Chapter Text
Once upon a time
there was a boy with long hair
there was a girl with twin buns
he was a genius
she never missed her targets
he chased fate and destiny
she dreamed big dreams
he was a shinobi
she was a kunoichi.
.
When she was twelve, Tenten had a crush on one of the boys she knew. It didn’t take much more than a first blush at their first team meeting to get the feelings started. There were so many things to like: his almost effortless perfection in mastering all the genin-level techniques, his serious demeanour, good looks... Hyuuga Neji was a genius – how lucky was she to be placed in the same team?
The crush was so bad that in the early years Tenten remembered even siding with Neji against Lee for the simple but flawed reason of just wanting to side with him (thankfully, she had come back from that in recent years). In defence of her younger self, Lee, underdog as he was, had Gai-sensei supporting and encouraging him. It did not take many of Neji’s sparse, but heated comments about the Main House to make Tenten realise that her teammate was very much alone. And perhaps Gai would have boisterously encouraged Neji just the same, but Neji seemed to bristle at too much affection.
That was how it started. Gai set the two of them up with a couple of training exercises, having identified how their natural strengths turned them into natural sparring partners. He laughed loudly as he started to leave the training area. “Well, well, normally teachers would be wary about leaving two hot blooded youths such as yourselves alone in these forests…”
Tenten had rolled her eyes, but her cheeks faintly reddened. Neji simply threw a condescending glance at Gai, and then looked at her warily, as if to say, I have no time for you if you’re going to be a lovesick girl. That had been the first splash of cold water. Gai squeezed her shoulder, and said to Neji, “I was only joking! But be careful with each other.”
“Hai,” they both affirmed.
As the days passed, Neji gradually began to warm to her, and Tenten, pragmatic girl that she was, saw that she was of more interest to him when she helped him perfect his skills, rather than for example, batting her eyelashes or puckering her lips, as she saw other girls her age were prone to do. Soon it was not long before months passed too, and Tenten got to know Lee and started to care for him as well. Even though Neji was never harsh with her like he often was with Lee, Tenten found it was easier to talk of mistakes and failures with Lee then with Neji. Lee could laugh at himself where Neji never could, and he was if nothing else, always full of encouragement and affirmation. Lee’s unflappable energy eventually won Neji over too, despite their rivalry, and Team Gai developed a surprisingly deep bond.
When Neji had told Tenten that he wanted to master the Kaiten, she hadn’t known exactly what this meant. At the very least it was another technique, obviously, and one likely difficult to learn. It was only after some time had passed, that Tenten realised that the Kaiten was the signature Hyuuga technique, that Neji was trying to learn the Kaiten by secretly watching his uncle perform it, and then trying to test his theories for making the technique work, with her, his genin team mate, of all people! She had uncovered the first fact from delving into a few books at the local library, after curiosity had gotten the better of her, and Neji had proved less than forthcoming about all the details of what he was trying to do.
These initial revelations made her doubtful - yes, Neji was a genius, but to learn something so intricate from mere observation and without an instructor… was that even possible? In any case, there was a feverish look of determination in his eyes, a sort of cold angry fire that magnetized her and compelled her to get up early in the morning and stay training with him until late. She wanted to watch this boy try something a little mad. It was probably naive, but there was surely something in her back then that thought nothing was impossible for him.
Her crush faded a little, and her attention became preoccupied by a growing sense of loyalty. Her time became consumed with investigating ways to throw a greater mass of projectiles at the genius boy of her class. She had always once thought of trying healing arts, to be like Tsunade-sama, but soon started to find herself so much at home dabbling in ink and scrolls, blades and shuriken. At first, she used rubber projectiles because she refused to the possibility of even mistakenly skewering Neji through. And she was right, because the kaiten initially came out quite unevenly.
It was at times like this that bit by bit, through an odd question here and there, that his life story in greater detail spilled out. The curse seal he had revealed to the whole team, but she learned more about when he was given it, the death of his father, and Main/Branch House politics. She heard the anger, and the bitterness. She saw his determination when she found him at the training grounds before her, sneaking in an extra solo training session, or when he stayed up late to pore over Hyuuga scrolls. Back then, all he saw was the Main House and its injustices. She grew to learn how to pick up when he was annoyed or irritated, but also when he was amused or calm. And he changed. Bit by bit. They became dependent on each other in a strange unspeakable way. He trusted her, she realized, more than anyone else she saw him interacting with.
.
On the morning of Neji’s match with Naruto, Tenten had woken up with a shiver of excitement in her veins. She slipped into the outfit she had carefully lain out the night before, which included a dark green shirt with gold frog buttons. She twisted her hair into their customary buns and then in a whimsical afterthought, pressed some lipstick against her lips. It was a special day, after all.
The morning was still waking as she followed the sun towards their usual training spot. She arrived early, and warmed up by moving through a series of kicks, punches and simple weapon throws. When Neji arrived, his eyebrows lifted ever so slightly in surprise, and for some reason it made the early start all the more worth it.
This was it. This was the morning that Neji would show the Hyuuga clan his true strength by revealing the kaiten in its full glory. There was no question in Tenten’s mind about whether Neji would win or lose against Naruto because after all, although the boy must have done something right to win against Kiba, this was “dead last” Naruto. It was simply unimaginable that the genin could even hope of wounding Neji.
The day had seemed so perfect. Although they walked together to the stadium, they split at its entrance. Her mood sobered as they both caught sight of Hiashi and Hanabi entering the building ahead of them. Neji’s eyes darkened. Although Tenten said, “Do your best”, by the way Neji hned in response Tenten saw she had lost him.
In the end, the day could not have been more unpredictable. Fitting, given that Naruto liked to call himself the village’s number one unpredictable ninja.
It was Naruto’s outburst of upset words that disrupted Tenten’s chirpy mood, and Neji’s battle tactics. During the match, Neji began to speak in public, a great many of the different shreds of memories he had mentioned to her in private. His anger grew, dark and cold, pushing and needling Naruto’s own anger and frustration.
As they traded blows, Tenten realised that there was something in the raw and authentic way Naruto spoke, that was breaking down the wall Neji had put up for so many years. She could see it in his rage, and she felt lost, no longer sure of who she wanted to win. When Naruto delivered Neji the finishing blow, Tenten felt unsteady. It was like the ground had been removed from beneath her feet. And the ground, literally, had been removed from Neji’s feet, as he flew upwards in surprise and landed flat on his back, his body utterly worn down.
The arena breathed a sigh of relief. Tenten looked down, and wasn’t sure if it was appropriate to laugh or cry. It all kind of made sense in a roundabout way – the genius had been defeated by the dead last guy in the class, and there was a ghost of a smile on the loser’s lips.
.
Tenten for a long time, had felt it coming. It was this thought, hard to pronounce, even inside her own mind, maybe, because she was incapable or simply resistant to admitting it. As she had watched Lee and Neji grow and develop over the past couple of years, an odd sensation had developed in her heart, one of being left behind, like the smallest bird in a flock trailing behind the others. She only half dared to voice this sentiment aloud with the boys, and more often than not it came out in the reverse. She would still joke about “competing with Sakura for Tsunade-sama’s attention”, as if, well, she could actually compete with Sakura.
She knew she had been growing as well, she was level headed enough to admit that. Yet, there was something almost bittersweet of watching Neji become Jounin. She was both so happy to see him start actual training sessions with Hiashi, and then a little forlorn, although it did not make much sense to her.
He had perfected the Kaiten. What more need did he have of her skills, except for a brush up every now and again? Tenten realised that she had ended up being Neji's training partner, his sole partner, because back then there just had not been anyone else to fill the role. And, as fate – yes, she would use that word - would have it, there was her. She, who just happened to make throwing weapons her thing, and he who was trying to learn how to perform Kaiten, something that was meant to be impenetrable against projectiles.
And this soliloquy did not come as altogether at once to her, but rather initially, in bits and pieces, in between throws of kunais at targets and acrobatic flips, and sparring with Lee and Neji, in between doing her shopping, brushing her teeth, waking and sleeping. It was only one morning, as she was sipping a cup of tea, staring at a faded poster of Tsunade-sama, that she put it all together. She looked down at the tea leaves collecting at the bottom of her mug, a crescent shape sitting away from the handle. She sighed.
It almost irritated her when Neji still insisted on training together. It happened again after the end of a mission debriefing, as they left the Administration Building and were walking home for the day.
“So I’ll see you on Saturday morning, usual spot.” It wasn’t so much as a question as a throw away remark, really, just making sure she didn’t have something on he didn’t know about. She very well could have just kept walking, and nodded, and that would have been that.
But today was not the day for that.
Instead she said, "Neji. I know you are busy.” Truth to be told, so was she… “Well, I’m busy too. But you are busier, with a lot of important things.” How to say it? “I appreciate it, but you don’t need to be such a gentleman about this. If you have other things to do, that’s okay, you know?”
Neji paused, and although he didn’t look at her, Tenten could tell by the sudden freezing of his frame that he was surprised. Although Tenten had paused in her step as well, she did not let it last for long, and by doing so, compelled Neji to keep walking as well.
She could see he did not understand. “We’re both busy, and we’ve always been busy.”
What do you mean, really?
Tenten bit her lip and looked away. She could no longer speak to their hidden language. How could she explain any further - what, that the real reason she was irritated was because she very much wanted him around, but felt like she had no more to offer him but herself? That he was going places she wasn’t sure she could follow him into? And that she needed to grow, become her own person? That –
Tenten blew out her bangs, and reached within herself for other reasons.
“Well, you’ve been trying to train a lot more with Hinata-chan recently right? That makes sense. I know people in your Clan are starting to look to you. You and Hinata-sama ought to work together. You should be learning things with her. Get some variety, right?”
“You seem to always bring in a new weapon I’ve never seen before. I don’t mind that variety.”
Heavens. Of all the times to joke. Neji could be odd like that.
“You know what I mean. You’ve mastered your Kaiten – I don’t think me chucking any more weapons at you will really help you. You need Hinata as a sparring partner, not me.” She exhaled, satisfied and relieved that she managed to reach some sort of conclusion.
“And yourself?”
“Well, it’s about time I brushed up on a bit more of my taijutsu techniques, or at least try my projectile techniques more against Lee. We’re both still Chuunin. I think it’ll be good for me too.”
His gaze, so neutral, was still scrutinizing her. She wondered what he saw, if he saw anything at all. She was genuine about what she said, even if she was not saying everything she meant. It was an odd feeling though, not just being, with Neji. But then she figured, maybe sometimes you had to hold back, even with people you cared about.
Finally, Neji shrugged. "You bring up good points. All right then. That suits me as well."
All too fast, Tenten wanted to take back her words, question him, unveil the tangled situation she perceived arising before them, but then she was confronted by the fear that arose when she thought too much about the significance of what might be happening, so - she didn’t.
“It’s not like we’ll never train together again,” she pointed out, pushing cheer into her voice, “We’re just branching out, for now.”
“Mhm,” he said.
Tenten could not tell whether any of this was registering with him because sometimes, even with Neji, well, you never quite knew.
And for some reason, when they parted ways and she reached her front doorstep, she felt strangely empty. It was only after her shower, and she was wrapping her hair up in a towel to dry it, that she reflected on his face, so neutral, and was sure, that something in her hurt. She didn’t dwell on it for long though. Even at the age of fifteen, Tenten had learned how to be pragmatic. If you kept moving, kept busy enough, you could forget about pain.
But there were still moments where she was, embarrassed to say, caught by cliché feelings of romance, and realised her twelve year feelings had never quite, dissipated with the passing of time. There were still times when she and Neji went out by themselves on missions. She would see a couple in passing on the street, holding hands and she and Neji would be there too, walking so closely together. A twinge of wistfulness would interrupt her peace. But Tenten was a practical girl. She breathed out, plucked her kunai out and spun it around in her hands. She kept on walking. Neji would have been none the wiser.
Whether it was through any sort of deliberation or not, they did end up drifting, she supposed. How could they not? They became caught up in different circles, as Neji found himself more and more entwined with Hyuuga Clan politics, and Tenten found herself training with the other kunoichi, and increasingly getting involved with the weapons supply departments in Konoha. Nevertheless, it didn’t seem to hinder their teamwork, like the time when Naruto first came back on his journey. They, and Lee included, fell back together like three jugs of water being poured back into the same basin. But this was increasingly disrupted by the growing unrest in the Shinobi World.
They were put in different teams in the War, and hardly saw each other. Everything was turned on its head, with Jinchūriki running amok, Uchiha Madara threatening to upend everything they knew and the Hidden Villages coming together in an uneasy alliance. Life became relentless, all-consuming to the point where all thoughts but keeping the world intact vanished, right up to that battle where Neji crossed paths with Naruto and the Ten-Tails.
That battle.
When Tenten heard the news, she had no words. No thoughts. Except one: she realized she had not spoken to him in a month.