Work Text:
Chanlix – Falling for you
“Felix! Mate guess what!?” Chan came running up to me, he looked like an excited puppy. Cute.
“What?” I said with a small smile on my face.
“I finally asked Olivia out on a date! And she said yes!” I almost didn’t even register the words. Olivia? date? Since when did Chan even like her? I mean it’s not like it’s bad, my best friend just got a date! I should be happy! But I can’t help the painful feeling in my chest.
“That’s great. I’m happy for you hyung.” I tried to sound as convincing as I could, but I think Chan caught on to my bad mood.
“Hey, you alright buddy?” At those words my chest got more painful. Is that all he thinks of me as? A friend? Well no shit felix! Of course, he does! You guys are just friends. Friends. That’s it.
“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. I think I just might be getting a bit sick. My stomach hurts. I’ll go back to the dorm first.” I didn’t wait for his reply. I just wanted to get out of there. God, why do I feel like this? On my way back to the dorm, I kept getting messages from Channie-hyung. I didn’t really want to talk though, I just wanted to lose myself in my thoughts. I got more calls from Chan, including some of the other members. I guess Chan told them I left suddenly, and still haven’t shown up at the dorm. I didn’t want to go back there now, knowing that the others are waiting for me. I came up to a bus stop, maybe I should just get on one and see where it takes me? That sounds much better than seeing the others. And him.
The bus came soon enough, not even knowing where it was taking me, I got on. I just wanted to leave, and leave these confusing thoughts behind me. What was happening to me? He’s your friend felix, your best friend, your brother. Nothing more and nothing less. But that same pain never stopped, whenever I thought of him I couldn’t help but imagine him as more. I want to hug him, and hold hands with him. I want to sleep by his side every night and wake up to his face every morning. I want to kiss him. No Felix! Are you insane!? He’s straight, you’re straight. Now I really don’t want to go back home. Kiss him? Felix what are you thinking? I put in my earbuds and blasted whatever came on, I needed to get out of my head.
~
Next thing I know, I’m being shaken awake. Shit, did I fall asleep?
“Sir?” I heard a quiet voice say. I ripped out my earbuds, getting up immediately.
“I’m really sorry! I didn’t know I fell asleep!” I exclaimed. God this is embarrassing.
“Don’t worry sir! It’s just, this is the last stop. You’ll need to get off now.”
“Oh, I’m sorry! Yeah, yeah I’ll get off now.” I quickly ran off the bus, looking around. Fuck.
Where am I? What time is it? I looked down to check my phone, only to find it dead. Shit Felix. You really did it now. I looked around for anyone else here that would let me borrow their phone, or at least tell me where I am. I spotted an older lady, walking by with a few shopping bags.
“Excuse me miss?”
“Yes dear? Did you need something?”
“Um, well I was just wondering, where are we?” That sounded so stupid.
“Well if my memory serves me right,” she replied jokingly. “We’re in Daegu.”
Daegu. Daegu!? How did I go this far? Oh no, manager is going to kill me! No, no this cannot be happening!
“Can you maybe please point me to the nearest phone booth.” I managed to get out before I completely freaked out. She gave me some directions and I ran for it. I need to get home. Now. I finally found the phone booth after running around for a few minutes trying to find it. I found some change in my pocket thankfully. I was about to put it in but, who am I going to phone? I can’t call the manager he will flip out at me. I can’t call Chan either, I really don’t want to see him. He will be so disappointed in me. Jisung? No. Changbin-hyung? Nope. Seungminnie? No. Minho? Maybe. I don’t think he’ll get that mad at me, hopefully. I think he’s my best bet right now. I reached out to put the coins in, slowly picking up the phone and dialing Minho-hyung’s number. Thank you Changbin for making us remember each other’s numbers.
“Hello?” a confused voice picked up the phone.
“Minho-hyung it’s me. Please don’t tell the others that I’m calling! I just need someone to pick me up.”
“Felix, are you crazy? Where have you been? We were all so worried. I’m telling the others you’re safe.”
“No! No hyung please don’t tell them! I just need a ride back to the dorm. I’ll tell them everything when I get back.” I was begging Minho at this point. I just wanted to go back home and sleep. I didn’t want all of them coming to get me and bombard me with a million questions. I know it’s just them being them, but I can’t handle it right now.
“Fine, I won’t tell them,” I let out a breath I didn’t even know I was holding. “Where are you felix?” Oh yeah.
“Um, I’m in Daegu.”
“Daegu!? How did you get there? You know what leave it, I’ll just come get you. Stay where you are I’ll find you.”
“Thank you Minho-hyung”
“Yeah, yeah. Just except some questions once I get there.”
I didn’t know how long it had been since I called Minho. Maybe an hour? Maybe two? I just wanted him to get here soon. It was dark and cold, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to stay awake that much longer. I kept watch of the headlights, hoping one of them would be Minho. I slowly got my hopes up again, as I saw a car coming towards me, slowing to a stop. But I didn’t see Minho there, no. I saw the one person I didn’t want to see. The one person that made me so confused.
There was standing, Chan. I slowly got into the passenger’s seat. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to. Why did Minho have to do this to me?
“Felix?” Chan’s voice was small. Unsure of what the younger wanted. I gave a small hum back.
“What are you doing all the way out here? Did I do something? Is that why you ran off? We’re all really worried Lix.” My heart wrenched even more at the nickname. I didn’t want to talk. I just wanted to sleep and forget about my feelings.
“Don’t call me that.” I snapped back, surprised at my own voice.
“I’m going to sleep.” I said quieter this time, scared of my own voice. Chan seemed to get what I wanted, and stayed quiet as well.
~flashback~
“Channie-hyung~ that’s not fair!” Felix whined out. Him and Chan were playing a video game together. Felix was currently winning, but Chan of course had to change that. Chan slowly slipped his hand behind Felix’s back, then tickling his sides. Felix squealed and lost control of the remote, making him lose the game.
“You’re so mean hyung,” Felix humphed out. “You made me lose!”
“You lost on your own Felix, I was just helping the process move faster.” Chan joked around. Smiling widely, his dimples making an appearance. Felix continued to whine about Chan cheating, but all Chan could focus on were his freckles. And the small pout on his lips. Oh, how he wanted to just kiss that pout off. Yeah, Chan had realized he had a crush on Felix for a while now. It started back when Felix got eliminated off the show, he realized just how much the younger meant to him. He didn’t want to be away from him. He concluded that it was just brotherly love, but that changed into more the closer they got. But Chan knew he could never act on his feelings. He knew Felix was straight, and more importantly he couldn’t do that to his team. If one day him and Felix didn’t feel the same anymore, it would break them, all of them. He didn’t want to put the members through that, especially Felix. He worked so hard to make it in this team, and Chan wasn’t going to ruin it for him.
“It’s ok Lix, there is always next time!”
“Still I could’ve won this time hyung! If it weren’t for you tickling.”
“Have you got a problem with being tickled?” Chan was getting cocky now. He was moving closer to Felix.
“N-no!” Felix’s eyes grew wide, it seems he knew what Chan was about to do, so Felix quickly stood up and started to run away. Chan catching up to him quickly. They ran throughout the dorm, Chan making grabby hands at Felix and laughing. Felix tripping on his own feet and smiling widely, letting out high pitched laughs. Felix ran into his room, and before he could close the door on Chan, he ran into the room and grabbed Felix throwing him on the bed. He immediately started tickling Felix’s side, both of them laughing wildly. The younger letting out small “stops!” and “hyung!”, they were both really happy. Eventually Chan got tired and stopped, looking down at Felix. He had his eyes closed, still giggling lightly and breathing heavily from the running earlier. Chan thought he looked so pretty. His freckles on display for what felt like Chan only. Felix slowly opened his eyes, and looked back up at Chan.
“You look really beautiful.” Chan let it slip. He didn’t mean to. Fuck Chan, why can’t you just keep your mouth closed sometimes??
Chan quickly got off Felix, coughing and saying a quick, “I’ll be in my room” Before running out, missing the way Felix’s cheeks heated up and the small “thanks” that left his lips.
~
I guess I had really been tired, cause when I woke up we were almost home. Then I realized Chan was there, I didn’t want him to realize I was awake so I stayed still, keeping my eyes closed and pretending to sleep. I could hear him quietly humming along to the song on the radio, he seemed so sullen. I knew if I were to look at his face, there would be a small frown and his eyebrows would be knitted together in thought. I deserve him an explanation, but what am I gonna say? “Hey sorry for running away after I figured out you like this girl, cause I was jealous and I’m actually in love with you, no homo haha.” Yeah that’s never gonna happen. I need to get over these feelings fast before I do something I really regret. The car was slowing down now, it made a small turn and completely stopped. I was guessing we were already back at the dorms. Before I could “wake up” I heard Chan rustle around and softly speak to himself.
“I’m so sorry Lix, if I knew you would act like this I would’ve never told you about Olivia. There’s so much I want to tell you, but I will never get to. After today, it’s gonna be publicly announced we are dating. I wish I didn’t have to hurt you anymore. I just need to get this one thing out before we can never act like more than best friends towards each other. I love you lee Felix, and not in the brotherly way. In the I want to spend the rest of my life together with you, and show you off to the world and proudly be able to say that you’re mine. I’m so sorry Felix.”
I could hear him sniffle, he was never good at keeping in his cries. So, the next thing I knew I was being shook awake and told by him that we were home. That I should go up and talk to the other before they start to worry more, and a quick “I’ll be up in a few minutes, there’s something I have to do.”
I didn’t know what that meant, I didn’t want to. So much is rushing through my mind, Chan actually likes me the way I like him? He didn’t want to date Olivia, this is just some stupid publicity stunt? That they will have to be together now. And I will never get a chance to tell him how I feel. I will never get to tell him “I love you” and not in the stupid brotherly way.
I was yanked out of my thoughts by the door opening and the rest of the members running over to me, a mix of scolding’s and asking me if I was ok flooded around me. I just wanted it to stop. I didn’t respond and just pushed past them into my room. I knew it wasn’t fair to them, and I at least deserve them an “I’m ok, just tired”. But I would just be lying to them, I’m not ok, I’m really, really not ok.
I immediately crawled into bed, pulling the blanket over me and cuddled in. Before I could fall asleep again, Jisung knocked and asked if he could come in. It was his room to and I’m not that much of dickhead that I wouldn’t let him in. I whispered an almost inaudible “come in” before burying my head back under the covers. I heard Jisung get dressed and get into his own bed before shutting off the light. He said a small “goodnight felix”, before rolling over and falling asleep. I couldn’t hold it in anymore, I ended balling my eyes out, I cried and cried until I couldn’t anymore.
Everything came sobbing out, and at one point Jisung came over and back hugged me while I cried. I didn’t tell him to move or go away, I needed him there. He didn’t say anything and neither did I, he just held me while I cried. And we both eventually fell asleep not having enough energy to move or talk, we stayed together hugging in my bed. It was comforting having Jisung there, he’s my best friend and always knows what to do, and I couldn’t be more thankful to him.
~
He sat in car, head against the steering wheel, sobbing. He messed everything up. It’s his fault. Everything is his fault. He’s a coward. No good for anything but breaking apart people’s lives. Olivia’s, her members, his members, and Felix. Oh, sweet and innocent Felix. He doesn’t deserve to be treated this way. So now Chan must fix it, fix everything. He starts up the engine and drives off once again, headed to the only place that he knows he can stop this.
By the time Chan gets there it’s practically dawn, the sun is slowly peering over the horizon and shining brightly, not a cloud in site. The complete opposite of his mood. He moves slowly, getting out of the car and heading into the building. He’s going to end this once and for all.
But, but what’s that? Shit, shit, shit, shit. They already printed the paper, there it is sitting in a small stand in the lobby.
“BREAKING: Stray Kids’ Bang Chan and Loona’s Olivia Hye are reported to be dating!”
He stands frozen as he reads it. He looks up seeing it projected onto big tv screens. It’s probably all over the internet now. He can’t move, he just wants to curl in on himself and melt into the floor. I fucked up. I fucked up bad.
~WARNING: NSFW//flashback~
It was winter time, around Chuseok, so I had the week off. I just wanted to rest as the other members all went home for the holiday. Just Chan and I were left, as we couldn’t go back to Australia. I held up my phone checking the time, 1:34am. I couldn’t fall asleep. It was so quiet in the dorm, I was missing the other members being with me and keeping me up late. There’s only a few days left of the holiday and I know they’re with their families, but I still felt so lonely.
Chan was probably still at his studio, working through the ungodly hours of the night. Maybe I should go visit him? I mean we’re both awake and the only ones here, why not? I slipped out of bed, putting on some more appropriate clothes to go out in, I slipped my shoes on and grabbed my keys before heading out.
It was cold out, snow was lightly falling from the sky and landing on the ground, create a small mount of white. It was so pretty out, I loved winter. We almost never get snow in Australia, unless it’s high up in the mountains, but I did really love it. Though it was cold and wet, it always looked so beautiful. Coating the ground, trees and buildings in a hue of white dust. Plus, the low lighting from the moon made it even prettier.
Before I knew it, I was standing in front of Chan’s studio, getting here faster than I was expecting. I was about to knock when I heard weird noises from inside the room. Small whimpers and… moans? Omg wait was Chan getting off? I was about to leave but I heard a small “Felix” from behind the door. Did he just say MY name… while getting off?! It made my heart do something, and my body was moving faster than my mind, and soon I’m pushing the door open and bursting into the room.
Chan was shocked to say the least, he immediately covered himself with a pillow, sputtering out a “Felix get out!”
“But I don’t want to.” What was I saying?
“W-what?? Felix leave. I’m busy.”
“No,” what the fuck am I saying? “I heard you Chan, I already know what you’re doing. And I’m not leaving.”
“What are you gonna do then Felix? Sit there and watch me jerk off?” Am I seriously about to say yes to this? I’m starting to think I want to, as my pants definitely got tighter when I heard him. Yeah, I think I do want this.
“Yeah, sure. Go ahead hyung.” I backed up to the couch, not taking my eyes off of Chan as I sat down. He looked at me puzzled, but didn’t seem uncomfortable. He slowly removed the pillow from his lap, throwing it somewhere across the room. Fuck, he was big. Not gonna lie my mouth started salivating just looking at it.
Chan grabbed onto his shaft, moving his hand up and down, never breaking eye contact with me. It was so intimate, so real. He moves his hand away for a second, just to spit into it and bring it back to his dick, moving faster this time. Fuck, I swear I almost came on the spot watching that. It kept going like that for another few minutes, Chan spiting in his hand jerking off, and still not once breaking eye contact. My pants were getting tighter and tighter by the second. Those few minutes felt like hours, I wanted so badly to just walk over, get on my knees, and suck the life out of him. But it soon enough came to an end, Chan finished off, and grabbed some tissues from his desk cleaning himself up.
“Well, are you happy now Felix?” I didn’t know what to say, did that seriously just happen? I kept opening and closing my mouth trying just say anything. I failed and just stared down to my lap, noticing how hard I got from what just happened. I was praying Chan didn’t notice.
“And look at you, you’re hard,” shit, “you’re a dirty little thing aren’t you Lix?” he let out a soft chuckle, and slowly came over to me. He stood in front of me, he reached out and pulled my head back by my hair. I let out a soft moan at that.
“You little slut. Do you need to get off now Lixie?” I nodded sheepishly, so lost in the feeling of lust.
“Words Lix.”
“Yes! Yes, please help me hyung.” My voice was almost hoarse, and so, so needy.
“Good boy,” my stomach flipped at that, it made me happy, “Hyung will help you. How does that sound?”
“Good! Very good hyung! Thank you!” he just hummed at that and sat down on his knees. He rubbed up and down my thighs, each time getting closer to my bulge.
“Please Channie-hyung, please touch me!”
He didn’t even respond and rubbed the heal of his hand into my bulge. I let out more soft moans, relishing in the feeling of finally being able to get off. He reached for the button of my pants, but didn’t undo it.
“You sure you’re ok with this Lix?” I let out a small muffled “yes!”.
That’s all Chan needed to undo the button on my jeans, pulling the zipper down and scooting my pants off. I helped by lifting my hips, so he could get them off easier. His hand went straight back to my bulge, stroking and rubbing it. I kept whining and whimpering at the feeling. It felt so good, considering the last time I got off was, well, too long ago. Chan moved his hand up, pushing it under my shirt and rubbing against my nipple. I let out a high-pitched moan at that, arching my back off the couch. I could see Chan smirk, then he brought his hand under my briefs. I moaned even louder now, it felt so fucking good. I could barely handle the sensations buzzing through my body. All I could do was moan and whine, arching my back and pushing my head back. Chan stayed silent, just working one of his hand up and down while the other played with my soft bud. Chan noticed I was close, so he moved faster and faster. I couldn’t hold it in anymore, and I came, spilling over his hand and spoiling my underwear.
Chan slipped me the tissues, cleaning up his own hand. We stayed silent while cleaning up. Neither of us knowing what to say. I was the first to speak up,
“Um, I think I’m gonna go now hyung.” I rushed out, picking up my clothes and throwing them on. Chan didn’t seem to stop me, he didn’t speak or even look at me. Wow Felix great job, you just fucked up your relationship with one of your best friends.
During the next few days, we barely talked to each other. But the other boys all came home, and realized the weird atmosphere between us. That’s when we both had an unsaid agreement that we would never speak of it again. Agreeing we are going to ‘forget’ what happened. It was just a mistake after all.
~End of NSFW~
I woke up in a cold sweat, I can’t believe I just dreamed of that?? God that was in the past when we were young and stupid, I mean we still are! At least I didn’t get a boner from it. I looked beside me noticing Jisung still sleeping soundly. That’s when all the memories of yesterday came back to me. I didn’t want to think of it, but I need to at least see if Chan made it back here. I still care about him after all, and I didn’t even hear him come in last night. I crawled over Jisung, not wanting to wake him up. I grabbed my phone and quickly checked it. That’s when I saw it.
The big article notification.
“BREAKING: Stray Kids’ Bang Chan and Loona’s Olivia Hye are reported to be dating!”
Oh yeah. But what about what Chan said last night? I guess he really did just want to get it off his chest. Well if that’s how it is… I walked into the kitchen, hearing someone in there.
“Morning Hyunjin,” he looked up from the counter smiling at me, “I was wondering where Chan-hyung is?” Hyunjin’s face showed it all, he was so worried about me. It showed so much sympathy, it almost made me want to cry.
“Oh, um I don’t know if he’s home yet.” He replied calmly.
“Oh ok.” That’s all I had in me to say, I walked into the living room, hoping he would be there. He wasn’t. Of course, he wasn’t Felix. Why would he be here anyway? He’s probably at his studio, wasting away his hours. I couldn’t stop the sad look on my face, I just want to go back to bed. I was about to walk away when I heard the door open. I turned around as fast as possible, staring at the door waiting to see who comes in.
Chan. I wanted to call out his name so badly, he hadn’t noticed me standing there yet. Why can’t I just call to him. I should just tell him the truth! How I feel. How I want to be with him. How he should leave Olivia. How he should be with me instead. But then our eyes met. He wasn’t shocked to see me, nor was he smiling. He just stared, and I stared back. I couldn’t. I couldn’t say those things to him. I know how it would ruin our lives. I know how it would end. And I don’t want that for me. I mustered up all the courage I had, to say this one last thing.
“Congratulations hyung. I mean it, I understand, congratulations.”
~The End~
(for now hehe)