Chapter Text
“Saeyoung… come back… please… please…!”
“You pathetic bug. Are you still groveling and whining because that stupid Saeyoung went off and got himself killed?! I warned him what would happen if Saejoong knew! He didn't listen! Do you know what happens to boys that don't listen?”
“You're hurting me… please, Saeyoung, help!”
“I’ll teach you never to make a fuss again, Saeran Choi.”
Saeran awoke with a start in bed.
How many nights had he had that dream and how many nights had passed since he had been able to leave that place behind? He wasn’t sure at the moment. What he did know was that he felt cold and clammy.
He reached up and ran a hand through his red locks to wipe the sweat from his forehead.
He looked around the room and waited for his vision to clear up from the night of restless sleep. The room was dark but there was a night light on the corner of the room and although it was mostly barren of objects and things, there was a comfy bed and there was no sign of ropes or a basement. It was very unlike the floor and damp cement he was used to.
It took a moment for him to realize that he wasn’t back at his childhood home.
Rather, he was in the household of V and Rika, and he had been for some time now as they had taken him in after his Mom went seemingly missing one day.
He still wasn’t used to that and he doubted he would ever be. Often when he was plagued by these horrid nightmares, he would find himself wandering the halls of his own accord during the night time to clear his thoughts.
Saeran stumbled out of bed and rubbed at his eyes, walking out of his room and down the hall with no destination in mind. In this house, nobody was waiting to punish him for leaving his room and that notion still left him feeling strange. It had only been a couple of months since the tragic incident occurred, and the young boy was still trying to get his footing.
There were sounds of somebody rustling around in the house apart from him.
That wasn’t all that strange. He knew that the people he was staying with had strange hours due to their work, at least, that’s what they told him when he started staying with them. Saeran peeked into one room and saw nobody was in it, and then he glanced into another one and also found that it was empty.
Where were they?
V… was usually nice about helping himself after a really bad night. Rika was also very kind to him when he needed somebody.
Were they hiding? Were they waiting for him to make a mistake so that they could yell at him and laugh in his face for believing they were going to be nice to somebody as pathetic as him?
His breath was a bit strangled in his chest as he walked towards the room at the end of the hall where the light was on. His footsteps were light, delicate, and hardly made a sound. He and Saeyoung had learned how to move around without making noise, at least, not making as much noise as they possibly could.
Saeran’s blood was pumping so quickly that he could feel it burning in his chest.
A part of him wanted to believe that none of the thoughts that he was thinking were true but another part of him was scared and almost certain that his relative happiness here with V and Rika would come to an end the moment they realized he was nothing special.
His thoughts were clouded with these notions as he reached the end of the hallway and turned to look into the kitchen where he found Rika and V, they were laughing and speaking without a care in the world as V cooked and Rika fiddled with decorative pieces. Saeran was perplexed and the confusion was written all over his face until they noticed him standing in the doorway.
“Good morning, Saeran,” V greeted with a smile. “I didn’t think you would be awake this earlier just yet.”
“...Morning,” he said, quietly.
His voice was barely above that of a small whisper. Saeran fiddled with his sleeves in front of himself. He wasn’t the best at talking to other people and he never felt quite right when people addressed him. He took a seat at the table with them, although he still wasn’t sure if they wanted him to be there with them.
Rika pressed a hand to his shoulder. It was so cold that he could feel the chill through the fabric of his shirt. She was always cold. Saeran didn’t think it was that much of a bad thing, he was often sick and plagued with fevers. Sometimes that touch soothed him.
Her smile was always directed at others, although she would never flash a toothy grin at him. “I can’t wait any longer, V. The excitement is overwhelming. Good morning to you, Saeran. Do you happen to know what today is?”
Saeran nervously looked down at his lap, and then around the room to see if he could locate a calendar of some sort. When he couldn’t find one, he just settled his vision back on the ground. He didn’t know what the date was and he wasn’t sure why it be anything special. Why would today be different than any other day?
“I… I don’t know,” Saeran mumbled. “Is it something important?”
Rika and V exchanged looks. It was quiet for a moment. Perhaps they were pitying him, still, or maybe they were reasoning something else. Then, the sound of a plate touching the table made him lookup. It was a slice of cake, Saeran noted.
Why?
“Happy birthday, Saeran!” she said, gleefully.
V’s face was a little red. He rubbed at the back of his neck, “You mentioned that you liked this flavor, so I thought it was the perfect time to make you something special. I hope you like it… I’m not the best at cooking, you know, but I’ve learned a thing or two over the years.”
Oh.
He hadn’t even thought about his birthday before. It had never been something that he or his brother thought about. It was never a happy thing. The day that they were born was the day that they were doomed to be miserable until they were put out of their misery.
He thought that one day his body may just give up on him, but he and Saeyoung had promised each other to keep on living.
He had to keep surviving even if his brother wasn’t there with him. Saeran missed him, and he hoped that he was okay, where ever he was. He prayed nightly that she was wrong about him getting killed by their Dad.
He was eleven years old today, he remembered. He had been alive for more than a decade, now, and somehow he was still kicking. This was the first birthday that he would be without his brother by his side, and he didn’t know it at the time, but it was the first of many birthdays that would be the very same way.
But, he thought, maybe it wasn’t so bad.
He had Rika and V with him now, and they seemed to like him.
He wasn’t sure that he was worthy of this kind of affection. It still felt nice and he didn’t want to seem ungrateful to them for what they were doing.
Saeran’s eyes felt wet for some reason. He reached up and brushed his fingers to his face only to find that he was crying again. He couldn’t stop the tears from flooding out of his eyes, not even as he thanked both of them for being so nice to him.
“I… I can’t make them stop… I can’t stop crying. I’m sorry. I just… I don’t… I’ve never celebrated my birthday before. Saeyoung… and I never got to do stuff like that. Mom wouldn’t let us do anything but stay inside… Thank you…!”
He decided that he would try to keep on going not only for his brother Saeyoung but for the sake of Rika and V.
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Seasons passed, fall, winter, spring, summer, and then it would repeat itself over and over again.
Saeran got used to living with his new family. It was a little strange but it was still something far better than anything else he ever had. He would spend most of his time in the house but he had the freedom to go outside as much as he wanted during the day time. His favorite thing to do was to watch the clouds.
But, when he wasn’t doing that on his own, he would help V in the garden.
He wasn’t the best when it came to it but he could spend hours examining different kinds as he searched for their names and tried to decide their classifications. He could learn anything that he wanted and that was the one thing that he decided he wanted to know.
He had never had friends before, but he considered all the flowers in the garden to be such. After all, he took care of them and they repaid him by blooming in season and becoming vibrant petals with a wild array of colors. He felt strangely content with that. However, it wasn’t always fun and games with this new life.
He would spend many hours in the evenings learning with Rika.
She had taken it upon herself to help him with his education and while she could be a very strict teacher, she always coaxed him when he made mistakes and corrected them. There were many times when he felt like things didn’t make sense; Rika, however, pushed him to work harder and more than he ever had.
Saeran didn’t mind studying.
He did want to know more about the real world, he wanted to see and learn as much as he could if he could have the chance to roam free without worrying about a target on his back. He was still scared of that freedom, though, despite how much he craved it, as Rika had reminded him that it wasn’t safe for him out there.
Her voice would always become nervous, panicked even when he brought it up.
Saeran started to speak less and less about it the more that he spent time with Rika. He believed her when she said those things, too. Rika couldn’t be wrong. She and V knew more about everything then he ever did and he trusted them to know what was right.
That consisted of most of the time, though, as V was busy traveling and working on his next big project.
They spoke now and again on the phone but it wasn’t quite the same as being able to speak to each other in person. Rika was different from V, and as much as he cared about her, he missed the peace that came when V was home.
When it was just him and Rika…
It felt like the threat of danger was looming in the distance. Like his Dad was going to find and get rid of him for sure this time. He was sure that Rika was right.
He just wished that one night, just for one night, that he would be able to breathe without thinking about what he knew to be the truth. He knew that he was doomed without these two in his life. But, why did they have to talk about it all the time? Why couldn’t they just keep living the way that they always had done?
He may have only been eighteen, but he knew that there to be more peaceful days in sight.
He prayed that there were. Saeran wanted to have faith in V’s words to him. That things would be okay as long as he was safe with them. But, Rika’s words to him weren’t like that. She would say that he would only be safe as long as he stayed inside this house and far away from the rest of humanity.
There was more evil in the world than the Prime Minister; Saeran was fearful of that and what it entailed. Saeran felt like it must have been rather bad if she wouldn’t tell him the full extent of what she was so fearful of.
Rika was never asleep during the night time, she was always awake and stirring doing God knows what in the house.
He didn’t know what she did most of the night but he knew the sounds of her footsteps against the wood floor and the sounds of somebody rummaging through the fridge.
He didn’t often get up unless he had a nightmare, but he knew that she would be sitting the dark, drinking from a tall glass and shifting through her paperwork.
The first few times that he had noticed her doing that, it had left him a little uncomfortable. However, V had later told him that she was just what people called a night owl. She was more aware and lively during the late-night hours. That was when she liked to collect her thoughts and piece together things she needed.
Perhaps she was spending all that time working on his lesson plans, he surmised. Rika was his teacher for everything, and it must have taken a lot to spend so much time working with him. They would sit nightly going over one subject after each other until Saeran felt like he was going to fall asleep at the kitchen table.
She was going to a lot of trouble for him.
So, he tried his best not to bother her amid the night. There were times when she comforted him and calmed him down from his fears. Her approach may have been different from V but it was still done from the kindness of her heart.
He didn’t want to act ungrateful or even think ill of somebody who cared for him.
He sat at the table that night, with his pencil firmly pressed against the paper as Rika began to speak to him once more. “And you see, that’s just another example of cruelty, Saeran. Humans never learn from the mistakes of the past, and things are destined to repeat themselves because nobody learns from what happened.”
Saeran sucked in a breath, “That’s awful.”
Tales of bloodshed and revenge.
War and the worst that could be found in humanity.
It did nothing to alleviate his fears.
“I know, I know. It’s dreadful but you must learn about even the worst of times. But, don’t you worry about a thing, Saeran. You’re safe here in this house with me. I wouldn’t let anything like that happen to you,” she smiled, ever so cheerfully as her hand brushed against the top of his head. “After all, you’re very precious to me.”
Yes, yes, she was right.
Saeran just had to stay safe.
It may not have been the most ideal life but it was better to be safe then it was to be dead, right? Was Saeyoung living the same way? Did he feel this weight of fear and dread every day?
Was he hiding and trying to get by where the evil could not find him? Was he thinking about the freedom they could have had if they weren’t born as begotten children?
“Thank you,” he whispered.
“Oh, you’re very welcome, my flower. I think of you as my son, Saeran. I wouldn’t want anything unfortunate to befall you, that’s why I’m spending so much time guiding you to the right path. I’m just pleased that you’re trying so hard to heed these lessons. Your future is right in front of you and I can’t wait to show you where you’re heading.”
“...”
Where were they going? He thought.
Saeran didn’t ask that.
He knew better than to question his guardians. They always knew what was right and they would never lead him astray. That was why he cared about them so much and why they cared about him so much. He was faithful and dedicated, and they were nice and compassionate.
Whatever the future had in store, it must have been great. He couldn’t wait to see what it held. He prayed that it withheld calm summer days where he could lay with his back on the grass as the clouds fluttered by in the breeze overhead.
Saeran turned his head back to his homework and started to fill out the blanks in the sheet in front of him as Rika took another sip from her glass of tomato juice. She grew strangely quiet as he continued his work, her cell phone ringing and she stepped out to answer the call. It seemed important so Saeran tuned it out.
It wasn’t his business.
However, he would come to later regret not listening and watching more closely of the warning signs that were sitting in front of him.
✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿
It was late one night, or was it very early in the morning?
Saeran had awoken from his sleep again, and this time, the house was deafly silent. There was not a single noise to be heard whatsoever. That wasn’t normal. There was always somebody awake no matter what or at the very least, there would be dull static of television or from the wind outside of the house.
That made Saeran incredibly nervous.
Why was it so quiet? Why was nobody making a sound? There was something in his body that was telling him to stay in his bed and pray for the morning to come. Something wasn’t right. He knew that Rika was going to be back to the home very late due to work, and he knew that she would likely come into the home while on the phone with V, so perhaps she wasn’t home yet?
He glanced at the clock on the wall.
It indicated that it was three in the morning. That was far too late for somebody to be out in the city. It seemed like something was amiss lately. Rika had been more stern with him and had stopped him from going outside. She seemed to have no patience for his want to go out during the day. He was used to her worry.
But, this worry was tenfold.
Her panicked hand gripped his shoulder hard and warned him of vague monsters that were lingering nearby. She warned him if he stepped into the light, then he would be hurt. She didn’t want that for him and he didn’t want to die by the hand of that man, nor any other devil that existed in the outside world.
As sad as it made him, he stayed to her word and listened dutifully.
That had been going for a few weeks now. V hadn’t contacted them for quite a while and that seemed to be a source of much of Rika’s worries and fears. Saeran knew better than to bring him up. It seemed rather touchy and sensitive. He still sort of feared for his guardians, he didn’t want to believe that they were fighting or at odds but it felt like they were.
It felt like… a knife had cut through the peace that they had once had.
Saeran walked through the house that he had called his home for years now but he felt like he was intruding on something that he shouldn’t have been. His pulse had quickened, and his ears were ringing.
Each step that he took felt like another one into a state of disrepair; He nearly turned around and went back to his room but the curiosity was eating away at him. He wanted to know why he felt so fearful and why it was things were wrong. Against his better judgment and every fiber of his body telling him to run away, he kept walking forward until his hand rested against the back door.
He pressed a hand to the glass and opened it.
Saeran took one step outside and shut the door behind himself. He peered around the garden and checked to see if there was anyone outside. He did not find a soul out in the open. Perhaps his brain was playing tricks on him or something like that?
After checking what he could see in the surrounding area, he turned his back on the forest and tried to go back to the house. A hand brushed against the back of the long-sleeved shirt he was wearing and held him in place. He strained to move but it felt like whatever was holding him had far more strength than he did.
“Saeran, what did I tell you about leaving the house?”
That voice.
“R-Rika?” he stained, “What are you doing outside? I thought you weren’t home yet. What’s going on?”
Saeran turned his head to see that Rika was standing behind him.
It didn’t seem right. Rika was small and lithe. She looked like she wouldn’t have any more strength than a young child would but she was somehow restraining him.
Her eyes, her eyes weren’t as green as they had always been, rather, tonight they were piercing red color that struck fear into his heart. Red. Why was that? Her eyes were as red as her favorite drink was, or as brightly colored as his hair, for that matter.
Was she wearing contacts? She didn’t have vision issues or anything.
There was something more startling than the color of her eyes, too. She smiled at him, and for the first time, her pearly whites shined in the moonlight that rained down from up above. That’s when he saw why she had never smiled at him with such a wide expression before.
Because instead of the teeth you expected to see, flat and rectangular, he noted that she had two fangs protruding from either side of her mouth. That dread that had been lingering in the back of his mind was back. It was telling him that he needed to run but his body wouldn’t listen to him.
“Rika…?”
Instead of responding to him, she let go of him momentarily and a laugh escaped her lips.
The fear had eaten at him so much that he only the strength to sink to the ground. In a flash, she was standing in front of him with a worried expression on her face. She brushed her hand against his cheek. The same very way that she would often do when he was upset as a child.
It did nothing to quell the dread.
“Saeran,” her voice coaxed him. “Tell me, you would do anything for me if I asked you to, right? You know that I only want to protect you, right? That means you’re willing to do whatever I ask since you trust me to protect you, right? What if I told you that I have the means to make sure that nobody can hurt either of us, ever again?”
It sounds…
Saeran doesn’t know how to react to that.
What is she asking of him?
What is it that she wants from him?
“I don’t… I don’t understand what you’re saying,” he tries to say, but his voice is caught in his throat just as quickly as he blurts it out. “What’s happening? Why are do you look like this? What happened to you?”
“Nothing happened, dear Saeran,” she murmured. “I’ve always been this way. V just never let me show you all of me. There’s nothing to be afraid of, I promise. Something has happened… and I need you to listen to me. I’m going to do something that you ensure our safety. If you don’t listen to me, then I fear you will lose your life and I won’t be able to stop it.”
“I don’t know… I don’t… I don’t… no… I don’t know if I want to do something bad... Where’s V? What’s happening? Why isn’t he here?”
Rika’s expression changes. Her softness is replaced with sharp irritation. She doesn’t seem very happy with his answer and she doesn’t seem pleased that his stumbled muttering ended in the phrase that it did.
Her grip tightened on his shoulder.
His body goes stiff.
As scared as he is of the energy that is coming from the person that he thought was true goodness in the world, he is more scared of the fate that awaits him if he doesn’t listen to everything that she asks of him.
Yet, he doesn’t want to agree to whatever she’s asking of him. The tone in her voice scares him a lot and he wants to get away. He trusts Rika but she’s scaring him. It sounds like she’s got an idea in mind and doesn’t care if he agrees or not.
“Fine, you don’t have to agree to it,” she says solemnly. “I told you… I love you. I’m the only one that truly loves you. Nobody else in this world cares for you the way that I do. You’ll come to understand that very soon. I’ll take care of you. I’ll take care of everything, Saeran. I’ll do what’s needed and you’ll thank you later for my kindness towards you.”
Saeran is trembling underneath her touch.
Before he knows what’s happening around him there’s a burning sensation that’s coursing through his veins that feels like he’s on fire.
It hurts, it hurts so much that he can’t even focus on anything but the pain that is overtaking every part of his core. Then, the fire starts to dwindle, only to be replaced by the feeling of intense cold, as if he fell into an icy river and his limbs and torso feel like they’re being poked with pins and needles.
It’s then that he realizes that those fangs are poked into the flesh of his neck.
She’s doing something to him and it’s the worst pain that he’s ever felt in his entire life. She said she was going to help him. But, this was far worse than the pain his Mom used to inflict upon him when he was trapped in the cellar.
His body feels foreign to him and he’s grasping at Rika, begging and pleading for her to make the pain stop. Even his voice feels like it doesn’t belong to him. “I don’t… I don’t wanna die…” Saeran rasped, the pleading tone in his voice not dying down for even a moment.
“Please! Stop! Stop it!”
“It hurts! It hurts! It hurts!”
“PLEASE!”
No matter how much he tries to fight it, there’s no fighting what happening to him and by the time that Rika has let go of him, he doesn’t even register that she’s done so. His screams echo into the night of the desolate mountain until there’s nothing left but a hoarse whisper that not a soul can hear any longer.
He slips into a state of unconsciousness where only pain lay ahead of him.
The vicious fire and the ruthless chill that bore into his flesh and bone dug into him with its hungry maw and left no part of Saeran Choi unscathed from their fury. He would know nothing but the ache and bitter bite of the monster’s sting for the next two weeks as he lived through a cycle of torture and agony that he would never wish to repeat.
To think that the one that he trusted the most turned against him, it was far too much to bear for one young boy who had only just passed the eighteenth anniversary of his birth by a month.
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The pain was nothing compared to the thirst that he experienced when he woke up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night or was it the day? The room that he was in had no light, no windows, just walls and one doorway that seemed to lead somewhere. He sat up and tried to move but he found that his body moved far too quickly.
His head spun and he fell back down against the mattress.
Saeran was thirsty.
He had never felt this thirsty before. It was like he hadn’t had anything to drink in days and when he tried to swallow, it did nothing but made the burn that much stronger. He dug his nails into the skin of his throat trying to fight off that feeling but nothing, absolutely nothing he did would get that feeling to go away from him.
He felt himself begin to breathe hard. The air that filled his lungs did nothing for him. It didn’t satisfy him and it surely didn’t make him feel like it was helping the burn. He strained, and he struggled, but no matter what he did or tried nothing helped him. He willed himself to get up and ignored the pain in his body to try and go to the door and when his hands brushed against the knob, he twisted, and it did not open.
Saeran tried again, and again, and again.
Then, the knob was ripped from the door in one false swoop. He looked down at his hand and then he looked at the gap in the doorframe. What was this? Was this a weak door or was he suddenly strong? That couldn't be. Saeran was always weak and sickly. He couldn't even open a jar in the house. What was this? What was happening to him? He tried to shake off those feelings as quickly as they built up as he left that dark room and headed out into the hallway.
It didn't seem familiar to him and he didn't think that he knew this place. All he knew was that he needed to find some water and stop this thirst. He wound up finding a sink and he tried to swallow some but it did nothing but make him even more thirsty. It didn't even wet his dry throat. That was when he really started to feel like he was losing control of himself. He was trying to put together the pieces of what had happened to him before he fell asleep and where he was now but the thoughts were clouded.
What happened to him?
The last thing he could remember was Rika.
She had approached him in the garden late into the night and he had tried to speak with her about something, and then... wait.
Saeran remembered.
Fangs sunk deep into the skin of his throat and his body felt empty in a matter of minutes. He had heard of something like that in one of the monster books that he had found lying around in his home and he assumed that they were just that. A story for children to scare them. There was no way that there could be vampires walking amongst the living and yet, he had seen the red in Rika's irises and he had felt her teeth drill into him. He lifted his shaking hand to his throat and felt for a wound but he could find nothing but healed skin and just the smallest indentation in the skin where something had bored into him.
Right there, on his skin.
Proof.
That meant that...
Saeran gasped, once again as the realization struck him, and his body caved in on him. He fell unconscious once again.
The second time that he awoke, this time he found himself in a darkened chamber on the ground. Rika was sitting in a chair just in front of him that vaguely reminded him of a throne. Her blond curls fanned around her body and her hand press into her cheek as if bored by watching him struggle and strain against the floor. She didn't say anything to him. Her vision just turned in the direction of the other side of the room where she smiled gleefully at somebody, "Come on, bring in the traitor, would you? He's finally awakened and I think he's mighty thirsty for a feast on the blood those who have failed me."
Meanwhile, Saeran's body was screaming at him. That thirst had not gone away and it had somehow gotten much worse. It was the only thing that he could think about. He wasn't even thinking about the pain anymore. He just thinking about how thirsty he was and how badly he wanted to make the thirst stop. He dug his hands into the floor and breathed hard, as it was all that he could do, hissing out and groveling.
Was this what it felt like to suffer?
One guard came forward with a human that was struggling to fight against the tight grip the vampire held on their wrist. They were begging and pleading with both the guard and the woman in the room to let them go, and that they were sorry for what they had done. Rika merely sighed at the sight and twirled her hand around once. "If you would be so kind, dear, let the traitor go. I don't think my dear Saeran can wait any longer."
The human was shoved onto the ground in front of Saeran and the guard took a few steps back away from the newborn. Something smelled... good. Saeran's ache momentarily died as he lifted his head up and saw the terrified eyes of the man in front of him. He saw the fear and the terror in their eyes but for some reason, Saeran couldn't find himself feeling the same way. All he could think about was how thirsty he was and how good they smelled.
So good... so damn good.
Was this what it felt like to lose control?
"No... please!"
"You should be happy to serve paradise. After all, you were the one that said you were willing to do anything to please me and further my vision of paradise. I did all I could for you, and now you're going to do all you can for my dear Saeran."
He was so thirsty... and it smelled so good. It was too strong and it too much for him to ignore. He could only think about how much he wanted his thirst to be quenched. Saeran's mind went blank as his body took control.
Was this what it felt like to be a monster?
Those screams would haunt Saeran for the rest of his life.
Even after he managed to escape from the false paradise that Rika had crafted after being entrapped for over a year by sheer luck, those memories and his actions would always haunt him and plague his waking mind. He left that place as soon as he had the chance and saw the opening to run. He ran as long and as far as his legs could carry him and until his lungs burned with thirst once again. He refused to think about that place, and he refused to look behind him. It was a chapter in his life that he wanted to run away from, run as far away as he could. The acts committed to him were nothing he wanted to speak of.
It hurt him to even think of that first night. That first night where he took his first life out of sheer necessity. It was another nightmare to add to his collection of evergrowing pains that would weigh on him for the rest of eternity.
Saeran just kept running.
He doesn't even know for how long and how far, but he gets as far away from that place in the mountains as he can get himself. He stares up at the moon as it falls on the horizon every night when he travels and remembers that he is damned to never see the beautiful sun that had once made him so happy ever again.