Chapter Text
“okay sir, and what’s your name?”
“cyrus goodman. i’m auditioning for the part of andrew wheeler.” the boy spoke proudly.
cyrus was incredibly nervous. for a musical audition, he’s never sang in front of anyone other than his family.
“do you need a copy of the song lyrics or—“
“no, i remember. i’ve seen the movie before so, i’ve practiced the song multiple times.” cyrus informs.
ever since the biopic came out last year, cyrus had been obsessed with numerous songs from the movie, and he’s already bought the playlist all of the songs from the full movie.
“okay mr. goodman, we’re ready when you are.” the woman in front of him motioned for him to continue.
“okay, here it goes.” cyrus took a deep breath.
the piano starts playing and the lyrics started to pour out his mouth. his voice was very quiet and soft, just like how the song started out.
i’m trying to hold my breath,
let it stay this way,
can’t let this moment end,
cyrus focused his eyes on the ground at first, not really wanting to make any eye contact with the lady. the scribbling of her pen was already making the boy nervous during the beginning of the song.
cyrus tried to focus his mind on anything but that sound. he was auditioning for a play that he’s been looking forward to all year, and he wasn’t going to let his anxiety ruin that for him.
you set off a dream in me,
getting louder now,
can you hear it echoing,
that’s when he finally decided to look directly at the director of the whole play. the woman smiled back at him, which gave the boy some sort of relief.
he’s also been twiddling his thumbs the whole time, just a common nervous habit of his.
take my hand,
will you share this with me,
‘cause darling without you,
suddenly a huge burst of confidence shot up through cyrus. when it came to singing, the boy felt at ease, less stressed out, and it was something apart of him that he knew he wanted to do for the rest of his life.
all the shine of a thousand spotlights,
all the stars we steal from the nightsky,
will never be enough,
never be enough,
the volume in his voice picked up. he was getting even closer to the higher notes of the song and he needed to prepare his voice to be loud enough to hit them.
towers of gold are still too little,
these hands could hold the world but it’ll,
never be enough,
never be enough,
cyrus then took a deep breath for his last few words. over the years, his voice has grown incredibly deep, but surprisingly he hits the note effortlessly.
for me.
the piano stops, and the sounds of a scribbling pen were heard again. the boy stood very proper and in an actor neutral stance, and went back to twiddling his thumbs.
“thank you sir for coming, we will get back with you soon.” the woman quickly smiled and looked back down at her paper.
the boy nodded and walked out with confidence. he wasn’t sure if he’d get the part, but he felt that he had a good enough impression.
“cyrus, hey! how did it go?”
“i’m not sure buffy, i mean, it’s not like i have a big chance.” cyrus shrugs.
buffy placed both her hands on his shoulders and squeezes them, “come on cyrus, i bet you’ll make the part. you’ve been talking about this play ever since last year.”
“i mean, what if i get the part? who’s gonna play phillip? did they already cast someone to play him? what if they—“
“let’s not be thinking about that. cyrus, you’re already overwhelming yourself with thinking about who’s gonna play your love interest!” buffy exclaims, “just don’t worry about it until you know if you got the part or not. focus your mind on other things.”
cyrus sighs, “fine, let’s go and meet andi at the spoon. she wants us to meet her new beau.”
“oh really?” his friend smirks, “i wonder what guy she’s hit on next?”
“remember walker? they were on and off again.” cyrus chuckles at the memory.
“hey, i dated him too! do you also remember jona—“ buffy pauses, remembering cyrus not wanting to ever hear his name again.
“sorry, i shouldn’t of mentioned hi—“
“it’s okay,” cyrus reassures her, “you can say his name. it doesn’t bother me anymore.”
“okay,” buffy nods, “speaking of jonah, have you seen him around lately?”
“sometimes in the halls, but i ignore him every time he tries to talk to me.”
“cyrus!”
“what?”
“i thought you said he was ignoring you?” buffy crosses her arms.
“about that,” cyrus continues, “i kinda started avoiding him after he got back together with andi that last time, before they finally broke up.”
“so this whole time, you’ve just been avoiding him? he probably wanted to tell you something, or even ask why you were ignoring him in the first place?”
“maybe, but i don’t wanna talk to him, or even take that chance for the matter of fact. i just can’t be around him anymore knowing that i could never have him the way i wanted to.” the boy shrugs at the memory.
he would always watch jonah and pick up on little things that he did. like the way he would play with his fingers when he would be nervous, how he would lick his lips a lot since they’re almost always dry, and he’s also noticed a big difference between the way he smiled, and only he could tell which was and wasn’t genuine.
“you don’t know about that. you never asked if he felt the same way, and heck, he probably doesn’t even know you like him.”
“liked him,” cyrus corrects her, “i don’t have feelings for him anymore.”
“sure you don’t.” buffy rolls her eyes. “what does that mean?”
“it means, i know you’re lying cyrus. it’s okay if you’re still not over him—“
“buffy, i can promise you that i am. i just couldn’t be around him anymore knowing that he’d never feel the same way about me, so i just detached myself from him, and it was for the best.” cyrus explains.
“but you’re miserable cyrus,” buffy says, “i know you still think about him. and hey, it’s only senior year and you have plenty of time to try to talk to him again—“
“no buffy, you don’t get it. i’ve ignored him for way too long for him to want to ever talk to me again.” cyrus looks down, feeling completely guilty of everything that’s happened between them.
“no, no. he still waves at you in the halls, he obviously wants your attention. please just try for me? i’m tired of seeing you being so miserable and sad all the time. i want you to be happy, okay?” buffy smiles at him.
“i just—he just—i don’t wanna talk about this anymore.” cyrus concludes.
“that’s okay. just think about it though, please?” buffy pleads.
“fine, i will.”
“yay!” buffy smiles happily and puts her arm around his shoulder, “now let’s go get some taters.”
“andi, hey!” buffy and cyrus walked into the spoon.
they both sat down, and immediately their facial expressions changed once they made eye contact with the person in front of them.
“guys, i want you to meet someone—or, to remeet someone...” andi twiddles with her thumbs.
“oh my god, it’s—“
“amber, hi.” cyrus smiles at her.
“hey.” the girl says shyly.
“so you’re dating amber.” buffy realizes.
“well kinda,” amber jumps in before andi could say a word, “i’m not out to my parents yet, so it’s a private thing. i’ve always liked andi, i guess that i just had a hard way of telling her that because of, well you know, when i’d sometimes be mean.”
andi places her hand on her shoulder, and smiles gently, “and we’re over that now. i’m with you and you’re with me, so i wanna start over.”
“so what the hell are you then. gay, or bi—“
“buffy, it’s not even our place to ask! give her time to figure out how she—“
“cyrus it’s fine!” andi jumps in, “i know what i am, and who i am. it’s pansexual, and it’s new.” andi smiles.
“pansexual? okay, what’s that?” buffy asks.
“it’s basically that you like people regardless of their gender.” cyrus explains.
“like the opposite of bi?”
“no, it’s different. see, with people who are pan they have many options, and different standards.”
“i just like people for who they are, and that’s why i like amber, a lot.” andi looks at her girlfriend.
“okay but i still don’t get it. how did you know? when did you discover this? did you like amber when she was with jonah? when did you start liking her in the first place? is this—“
“enough with the questions, buffy! some of those questions i don’t even know the answers to.” andi shrugs, “but, is this okay with you guys?”
“what do you mean ‘is this okay with us’? andi, i’m literally gay. i love my queer peeps, welcome to the community.” cyrus proudly states.
andi snorts happily from her friend’s comment, then she turns to the girl sitting across from her, “buffy?”
buffy looks at her, “of course i accept you. you are no different.” buffy reaches out for her hands, which andi gladly takes.
cyrus smiles happily, it was the same way buffy showed acceptance to him when he came out to her, which was ironically in the same place, and the same booth.
“and you,” buffy looks at amber, “treat her right, you got a great girlfriend here.”
“of course, i’m glad to have her.” amber kisses the other girl’s cheek.
“now what do you say, baby taters on me?” cyrus smirks.
“we already payed for them! we can just share some.” andi informs him.
“you know how i am about sharing things, heck, i might even have the whole thing of taters and not even share a thing.” cyrus smirks.
everyone giggles, “but anyways, cyrus finished his audition today!” buffy smiles towards her friend.
“wait really! how did it go?” andi asks eagerly, she knows how much cyrus has looked forward to doing this play.
“it was good, i guess.” cyrus says nonchalantly.
everyone started to look at each other. there is no way in hell cyrus would be this cool about something he’s incredibly passionate about.
“excuse me? but if i were you right now i’d be freaking the fuck out!” buffy’s obvious confusion shows in her voice.
“no guys, really! it’s no bd. it doesn’t matter if i get it or not,” cyrus only says this to get himself to believe it.
“you’ve been talking about this since you saw the school do the newsies last year! you went absolutely nuts when they announced the play they were going to do for this year,” andi tries to pep him up. she understands why he would be so down on himself about this.
cyrus sighs, “okay you’ve caught me. i’m scared. i’m scared that i’m going to get rejected like i always do. i’m scared that if i even get in, i’ll fuck it up somehow,” he couldn’t stand it if he were to be the reason the show would do terribly. he’s still scarred from what happened to him freshman year, “this is just the one thing i’ve been passionate about since—you know what, and—“
“you know what?” amber joins the conversation, “what do you mean by you know what?”
“uh, well, what happened actually—“
“he um,” buffy came to his defense, “...injured his hand!”
“foot!”
everyone then turned to andi. the girl exhaled an uncomfortable giggle, she just assumed that, that’s what buffy was about to say. amber just chuckled and shook her head.
“hey, it’s okay. you don’t need to tell me anything, i know i’m still fairly new with all of—this,” amber gestures out towards the group of friends, “i just, don’t want you guys to think of me as, as the mean girl, anymore.”
“i totally get it. you’re not the mean girl, there’s just so much that’s happened that i don’t feel ready to get into again,” cyrus explains.
amber sighs out of relief, “i have a feeling that i know what you’re implying,” she smirks.
both andi and buffy look at her, amused, “what does she know?” cyrus looks at the girls, both shaking their heads in confusion.
“you like jonah. you haven’t talked to him and the thought of him not seeing you the way you saw him broke your heart. and you’ve been avoiding him ever since.” amber says as if it’s like an obvious observation.
now everyone’s looking at amber.
“okay here’s the thing. cyrus, you didn’t make your crush on jonah, what’s the word, unnoticeable,” amber looks directly at him, “when i was with jonah, i saw the way you looked at him. heck, even iris knew,”
“wait, she did?” now cyrus starts to question what everyone thinks about him. is that why jonah stopped—no. he doesn’t even wanna think about it.
“it doesn’t matter. he never liked me back and he never will. i can live with that now,”
“sure you can,” buffy says sarcastically, “cyrus, i know you. and i know how you feel about him. there’s no way you’re completely over him—“
“but i am! do you all just see me as the boy who’s smitten for a straight guy? is that really who i am to you guys?” the volume in his voice starts to pick up.
“no that’s not what i meant—“
“no, it is. that’s all you guys see me for. just for loving jonah—no, liking jonah. i have to go, excuse me,”
cyrus gets up from his seat in the booth and walks out the diner. he wasn’t crying, but he can feel the aching feeling in his chest like he was about to.
cyrus gets home, and quickly goes upstairs to his room. he jumps into his bed and lays flat on his back. he looks up to the ceiling trying to distract himself from crying all over himself.
his phone starts blowing up with texts from his friends. he knew that they didn’t feel that way about him, it’s the fact that they seemed to already know something that was so personal to him, a secret that he had a hard time telling everyone about, even jonah.
he can’t speak to his friends right now, he just can’t. so he mutes his phone and begins to play music from it.
now playing
the greatest show
the cast of the greatest showman