Work Text:
Dear Keith,
I have stopped counting the days since you've been gone because there's too many of them. A lot has happened, a lot has changed. A lot stayed the same. Surprisingly, the world is still turning, going round and round, just like you have been on my mind lately. Unfortunately, I have too much to say and not enough words or the intelligence to say it. So 'll start with the hardest.
I tried to kill myself, Keith. After our last fight, I took a bunch of pain killers and was dragged to the hospital by my crying mom and dissociative grandma. I had to retell our story over and over for multiple doctors, teachers, friends. It wasn't your fault and I don't want you to feel like it, but I felt betrayed that day. And alone. I didn't want to live in a world where I tryed to do the right thing and always got it wrong. So that's why I didn't go after you. I couldn't. I almost went to a mental hospital twice. I went insane.
But you don't seem to be doing so bad by yourself and I don't want to give you or your friends a reason to be stressed out. I do wish I was there for your 22nd birthday, though.
I still remember everything. I remember the cloudy days we spent together, the time I danced for you in my living room but you didn't do it because you were too shy. How it felt to love you. The nights we spent awake dreaming of a better world. A world we would rule one day, together. I remember how our future looked like. A house of glass, as fragile as we were, filled with our drawings, our animals, the things that we love. I remember I couldn't wait to get to the future. Who would've guessed the future would be so lonely.
I have a band now, with a friend. But don't worry, I don't think it's gonna go too far. She doesn't care that much about it and it's not as good as our band used to be. But expect to hear from me in the future.
All of my friends hate me now. I think the both of us were expecting it. They don't talk to me anymore. They go to each other's places and don't invite me over. I discover about those times when someone talks too much.
Life is not too bad, it just gets boring. Until something major happens.
We met again, in the middle of the street. I thought you were going to say hi, and you didn't. I had a panic attack right away. Took me a while to recover, but I did. And that's the point of this letter.
I don't know if, inside my brain, are any letters left for you, Keith. It saddens me to say that. I don't regret a thing, but now all of these memories are fading and I wonder if someday we will forget each other. Sometimes a bit of my bitterness comes out and I write one or two songs about it but then I just get down. We were the right people at the wrong time. So wrong we ruined the present and destroyed the future. I will live without you. You will too. But I know I'll look at my house, look at my kids and know it could have been different. I will love where I am, but I won't stop to wonder what it could have been.
I know you're happy, and I hope you stay like that. But when you look at the sky, when you notice something so small that nobody else does, when you discover a new passion, go to the beach and watch the waves...
...when you think about the things you love, I hope you think of me.
Because I do.