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“beomgyu,” soobin whines, and beomgyu already knows what it is that soobin wants. beomgyu sets the book he was reading aside and opens his arms wide, and just like that, soobin cuddles up to him; just like that, soobin melts into him. snuggling close, burying his face in the crook of beomgyu’s neck, the familiar smell of lavender washing over him… to soobin, beomgyu feels like home.
“how was your day today?” beomgyu hums, drawing circles on soobin’s back. “you feeling okay?”
“mm,” soobin affirms. “just tired.”
“alright,” beomgyu whispers. his free hand instinctively reaches up to brush aside soobin’s hair, in an attempt to fix it, but once he touches soobin’s hair, he can’t stop. this is nothing new to them; this is normal—but that doesn’t stop the blood from rushing into beomgyu’s cheeks, filling it with color that he wants to hide.
they stay like that for a while—beomgyu playing with soobin’s hair, and soobin nuzzling his face against beomgyu’s neck; with the soft sound of the tv filling up the space around them. soobin catches himself almost dozing off a few times, and beomgyu catches it too, but neither of them want to get up. neither of them want to leave the safety and comfort of being in each other’s arms, so they stay just like that, just until they have no choice but to get up.
it’s funny, beomgyu thinks. how he and soobin do this all the time, any time soobin needs it, ever since they were in middle school. since then, it became their thing: whenever soobin is tired or upset, he cuddles up to beomgyu to relax, and beomgyu lets him, because soobin is his best friend and he would do anything to make his best friend feel better. they’re in college now, and they still do this the way they always have… but something has changed.
their cuddle sessions have always been platonic—and beomgyu is aware of that—but over the past few months, something’s changed. whenever soobin snuggles up to him, beomgyu can feel his cheeks turning pink, his heartbeat getting faster, his stomach filling with butterflies… and he’s terrified of it.
soobin has been his best friend throughout his entire life, and nothing more. beomgyu never thought that soobin would ever be anything more than just his best friend, never even considered that anything could ever happen between them. they’re best friends, and that’s all they want to be… right?
if beomgyu were being honest, he doesn’t really know what he wants.
he doesn’t know if he wants something more with soobin, or if he wants to wait until these weird feelings go away—he doesn’t even know if these feelings can go away at all; he doesn’t even know if he wants them to go away. the only thing he knew he wanted was for soobin to stay by his side, the way he always has.
“c’mon,” beomgyu calls softly, patting soobin’s back gently as a way of letting him know that they should probably get up now. “let’s go get dinner.”
soobin gets up without any protest and helps beomgyu up right after. this was also normal, but something somehow made beomgyu lose his balance a bit. he crashes into soobin, just slightly, and of course soobin catches him, and this makes beomgyu’s stomach fill with butterflies he never knew existed. suddenly he’s extremely aware of soobin’s hands on his sides, keeping him stable and safe, and he wonders if it’s normal for someone to blush as frequently as he does since he realized he had feelings for soobin.
“thanks,” beomgyu says a little breathlessly, silently praying soobin doesn’t point out his flushed cheeks (soobin never does, but beomgyu worries that one day he might). soobin flashes that brilliant, dazzling, warm, enchanting smile at him, and it’s like beomgyu just got the wind knocked out of him.
he wonders how someone could be so gorgeous in so many ways, and he wonders if soobin is aware of just how beautiful he is.
—
“beomgyu. can you come meet me outside? ”
beomgyu has no idea what soobin could possibly want at 11pm on a tuesday night, but he throws on a thick hoodie over his t-shirt and his favorite pair of plaid pants before heading out.
a million different thoughts run through beomgyu’s mind in the elevator ride down, each of them racing at over a mile a minute. he can’t think of a single reason why soobin would ask to meet him so suddenly like this—whenever he wants to get something or drop something off he usually comes up to beomgyu’s apartment on his own.
this is so unlike him, beomgyu thinks, as the elevator doors open. still, we haven’t been able to hang out so much this week since we’re both so busy with assignments. maybe he just wants to catch up for a bit before he gets back to work. maybe that’s it.
beomgyu isn’t sure if his feeble attempt at silencing his own thoughts actually worked, but as soon as he makes it out of the building, he spots soobin’s hoodie-clad figure staring at the ground, and suddenly nothing else matters.
“hey!” beomgyu greets as he jogs up to his best friend. “what’s up?”
soobin looks up from the pavement to beomgyu, and as soon as they meet eyes, soobin’s face lights up brighter than the night sky. it makes beomgyu’s face light up too, knowing soobin is so visibly happy to see him, and it makes his heart hurt at the same time.
if this is how soobin looks at him, beomgyu wonders how he would look at the person he loves.
beomgyu tries to ignoring the ache in his chest when soobin pulls him into a hug, and he tries to shush away the voice in his head telling him that he’ll definitely know how soobin looks at the person he loves. not because it’s him—but because they’re best friends, and when soobin finally falls in love with someone, beomgyu will be there to see it. the voice in his head is fueling the ache in his chest, and he hates it.
before beomgyu can go into a full-on war against his own head and heart, the sound of soobin’s deep sigh snaps him back to reality.
“you okay?” beomgyu asks, lightly rubbing soobin’s back in an attempt to comfort him, still engulfed in his embrace.
another sigh fills the air as soobin finally lets go of beomgyu. “today was hell,” soobin murmurs, and anyone could tell that he’s tired from those three words alone—but only beomgyu knew exactly how tired.
“do you wanna come up and talk about it?” beomgyu offers. “we can order some chicken or tteokbokki or both, if you want.”
“no, it’s fine,” soobin answers. “you have a quiz to study for, right? i don’t wanna take up your studying time just to rant about silly things...”
“hey,” beomgyu starts, only now understanding why soobin didn’t just come up to his apartment in the first place. soobin was being thoughtful, like he usually is, but beomgyu thinks it’s outrageous for him to believe that he would be ‘taking up’ any of his time. “i wasn’t going to study anymore tonight anyway, and whatever it is you want to talk about isn’t silly, okay? you know i’ll always be here to listen—and even if you’re worried that i don’t have the time, i’ll make time, for you.”
when soobin’s cheeks fill with color, beomgyu thinks he’s hallucinating. it’s probably just the cold, he tells himself, barely even able to focus on his thoughts. the pink cheeks paired with his crescent-eyed smile makes soobin look extra adorable, and beomgyu is resisting the urge to cup the older boy’s face in his hands and shower him with kisses.
“thank you, beomgyu,” soobin says softly. “i don’t know what i’d do without you.”
“so is that a yes to a late-night hangout?”
soobin nods eagerly, so beomgyu slings an arm over soobin’s shoulder (with a bit of a struggle considering how much taller soobin is) and they make their way to beomgyu’s apartment, chatting about the little cat soobin met on his way over and how it reminded him of beomgyu.
an hour later, the two of them are sitting on the floor, food laid out on the coffee table—both chicken and tteokbokki, like beomgyu suggested, with kimi no na wa streaming on beomgyu’s laptop.
“why do you like this movie so much?” soobin asks a beomgyu whose mouth is full of honey-glazed chicken. the sudden question alarms beomgyu, and soobin can’t help but laugh at the look on his face. “you look ridiculous,” he says between his soft chuckles, a hand reaching out to ruffle beomgyu’s hair.
“thanks,” beomgyu scoffs, rolling his eyes and ignoring how fast his heart is beating from the hair-ruffling. “i like this movie because it’s pretty. both visually and story-wise.”
“you never get tired of it?”
“nope,” beomgyu replies, shaking his head confidently, simultaneously answering the question and trying to fix his hair. a small part of his bangs still sticks out where he can see it, frustrating him, and his fingers are coated in the honey glaze, so he can only toss his head over and over trying to fix it—which he does, to no avail.
“here, let me help.”
soobin moves in a little closer and the same hand that messed up beomgyu’s hair reaches out to fix it. even though it’s the same hand, the touch is different. the first time around it was a joking touch, no thought put into it, and yet it made beomgyu’s heart race. this time, it’s lighter, more gentle and delicate, and this makes beomgyu’s speeding heart skip a beat.
“thanks,” beomgyu says quietly, and soobin’s hum in response is equally as quiet, almost absent-minded in nature.
when beomgyu gathers the courage to look up at soobin, he regrets that he did.
he didn’t realize how close they had been sitting with each other, or how close soobin had gotten when he scooted over to fix his hair, and he certainly didn’t realize how mesmerizing soobin was from this distance, or how kissable soobin’s lips looked—or how badly he wanted to kiss them.
before he does something he’ll regret, beomgyu quickly turns his attention back to the food.
“we should finish this and then clean up,” he says brightly. soobin nods along in agreement as he shoves one of the last few rice cakes into his mouth, and beomgyu breathes out a small sigh of relief. they finish the rest of their food quickly, in silence, except for the sound of kimi no na wa playing.
in the kitchen, beomgyu does nothing but sit at the dining table, and stare at soobin’s back as he cleans up.
“are you sure you don’t need me to help?"
“it’s fine,” soobin reassures. “besides, you ordered the food this time, so it’s my turn to clean up.”
soobin’s reasoning makes sense when he puts it like that. the problem is that he’s not just cleaning up after their late-night meal; he’s cleaning up the entire kitchen.
“you don’t have to bother with all that, honestly—i was going to take out the trash tomorrow,” beomgyu calls out, feelings of guilt and burden seeping their way into his mind.
“beomgyu.” soobin turns to face him. “i told you, it’s fine. i know how busy you’ve been these past couple of weeks. let me help.”
so beomgyu lets him, although he can’t shake the feeling of being a bother.
“why do you do this?” beomgyu asks in an attempt to distract himself from his thoughts.
“why do i do what?”
“this,” beomgyu says, instinctively gesturing around him even though he knows soobin can’t see. “why do you always insist on doing things for me that i can do myself?”
“because,” soobin answers. “i want to take care of you when i can.”
beomgyu never thought that he could love someone as much as he loves soobin, and he certainly never thought that the love he had for soobin could grow the way it just did. he felt his heart swell with love, felt the love overflowing and filling up every inch of him. he felt warm; he felt loved, and even though it’s probably not the same kind of love that he feels for soobin, he’s never felt more undeserving. soobin is everything good, kind, lovely, wonderful… everything beomgyu wants but doesn’t think he deserves.
beomgyu never thought he could feel so much affection just looking at someone’s back, but because it’s soobin, it comes naturally.
compelled with the amount of love he feels, beomgyu makes his way over to soobin and wraps his arms around his waist. beomgyu is far too familiar with soobin’s perfume: sunshine, it’s called, and it smells like a cotton t-shirt left out in the sun, with a hint of vanilla and flowers. the smell of the perfume surrounds beomgyu, and it feels like a warm blanket around him, cozy and comfortable. it smells and feels like home—soobin feels like home.
they stay like that, just for a few moments, until soobin is done cleaning up. at this point, beomgyu lets go of soobin (even though he really doesn’t want to). he’s already missing the warmth of hugging soobin when suddenly, soobin turns around and pulls beomgyu into his embrace.
the way soobin hugs beomgyu is the same as it always is—arms wrapped tightly around the younger boy, completely engulfing him in the hug, with his head sinking down, resting on beomgyu’s shoulder like he’s trying to be as small as beomgyu is. soobin’s hug consumes beomgyu, the way it always does, and beomgyu wonders if there’s anything in the world that feels better than this.
“hey beomgyu?” soobin says softly.
“mm?”
“i love you,” soobin says.
“i know,” beomgyu answers teasingly, even though he can feel his heart going wild.
“no, i mean—” soobin sighs. “i like you.”
when soobin and beomgyu let go of each other, soobin’s cheeks are flushed and he’s looking down at his feet instead of at beomgyu.
“soobin,” beomgyu starts, a little scared of what’s coming. “what do you mean?”
“i like you, beomgyu,” soobin answers quietly. “i like you a lot—as a friend, yeah, but as more than one too.”
words can’t seem to find their way out from beomgyu's mind through his mouth, and soobin, head down and afraid of an awkward silence, decides to nervously keep going.
“i know we’ve been friends since forever and i know i’m probably messing things up right now but—i really like you. life is always so much easier because i have you. i could be having the worst day of my life ever and somehow you’d know, and you’d text or call me asking to hang out and suddenly it’s not the worst day ever anymore because i got to spend time with you—and i just—i’ve been trying to hide my feelings to make them go away for a while now because i don’t want to even risk losing you but i can’t anymore. i like you, and you don’t have to like me back or anything. i don’t expect that—i just wanted to tell you.”
“soobin,” beomgyu calls softly, cupping the older boy’s face in his hands, tilting it up to make sure he looks at him. “i like you too.”
“really?” soobin asks, eyes glimmering, with tears and with hope, while beomgyu’s are filled with love, the way they always are when they look at soobin. “you really like me too?”
“yeah, a lot,” beomgyu answers, chucking softly at how adorable soobin is. “so much. to the point where it feels like my heart could burst from how much i like you.”
“you’re sick,” soobin smirks. “stop making me like you so much.”
“shut up,” beomgyu laughs, and soobin kisses him. soobin kisses him, and beomgyu has never kissed anyone before so this is all so very new to him, very exciting and heart-fluttering to him. the feeling of soft lips against his, the pleasant surprise of how even their lips fit perfectly with each other, the sudden awareness of how warm soobin is, and the realization that kissing is something beomgyu would love to do more of, but only if it’s with soobin—beomgyu could do this all day and he’d never get tired of it.
but beomgyu pulls away first, out of breath and overwhelmed with how happy he is that soobin, his best friends who he loves beyond belief, in every sense of the word, loves him back the same way.
foreheads pressed together, with beomgyu’s hands still cupping soobin’s face, soobin gives that wonderful smile again—the one that beomgyu loves the most, where soobin’s entire face lights up so brightly and his eyes form little crescents that beomgyu finds absolutely adorable. soobin’s cheeks are tinted pink again, and beomgyu recalls how badly he wanted to shower soobin in kisses soobin earlier when he looked just like this.
this time, he can. so he does.
soobin bursts into giggles as beomgyu kisses all the parts of his face: his forehead, his crescent eyes, his soft nose, his pink cheeks, and finally his soft lips again. beomgyu decides at that exact moment that this is something else he wants to do more of, but again, only to soobin.
“i’m so happy,” soobin sighs contentedly when their lips finally part again.
“me too,” beomgyu answers with another kiss on soobin’s cheek, and soobin can’t help but let out a fond chuckle. “what’s so funny?” beomgyu smirks.
“you’re so whipped,” soobin teases, and he laughs again when he sees beomgyu’s cheeks turn a deep red. “it’s cute.”
“shut up—” beomgyu starts, but soobin kisses him again, soft and quick.
“i could kiss you all day,” soobin says quietly, one hand holding beomgyu’s and the other caressing beomgyu’s cheek.
“me too,” beomgyu yawns. “but we should go to sleep, i think.”
soobin nods lazily, slowly making his way out of the kitchen, tugging beomgyu along with him as he does.
most nights, soobin doesn’t stay late enough that he has to sleep over but on the few occasions that he does, both he and beomgyu usually end up falling asleep in each other’s arms, one way or another. sometimes with beomgyu’s head resting on soobin’s chest and soobin’s arm around beomgyu, keeping him close, or sometimes with soobin's face resting in the crook of beomgyu's neck, the ending to soobin’s bad days, when he has them.
tonight, soobin is cuddling up to beomgyu again, and there’s nothing else in the world that soobin could want.
there is, however, one last thing on beomgyu's mind.
“soobin,” beomgyu calls softly, instinctively drawing circles in soobin’s back as usual. “can i ask you something?”
“mm?” soobin hums, not moving an inch. he’s in his most comfortable spot, with his head tucked into the crook of beomgyu’s neck, where the comforting smell of lavender wraps around him, keeping him safe.
“why do you always do this?” beomgyu whispers.
“do what?” soobin hums again. he sounds like he’s about to fall asleep any time soon, and beomgyu can’t help but to find that endearing somehow—like soobin finds that much comfort in being around him, to the point where sleep comes naturally.
“this… this kind of cuddling. when you snuggle up to me like this, after a long day or a bad day or whatever…”
“i’ve always snuggled up to you like this.”
“i know,” beomgyu answers. “but why?”
soobin moves so that he’s resting on his elbows, making sure he’s looking at beomgyu when he says this. beomgyu feels his heart start to race and his cheeks start to fill with color—he doesn’t know if he’ll ever get used to this.
“choi beomgyu,” soobin starts. the way he calls beomgyu’s name is so soft, so sweet and tender and full of love that was always there before, but beomgyu never noticed it until now. “you are my safest space… my brightest place. you’re the person i call home.”
beomgyu can’t help the tears that start to fill his eyes upon hearing those words, and soobin quickly brushes them away as they roll down his cheeks. it’s something simple, something soobin has done far too many times to count, but it still makes beomgyu feel like he could just burst from the amount of affection he’s receiving and feeling.
“hey,” soobin calls softly, thumb stroking beomgyu’s cheek lightly and lovingly. “you okay?”
“i love you,” beomgyu says. “i love you so much.”
“and i, you,” soobin whispers, pressing a soft kiss onto beomgyu’s cheek before settling back into his favorite spot. “goodnight, beomgyu.”
“goodnight, soobin,” beomgyu replies quietly, already drifting to sleep. the last thing in his mind is the sound of soobin’s voice calling him his safest space, and how soobin is that for him too. beomgyu decides that he’ll tell soobin about it tomorrow, once they wake up.
for tonight, they’ll both just sleep, in the comfort of their safest spaces.