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Chapter Text

Augustus Gloop and his radiant mother, Roxanne Gloop, were standing outside the factory gates on the day of Willy Wonka's tour. Augustus was happily devouring a powdered donut. Roxanne looked over toward him.
"Save some room for later, Augustus, liebling," she told him.
"NEIN!" Augustus yelled and jumped away from his mother, who followed in hot pursuit. He ran past the poor boy in the blue turtleneck, the cute blonde girl in the mink coat, the girl with the red hat who was chewing a piece of gum, and the boy in the cowboy hat who was playing with a couple of toy pistols. Right behind the cowboy-hatted boy's mother was a tree. Augustus leapt up the tree. Roxanne tried to follow him, but she was too heavy. The first branch she stepped on snapped, and she fell on the mother of the boy in the cowboy hat!
Augustus watched his mother bicker with the other woman as he gobbled down the rest of his donut. He licked his lips, rubbed his stomach, and climbed down from the tree. Just as soon as Augustus' feet hit the ground, the clock in the clock tower went: BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! It was ten o'clock! That was when the factory gates were scheduled to open! Augustus took his mother by the arm and they both stood up straight.
They watched the factory door slowly creak open. A middle-aged man with tannish blond hair in a plum-colored velvet coat stepped out. That must be Willy Wonka! Augustus thought. He hobbled down the red carpet leading from the door to the gates. After a long while of hobbling, he let go of his gold-topped walking cane, leaned forward, and did a nimble little somersault. Everyone applauded.

The man bowed his head and said, "Thank you. Welcome, my little friends! Welcome to the factory! Would you come forward, please?"
"Veruca first! Get back, you! Come on, Veruca, sweetheart!" yelled the mink coat girl's father as the children rushed toward the gates.
"That's Slugworth, the one I told you about!" the turtleneck boy told his grandfather. Augustus recognized that name… Slugworth? Wasn't that the man at the restaurant who had ever so nicely given him complimentary knockwurst? While telling him something about an "Everlasting Gobstopper"? Hmm, maybe the turtleneck boy meant a different Slugworth.
“Welcome. It's nice to have you here. I'm so glad you could come,” said the man in the top hat and purple coat. “This is going to be such an exciting day. I hope you enjoy it. I think you will. And now would you please show me your Golden Tickets?"
“I'm Veruca Salt,” said the mink coat girl, who was first in line.
“My dear Veruca, what a pleasure! And how pretty you look in that lovely mink coat,” Wonka cooed.
“I've got three others at home,” Veruca remarked.
“And Mr. Salt, overjoyed to see you, sir,” Wonka told Veruca’s father, and then added, “Would you just step over there for a minute?”
Then, it was Augustus’ turn. “Augustus Gloop!” he told Wonka.
“Augustus, my dear boy, how good to see you!” Wonka replied. “And in such fine shape! And this must be the radiant Mrs. Gloop,” he said, taking Roxanne’s hand. “Just over there, dear lady.”
Augustus and his mother moved to the side and watched the girl in the red hat step up to Wonka.“Violet Beauregarde,” she said.
“Darling child, welcome to Wonka's,” Wonka told Violet.
“What kind of gum you got here?” Violet interrogated.
“Charming, charming!” cried Wonka.
Violet’s father followed suit. “Sam Beauregarde here, Mr. Wonka,” he said.
“My dear sir, what a genuine pleasure,” Wonka told Sam.
“If ever you need anything in the automotive line, just call on Sam B, phone number's on the card! With Sam B, it's a guarantee!” rambled on Sam until Wonka led him toward where Augustus and his mother were standing.
Next came the little cowboy. “I'm Mike Teevee!” he shouted. Then, he got out his toy pistol and pretended to shoot Wonka right in the stomach, yelling, “Wham! You're dead!”
“Wonderful to meet you, Mike. And Mrs. Teevee, how do you do? What an adorable little boy you have,” noted Wonka.
“Thank you,” said Mrs. Teevee, the same woman that Roxanne had fallen on.
Wonka pointed to where the other contestants were. “Just over there.”
“Charlie Bucket,” said the turtleneck boy, who was last of all.
“Well, well, Charlie Bucket, I read all about you in the papers. I'm so happy for you. And who is this gentleman?” asked Wonka.
“My grandfather, Grandpa Joe,” explained Charlie.
“Delighted to meet you, sir!” Wonka said as he shook Joe’s hand. Then, he remarked, “Overjoyed, enraptured, entranced; are we ready? Yes! Good! In we go!”
Augustus, his mother and the rest of the group followed Wonka into the factory. The door automatically shut behind them.

Chapter Text

The tour group entered the factory. Roxanne removed her hat and coat, but Augustus left his coat on. He watched as his mother approached the coat hangers, which looked like big hands. The coat hangers grabbed his mother’s coat and hat promptly! Augustus let out a loud squeal… at about the same time as everyone else!
“Little surprises around every corner but nothing dangerous. Don't be alarmed,” Wonka assured the group. “And as soon as your outer vestments are in hand, we'll begin. Now, will the children kindly step up here?” he said, climbing up a small staircase and pulling back a curtain to reveal a contract. Augustus couldn’t read half the words in the contract! He heard the others trying to read it as well. He could hear Veruca’s father saying, “Floods, fire, frost, or frippery?” and Mike remarking “Accidents? What kind of accidents?” But Augustus didn’t really care. He just knew that he had to sign his name. As he did, he heard Mike say “Saw this in a movie once. Guy signed his wife's insurance policy. Then he bumped her off.” After signing, Augustus gave his pen to Charlie, who promptly signed the contract.

After the contract was signed, Wonka led the group along to a small room at the end of a long hallway. “Ninety-nine . . . forty-four . . . one hundred percent pure,” he muttered as he fiddled with the lock. The door opened, and Mr. Wonka said, “Just through the other door please.”
Augustus watched as the others rushed through the door, and followed, but he couldn’t stand all the noise in the room. (Roxanne didn’t seem to have the same problem as her son, as she was wailing things like “Help! Mr. Vonka, help! I'm getting sqvashed! Save me!” along with the group.) But they left the room through the same door, and there was a different hallway on the other side! This hallway seemed to get smaller and smaller, which Augustus found rather uncomfortable to move about in.
Once the group reached the end of the hallway, Wonka said, “My dear friends, you are now about to enter the nerve center of the entire Wonka Factory. Inside this room, all of my dreams become realities. And some of my realities become dreams. And almost everything you will see is eatable, err, edible. I mean, you can eat almost everything.”
Suddenly, Augustus noticed something. Because he had eaten that entire donut (and gorged himself on a variety of other food BEFORE the tour), he was way, way, too full to eat anything more.
“Don’t make me eat anyzink! I’m schtuffed!” Augustus wailed.
“Now, don’t feel pressured! Don’t lose your head, Augustus!” said Wonka. Then, he turned to open the door with a musical lock. It was the overture to The Marriage of Figaro, by Mozart. (The woman whom Roxanne had fallen on, however, thought it was something by Rachmaninoff.)

Chapter Text

Wonka pushed open the door and began to sing a song about imagination. Everyone looked around the room in awe… everyone, that is, except for Augustus. He saw all of that food and moaned in pain, clutching his big, full tummy. What could he do here? When all of the others ran off to taste the different candies, he sighed and sat down on one of the brick paths. Violet Beauregarde, who was chewing on an oversized gummy bear, looked over toward Augustus.
“Problem?” she asked him.
“Ja,” he replied. “I ate too much before zis tour, und now I’m too full to eat anyzing else.”
“That’s no problem! Here, we can play jacks while the others eat.” Violet pulled a set of jacks and a small rubber ball out of her pocket. Augustus and Violet played for a long time, until Violet’s father said, “Look, Violet! A little man with green hair!”
“Hey, no fair!” wailed Augustus. “I vas about to try for ninesies!” But he and Violet went over to the edge of the chocolate river anyway. Normally, Augustus would have loved to drink from a river like that one, but he was still too full to ingest anything. He listened to Mr. Wonka talking about the Oompa Loompas, as the little men were called.
Then it was time to board the Wonkatania, a boat that was simply beautiful. There wasn’t enough seats for everyone, however, so Augustus decided to sit on his mother’s lap. Violet, after packing up her jacks, sat on her father’s lap as well. The boat began to move down the river.
Augustus liked the ride at first. It was calm and smooth, and he began to forget all about eating. But soon, the boat went into a tunnel. This tunnel was dark and creepy. There were images of terrifying creatures on the walls, such as a centipede, a chameleon, and worst of all- a cat getting run over by a car. Augustus wailed in pain when he saw that one. “Now, now, Spaetzchen,” said Roxanne as she held her son closer and stroked his hair. “It’s just a picture projected on a vall. Right, Mr. Vonka?”
Mr. Wonka didn’t reply. He just continued chanting his very creepy poem, “The danger must be growing, for the rowers keep on rowing, and they're certainly not showing any signs that they are slowing!”

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Augustus squealed and cried more and more. His mother continued trying to comfort him, but to no avail. Then, all of a sudden, the boat stopped.
When the boat had stopped, Augustus got off with his mother, but his mind seemed to have changed since the chocolate room. He was now yelling at the top of his lungs, “Food! I need food!”
“Huh?” said Violet. “I thought he was too full to eat anything else!”
“Not after a troubling experience like zhat,” Roxanne explained. “He needs food to comfort him. Right, Schnuckelchen?” Roxanne’s thoughts were interrupted by Mr. Wonka literally speaking her language!
“Meine Herrschaften, schenken Sie mir Ihre Aufmerksamkeit,” he said.
“I can transchlate!” Roxanne yelled. “He schaid, ‘My friends, please give me your attention’.”
“Sie kommen jetzt in den interessantesten und gleichzeitig geheimsten Raum meiner Fabrik.”
“He schaid, ‘You have now come to ze most interesting and, at ze same time, ze most secret room of my factory’.”
“Meine Damen und Herren, der Inventing Room.”
“He schaid, ‘Ladies und Gentlemen, Ze Inventing Room’.”

The group stepped into the inventing room. There were lots of things here to see. One machine was dispensing crunchy-looking candies. Augustus charged toward the machine and tasted one of the candies. It was delicious, but after he swallowed it… BOOM! Augustus fell backward into Roxanne’s arms. “Vat vas zat?” he asked.
“That's exploding candy for your enemies,” Wonka remarked. “Great idea, isn't it? Not ready yet, though, still too weak. Needs more gelignite.”
Augustus then went to a tub labeled “Butterscotch and Buttergin”, and tried to take a quick sip from it. But before he could, Wonka told him, “Augustus, please don’t drink that. You’re underaged.”
Augustus moaned and looked under a big cloth for more food. But then, Wonka yelled, “NO! Don’t! Please! Forgive me, but no one must look under there!” He explained that this was a machine that made his latest and greatest creation- Everlasting Gobstoppers.
Everlasting Gobstoppers? thought Augustus. That’s what Slugworth told me to give him, in exchange for all the food I wanted! Oh, yes, it does look nice to eat on its own, but I would much rather have pounds of Schweinshaxe mit Knödel und Sauerkraut than just one puny little gobstopper. So, when Augustus was given a gobstopper, he decidedly put it in his pocket and went on with the group.

Chapter Text

The next machine the gang looked at was a machine that Wonka referred to as "his revolutionary, non-pollutionary mechanical wonder". Augustus was intrigued. The machine spat out something that looked like a little stick of gum. Wonka explained that this gum was a three course meal, all in one! But before Augustus could ask for some, Violet Beauregarde, the girl who had played jacks with him in the Chocolate Room, snatched the gum right out of Wonka's hand, put it in her mouth, and began to chew.
“It’s tomato soup!” Violet claimed. “It's hot and creamy, I can actually feel it running down my throat!”
“Not fair! I'm jealous!” Augustus whined.
“Roast beef and a baked potato! Mmm!” she continued.
“With sour cream? He-he!” her father quipped. “What's for dessert?”
Augustus jumped up and down, shouting “I vant a piece of gum, too! Bitte?”
Violet looked at Augustus and said, “Ask Mr. Wonka if he can give you one! And as for dessert? Here it comes. Blueberry pie and cream! It's the most marvelous blueberry pie that I've ever tasted!”
Suddenly, Augustus noticed something happening to his friend. “Violet!” he shouted to her. “Vat’s up viz your face? It’s turning purple!”
“What are you talking about, Gus?” Violet shouted back.
At the exact same time, Augustus and Mr. Beauregarde yelled, “Violet, you're turning violet, Violet!”
And sure enough, she was. And not long after…
“You’re blowing up!” Mr. Beauregarde called.
“I feel funny!” Violet wailed.
“I… I don’t vant a piece of zat gum anymore…” Augustus decided as he rushed behind his mother’s back.
Violet blew up larger and larger until she was a human-sized blueberry with hands and feet. Surely she couldn’t play jacks with Augustus anymore- or even pat him on the back or hug him! Augustus made this realization far too soon, and tears welled in his eyes as a group of Oompa Loompas, whom Wonka had directed to take Violet to the juicing room, approached Violet and began to sing:

Oompa loompa doompa dee doo
I've got a perfect puzzle for you
Oompa loompa doompa da dee
If you are wise you'll listen to me

Gum chewing's fine when it's once in a while
It stops you from smoking and brightens your smile
But it's repulsive, revolting and wrong
Chewing and chewing all day long
The way that a cow does

Oompa loompa doompa dee da
Given good manners you will go far
You will live in happiness too
Like the Oompa Loompa doompa dee do

The Oompa Loompas rolled Violet out the door. Sam Beauregarde cried, “I'll get even with you for this, Wonka, if it's the last thing I ever do!” and then sadly added, “I got a blueberry for a daughter…” as an Oompa Loompa led him away.

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Augustus sobbed and sobbed. His mother bent down and hugged him tight. “Zere, zere, Mausi. I’m certain zat Violet vill not alvays be a blueberry. Und ven she gets juiced, I’m sure she’ll be able to have fun viz you again.” Then, she took a silk handkerchief out of her pocket and handed it to him.
“D-D-Danke, Mutti.” Augustus blew his nose into the handkerchief, then looked up at Mr. Wonka, who said, “Well, well, well . . . one naughty, nasty little child gone. Four good, sweet little children left. Hurry, please, long way to go yet.”
The next room they stopped in was a room with colorful wallpaper with pictures of different fruits on it. Wonka called it “lickable wallpaper for nursery walls”. “Lick an orange, it tastes like an orange,” Wonka encouraged the tour group. “Lick a pineapple, it tastes like a pineapple. Go ahead, try it.” So they did.
“Mmm, I got a plum!” said Mike.
“Grandpa, this banana's fantastic! It tastes so real.” said Charlie.
Augustus was taking long, large licks of EVERYTHING on the wall. He loved it all! And while he did so, Roxanne was moving her tongue across the grapes like a little kitten cleaning herself.
“Try some more,” Wonka coaxed. “The strawberries taste like strawberries. The snozzberries taste like snozzberries!”
“Snozzberries? Who ever heard of a snozzberry?” Veruca asked, only to have her mouth squeezed by Wonka.
“We are the music-makers,” he told her, “and we are the dreamers of dreams. Come along, come along.”

The group left the lickable wallpaper room and came to the next room, which was all full of bubbles. Augustus was amazed!
"Something very unusual in here," said Wonka. "Bubbles, bubbles everywhere, but not a drop to drink. Yet."
"What's it making, Mr. Wonka?" Charlie asked. Augustus looked at a bottle in the corner of the room and licked his lips.
"Fizzy Lifting Drinks," Wonka explained. "They fill you with gas, and the gas is so terrifically lifting that it lifts you right off the ground like a balloon."
"Oh, isn't it high! Gosh!" said Veruca.
"It looks sehr lecker!" Roxanne commented.
"But I daren't sell it yet," Wonka stated. "It's still too powerful."
"Come on, let us try some! Please?" asked Mike.
"Oh, let us try some. Don't be mean!" added Veruca.
"Bitte?" Augustus asked with big puppy-dog eyes.
“No, no, no. Absolutely not,” said Wonka. “There'd be children floating around all over the place. Come along now; don't hang about. You're going to be wild about this next room."
Everyone left. Everyone, that is, except Augustus, Roxanne, Charlie and Grandpa Joe.

“Let's take a drink, Charlie; nobody's watching,” said Grandpa Joe.
“Us too, Knuddelmaus,” said Roxanne. "Maybe it'll help get your mind off of zat Violet girl."
“Yeah,” said Charlie.
Augustus just nodded.
“A small one won't hurt us,” said Grandpa Joe. He took two bottles from the shelf. “Here you go, Mrs. Gloop,” he told Roxanne as he handed her one. Charlie took one and handed it to Augustus, then took one for himself. They all opened their bottles and took a long drink at once. "Mmmm, not bad. Well?" Grandpa Joe reacted.
"Nothing's happening," said Charlie. Augustus drank a little more from his bottle.
"You're right, Charlie. I can't understand WHYYYY…." Suddenly, Grandpa Joe took off into the air! And so did Charlie! "Oh, oh, oh, I feel terribly strange..." Joe moaned.
"What do we do now, Grandpa?" Charlie asked.
"I don't know, Charlie! AAAAAA! OH, OH!" Joe yelled. The Gloops, not watching the Buckets, were impatiently downing the rest of their bottles.
"Mmm-mmm, zat vas sehr GUUUUUUUT!" Roxanne called as she and her son swooshed upward as well. "Ach, nein! Vat is happening?" Roxanne flailed her arms and legs.
"Ich weiß NIIIIIICHT!" cried Augustus as he clung to his mother's classy floral dress.
"We're in big trouble! Mr. Wonka isn't gonna like this," shouted Joe worriedly.
"We can't stay up here all day!" Charlie replied.
Roxanne, however, was kind of enjoying being light for a change. "Vatch zis!" she cried as she did a backflip in mid air.
"I can do zat, too!" Augustus responded. He did a backflip as well, then pretended to do a breaststroke.
Sooner or later, Charlie (who had been trying to get down) was having fun, too. "Hey, it's fun, Grandpa! It works! Come on in, the air's fine!"
Joe claimed, "Oh, I don't know, Charlie. I haven't been swimming in twenty years, I--"
Charlie encouraged, "Come on, give me your hand!"
Augustus was having lots of fun doing things that he couldn't do on the ground. "Mutti, look! I can do a cartvheel!" he told her, then did a little cartwheel from his spot.
Roxanne clapped her hands. "Let's see if ve can dance togezher in mid air!" she suggested. Augustus took his mom's hand and pretended to spin her round and round.
"I'm a bird!" cried Charlie.
"I'm a plane!" cried Grandpa Joe.
"I'm . . . going too high! Hey, Grandpa, I can't get down! Help! Grandpa, the fan!" Charlie called as he looked up at what was above them. Indeed, it was a gigantic fan with razor-sharp blades!
"Stay away from it, Charlie; it'll chop us to bits!" Grandpa Joe advised. "We're in trouble, Charlie. I can't stop!"
Augustus was getting higher and higher, too, but he didn't see the fan. Instead, he noticed something else…
"Uh oh…" Augustus told himself. "I zink I feel a big vone coming on…"
And then, he burped. Loudly and slowly. BUUUUUURRRRRRRP! And as he burped, he began to get closer to the ground!
Roxanne was floating higher, too, and she soon noticed that she was separate from her son! She began to wail, "Liebchen! Liebchen! Wo bist du?" then she suddenly interrupted her own sentence with a loud, slow BUUUUUURRRRRRRP as well! And she moved lower, just as her son had!
Grandpa Joe heard those loud burps, then looked down at the Gloops. They were now lower down! "Charlie, did you see that?" he told his grandson. "Quick, Charlie, burp! Burp like the Gloops! If you don't get down you'll be chopped into ribbons!"
"Help! I can't! Help!" cried Charlie.
"You've gotta burp, Charlie. It's the only way," said Joe.
Between their own long burps, the Gloops were cheering, "Du kannst es schaffen! Du kannst es schaffen!"
Charlie burped a small, modest burp. Burp!
"'Atta boy. Burp again," Joe encouraged. "Ahhhh, that's wonderful, Charlie."
The Gloops gave one final long, loud BUUUUUURRRRRRRP and landed on the ground. A few seconds later, the Buckets, with their modest burps, landed right next to them.
"Good boy. From now on, we keep our feet on the ground," Joe told Charlie.
"Come on, let's catch up to ze ozers!" called Roxanne. She took Augustus by the arm, and they rushed a few rooms down the hall. Charlie and Grandpa Joe followed.

Chapter Text

The next room they went to was full of geese laying golden eggs. This intrigued Augustus, who leaned forward to get a better view, and asked Wonka, “Are zhose chocolate eggs?”
“Golden chocolate eggs- a great delicacy!” Wonka said. Then, he explained that these eggs were judged as either good or bad by his Educated Eggdicator.
“If it’s a good egg, it’s shined up and shipped all over the world. If it’s a bad egg… down the chute,” Wonka said, pointing. There was a horn sound as one of the machines judged an egg as ‘bad’. The egg fell between two cushions and went down.
“Hey, Daddy! I want a golden goose!” Veruca yapped.
“Here we go again,” said Charlie as he rolled his eyes.
“All right, sweetheart, all right. Daddy’ll get you a golden goose as soon as we get home!” Veruca’s father told her.
“No, I want one of those!” she said, pointing to the geese.
Augustus yawned a bit. He was not excited at all for this. Veruca began to run around the room and wreck it, and as she did, she sang this little song:

Gooses, geeses
I want my geese to lay gold eggs for Easter
At least a hundred a day
And by the way

I want a feast
I want a bean feast
Cream buns and doughnuts
And fruitcake with no nuts
So good you could go nuts

No, now

I want a ball
I want a party
Pink macaroons
And a million balloons
And performing baboons and
Give it to me now

I want the world
I want the whole world
I want to lock it
All up in my pocket
It's my bar of chocolate
Give it to me now

I want today
I want tomorrow
I want to wear 'em
Like braids in my hair and
I don't want to share 'em

I want a party with roomfuls of laughter
Ten thousand tons of ice cream
And if I don't get the things I am after
I'm going to scream

I want the works
I want the whole works
Presents and prizes
And sweets and surprises
Of all shapes and sizes

And now

Don't care how, I want it now
Don't care how, I want it now

As Veruca sang this last note, she climbed on the Eggdicator- and it judged her as bad! She slipped down between the cushions, and the horn sounded.
“She was a bad egg,” Wonka noted.
“Where did she go?” asked Mr. Salt.
“Where all the other bad eggs go! Down the garbage chute!” Wonka told him.
“The garbage chute? Where does it lead to?” asked Mr. Salt.
“To the furnace,” Wonka stated.
“To the furnace! She’ll be sizzled like a sausage!” cried Mr. Salt.
Augustus’s head snapped up a moment, and he commented, “Mmm…. sausage!”
Wonka shushed him, then told Mr. Salt, "Not necessarily. She could be just stuck inside the tube."
"Inside the tube!" cried Mr. Salt. "Hold on, Veruca, sweetheart, daddy's coming!" He rushed over to the Eggdicator and slipped between the cushions as the horn sounded, just as his daughter had done.
"Will Veruca be okay?" asked Charlie.
"We only light that furnace every other day," Wonka shrugged, "so they have a good sporting chance."
Augustus sighed and looked at his feet as six Oompa Loompas looked down the trash chute and sang this song:

Oompa loompa doompa dee doo
I've got another puzzle for you
Oompa loompa doompa dee dee
If you are wise you'll listen to me

Who do you blame when your kid is a brat?
Pampered and spoiled like a Siamese cat?
Blaming the kid is a lie and a shame
You know exactly who's to blame
The mother and the father

Oompa loompa doompa dee da
If you're not spoiled then you will go far
You will live in happiness too
Like the Oompa Loompa doompa dee do

Chapter Text

"I don't understand it," said Wonka. "The children are disappearing like rabbits. Well, we still have each other. Shall we press on?"
"Can we sit down for a moment? The pace is killing me," asked Mrs. Teevee.
"My dear lady, transportation has already been arranged!" said Wonka as he lead the group to a room where a strange vehicle was situated. Oompa Loompas were busily filling the thing with soda.
"BEHOLD!" said Wonka. "The Wonkamobile. A thing of beauty is a joy forever. Better grab a seat, they're going fast."
And that was very true. As on the boat, there weren't enough seats for everyone, so Augustus and Mike decided to sit on their mothers' laps.
“Mr. Wonka, what’s that they’re filling it up with?” Grandpa Joe asked.
Wonka explained: “Ginger ale, ginger pop, ginger beer, beer bubbles, bubble-ade, bubble cola, double cola, double-bubble burp-a-cola, and all the crazy carbonated stuff that tickles your nose. Few people realize what tremendous power there is in one of those things.”
“Sorry I asked!” said Grandpa Joe.
“You think Slugworth would pay extra to know about this?” Mike asked his mother. As soon as Mike mentioned Slugworth, however, Augustus sighed and thought of all the delicious food that awaited him when he got back home to Dusselheim and gave his gobstopper to Slugworth. Sauerbraten… Rinderrouladen… Spaetzle… Augustus’s jaw went completely slack, and he drooled on his mother’s dress. “HEY!” she yelled, snapping him out of his daze.
“Quiet down, Mrs. Gloop!” Wonka said as he turned toward her. Then, he asked the gang, “Everybody set?”
Augustus could hear Charlie and Grandpa Joe mumbling a bit to each other, and then the ride began. It was very different from the boat ride! As soon as the vehicle moved, some thick white foam sprayed into Augustus’s face. He disgustedly wiped it off, but suddenly noticed that his skin was now puffing up and turning red! “Hilfe! Mutti! Hilfe!” he yelled, but Roxanne didn’t notice that her son was having a terrible allergic reaction. She was too busy singing along with Mr. Wonka, who was singing a song in- you guessed it- German!
"Martha! Martha! Du entschwandest! Und mein Glück nahmst du mit dir!” Roxanne and Wonka sang at the top of their lungs together.
“It's getting in my eye!” cried Mike.
“Oh, it's even in my shoes! I'm soaked! It'll never come out!” hollered Mrs. Teevee.
“Ouch! Ouch! Ouuuuuuuch!!!!!” screeched Augustus.
“It's sticking to my gun!” Mike added.
“Gib mir wieder, was du fandest, Oder teile es mit mir!" Mrs. Gloop and Wonka continued singing.
“Oh, my dress, my hair, my face! I'm sending you the cleaning bill, Mr. Wonka!” cried Mrs. Teevee.
“Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!” Augustus wailed as he looked at his puffy red hands and began to cry.
Suddenly, they went through a machine of some sort, and as they did, all the foam disappeared… and Augustus’s skin returned to normal!
“Phew!” Augustus sighed. “Vat a relief!”
“I’m dry cleaned!” cheered Mrs. Teevee.
“Hey, Grandpa, what was that we just went through?” Charlie asked.
“Hsaw Aknow,” Wonka answered.
Mrs. Teevee asked, “Is that Japanese?”
“No, said Wonka, “that’s Wonka Wash spelled backwards.”
Everybody got off the vehicle. Wonka led them to a rack of white coats and goggles. “Would you all please put these on?” he said. “We have to be very careful, very dangerous in here.” Augustus and Mike decidedly slipped theirs on before Charlie and Grandpa Joe. The outfit Augustus chose, however, was very baggy on him, because it was sized for an adult woman! But it didn't matter once he pulled the sleeves and pant legs up a bit.
“Hey!” Mrs. Teevee yelled. “There’s not enough of these for everyone! We’re missing one for me and one for her!” She pointed to Mrs. Gloop.
“Then I guess you two will have to sit this one out,” Wonka shrugged, pushing the two mothers away and leading the four males through the door.

Inside the room, it was all white. The walls, the floor, the ceiling. “Wonkavision! My very latest and greatest invention,” Wonka explained. Then he demonstrated how his invention could take a bar of chocolate from one end of the room to the other, the way a television does with images. At first, it was a very big chocolate bar, which Augustus was pawing at hungrily. But Charlie soon pulled Augustus out of the way and Wonka yelled, “Lights! Camera! Action!” POW! A flash of light and the bar was gone!
“Vere did it go?” Augustus asked. “I’m hungry!”
“It’s flying over our heads in a million pieces!” Wonka stated, pointing. “Now
watch the screen."
And sooner or later, the same chocolate bar, only smaller, showed up on the screen.
"Here it comes. There it is. Take it,” said Wonka. Augustus promptly snatched it up and tore the wrapper open.
“I think he was talking to me when he said ‘Take it’,” Charlie said.
“Yah, vell, too bad!” Augustus snarled before taking a vigorous bite of the chocolate bar. “Mmmm! It’s delicious!” he added afterward, then devoured the entire thing in two big bites.
“It's unbelievable,” said Charlie.
“It's a miracle,” chimed in Grandpa Joe.
“It's a TV dinner!” exclaimed Mike.
“It's Wonkavision,” said Wonka.
“It could change the world,” commented Grandpa Joe.

Then Mike said, “Mr. Wonka, can you send other things? Not just chocolate, I mean.”
“Anything you like,” Wonka assured him.
“What about . . . people?” Mike asked.
“People?” Wonka reacted. “Hmmm . . . I don't really know. I suppose I could. Yes, I'm sure I could. I'm pretty sure I could. But it might have some messy results.”
Upon hearing this, Mike jumped up and ran in front of the camera. He yelled, “Look at me; I'm gonna be the first person in the world to be sent by television!”
“Stop, don’t, come back,” Wonka said sarcastically.
“Mi-” Augustus began. But it was too late. Mike yelled “Lights! Camera! Action!” and pressed the button. Then, a flash of light… and Mike was gone!
“Where’d Mike go?” Charlie asked.
“I zink he’s up zere, in a million pieces!” Augustus pointed. And sooner or later, Mike showed up on the screen. But he was teeny-tiny!
“Our little group is getting smaller by the minute,” noted Grandpa Joe.
Wonka pulled Mike off the screen and dashed out of the room with him in his hand. Augustus followed Wonka, curious to see where he was taking Mike. After they left the room, Wonka looked at Mrs. Teevee (who had been sitting and chatting outside the door with Roxanne) and told her, “Mrs. Teevee, your son has been sent by television!”
“WHAT????” Mrs. Teevee yelled. “Sent by television????”
“Unfortunately so,” said Wonka as he showed her the tiny Mike.
“Put me down!” Mike yelled. But Mrs. Teevee indignantly snatched him up and stuffed him into her purse. Wonka directed an Oompa-Loompa to take her to the Taffy Pulling Room to have Mike regain his height. Mrs. Teevee fainted, and two Oompa Loompas dragged her away.
Then, Augustus shot back into the television room and told Charlie and Grandpa Joe the whole story. “Mike’s Mutter schtuffed him into her purse und took him off to ze Taffy Pullink Room!” he yelled.
Grandpa Joe and Charlie looked at each other and shrugged as a group of Oompa Loompas in white coats and goggles began to sing:

Oompa loompa doompa dee doo
I've got another puzzle for you
Oompa loompa doompa da dee
If you are wise you'll listen to me

What do you get from a glut of T.V.?
A pain in the neck and an I.Q. of three
Why don’t you try simply reading a book?
Or could you just not bear to look?
You’ll get no…
You’ll get no…
You’ll get no…
You’ll get no…
You’ll get no commercials

Oompa loompa doompa dee da
If you're not greedy you will go far
You will live in happiness too
Like the Oompa Loompa
Oompa Loompa doompa dee do

Chapter Text

Grandpa Joe, Charlie and Augustus removed their coats and goggles. Roxanne got up from her chair and rejoined the group, who followed Wonka to the area outside his office. “So much to do, so much to do, invoices and bills, letters . . . I must answer that note from the queen,” Wonka muttered under his breath to himself.
Charlie looked over toward Wonka and asked him, “Mr. Wonka, what's gonna happen to the other kids? Violet, Veruca?” At the mention of Violet's name, a tear ran down Augustus’s cheek.
“My dear boy,” Wonka said, “I promise you they'll be quite all right. When they leave here, they'll be completely restored to their normal, terrible old selves. But maybe they'll be a little bit wiser for the wear. Anyway, don't worry about them.” Augustus gave a sigh of relief when he heard that Violet would return to normal, but he wasn't actually 100% relieved. He really wanted to see Violet again, in the flesh, well and alive.
“Eh, what do we do now, Mr. Wonka?” asked Grandpa Joe.
“Vat he said!” Roxanne added, pointing to Joe with her thumb. “Vat do ve do now?”
“Oh, yes, well, I hope you enjoyed yourselves,” Wonka told both the guardians. “Excuse me for not showing you out. Straight up the stairs. You'll find the way. I'm terribly busy. Whole day wasted. Goodbye to you all. Goodbye,” he rambled on, and then entered his office.
“What happened?” asked Charlie.
“Did ve do somezing wrong?” Augustus asked.
“I don't know, Charlie,” said Grandpa Joe.
“Me neizer,” agreed Mrs. Gloop.
“But I'm gonna find out,” said Joe.
“Und so am I,” said Roxanne, punching her palm with her fist.

They entered the office with their son and grandson. Everything in the office, from the pictures to the chairs, was cut in half.
“Mr. Wonka?” asked Grandpa Joe.
“Herr Vonka?” asked Mrs. Gloop.
“I am extraordinarily busy, sir and madam,” Wonka said, with his head on his desk.
“We just wanted to ask about the chocolate,” Joe explained. “The lifetime supply of chocolate, for Charlie-”
“Und Augustus!!!!!!” Roxanne interrupted.
Joe continued, “Right, right, and Augustus. When do they get it?”
“They don't,” Wonka stated.
“Vy not?” Roxanne retorted, her voice breaking a bit.
“Because they broke the rules.”
“What rules?” Joe yelled confusedly.
“Ve didn't see any rules, did ve, Mäuschen?” Roxanne turned to Augustus, but was soon interrupted by Wonka yelling…
“Wrong, sir and madam, wrong! Under Section Thirty-Seven B of the contract signed by them it states quite clearly that all offers shall become null and void if--and you can read it for yourself in this photostatic copy!” He pulled down a copy of the contract that was cut in half from his cabinet.
"I, the undersigned, shall forfeit all rights, privileges, and licenses herein and herein contained, et cetera, et cetera…” He continued rambling on in Latin, then finished with, “It's all there, black and white, clear as crystal! You all STOLE Fizzy Lifting Drinks! You all BUMPED into the ceiling which now has to be WASHED and STERILIZED, so you all get NOTHING! You all LOSE! GOOD DAY, sir and madam!”
“You're a crook!” realized Grandpa Joe. “You're a cheat and a swindler! That's what you are. How can you do a thing like this?”
Roxanne stomped her foot on the tiled floor and then added, “Jawohl, buildink up a little boy's hopes und zen smaschink all his dreams to pieces. Sie sind ein unmenschliches Monster!”
“I said GOOD DAY!” Wonka yelled at both of them.

"C'mon, Charlie. Let's get out of here." said Grandpa Joe.
"Jawohl, Knuddelbär. Us too," agreed Mrs. Gloop.
Charlie looked at his gobstopper for a moment, thought about it and set it down on Wonka’s desk.
“So shines a good deed in a weary world…” Wonka murmured as he felt the gobstopper on his desk. Then he looked up and saw who had put it there...
“Charlie... my boy... You won! You did it! You did it! I knew you would; I just knew you would. Oh, Charlie, forgive me for putting you through this. Please, forgive- OW! Who did that?” Wonka was interrupted by something hitting him in the back of his head.
“Augustus? Was that you?”
Augustus held his hands behind his back and hummed a little tune. Wonka noticed… an Everlasting Gobstopper lying on the floor!
“Augustus, did you throw that at me?” Wonka snapped.
“Nein, Mr. Vonka! It vasn’t me, it vas.. It vas...” Augustus stumbled over his words.
“It was you!” Wonka yelled. “Get out of here! Go back to the front gates! You’ve dented my skull! Out! Out!!!!!” Wonka pushed the Gloops out of the room. They sadly walked down the hallway. Roxanne noticed a door with an “exit” sign above it and led Augustus through it. As they left, they could hear some Oompa Loompas singing:

Oompa loompa doompa dee doo
I've got another puzzle for you
Oompa loompa doompa dee dee
If you are wise you'll listen to me

What do you get when you do not obey?
Breaking the rules in any sort of way
We know that breaking the rules can be fun
But what about when that fun's done?
All good things come to an end

Oompa loompa doompa dee da
Always obey and you will go far
You will live in happiness too
Like the Oompa Loompa doompa dee do

Chapter Text

But, after Augustus and his mother slipped out of the side door, they spotted the other three children! Mike was now a little taller than he had originally been, Veruca and her father were now covered in trash and smelled very bad, and Violet was now all blue. But at least she was alive!
“Violet!” Augustus cried and threw his arms around her.
“Augustus!” Violet cheered in return and hugged him back.
“It turns out zat Mr. Vonka doesn't like ven people disobey ze rules in his factory,” explained Augustus. “But… hey, vat’s zat I see? Violet, look up!”
Augustus pointed toward the sky, where a gold object resembling a rocket ship was sailing over the factory! Veruca, Mike, and the parents looked up, too. They swore they could see…
“Charlie!” said Mike.
“And Grandpa Joe!” said Veruca.
“And Mr. Wonka!” said Mrs. Teavee.
“Let's vave to zem!” said Mrs. Gloop. And they did. They couldn't tell whether or not Charlie and the others were waving back, but that didn't matter.

“C'mon, let's go home, Bärchen!” said Roxanne.
“Can we come with you?” Violet begged. “Please?”
Roxanne shrugged a moment, then said as she clicked the front door open, “Jawohl! Hop in! Violet, you can sit over here viz Augustus. Und Herr Beauregarde…”
“Sam! Sam Beauregarde!” said Mr. Beauregarde.
“Right, right, Sam. You can sit in zis seat up front!”
“Danke, Ms…” Sam paused.
“Roxanne. Roxanne Gloop.”
“Roxanne! Danke schoen!”
“Bitteschoen!” Roxanne replied. They all got into the car and began to drive away from the factory.

“So, Mrs. Gloop, I hear you're a really good cook. Can you make us dinner?” asked Violet.
“Bestimmt!” said Mrs. Gloop. “I vas planning on making knockwurst. Zat's Augustus's favorite!”
“What's knockwurst?” asked Violet.
“It's a special kind of sausage zat sort of looks like a zhick, short hot dog,” explained Augustus. “Und it's ever so delicious. You should definitely try some ven ve get to my house.”
“Oh, I will! I most certainly will!” Violet squealed. “But, before dinner, do you know what we can do?”
“Vat?” asked Augustus.
“We can play some more!” Violet pulled her jacks out once again. “And you can try for ninesies!”
“Yes!” Augustus cheered as he gave Violet a high five. He was actually happy that he had not saved some room for later. Today had been a good day.
Mr. Beauregarde sighed and lay back in his car seat, watching the sun set. Mrs. Gloop drove the car off, back to Dusselheim. And Violet and Augustus played jacks… and cards… and tic-tac-toe… and all sorts of fun games. And as the car rolled off toward the horizon, some soft voices could be heard singing:

If you want to view paradise
Simply look around and view it
Anything you want to, do it
Want to make the world, there's nothing to it

There is no life I know
To compare with pure imagination
Living there, you'll be free
If you truly wish to be

The end! / Das Ende!