to my nephews, I would like to travel and explore the world. Would you grant me this?” he asked hopeful, he had always been a very curious boy, you smiled with complicity at your husband.
“You know we will support you” you answered him with a kind smile.
“Once, I had told your mother you would make a great Legatus one day. And I didn´t change my mind. I know you would be perfect represent Rome in our provinces like Gallia or maybe even Provincia Ludaea if you have enough strength to maintain our influence over the Jews and Samaritans.” explained your husband watching his nephew excitement rise up.
“Thank you, uncle! I won´t disappoint you.” he replied eagerly, trying to hide his smile.
“I know you won´t. Come here” said your husband standing up and hugging him tightly.
“Uncle Lucius, we´re waiting for you!” interrupted Julia, Valens and Lucilla were also by her side.
“To do what?” you asked curious at the sudden impatient tone of Julia.
“S´prise!” blurted out Valens, which earned a smile from his father, every time his son tried to speak, he melted
“For who?” he asked amused.
“Mama and papa” replied Valens on a secretive tone, which made you chuckle.
“Come on kiddos, let´s leave before they make us talk.” joked Lucius, faking looking at the both of you with suspicion. Your husband laughed at their behavior.
“Don´t worry I´m looking after them” reassured you Lucilla.
“Oh, because your part of the confidence too?” you asked falsely offended, you were excited to see what they were going to do.
“What do they have planned for us...” wondered Commodus out loud as he watched his little family leave; now it was just you and him, and he felt like taking a break.
“What would you say to sharing a warm bath with me, dear wife?” he offered, taking your hand and placing kisses on each of your knuckles. Your other hand lifted to gently caress his face, he leaned into your touch.
“It will do us good.” you replied in a whisper, planting a kiss on his forehead.
A few minutes later, the bath was ready; the room was full of steam, the both of you stripped down and entered the warm water. You sighed happily as you felt your muscles relax. You felt Commodus gaze on you, he was looking at you with so much adoration, even after all these years spent together; sometimes it was even hard for you to understand why he felt this way about you.
“Hey, relax love. I’ll wash your hair for you” he said coming to stand behind you, his hands wandered on your shoulders, his lips leaving kisses along your shoulder.
“Hmmm feels nice...” you hummed closing your eyes to enjoy it even more.
“Oh yeah?” he replied, you felt him smile against your skin, he placed one last kiss behind your ear before starting to damp your hair, his hands were gentle like a caress as he massaged your scalp.
“You know, I still can’t believe it.” he spoke after a bit.
“Believe what?”
“All of this, the people and the Senate happy with my reign; our family...” he laughed in disbelief “I have so much love for you, I never thought I could feel like this about anyone and I have beautiful and loving children too... “
“And now, look at you, you’ve become such an indulgent father, your children have to say one word and you go all soft” you teased him making him laugh.
“They know it and they’re taking advantage of it!” he chuckled rinsing your hair; and when he finished, you turned to face him, putting your arms around his neck, kissing his lips.
“You’re a good father and husband. Marcus Aurelius would have begged you on his knees to forgive him.” you assured him; he released a big dimpled grin; he had proven himself to the entire world and the gods had rewarded him in the best way.
“Now your turn!” you said taking the soap to wash him.
You stayed by Commodus side for the rest of the day, offering your advice to him just like old days. And it enabled you to spend your whole day by his side. Sometimes, you took a walk with him in the palace before returning to work, you would find your kids with Lucilla and Lucius, they went silent when they noticed you, it seems they were rehearsing their surprise and did everything to keep it secret, it was so cute.
“I believe that the Empire should continue to trade with them, they didn’t show any threat, merely the wish to trade peacefully. I don’t understand why Legatus Arsenius wants a confrontation.” sighed Commodus, frustrated by this problem.
“I think he doesn’t make the difference between a partnership between two higher powers and invading threats. Rome must continue to trade with this kingdom. In exchange for their silk, we continue to provide them with our glassware.” you explained, he listened closely to what you said.
“It’s settled then. And if he continues to annoy me with this, we’ll send another Legatus.” he sighed, passing a hand on his tired eyes.
You and your husband turned your head as you saw you children accompanied by Lucius enter the study.
“Y/N, uncle.” he saluted, he gave a gentle push to your daughter “Go on.” he encouraged her; she took a step forward.
“Mama and daddy. We invite you after dinner to come and see our show.” she explained with a shy smile.
“It’s-it’s the s’rprise!” added Valens with excitement, making the both of you laugh.
“Alright, we can’t wait see what it is!” you spoke with a big grin, genuinely curious. Commodus chuckled, he was eager to be over with all his tasks for the day, so he could fully enjoy his time with his family.
It was finally time for the surprise, you had never seen you children so excited. They led you to the library, a small stage had been installed.
“We even have a scenery! Thanks to aunt Lucilla.” explained your daughter with excitement. You thanked your friend, briefly touching her arm, she smiled at you with affection and sat in a chair to watch the show. You and Commodus went to the couch, he passed his arm around you, so that you could snuggle against him. A slave brought you wine to drink during the show.
“They truly thought about everything.” spoke out loud the Emperor with a pleased smile as he sipped from his cup.
Lucius appeared with his nephews. He was dressed in all white and gold wearing his sword at his hip. Julia wore her prettiest dress; she was truly beautiful; as for Valens he had darker clothes and had a small wooden sword.
“Welcome to the Emperor and his divine wife. Mother we are very pleased to have you too.” Started Lucius with a proud smile “Tonight we will tell you a tragic, yet epic and romantic story. Your story, to honor your sacrifices for Rome and our family.” presented your nephew, your heart was beating faster than usual, for some reason you were anxious to see how they would tell your story. You were pushed out of your thoughts by Julia who came to stand in front of her father.
“Papa, can I borrow your crown please?” she asked suddenly shy, your husband seemed surprised but complied, telling her to be careful with it; then she brought it to Lucius, who put it on his head.
Their show started, it was actually really cute and even funny, their dialogues had some misspellings, especially for Valens but that’s what gave it all its charm. Lucius was really good at portraying your lover, after all he had seen it all with his own eyes. It was rather amusing to see your little child fight the young man; until the story took over and reminded you of that day, you didn’t expect to be so sensitive about it after all these years. And it seems you weren’t the only one.
“Father please! Why won’t you love me?!” begged Lucius as Commodus in front of a statue representing the former emperor. You turned your head to look at your lover, he was already on the verge of tears, his jaw clenched, you felt your chest tighten at this view, will he ever overcome the shock he felt that day? Your husband calmed down a bit for the following scenes, they were more action driven. But then, the last part of their show started and you found yourself emotional as you watched the scene.
“Commodus! Don’t die please, Rome needs you; I need you!” pleaded Julia over Lucius who was lied down on the stage; you pinched your lips together, flashes of the event coming back to your mind.
“I wish my family saw me, the way you see me...” you blinked away the tears coming to your eyes and looked up at your husband; tears were running down his cheeks, you rest your hand on his, your thumb stroking his skin, he turned his hand so that he could grab yours.
“They will! You are so brave! You are going to have a baby and-and a hero can’t die, we all love you!” added your daughter with fervor. Commodus never thought he’d be loved so much and he wished his childhood had been different, loved by his father, making little shows with Lucilla for him but no he was never satisfied or happy with him; no matter what he did, it was Maximus, always Maximus and now his children considered him a hero...an audible sob escaped his lips, you shifted in his embrace, cupping his face with worry.
“Love, all is good...you’re okay...” you whispered as discreetly as possible; you didn’t want to disturb the children. But it was too late, they had heard the sob of their father and had stopped playing, looking at him with worry.
“Why are you crying daddy?” asked Julia confused, Lucius put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. When he heard her voice, your husband tried to dry his tears with a trembling hand.
“I’m-I’m okay, very well actually, go on please...” he reassured them, he met your gaze, you realized it was tears of relief, he was so happy to be loved, you tenderly kissed his wet cheek before redirecting your attention to the show. And when it was finished, your children and Lucius saluted, Lucilla was the first one clapping, quickly followed by you and Commodus. Then, he got up and approached his family, he put his hand on his nephew’s cheek giving him a thankful smile; then he knelt in front of Valens and Julia and took them in his arms, holding them tightly.
“Thank you, thank you my two beautiful sunshines. It makes me very happy.” he told them kissing their faces, and the children smiled glad their dad liked their surprise. You smiled as you looked at them, it was all you ever wanted for Commodus. Still keeping his children in his arms, he turned his head towards you, silently inviting you to join them and you gladly did, under the moved smile of Lucilla and her son.
All of this was pretty much your everyday day life since Julia was born. The palace was full of joy and love, it was beautiful. You still remembered how it was before, the place, dark, gloomy, it had everything of a tragedy.
The next day
“Love, I’m going out with Lucilla and Lucius, I will bring Julia with me to buy her some dresses.” you informed your husband, sitting V alens on his desk next him so that he could watch over his son while you were gone, he didn’t mind actually, it soothed him and reminded him that there was something outside of his work. However, today he wasn’t in the best mood, it seemed a senator had deeply annoyed me.
“Which senator?” you asked him, putting your palla over your hair.
“Quincius that old man is unbearable.” answered Commodus frustrated, daubing with his quill on the paper and making a blotch which in return made his son giggle. Your lover stopped in his track, and looked at his son, arching an eyebrow at the reaction of the child, a grin appearing on his lips.
“Yeah Quincius is so annoying!” repeated your husband daubing again on the paper, earning another laugh from his son. Commodus chuckled at how entertained his child was, his son had instantly calmed him down without him noticing it. You leaned forward to kiss your husband’s lips.
“Have fun. I’ll miss you...” he said against your lips before giving you another kiss.
You left, the Sun was high and a nice breeze of air was cooling down the atmosphere. Two guards were discreetly following you in case something happened.
“Julia, hold my hand, a small girl like you could easily get lost.” you instructed your daughter with a smile. You looked around, the forum cuppedinis, the wealthiest market of the city was full of life, people buying food, merchants coming from faraway lands; going through this market always felt like traveling around the world to you.
“Mother, can I go to this shop? I’ll catch you later at the clothing shop.” asked Lucius hopefully to his mother as he looked at what seemed to be an armory.
“Alright, but don’t wander in taverns or any back alley, you never know who you might encounter.” she replied with a smile. You didn’t know how she could bare to let her son go alone in the city, it always worried you. It’s not that the people were hostile, it was quite the contrary, some of them even worshipped you to a point difficult to understand. You, Commodus and the Senate simply served the people and the Empire as it should be.
“We’re almost at the shop sweetie, do you have a favorite color for your tunic?” you asked your little girl, who seemed to think for a bit.
“Purple!” she bursted with excitement. You and Lucilla chuckled.
“I think it would suit you very well! And also...” started Lucilla before being cut off by someone yelling.
“It’s the Empress!” the person yelled with joy and at this many people turned around to look at you, a people started to approach you, they all had a friendly smile, but suddenly it was a lot of people, the two guards tried to surround you but they were outnumbered by the crowd.
“Thank you...” you spoke you took in your hands flowers an elderly woman gave you, you looked at Lucilla, you were starting to feel overwhelmed by all these people and more kept coming, pushing to get to you and you found it difficult to keep your balance and breath, your poor daughter must have been terrified, you needed to take her in your arms before something bad happens. But that’s when you realized you didn’t hold her hand anymore.
“Where’s Julia!?” you asked to Lucilla in panic, looking around and trying to find your daughter. Lucilla didn’t have her either and that’s when she realized that something very serious could be happening.
“Guards! Guards!” she screamed at the top of her lungs and the two guards accompanying you started to get rough with the crowd to make them take their distances and thankfully more soldiers started to come from adjacent streets to disband the mob and protect you. When the people were finally pushed away you and Lucilla look around for Julia, she was nowhere in sight.
“Y/N! Mother! What happened? Where's Julia?” asked urgently Lucius after running towards you, but you couldn’t answer him, you felt like your heart was going to explode, this wasn’t real, she was hiding somewhere and, in a few seconds, she will come out and run into your arms. You heard Lucilla speak to him in the background but your mind is too much in shock to understand anything she said. You felt Lucius wrap an arm around you and guiding you, towards the palace probably. You snapped out of your thoughts looking at the guards escorting you, no, you had to stay there, you needed to find Julia.
“Y/N a whole contingent of soldiers is staying to find Julia but we need to get you back to the palace.” told you Lucilla with strength, she will make sure her niece is found safe. As you reached the palace you felt tears coming out and running down your face, what if it was too late? What will happen to her? Suddenly, you recognized the quick steps of your husband.
“What happened?” he asked with worry, putting Valens in Lucilla’s arms so that he could hold your face between his hands.
“Y/N what happened? Where is Julia?” he asked you, making eye contact with you. You couldn’t speak, you let out a sob as he pronounced her name. That’s when he understood that you had lost your daughter, he was frowning at first, he was so deeply hurt, why would this happen, why would someone steal his daughter!? But then he felt rage grow in his chest, he was furious, he let go of your face to grab his nephew by his toga.
“Where were you Lucius!? Why weren’t you there to protect them!” he stormed; he was so disappointed, his nephew had failed to protect the family and now Julia had disappeared, and who knew what was happening to her.
“I’m-I'm sorry uncle...” bewailed Lucius unable to keep looking at his uncle in the eyes, he was so ashamed, he should have stayed by your side.
“Commodus...” you called him, you needed to hold him. Your pleading tone seemed to break him out of his anger and he let go of his nephew and took you in his arms, tightly holding you against his chest as you sobbed.
“Sire, what are your instructions?” asked the General. Commodus looked at him with his eyes furious and determined.
“Send all the men available to find my girl, search every street and corner of Rome. Find her.”