Chapter Text
Thunder crashed outside as Rain sat on her throne watching her loyal subjects play cards (it was a recreational hour before the cult bedtime). Ben had just clicked his fingers and sent a card flying across the room. Samuel sat staring out of the window in the corner, his luscious locks appeared to be gently waving in a breeze that wasn’t actually there. Rain could see that several girls were standing outside the fences trying to get a glimpse at the beautiful young man, despite the awful weather.
“OMG did you see Ringo’s new insta post?!” Abby said, flipping a card into the middle whilst waving her phone around in a way that made it impossible for any of the cult members to see the screen even if they wanted to (which none of them did). Sol gave out a little puff of fire before adding his own card to the pile. Nobody actually knew what game they were playing, but they seemed to be having fun.
Rain’s head whipped around as she heard the kitchen door swing open and hit the wall with a crash, the other member’s heads quickly followed suit.
“Snap!” Shouted Tina, emerging from the kitchen, surrounded by smoke, holding what appeared to be a chocolate cake. She placed the cake gently on the ground before having a mini coughing fit, “I’ve not got Corona I swear- It’s just that I sort of set fire to your kitchen.”
“Nevermind that! How the heck did you get in?” Rain shouted, standing up from her throne.
Tina chuckled evilly, before walking over to the group sat around the cards and starting to whisper:
“Eenie, Meanie, Miney, Mo…” Before she grabbed Silv by the arm, dragging them up off of the floor and back into the dark, opaque smoke that hovered around the kitchen. The rest of the cult members looked at the kitchen doorway dumbfounded.
“Do you think the cake is poisonous?” Abby asked, slowly getting up and making her way over to the food. Sam rolled his perfect, ocean-blue eyes before turning back to stare woefully out of the window whilst muttering something about stranger danger. Abby reached out to the cake, deciding not to bother with a knife (what with the black smoke making it impossible to see in the kitchen) and simply ripped out a chunk of cake with her hand. “Damn she wasn’t joking about setting a fire in the kitchen, it’s not even a chocolate cake, it’s just that burnt.”
“Did you not gather that from the billowing hecking smoke coming from the kitchen?” Ben asked, frowning and shaking his head dumbfounded.
Rain shrugged, “Cake is cake”, and following suit, took a massive handful and shoved it in her mouth before beginning to choke uncontrollably. “Reminds me of my rice”. Turning to Silv for approval of the little inside joke, Rain then realised that Silv was not actually in the room.
“So we’re just going to ignore that the house is literally on fire?” Sam asked, looking from the window, to Abby and Rain before finally landing his gaze upon Ben pleading for guidance.
“HOLY SHPOCK THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE” cried Rain, as if this news was completely new to her. “Right, quick, everybody into the cave”.
“But what about the cake?” Abby whined, as Ben dragged her away from across the room using his magical force.
“Come now Abby, we must do as Cult Leader Rain says. And hopefully at some point she might actually remember to get on with this storyline and hurry up and find Silv, as they are my most adoring follower.”
The cult began to follow their leader down the hallway and outside where it was still chucking it down with rain. (Not to be confused with Rain). The girls at the fence squealed as they saw Sam stride out of the front door, his hair seemingly staying completely dry despite the weather. The young man gave a slight nod of acknowledgement to the adoring females (who all started instantly sobbing due to the overwhelming fact that the great Sam had ACKNOWLEDGED THEM), before striding off with the rest of the cult towards the cave.
Ben clapped twice and a great fire lit in the middle of the cave. Rain looked over and sighed, “Ben, we’ve come down here to get away from the fire, not to start one”. Ben looked sad, although that could've been because he was soaked through from the storm outside.
“But... It’s keeping us warm.”
Rain gave a hard stare, “Ben. Fire. Out. Now.”.
Ben looked disappointed but knowing that Rain was of course his superior, he obeyed, and clapped the fire out again.
“Can I at least add some fairy lights or something? It’s really dark in here”, Ben pleaded. Sol blew a fire breath making it easier to see the others, but Rain glared at him, making him look down and tuck his tail between his legs in shame.
“Hmph fine”, Rain grumped. And with that, Ben clapped once more, and the cave walls became strung with reams of multicoloured fairy lights which gave the cave a much more welcoming atmosphere rather than the previous more cult-like, dark, dingey atmosphere which Rain had preferred.
“Ah. Ben. I love how you specifically went to the trouble of giving us coloured lights. Just a shame you can’t see them!”.
“That’s a point actually, how come you ask me to switch the lights on in my room when you can’t actually see the colours?” Abby asked, partially out of interest, but mainly just to tag onto Rain’s joke (because she loved her leader and wanted to be the favourite cult member).
“SHUT UP WHORES” cried Ben, slightly tearing up.
“Abby’s not a whore, she’s just a desperate virgin.” Sam muttered, smirking slightly. His hair still waving in a non-existent breeze.
“NOBODY HERE IS A WHORE SAM, APART FROM YOU.” Rain spat back, starting to become rather protective despite her comments maybe not being that necessary.
Sam’s adoring fan’s stood watching and started to hiss at The Cult Leader. Abby’s phone started to ping with notifications.
“Ooooh, they are not happy with you, #RainIsOverParty is already trending on twitter,” she said, scrolling through her feed.
“I thought your feed only did Beatles fanpages?” Rain questioned.
“Nahhh, I’ve also got an account in the Sam fandom,” Abby said, winking at Samuel, who shuddered in response. This only encouraged Abby, however, as she then began to raise her eyebrows and wink at her best friend.
“That’s really weird. I’m part of the Samdom too, how come I’m not getting notifications?”
“Have you got service? I mean we are pretty far underground here.”
“Damn you’re right, Bennnnnn can you use your wizardly magic powers to fix me up with some sweet, sweet wifi please? Thanks, babe”.
“No. You can’t. My colour blindness is a sensitive issue, how dare you make jokes about it. Now can we please get on with this storyline you drunk hoe, please, thanks!”
“I AM NOT DRUBNK”
“I can see you typing this behind that laptop screen, yes you are”.
*Narrator voice* “And now for a short Intermission.”
*All Star by Smash Mouth starts playing*
*Narrator voice* “End of intermission.”
The cult members gathered at a table in the middle of the cave, with Rain sitting at the head of the table (obviously). Sol sat on a stool instead of a chair which allowed his short, purple tail to hang off of the back; he gently swished it in calming movements as the group decided what to do about their missing member and the burning house.
“Ben can we not just use your wizardly magic to get Silv back?” Rain asked, looking down the table at the ginger wizard. (Rain was wondering if Ben could actually see the colour of his own hair but felt as though this wasn’t the right moment to bring it up).
“Unfortunately, Tina seems to have used some sort of magic herself. I feel that it would instead be the best course of action to find them and get Silv back that way.” Ben stated, as if he was pretending to be some kind of soldier giving feedback to his superior officer. The Mighty Leader pondered over this information.
“Interesting…” Rain said, frowning slightly and pressing her lips together. There was a mutter of voices from Sam’s fangirls that were all standing in the shadows above them- the cult members ignored them.
Rain stood up and started to pace, thinking of a million different possible solutions to the issue all at once. And along with it, a million more problems that she hadn’t already thought of. But above all, questions started to burn in her mind. Why did Tina want to take Silv? Where could they have gone? What kind of magic are they using? Is the kitchen still on fire? Is it too late to save the cake? Would she ever stop trending on twitter? Why was Sam so beautiful and majestic? Which is the more important issue: The fire in the kitchen, or the fact that Silv had gone missing? But most important of all: What was she going to have for tea tonight?
Sam stared longingly into the distance as this went on, wishing that he could go back home and just play Rocket League for hours on end. He had always thought that his looks were a true curse, maybe that was the reason he had decided to grow his hair long; so he could live out a fantasy of being stuck in a tower like Rapunzel. A slight frown appeared on his face when he thought of this, but he quickly reverted back to his passive expression, making all the girls watching over him swoon.
The pink-hat-wearing girl sat near the end of the table scrolling through Instagram. There was nobody messaging her (although that was mainly because the ginger wizard that messaged her constantly was sitting next to her and could just talk to her instead) and Abby thought that it was rather rude. There were a couple of new posts on her feed, mainly Beatles related (#FabFourForever) but there was one post that caught her eye…
“Hey! Look at this picture on Tina’s instagram,” Abby said excitedly, it was an image of what appeared to be a dog along with the words ‘sneep snorp’. Sol grinned at the image before getting out his own phone to like it.
“Nice,” said Rain, who was also looking at the screen.
“I really don’t think that looking at the memes of the evil genius, that has taken one of our members, is really appropriate at the moment,” Ben said, slightly exasperated. Rain thought he was just in a mood because Silv, his only loyal follower, had been the kidnap-ee.
“Oh chill out Ben, it’s just a meme, and Tina is hella weak anyway, it’s not like she’s actually going to do anything to Silv. And even if she does, knowing Silv, they’ll probably be into it anyway”, said Rain with a facepalm.
“GUYS! You don’t understand, LOOK!” Abby shouted, exasperatedly waving her hands around and bouncing up and down like an excitable child.
“What?” Sol said, frowning whilst looking at the meme on his own phone screen.
“SHE USED A GEOTAG YOU FOOLS, THAT’S WHERE SHE’S GONE WITH SILV.”