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"Where the hell are you?! Lim Jaebeom. I swear to fucking god."
He breathed out, sounding very pissed, after hearing the beep. This was the nth voice message he left. Jinyoung was sitting at their usual spot in their favourite restaurant, waiting for Jaebeom. It wasn't out of character for the latter to not arrive on time but Jinyoung was fidgety. He was famished, plus he had something exciting to tell his hyung, who, by the way, has been running late for almost an hour now. Again. He's gotten used to it after all these years but that doesn't mean he doesn't get pissed off about it too. He made a mental note to nag more today, hoping at the back of his head that Jaebeom would finally change his tardy ways.
"Why isn't he picking up?" Jinyoung muttered under his breath as he looked at his phone. The screen's clock glaring at him: 8:04 PM
He texted Youngjae but the younger said he didn't meet Jaebeom today. He tried to call Mark and Jackson who were on their own date but they didn't pick up anyway. He's pretty sure they're aware he's gonna ask them where his fiancé is and he could almost hear Jackson's "Do you think we're in charge of looking for missing people?!" remark. Yugyeom and Bambam were the last people he called, out of annoyance and desperation.
"Hyung! Did you really hav-" Yugyeom answered, panting.
"We were in the midd-" Jinyoung ended the call before Bambam could finish his sentence.
He made a disgusted face before sending out his text to the two: You guys are nasty. But don't forget to use protection!! >:(
Nobody knew where Jaebeom was at the moment. And even though Jinyoung was pissed, he couldn't help but look out the window as he remembered how the older man convinced him that this was the best seat in the restaurant.
"We can see people walking and cars passing by," he said.
"I'm sure you just want to look at the cats loitering outside, hyung," Jinyoung raised his eyebrow at Jaebeom who was now beaming. "That, too," the latter winked.
His mind wandered for a while before a sharp ring cut his thoughts off.
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They were hanging out at the studio in their house. Jaebeom was on the sofa reading his book. Jinyoung was sitting by the table where the computer and other equipment were, back facing his lover, apparently reading his own book as well. They enjoyed nights like this where they could do whatever they wanted to do. Together. In silence. Without it being uncomfortable.
"Marry me."
"Hm?"
"Marry me."
Jinyoung turned his swivel chair so he was now facing Jaebeom.
"Yah, Park Jinyoung. You haven't even told me you love me, yet," Jaebeom looked up, eyes tearing away from his book, an eyebrow raised, challenging the younger.
"Does it matter? I'm being serious. Marry me," Jinyoung ignored Jaebeom's remark and looked him straight in the eyes. Jaebeom could swear he saw something sparkle in Jinyoung’s eyes that night.
"Hyung?"
"Jaebeom hyung!"
"Ya, Jaebeom-ah."
"Lim Jaebeom!"
Jaebeom was rendered silent for quite a while, mouth agape, seemingly looking at Jinyoung but staring at nothing at the same time. He snapped out of it after being called out by Jinyoung who was now leaning forward on his seat, an opened blue velvet box on his hands. His gaze shifted from the box, then to Jinyoung's face, to the box, then to Jinyoung's face.
"Excuse me, Lim Jaebeom, don't you want to marry me?"
"No! Of course not! I mean, no! I mean... I love you, but... w-what? What are you saying?!"
"I- wow. Make up your mind," Jinyoung had a straight face on, but his tone was playful. He liked it when Jaebeom was flustered. It was amusing and cute. Jaebeom still looked confused, unbelieving.
"I didn't mean it that way..." Jaebeom trailed off.
Jinyoung stood up from his seat to sit next to Jaebeom on the sofa, pushing his book aside. He put the tiny box on Jaebeom's lap. They looked like an awkward couple on their first day together. Jinyoung continued speaking as he turned his head to face Jaebeom, his eyes studying his lover's face.
"Jaebeommie hyung, my Jaebeommie. You're my... soulmate. I want you. Forever. Through the good. The bad. The ugly. I want to grow old with you, hyung. Hell, I've thought about marrying you since, and I bought that ring two weeks into dating you! Laugh at me, call me crazy, but I want it.I want this. I want all of it. You and me. Everyday. For the rest of my life, Beom-ah. Lim Jaebeom, marry me."
The last line sounded more like a command rather than a question, but Jaebeom didn't mind. He wore the band he took from the box on his lap before tossing the blue thing aside. He was flustered, nervous, happy, and all other emotions combined. He studied the new ring on his finger before grabbing the throw pillow beside him and hugging it tightly. He was feeling all sorts of things at once and he needed something to hold on to, something to touch so he’d be certain it wasn’t all a dream.
Jinyoung watched all of this. He saw how Jaebeom now had his eyes on the floor in front of him. He knew how soft and shy his lover got in situations like this. With a small smile on his face, he pulled Jaebeom--who fit in his arms perfectly like a missing puzzle piece--in his embrace.
Anybody who saw them knew that Jaebeom didn't need words to answer. His eyes brimmed with tears as he made himself small and melted into Jinyoung's arms.
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Jinyoung pulled into the driveway of the building, rushing out of his car, almost forgetting to turn the engine off. He ran to the front desk, heart pounding, all sorts of questions in his head.
"Lim Jaebeom," his voice was firm but it trembled at the last syllable. A nurse stood up and led him to Jaebeom's room. He was getting impatient as he walked through the halls. It felt like a never-ending maze to get to where his fiancé was.
What seemed like forever to Jinyoung finally ended as he stood at the door of the room, trying to keep a straight face as he walked in. He didn't know what to expect yet he couldn't help but think of the worst, either.
He saw Jaebeom on the hospital bed, a faint smile on his face as he noticed Jinyoung walk in. The doctors in the room were talking about what happened and explaining Jaebeom's condition, but Jinyoung couldn't hear them. His brain blocked out all sounds as he approached his fiancé and sat by his bedside. He wanted to cry but he didn't anyway. Jaebeom hated seeing him cry so he tried his best to keep the tears in. He didn't want to upset Jaebeom. Not in his state. Get your shit together, Park Jinyoung, he thought to himself.
Once the doctors were out, he started talking to Jaebeom. He didn't care about what happened. At least not now. All he wanted to know was that the man that he loved was okay--that he was going to be okay. Jinyoung didn't know what he felt. He wanted to cry, to shout, to blame himself. He wanted to trash the place but he couldn't. His left hand took Jaebeom's hand, holding it a little too tight.
"Hyung, hi. It’s me. I'm here now. It's okay. It's okay..."
He reached out his right hand to push a strand of hair away from Jaebeom's face and started caressing his cheek. Jinyoung couldn't help but be in awe of how gorgeous his lover still looked in this state. He couldn't find the right words to say yet he caught himself talking about their future plans. How they were planning to adopt a kid they could actually call their child and not just the five cats they've been with for the past few years of their lives. He talked about how he already had plans of purchasing the house on the hillside that they wanted to live in and retire to. He talked about everything he still wanted to do with his soon-to-be husband, silent tears streaming, matching the ones on Jaebeom's face.
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Jinyoung woke up earlier than usual today. He stretched his arms to feel the other side of the empty bed. He sighed before getting off of bed to have some breakfast. He walked out of the bedroom to a quiet den and an empty kitchen. He sighed, again, before grabbing what he needed to prepare his coffee.
Jinyoung sat on the long dining table, cup of hot coffee in one hand, watching the birds outside. Their house was situated on the hillside. They had this part of their house renovated so the old cement walls were replaced with glass--something they did so they can admire the view outside, especially during sunrise and sunset. From where he was seated, he can see the large pool, a figure emerging from the water. He watched him intently and just as he put the cup to his lips, the man looked his way, eyes turning into crescents as he smiled his biggest smile and waved both of his hands in the air.
"Yah! Park Jinyoung! You woke up a little too late again!"
The sound was muffled, especially with the distance and the glass in between them. Jinyoung smiled as he stood up, coffee still in hand, and started his way outside, towards where Jaebeom was. Before he could reach the door, he heard tiny footsteps behind him.
"Papa..." A little voice squeaked.
Jinyoung smiled wider as he turned towards where the noise came from.
"Aigoo, our Hyunjinnie is up?" He said as he squatted down, arms reaching forward to meet his son.
"Hm, papa. Where's daddy?" Hyunjin asked, rubbing his eyes and yawning the littlest of yawns. Jinyoung couldn't help but chuckle. "He's outside, Hyunjin-ah. Let's go get him so we can eat breakfast together," Hyunjin crinkled his nose and made a face before he settled into his Papa's arms. Jinyoung lifted the boy up and headed towards the pool where Jaebeom is, apparently making weird noises while dancing.
"Hyung, one day, Hyunjin is going to ask how he came to have a very weird father."
"That's not for you to decide, Jinyoungie," Jaebeom answered. "Hyunjin-ah, do you think daddy's weird?" He asked as he turned towards his son.
"Hmm, nope! Daddy is fun! Papa is... no fun," Hyunjin giggled as Jaebeom laughed with him.
"Aigoo, is that so?" Jinyoung poked Hyunjin's side, causing the little boy to burst out into laughter even more.
"Papa, that tickles!"
On top of this hill, away from the bustle of the city, the laughter of the three boys filled the early morning air.
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His head is pounding and his heart is racing.
He hates it. He hates having those dreams. He hates that everytime he feels happy, it... isn't real anymore.
Jinyoung hates that he's on their old bed clutching his clothes, surrounded by everything else they owned, their cats purring--crying--on the foot of the bed. How long has he been like this? He can longer remember but it's not like he cares anyway. If only he could do something. Anything. To turn it all back; to have things back the way they used to be.
It hurt.
It still hurts.
And it will continue to hurt as his mind constantly replays the memories of that day.
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"Jinyoung-ah, what happened to Jaebeom hyung?!" Jackson shook Jinyoung's shoulder, Mark pulling him back and calming him down as he sobbed on the latter's arm. They were outside the room Jaebeom was in, date obviously cut short when they received the call from a crying Jinyoung.
"They said... It was an a-accident. A b-bad one. He was... driving. He was... there was... hyung.. he..."
Bambam's usually cheerful voice was now quiet as it trailed off trying to explain what the police had told him. He let out a small sob. Yugyeom wasn't any better, empty hallways echoing with the sound of his uncontrollably violent sobbing. Just a few minutes ago, they were inside Jaebeom's room, huddled in front of him as they tried to cheer him up and wished him to get well soon. But standing outside now, with only the thin concrete separating them from their precious friend, they all broke down. All the walls they put up in front of Jaebeom just so he wouldn't worry about them--as he always does--came crumbling down.
"Does anybody know someone who can officiate a wedding? A minister? A mayor? Chaplain? Please... Anyone." Jinyoung held his head down, his eyes focused on his feet, as he asked them. Tears were streaming down his face as he thought about what was coming.
"Jinyoung-ah.." Mark spoke up. While he knew that it wasn’t a competition, he knew that Jinyoung was the one hurting the most among them.
Jinyoung looked up, his face a mess, " Please. Hyung. I... please.." He was practically begging them.
"I.. I think I know someone who does. I'll see what I can do hyung." Youngjae saw the desperation in his hyung’s eyes. He hated seeing him like this. He hated seeing all of them like this. Then again, who wouldn’t? He offered a reassuring smile before he excused himself to make the call.
Thirty minutes later, they were all back in Jaebeom's room watching Jinyoung say his vows to his fiance. No one had the energy to ask Youngjae where he found the chaplain or how Bambam convinced the couple next door to lend them rings for the ceremony that was now taking place in front of them.
Jinyoung was saying something about how much he loves Jaebeom, half roasting him in the process. He just couldn't help it. It was his love language. It was what Jaebeom thought was one of the many reasons he realised he loved the younger, too.
Everyone was laughing but no one was truly happy judging from the silent tears they let fall.
"Do you, Lim Jaebeom, take Park Jinyoung as your husband?"
Jaebeom nodded in response. All of their friends, including the nurses in the room, choked back their sobs. Jinyoung was staring at Jaebeom this whole time. Eyes comparably dry as he tried to keep himself from breaking down.
"Do you, Park Jinyoung, take Lim Jaebeom as your husband?"
"I do."
And as if on cue, the beeps the machine was giving off got too slow. Too painfully slow. Jinyoung panicked and crouched down to ask Jaebeom if he was okay. Jaebeom nodded weakly as he spoke up for the first time since, his voice almost too low for any of them to hear.
"Thank you..." eyes closing, a single tear streamed down his face, a small faint smile on his lips.
"I love you," Jinyoung whispered, choking on his own tears as a familiar long beep went off filling the small room, mixed with the sound of crying that’s been held back for too long and tears hitting the cold, hard floor.
Jaebeom is always late, but this time, he left a little too early.