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Part of Sarawat hadn’t wanted to say yes to pairing with Tine.
Since the beginning, he’s felt completely out of control and it isn’t something he’s used to. Sarawat has always preferred his own space, has been able to keep distance between himself and others when he needs it, and he’s never had any trouble being viewed as rude if it means he doesn’t have to deal with drama. His fanclub can follow him around, ask for pictures, demand to know his favorite snacks or songs, but he isn’t inclined to indulge their fantasies of closeness to him. He doesn’t need any more friends; he’s got Boss and Man, and that’s been enough for a long time.
He’d been just fine crushing on Tine in secret from afar, with no intention of ever approaching him in any context, but this entire thing had gotten so out of hand, from Sarawat helping Tine learn some chords to brushing up on some Scrubb to play and bring out that smile of Tine’s that makes Sarawat’s stomach ache. He’s in too fucking deep now, and that part inside of Wat that’s been shouting for him to step off and admit that Tine is a straight, uninterested guy is being ignored in favour of the wholly more enjoyable option: spend whatever time he can with Tine, while he is allowed.
So he agrees to partner with Tine for P’Dim’s newest assignment and to no one’s surprise, Tine makes filming the video nearly impossible because every single thing he does makes Sarawat want to grin like an idiot, whether in exasperation or fondness (a mix of both, usually), and wish that they could turn off the camera and start over so that Sarawat looks less like a love-struck idiot.
They’re on Tine’s bed, which Sarawat still can’t quite believe even after nearly an hour of being on it, and Tine’s just uploaded the video to edit online. He grins at his phone, giving a little laugh, and Sarawat leans back on his elbows as he asks what’s up.
“It’s Pear,” Tine replies, still typing away with that smile.
“You’re still talking to her?”
Tine gives Wat a look, like the answer should be obvious. “Yeah. She’s cute. I’m gonna be trying to win her over for real from now on.”
“What about her ditching you at the music festival?” Sarawat demands, sitting up.
“She had a family thing; I can’t hate her for that,” Tine says, and Sarawat hates that this is the moment Tine is choosing to be reasonable and show that he does in fact have a brain.
“So I guess we won’t be doing this anymore.”
“Doing what?” Tine asks, confused.
Sarawat rolls his gaze away and to the ceiling. “You’re so dense.”
“I’m what?” Tine asks. His eyes are wide, like he’s surprised or maybe offended, and his mouth is hanging open. It would almost be comical if this weren't such a sincerely unfunny situation. “Dense?”
“You’re the one who stalked me and ordered me to be your pretend boyfriend,” Sarawat reminds Tine. “You broke my phone, you emailed me and made it sound like a request for sex, you insist that I flirt with you but when I do, it’s either too much or too little. What the fuck do you want from me?”
“Where’s this even coming from?” Tine asks, looking as lost as ever, but annoyed now on top of it. “You’re acting like I’m cheating on you!”
“Does she know?”
“Does she know what? She doesn’t know about the thing with Green, if that’s what you mean; as far as she’s concerned, you’re just another guy in the club.”
“How do you think that makes me look?” Sarawat demands. “Or you? Even if it’s only Green who thinks there’s anything going on, you look like an asshole and I look like a pushover willing to be your worst-kept secret.”
“What’s wrong with you? We aren't even dating! All Green needs to think is that I moved on from you to Pear; it isn’t that complicated. I just wanna have a girlfriend and you’re treating me like the bad guy.”
“I haven’t listened to you whine about finding ‘the one’ for you to write it off as ‘just wanting a girlfriend.’”
“Sarawat.”
“You don’t want another girl who you go on a date with and dump because her hair is too brown or because her perfume makes you gag. You know why none of them have stuck, Tine? Because you know they aren’t what you want. You’re so delusional.”
“And you’re an asshole!” Tine says, voice rising as he stands. “Jesus, it’s no wonder you barely have two friends; you act so condescending it isn’t even funny. You’re really one to talk shit about my dating history, Mr. Never Had a Girlfriend.” Sarawat scoffs and Tine says, “Yeah, blow it off, like always. You’d never be able to date anyway; you don’t even know how to communicate.”
Sarawat’s eyes are on Tine, sharp and narrowed. “I don’t know how to communicate?”
“No.”
“What have I been doing?” Tine just shakes his head. Sarawat stands up and faces him, full on. “No, really, tell me what I’ve been doing posting on Instagram for you, finding any way I can to get you to spend time with me and see that I want you. What’s that called, huh?” Tine is staring at Sarawat, and the anger is there but Wat can see fear too. “What's that called?” he asks again.
Tine tears his eyes away to look at the floor. Shakily, he says, “I want a girlfriend—”
Sarawat huffs, shaking his head, and pulls Tine in by a hand to the back of his neck. Tine makes a sound of surprise where their lips brush and he pushes back against Sarawat’s chest. This isn’t the way Sarawat had wanted this to happen. He releases Tine and takes a step away. Tine’s mouth is agape; his face is red too, though Sarawat can’t be sure right this second if that’s from fury or something else.
“You’re...” Tine says, voice shaking and quiet, like he can’t believe that just happened.
“I agreed to your stupid plan because I thought I could get you to see me as more than…” Sarawat shakes his head. “You don’t care but I’ve liked you for two years. More than that, probably, since high school. I didn’t even know your name but I…”
“Why are you telling me this? Why are you…?” Tine closes his eyes tightly and swallows, clearly trying to collect himself.
“Because you think I’m crazy,” Sarawat says. “You think I’ve been irrational and jealous but I’m telling you, it’s because I can’t do this anymore. You can be with Pear but I’m out. If Green comes after you again… it’s not my problem.”
“We had a deal—”
“You think I’d still flirt with you knowing that you won’t ever care?” Sarawat gives another shake of his head and grabs his guitar off the bed. “I’m done. I think I’ve made a big enough idiot of myself, thanks.” He goes to move past Tine, but is stopped. He looks at the tentative hand Tine’s placed on his arm, then back to Tine’s face. “I shouldn’t have kissed you like that. I’m sorry. But I’m leaving. After this, you won’t have to see me anymore outside the club.”
“Wat,” Tine says. He swallows again, throat dry. “I didn’t know… I thought I was being stupid.”
“You’ll have to be specific.”
“About you, asshole. I’m not blind; I see how you look at me, I can see the flirting isn’t fake. I mean, I could guess, but I didn’t know if… I didn’t think you’d be serious.” Tine laughs, no amusement in the sound. “Why would I? You don’t do this stuff, we’ve never even talked before all this, and you tease me all the time. I thought it was a joke and I didn’t want to like you knowing that to you it was—” Tine breathes out harshly, clearly frustrated that his words aren’t coming out the way he wants them to.
Sarawat puts the guitar down and lifts his hand to curl around Tine’s neck. “I’m not kidding. I never was. You’re the guy who wanted Pear.”
“Because you weren’t an option,” Tine blurts, and promptly turns red. “She’s sweet, and we’d get along well enough, and it would be way easier than having to deal with whatever liking you means for my heterosexuality—”
Sarawat kisses Tine just to shut him up, something he’s sure will happen often in their future. Tine’s hands squeeze Sarawat’s shoulders and, like this is his own apartment, Sarawat tugs them backwards until they’re on the bed. It’s the same position from just before his mom and brother had walked in and ruined everything the last time, but Sarawat is confident that this time, at past 10 on a Wednesday, no one will be walking in unannounced to Tine’s room. Which means that when he looks at Tine just to take this in, there won’t be any interruption. He can stare because he can! It’s insane. Like, actually unbelievable.
“What?” Tine asks. He’s red again and Sarawat could laugh. For a person who’s always been such an attention seeker, Tine sure gets shy when he actually receives it. He voices this thought and Tine whacks him. “Saraleo—”
Sarawat leans right in and puts another kiss to Tine’s mouth, stealing the insult from inside it and making Tine’s fingers tighten around Sarawat’s arms. He cradles Tine’s head and even musses the hair a bit, just because he knows how long Tine spends on making it perfect. Tine could be bald and Sarawat would most likely still want him. He touches his hair again, softer, and when Tine nudges into his palm Sarawat swears he can feel his stomach lurch. He’d almost think he was going to be sick if the feeling weren’t coated with fondness and adoration so visceral that he can’t believe he’s allowed to feel so strongly about the boy under him.
“You like me, right?” he asks Tine, who actually has the nerve to laugh. “Don’t even.”
“I have to!” Tine says in another burst of laughter. “You said I’m dense? You think I let just anyone lay on top of me and ruin my hair? Wat.” Sarawat goes to get up and Tine immediately grabs at him. “No, I won’t tease you anymore! I’m sorry!” Sarawat scoffs softly and crosses his arms where he sits on the edge of the bed. Tine wraps his arms around Sarawat so that he is pressed to his back. “You aren’t actually mad.”
“Maybe I am.”
“You’re not.” Tine pauses, then in a sing-song, “I’ll let you touch my chest.” The tips of Sarawat’s ears turn red and Tine grins. “I knew you had a thing for my chest! You’re a treasure trove of secrets waiting to be exposed!” Sarawat turns and in one swift move has Tine’s shirt off; it’s as he’s tugging up his own that Tine splutters, bravado dissolved, “W-Wat! What are you doing?”
“That’s the third time you said I could touch you,” Sarawat points out. They land with Tine once again pressed to the mattress and Sarawat’s eyes glittering down at him. “Time to pay up.” Tine doesn’t have time to ask what that might entail because Sarawat is kissing the left side of Tine’s chest, then the right, and there’s no way that he can’t hear Tine’s heart beating wildly inside it.
Sarawat looks up, his face just a few inches from Tine’s, and his soft, freshly scrubbed hair is falling on his forehead in that way that makes Tine weak and then he’s down again, Tine’s actual nipple pulled right between his teeth like it’s nothing and without even realising it Tine is leaning up into the touch. A sound is punched into the air that Tine realises belatedly was in fact from his own mouth, but he can’t think of being too embarrassed because Sarawat kisses him again and reminds him that he isn’t supposed to be overthinking just now.
“How long have you wanted to do that?” he asks, breathless, and Sarawat smirks. It’s simultaneously sexy and sweet, which Tine has come to see is Sarawat’s trademark.
“Not sure. I just know I…” He ducks his head a little and Tine has the urge to push the bangs back from Sarawat’s face, so he does. He moves it away from his forehead and keeps his fingers tangled there in his hair, just to feel the warmth. “I’ve wanted you forever. It feels like forever.”
Tine kisses him and the way Sarawat pushes against him like there’s nothing else he’d rather be doing, it’s everything. Tine has kissed girls, quite a few, and none had felt like Sarawat. Not just because they weren’t dudes, but because they weren’t… They just weren’t Sarawat. That’s it. No one has ever been Sarawat, with his calloused hands and his perfect fucking mouth and his eyelashes that are illegally long over sparkling eyes.
“Not sure if I made it obvious,” Sarawat murmurs, pulling away from Tine, “but I really don’t think Pear’s right for you.”
“Oh, no?” Tine raises his eyebrows. “Who else?”
“Do you have somewhere to be any time soon?”
“Can’t say I do.”
Sarawat’s face breaks into a smile, the big smile he so rarely gives anyone who isn’t Tine, and says, “Then I can show you.”