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When Altan returned to his quarters, Dorian was already in his bed, back turned to him.
“Hi, there,” Altan said, leaning over the bed to kiss the soft hair that peaked out from under the blankets.
Dorian grunted noncommittally.
“Are you feeling alright? You’ve seemed… off since we left Halamshiral. Is it because I said I love you? Was it too soon?” He sat down on the bed and rubbed Dorian’s shoulder.
“I love you, too. More than I should. More than might be wise.” He sat up, still avoiding eye contact. Altan’s eyes trailed down the perfect curve of his shoulders into his biceps. “We end it now, I walk away. I won’t be pleased, but I’d rather now than later. Later might be dangerous.”
“Why dangerous?”
Dorian looked so sad in that moment. It was all Altan could do not to sweep him up in a hug. But he didn’t want to cause Dorian any more pain.
“Walking away might be harder then.” Dorian’s voice was strained.
“I don’t want to walk away, Dorian. Ever.” Altan could see Dorian’s mind working. “Speechless, I see.”
“Where I come from, anything between two men… it’s about pleasure. It’s accepted but taken no further. You learn not to hope for more. You’d be foolish to.”
“Then I suppose you’ll have to call me foolish.” Altan couldn’t tell if his heart ached for Dorian or for himself.
Dorian looked up then, drawn by the heartbreak in Altan’s voice. He looked confused and teary.
“I want to be with you, Dorian. But if you don’t feel the same way…”
“No! You misunderstand. I want to be with you too.”
Altan looked up, his eyes were wet but there was hope in his smile. He threw his arms around his neck. “Venhedis! You scared me so bad!”
Dorian hugged him back. “I didn’t mean to. I love you.”
“I love you too, ma lath.”
Dorian leaned back, pulling Altan fully onto the bed with him. He let go with one arm to adjust the covers.
“This is more than just pleasure for me, Dorian. I want to be with you for all the fun and not-so-fun times. As long as you’ll have me.”
Dorian hugged him impossibly tighter, and in that moment, Altan decided he would be content if they stayed like that forever.