Work Text:
He glances at his reflection in the mirror. His suit is crisp, the bow tie in an impossibly perfect knot. Today is an extremely important day, and he would never miss it for the world. His chest starts to beat faster as he approaches the steps of the church, hands pushing the doors open. His friends, Wooyoung, Yeosang, San, Mingi and Jongho have all gathered for this day, all wearing matching suits. They patted his shoulder and pulled him in for a hug. Yunho smiled.
“Where is he?”
“Yunho!” He hears Hongjoong yell from a room at the back and does a double-take. He’s dressed from head to toe in white, donning an elegant lace cape with a white lacy jumpsuit, draping sleeves by his side as he holds a bouquet of flowers. Baby blue- the colour Yunho had specifically chosen.
There is a crown on his head, and Hongjoong has never looked any more ethereal than this moment. He pulls him into a tight embrace, inhaling Hongjoong’s fresh scent.
It’s the same perfume he wore on that night.
It had not been the best day, that Saturday. He recalls. He wasn’t even sure he would ask with how much he was shaking. Yunho had been so on edge since that morning, and the fact that Hongjoong had moved in with him then didn’t help. Hongjoong had asked, concerned, why he had been so jittery, and Yunho snapped. He didn’t mean to, and definitely not to Hongjoong as he jutted out his bottom lip and his eyes glossed over. Yunho had quickly pulled him into a hug, apologising countlessly.
“I’m sorry, hyung. I’m just stressed out.” He mumbles as he wipes away Hongjoong’s tears. Hongjoong responds with a small smile that tugs at the strings of Yunho’s heart, and his face immediately brightens up.
That night, as they move amongst the crowd of San’s club, Yunho panics- worried Hongjoong will notice his feelings at the moment, how sweaty his palms are, and how matted his bangs stick to his forehead.
Even worse, what if Hongjoong says no? Yunho shudders at the idea of the gap between them widening, holding his breath as he witnesses Hongjoong laughing with the rest of their friends.
Then he bites his lips and decides that now. Now is exactly the time, as he wills himself through the crowd and grips Hongjoong’s wrist and leads him into the private area, where the VIPs San occasionally gets usually go to distance themselves from the ‘commoners’.
“Yunho?” He hears Hongjoong’s voice break the unbearable silence. He leans back on the wall, hands shaking as he silently reaches into his pocket.
“Hongjoong.”
His heart drops.
“Seonghwa,” he hears Hongjoong reciprocate.
He feels the light brush of Seonghwa’s fingers on his shoulder as he kneels and fits a ring around Hongjoong’s finger, who immediately pulls him into a kiss.
Yunho stands there, unflinching, and watches.
Yunho wants to scream, to tell Hongjoong to please not take his hands, because he should be with Yunho, and Yunho just wants to beg for the older to look at him and realise he’s been waiting all this time.
But Yunho walks away after congratulating them and sits in his car, with the rain falling outside as ‘Haru Haru’ plays. And he cries, because it’s all he’s capable of doing at this point.
Some say it’s not over until it’s truly over, but he guesses it’s really over now.
It dawned on him, that even after moving in with him to get space with Seonghwa, Hongjoong had never understood his feelings. At that moment, Yunho wished he could despise the man, that he could curse Hongjoong.
But he loves him.
His phone rings and Yunho picks it up without checking the caller ID.
“Yunho? Where did you go? We’re all getting free drinks.”
It’s Hongjoong, and Yunho feels a stone lodge itself in his throat.
By now his eyes have dried as aftermath, and he tries to speak.
The loneliness that engulfs him stalls the words, and he simply ends the call, driving back to his apartment.
For the next week, Hongjoong returned every day with a beaming Seonghwa to move his things out. Yunho had left each time, avoiding Hongjoong like he was poison.
Every night, he sat in the room they had shared, staring across at the empty single bed Hongjoong once occupied, and let his thoughts drift, pen gripped tightly as he wrote another diary entry.
Somehow he felt as if he already knew the results of that night. Call it a sense of deja vu. He felt as if Seonghwa was going to appear. He knew, deep down, the world wasn’t going to let Yunho win.
His eyes flutter shut at 7 in the morning as he dreams an endless dream, praying that Hongjoong would leave Seonghwa’s side and return to him.
He doesn’t.
Yeosang’s tap on his shoulder pulls him into present time, and he watches with slightly red eyes as Hongjoong makes his way down the aisle. Once the music ends, he’ll be with Seonghwa forever.
He watches as they exchange vows. Yes, Hongjoong looks stunning.
He’s a sight to behold.
In all white, Hongjoong is an angel.
But it’s not Yunho by his side, and the wedding dress isn’t for him.
He should have known he’d been living lies, convincing himself Hongjoong loved him back. He holds back the sob that threatens to escape as Hongjoong puts in the effort to find his eyes in the crowd and smiles at him, raising the bouquet slightly.
As the rest of the group stay for the after-party, Yunho makes his way to the memoir book and writes, with a shaky breath.
By all means, be happy with him
So I can move on
Please erase me out of your heart
Although I tried my best but no
Goodbye, Hongjoong
My soulmate
- Jeong Yunho
He pulls out the diamond ring from his pocket and turns to look at Hongjoong one last time.
The fall of the ring, and the sound of the metal hitting the marble floor of the Church can’t compare to the fall he’s taken, he thinks, as he drives off towards the airport where his flight to anywhere but here waits.