Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It turned out the discomfort had a word, one that he had found after many hours of late night digging in the light of his laptop.

Dysphoria.

It even sounded unpleasant. And it really was. Tikki kept asking him what was wrong, why was he so sad, what was with all the loose clothing all of a sudden. And Merlin's answer was always the same. Nothing. Nothing was wrong.

But the desire to rip himself a new body was always there, that underlying need to be different. He didn't want to admit it to Tikki. He barely wanted to admit it to himself. But Marinette was pretty sure he was trans. 

And the only way to change anything about himself in the name of being more comfortable, was to talk it out with Tikki. And his parents. 

"Hey, Tikki." He couldn't help but cringe a little, wishing his voice were deeper and more masculine. "Can I talk to you real quick?" Tikki floated over to him, always eager to be of help. Thank God for Tikki, honestly, always the supportive and helpful little companion that he needed. 

The desire to remodel his room was back. Oops. 

"Tikki, I think.... I think maybe I'm..... trans." He hated himself for stuttering, all high and girlish over the words, wished they came out smooth and deep and calm. Like he was confident in himself. 

"Oh. Okay!" Tikki took the revelation in stride, hardly surprised by the information that he had been sure would rock the world of everyone that knew him. After all, he had spent the first 14 years of his life being unbearably girly, wanting to be a fashion designer (that hadn't changed - now he just no longer wanted to be like Gabriel Agreste; he wanted to BE Gabriel Agreste), constantly wearing pink and flowers and having a bright pink room complete with a vanity and polka dots.

So he had though it was safe to presume that everyone would be shocked. But maybe his discovery about himself hadn't come as far out of left field as he had assumed. Maybe it really was obvious that his discomfort was gender related. 

"Do you want me to use a different name for you?" Tikki's acceptance was a blessing, really. He couldn't thank her enough as long as he lived. 

"...Yeah. I was thinking ... maybe Merlin?" Yes, like the wizard. Even aspiring fashion designers needed a little bit of King Arthur in their lives. Fiction was an escape Merlin had lived on for years. To put himself in the skin of someone else, preferably someone male,  had always been a treat, in his opinion. 

And then he came to an unfortunate, earth shaking, realization. Adrien, his crush for more than a year, was straight. And he was not, and now knew he never had been, a girl. 

"Wait! Tikki. Tikki, Adrien is straight. And I'm a boy." That was going to be a problem. Or maybe not, it wasn't as though Adrien had liked him in the first place, Merlin thought bitterly. "And I have to come out, at least to him and Nino and Alya. I can't keep this a secret any longer."

"That's okay, Merlin! If they are your friends, I'm sure they will accept you." Tikki's happy little chirp wasn't nearly enough to calm Merlin's rising despair. Actually, it made him want to throw a pillow at her. 

"No! I mean. I want him to like me, not just accept me!" Merlin's desperation was showing. He was totally torn. Between telling Adrien and his other close friends about his gender identity and keeping it a secret to have a chance with his crush. 

"You have to tell him. If he doesn't like you, that's okay! You are perfect, Merlin and if he can't see that regardless of your gender, he's not worth it." Truer words had never been spoken. But Merlin didn't want to ever think of Adrien as not worth it. If anything, he was the one that wasn't worth it to Adrien. Perfect model son and student, Adrien. 

A more perfect human had never been created. Beauty, brains, kindness, God had really outdone himself with Adrien Agreste. 

Which just made Merlin feel like more of a fuck-up next to him. Hell, he hadn't even been born in the right body, let alone a good body. He was a mistake. 

Tikki seemed to sense this line of thinking just as he himself realized it. "You are not a mistake, Merlin." Oh, how nice it was to hear his name from Tikki's lips. Oh, how sweet the sound of acknowledgement. "Why don't you talk to your parents about this?" 

That sounded like an awful idea. He at least wanted to tell more people that his kwami about it before coming out as a boy to his parents. It was one thing to tell them he might be bisexual. It was quite another to tell them he was a different gender.  "I'll go talk to Luka. He'll understand." Luka was about as supportive as they come, the kindest and most laid back person that Merlin had ever met.

He was the perfect person to tell. But going to over to his house at 9:30 at night was a stretch, even for Luka's laid back mom and Merlin's ever trusting parents. So Merlin picked up his phone and called him.

".....Hey, Luka?" Merlin knew his voice sounded thin and fearful, even in real life, so it was easy to imagine just how pathetic he sounded through Luka's phone. 

"Yeah? What's up, Mari?" Cringe. He really needed to tell more people about the name change before he jumped of a bridge out of frustration. Lucky for him, France seemed to have a lot of those. 

"Oh, nothing much. I just wanted to talk to you a bit. Seeing as it's a little late to come over." Wow, playing casual was not going to work, that was for sure. 

"Yea? I'll see if I can come over to your place, if you want?" Thank the lucky stars for Luka, always so supportive, laid back and ready to jump up at the slightest hint of distress. If not for his reassurance that he didn't Merlin would almost have believed Luka had a little crush on him.

Sure, people could lie. But Luka wasn't a liar and Merlin was quite certain that Luka only liked him as a friend. Which made burdening him with the knowledge Merlin needed to impart didn't weight too heavily on his heart. 

"Nope. You're good. I can come over after school tomorrow though." Merlin hoped his smile carried through the phone because the tone of his voice was doing nothing to convince Luka he wasn't freaking out. "I just needed to tell you about .... something." 

"Yeah? Shoot. I'll get my guitar." There was bit of rustling, as if Luka had put him on speaker and set the phone down and then the soft strum of Luka's guitar. 

"Yeah. Um. So. The thing is....... I think I might ... be like.. um trans." 

"Trans. So you're a boy?" 

".....yeah. Yeah, I think so." Merlin clenched his entire body, waiting for rejection and digust. But this was Luka, so all he got was a warm sigh and the strumming of a few chords on the other end. 

"Okay. Do you need anything? What should I call you? I can get you like a binder and men's underwear if you want. My mom's really cool about that stuff."

Merlin couldn't thank God enough for blessing this planet with Luka Couffaine. 

"Can you get me a binder?" He almost felt bad for asking. As if he was extorting something from his friend. But Luka had offered.

"Yeah, my sister has some that she wears for cosplay. I can probably get you one of her older ones. You're smaller than Julika, right?" 

"Yeah.... Also, I'm thinking I want to be called....Merlin. If you don't mind."

Luka made a soft hmmming sound into the phone and strummed another chord. "Like the wizard? It suits you. I like it." 

Luka was a blessing, honestly. Merlin may have been given the wrong body at birth but at least he had friends like Luka. "Can I come over tomorrow?"

"Sure, Merlin. You know you're always welcome here." Even through the phone, Luka's soft smile was audible, almost as though Merlin could feel the warmth of it. 

"Okay. I actually need to tell my parents soon, so I might go talk to them. Goodnight, Luka." Somehow, talking to Luka had given him the courage to talk to his parents as well. If he was really lucky, he would be able to get his hair cut before school started. By this time tomorrow, he might even be able to pass! His growing collection of flannels and men's pants, combined with a haircut and a binder, might just do the trick.

"Goodnight, Merlin. See you tomorrow!" Luka strummed one last chord before Merlin hung up, again giving him the feeling that Luka was smiling. 

Merlin padded down the stairs with some degree of trepidation. It was time to tell his parents the truth about himself. A newly realized truth to be sure, but a truth.

"Hey, Mom, Dad? Can I talk to you for a second?" His voice was firmer this time, more confident after coming out twice already. He was far more prepared. Thank God, he had talked to Luka first.

"Yeah, sure honey. What's up?" His dad came up to him, as if preparing to wrap him into a hug and his mom popped her head over Tom's shoulder with interest. 

"Can we... sit down?" Damn. His voice was back to being shakey and weak again. This was going to be a rough conversation. 

"Sure." His parents' voices were more hesitant this time, as if sensing that something was off. How his parents managed to be totally oblivious yet incredibly perceptive was beyond him. 

They took a seat on the couch, his dad flopping down carelessly and his mom worming her way in beside him. Merlin sat nervously on the  very edge of the armchair, mentally and physically unprepared for the conversation ahead.

So he just spat it out all at once. "HeyMomDadIthinkImightbetrans. ........LikeIwanttobea.... a guy." Smooth 100. Wow, that went just stellar. 

His parents stared at him with a mixture of shock and incomprehension, leaving him unsure if they were surprised or just hadn't understood him with the speed with which he spoke. 

"You.... are trans?" His mother spoke first, reaching out to put a hand on his, comforting and hesitant all at the same time. 

"Yeah... I um... ha... uh.... can you call me Merlin?" 

"Oh, of course honey. What do you need? You should have told us sooner. We're always here for you, you know that right?" Bless his mother. Sure, Merlin may have been cursed with the wrong body and the crippling dysphoria that came with it but at least he was surrounded by caring, accepting and loving people. 

His dad stood up, leaned over him and wrapped him in a big hug. To the point where Merlin could barely breathe and everything was starting to blur. But that might have just been the thick tears clouding his vision. 

God, he was crying. How distinctly unmanly. 

"Okay... son. Do you want to get a haircut? We can go out and buy you some new clothes after school. And if you'll put your stuff away we can get you some new decorations and paint your room. Whatever you need." His mom, his dad, both there to help him out. Whatever had he done to deserve them. They were a blessing. Really.

"Um...I'm going over to Luka's after school tomorrow but can we get my hair cut in the morning maybe? I'll even get up early." He laughed wetly at this, turning to dispel some of the gathering tension in his voice. 

"Wow, you get up early? Of course we can if you can." His father's humor was a bright light even in the darkest of moments. Thank god for everyone in his life. All the great people that helped to make him confident in himself even when his confidence was at it's lowest. 

Tomorrow was going to be a brighter day, he decided, as he shot Luka a text to tell him his parents took it well.

A better day indeed. 

Chapter Text

Merlin couldn't help but be nervous walking into the salon that morning.

He also couldn't believe just how accepting and helpful his parents had been about the whole thing. After spending many late night hours reading horror stories about coming out, his sense of relief at his parents' acceptance and respect couldn't be overstated. 

The stylist had decided that his hair would look best if he kept his bangs, and cut it so that it was shorter in the back and flopped over his face. If it weren't to the distinctive lack of pigtails, he could almost look the same.

There was still the problem of getting a binder, of course.

Something that he was blatantly reminded of as he walked up the steps to school, constantly pulling his shirt away from his chest. While his shortened hair gave him a great boost of confidence (and a rather cold scalp), he was still walking into school with a sports bra and not a binder and his face was about as feminine as they come.

God, screw dysphoria, honestly. Why the hell couldn't he just be a normal guy. Or hell, even a normal girl. Why had the universe stuck him in this uncomfortable middle ground, neither a girl nor truly a guy. 

Alya's reaction was, of course, to run up and ruffle his hair completely out of its neatness. "You cut your hair?!" She was beaming with excitement and secondhand joy, seeming to get even more pleasure out of his new hair cut than he himself.

Nino and Adrien sidled up behind Alya as they made their way to the classroom. While Adrien merely nodded at Marinette's new haircut, Nino also decided to ruffle his hair. "Dude! You look sick!"

"Why'd you cut it? I like it just fine, but I was wondering." While Merlin had been expecting the question from one of them, hearing Adrien speak directly to him sent little shivers of fear and adrenaline down his spine.

Especially since he knew this was the perfect segway into what he had promised he would tell his friends. 

"I uh... I'm more comfortable this way. I... yeah." He could almost hear Tikki telling him to finish explaining. And a large part of himself calling him a chicken. 

"Dude, if you have something to tell us, it's fine." Merlin was beginning to understand just why Alya loved Nino so much. He was honestly the most chill, supportive friend anyone could ask for. 

And he was conveniently best friends with Adrien Agreste. Which meant they all hung out together now. Which meant he got to see and talk to Adrien every day. Not that Adrien would talk to him after what he had to say.

Alya would, because they were best friends. Nino probably would because he was a. Alya's boyfriend and b. super chill. But Adrien? He would never look at him the same again. Merlin knew it.

"No.. It's just. ... hey, could I use a different name?" 

"Do you not like us calling you Mari?" Alya was such a journalist, always there to question everything. Sometimes, Merlin loved her for it. But not now.

"Yeah... um, could you call me Merlin?" 

Nino laughed a little at this, causing Merlin's face to flame red. He had really screwed up this time. Better to just keep the secret and suffer in silence. He wasn't sure he could handle being ridiculed. 

"What, like the wizard?" Nino snorted one more time and then fell silent at the look of mortification on Merlin's face. "Yeah, sure. Any particular reason?" 

"Um.. I think I might be uhhhhh... I like it better." Chicken.

Oddly enough, it was Adrien that spoke up next. "Okay. Hey, you should go talk to Kagami. They might be able to help you out with stuff."

Kagami used they/them pronouns? That was new to Merlin. And also very telling. Beautiful, smart perfect Adrien. Figuring him out before he had to say a word. Which is why it never failed to amaze him how his wild crush had evaded Adrien's notice. 

Talk to Kagami it was. He had things to tell them.

He shot a quick text to Luka to tell him that he would be late to his house - the only way he would catch Kagami before fencing practice was to ambush them directly after school got out. 

They continued on their way to class, leaving Merlin to stew in the fear and regret of not telling his friends the truth. It turned out he needn't have worried. Before they sat down, Alya pulled them all into a circle and then poked Merlin in the shoulder.

"Mar... Merlin here clearly has something to tell us and we aren't sitting down until they do." Alya had used gender neutral pronouns. It seemed that Adrien wasn't the only sleuth in the group. Alya clearly had some idea of what was going on as well.

"Fine. I think I might be....trans. Like I'm a guy. I think. Maybe." That was too many damn maybe's and might's. Where was the confidence he needed. Jesus, coming out was way harder than people on line made it seem. He needed to write a speech or something. 

"Oh." It was Nino that spoke first. "Do you want us to use he/him pronouns for you then?"

Merlin opened and closed his mouth a few times before answering. "...Yeah."

He was immediately and shockingly enclosed in a three person group hug at this. It never failed to amaze him just how many good people were in his life. He truly had the best of friends. 

Then Adrien whispered something in his ear that he would treasure for months afterwards. "Your hair looks really good short, by the way. I like it." 

They broke apart and made to take their seats. Unfortunately, all could not be right with the world so long as Lila Rossi existed.

"Did you hear that? Dupain-Cheng thinks she's a BOY." 

There was a low rumble of upset murmuring from the class, but whether it was at him or Lila, Merlin was unsure. 

"Haha, Marinette's a tranny. Loser!" Lila jeered down at him from her seat at the back of the classroom, always eager to ruin any good thing that might happen to come his way. Why, oh why, Lila hated him so much he would never know. She had declared WAR on him for God's sake and he couldn't for the life of him figure out why.

Then Alyx and three or four other people spoke up. "So what? It doesn't matter to you and you should respect him regardless." 

Merlin felt his heart swell and leap in his chest at Alyx's support. They really were a great person, even if they weren't Merlin's closest friend. 

"Do you want us to call you something different?" Mrs. Bustier smiled her soft warm smile at him. 

"Yeah... Um.. I am thinking about going by Merlin, if you don't mind." There was the confident smooth statement he had been hoping to make all day. Finally, a clear, polite and concise confession. 

"Okay, Merlin. Now, I want everyone to take their seats and show everyone respect." Merlin turned around and took his seat but not before catching one last nasty jeer from Lila that left him feeling hot and prickly with shame and embarrassment. 

Merlin dashed from his locker to the gym as fast as possible once the bell had rang. He absolutely had to catch Kagami before they went to fencing practice or he would have to wait around for hours. 

"KAGAMI!!" Maybe yelling at them while running at them like a madman wasn't the best course of action but he decided that getting their attention took priority. "WAIT UP!"

Kagami spun around, looking alarmed at the sudden hailing from a frenzied Merlin. "Marinette? Do you need something?" 

Merlin skidded to a stop and bent over, panting and bracing himself on his knees. "Can I talk to you for a minute? Adrien said I should." 

"Oh? Yeah, he did mention you wanted to talk to me about something, now that I think about it. What's wrong?" Kagami was cool and collected as ever. They were a rather icy person in general but at least with their tentative friend ship they weren't a mean sort of icy anymore. 

"I.. huh... um I'm trans." Wow, okay, forward. Merlin hadn't pictured this conversation going quite like that but that was a start at least. 

"Oh? I suppose that explains the haircut and wardrobe changes. Did Adrien send you to talk to me because I'm his other trans friend?" They seemed almost disdainful at the prospect, as if it was low and shallow of Adrien to think they would get along well just because they were both trans. Which it sort of was.

But the idea of having another trans person to help him navigate this uncomfortable world of discovery and dysphoria was appealing to say the least. If he had known that Kagami was trans sooner he probably would have talked to them about it a lot earlier. 

"Yeah... Um. I don't know. He just said to talk to you. Before I told him about me being trans, oddly enough." 

"Well, that's Adrien for you. Always putting the pieces together behind your back. I'm amazed he hasn't figure out you like him." Kagami was cool as every, ice lacing their every word. They made for the locker room door, leading Merlin to a bench and then sitting down. They patted the wooden seat beside them. "Sit. You have stuff to tell me. And I have stuff to tell you."

Merlin sat.

"Okay, first of all, how did you find out? Dysphoria? Research?" 

"I was really dysphoric and uncomfortable so I looked it up and figured out what the feeling meant. I read some more stuff about trans people and trans experiences and it just ... fit, I guess." Merlin shrugged, looking away to make sure Kagami didn't see the shame heating his face. He wasn't even sure why he was nervous anymore; it wasn't like Kagami was going to judge him. 

"Okay. Before we go on, I'm non-binary. Which you probably already figured out from Adrien because he insists on the right pronouns even though I'm not totally out to everyone yet." 

"Oh. Yeah, I um.. I did figure that out. What's that like?" 

"Odd. I don't feel male or female so making choices on gendered things like bathrooms and clothes and even stupid things like hygiene product is... hard." 

"Oh." 

"What about you? You got a haircut and some men's clothes so you must have told your parents. You don't have it in you to lie, I'm sorry." Ouch. Well, they were right. Totally correct. Merlin was not a good liar. 

But he had managed to keep the secret of Ladybug for over a year now. 

Oh God Ladybug. What was he going to do? The name Ladybug was too popular to change now but his costume. It was the most uncomfortable thing he had ever had to wear, skin tight and exposing of all his more feminine bits. It was truly awful.

For a brief second, he wondered if wearing a binder under his clothes would translate to his costume. But no, a binder wouldn't hide his hips and distinct lack of more masculine features. Maybe he could ask Tikki to change it. He didn't even know if there had been a transgender user of the miraculous before. It might not even be possible. 

Ha, maybe he would just fight crime by putting normal clothes over his costume and keeping the mask. 

"I told my parents, yeah. They were accepting. I'm going to Luka's to get a binder later." 

"Then it seems you've got it all figured out. Why are you talking to me?" Kagami paused, their mind putting the pieces together faster than Merlin figured it out himself. "This is about Adrien isn't it? You still like him." 

Kagami nodded sagely and cut a sly glace towards Merlin, who only nodded, a little ashamed. 

"Well, I probably shouldn't tell you this because he told me in confidence, but he doesn't just like girls. Although he's not into non-binary people, apparently." They laughed at that, a little bitterly, heedless of the way Merlin sagged with relief and hope. 

Adrien might be bisexual. Which meant he might have a chance with him. 

"Thanks, Kagami. I promise I won't share it with anyone." Kagami stood up, hefting their gym bag and making to leave the room.

"I have fencing and you'd better make your way to Luka's before he gets worried. If you need me you can text. Goodbye." It was only after they had disappeared from sight that Merlin realized he had forgotten to tell them his new name. 

Chapter Text

Walking in to school was a hell of a lot easier with a binder on, Merlin decided.

Sure, it was strange and different to walk into his high school as a boy rather than as a girl, the way he had done for years, but it was a good kind of strange, a welcome and freeing change. And shocking the pants off his acquaintances with his new haircut and wardrobe (equally stylist, of course, thanks to a short but beneficial shopping trip with his parents) was fun, in a kind of way.

And his friend's support made everything just that much easier, he supposed. Alya was always quick to comment on how much happier and more handsome he looked and Adrien was eager (in his own sweet yet distant way) to offer a friendly nod at Merlin's outfit picking finesse (he wasn't about to let something like a gender change make him unfashionable - he had standards).

Nino was, as to be expected, one of those accepting dude bros on every level, even inventing a special handshake for the two of them and calling Merlin 'dude' with a lot more feeling now. (Or maybe he was imagining that. But it didn't matter because his friend's support made him happy all the same). 

Even Lila's constant nagging taunts and habit of screaming whenever Merlin entered a locker room or the bathroom couldn't get to him. Not when the people that really mattered stood by his side no matter what. 

Even Chloe had been nice enough to call Merlin by his correct pronouns. Although she had totally stopped referring to Merlin by name, probably because Merlin Dupain-Cheng couldn't be said with quite as much venom. Must have been the reduced syllables. 

Of course, things couldn't stay perfect for long, not in the city of Paris, where he was a superhero tasked with keeping Hawkmoth in line. And Hawkmoth was quite the persistent bastard. 

Merlin didn't know the person who had been akumatized this time, not that he really cared once he was back in that god awful costume again. The tight, stretchy material hugged every curve of his body, highlighting the fact that, while the binder had somehow translated over to his costume and his chest was still flat, he had hips and curves and a distinctive lack of masculine anatomy.

This was annoying. The constant nagging hatred for his body was distracting and the discomfort was throwing him off the akuma-hunting game. The desire to pull a blanket over himself at all times during the fight was getting incredibly annoying and he was doing a bad job. 

Sure, Chat might be annoying sometimes himself, but that didn't justify letting him down. And Merlin's shitty, preoccupied performance was letting him down. This was going awful and both of them knew it.

It took at least 20 minutes longer than it should have for them to corner the akumatized person and far more seconds than they could really spare for him to work out a solution to their predicament. Normally, he could formulate a plan with the lucky charm in a couple of seconds but it took him almost a minute this time and by the time he had worked out a solution, the akuma had already had several attempts to escape. 

It was really only thanks to Chat's understated but not to be underestimated abilities that they did win the day. Perhaps Merlin had been selling him short a bit  too much lately. It wasn't as though Merlin had been the one to win the day for them.

The akuma would have totally gotten away if it weren't for Chat and Merlin was willing to believe that Hawkmoth had noticed the errors he had made that day. Like any good persistent predator, Hawkmoth had almost certainly sensed Merlin's many moments of weakness.

Which probably meant another akuma attack in the near future. Which meant more time in that awful costume. Merlin wasn't sure how much more of this he could take. He could, in theory, talk to Master Fu about the problem and see about giving the miraculous to a more suitable candidate, but that was a coward's way out. 

And, naturally, Chat called him on his lousy performance before he disappeared to detransform.

"What happened? You seem a little.... off." Chat's voice was kind and inquiring, for once, not laced with any kind of shitty flirtation or otherwise. 

It was a lot better than a 'what the hell happened?' which was about what he had been expecting from Chat. Or maybe that was just what he had expected from himself. After all, Chat was a very sweet and understanding person underneath all the puns and bad pickup lines. 

"I ... uh .. just a bit distracted." Merlin looked away, unable to meet Chat's softly inquiring gaze a moment longer. He could feel hot prickly shame spreading across him for what was neither the first nor the last time that week. This problem was getting to be unbearable.

"Could it have something to do with your... haircut? Something happen?" Chat probably though he had been through a mental breakdown or some bullying incident. Oh, if only he knew. The answer was, of course, all of the above. 

"Yeah... um. Well, sort of?" Merlin wished he could just sound confident and make up some excuse so he could get out of there. But the only thing that would get him out of this conversation would be to detransform. That, of course, would get him into a whole new and totally unwelcome conversation all its own. 

Luck for him, he was able to pull the 'oh I have to go before I transform back' card. Unlucky for him, Chat insisted on talking about it in a few minutes after their kwamis recharged. The man's persistence was admirably obnoxious. Okay, it was mostly just obnoxious. 

Tikki was, to say the least, more than a little hesitant about telling Chat what was going on. Not that Tikki would ever encourage lying, but telling Chat he was trans would unfortunately narrow down the field of people he could possibly be quite a lot. And an identity reveal was the last thing Tikki wanted. No matter how much she valued trust and honesty between Chat and Ladybug, she would rather see them torn apart forever than have their identities in jeopardy with Hawkmoth.

(Even if she did ship them, just a little)

But Merlin decided that just telling the truth would probably work best. Sure, while he may have managed to conceal the information that would have lead to the discovery of Ladybug's identity previously, lying to someone's face was not a gift of his at all.

And he refused to lie to Chat anyway. No matter how annoying the boy might be, he was still Merlin's friend and partner and lying to him was out of the question. Completely.

So he made his way to their usual meeting place on the Eiffel Tower and waited. 

"Hey, m'lady." Chat was apparently back to smooth and flirty as always. Merlin resisted rolling his eyes. 

"Hi, Chat. You wanted to talk?" Not the most graceful subject change, but it would have to do, he supposed. 

"Yeah, um... you just seemed kinda off during our fight today and I was wondering what exactly happened." He paused for a moment, turning to look at Merlin out of the corner of his eye before looking away, a little flustered. "Not that you have to tell me if you don't want to, of course." Nice save, Chat. 

But Merlin had already committed to spilling his guts tonight. Coming out gets easier, he supposed, the more times you have to do it. Not that it was just something he could casually say yet, but it wasn't impossible to spit it out anymore either. 

"I'm trans. And the reason I was distracted was because the dysphoria was really bad." Silence. Well, that was that. It was up to Chat now to react accordingly. 

Running away in disgust wouldn't be out of the question, Merlin supposed. After all, finding out that you, a straight person, had been flirting with someone who was actually a guy, would shock anyone. 

So he was a little surprised when Chat simply leaned over and put his arm around Merlin's shoulders. Wordlessly supporting him through something that was nerve wracking as hell. Again, he underestimated Chat's kindness and good heart. 

"Okay m'l - monsieur." He turned Merlin towards him to give him a full hug. Then he whispered the rest of his question in Merlin's ear. "What do you want me to call you?" 

Merlin nearly cried, for real. Not only was shallow, girl crazy Chat being deep and kind and truly caring for once but he was unconditionally accepting of the most harrowing revelation of Merlin's life. "Stick with Ladybug. I can't imagine people wanting to adapt to a different hero name. Honestly, I'm barely able to tell my friends, let alone all of Paris." 

"He/him pronouns?"

"....Yeah. Thanks, Chat." Merlin could feel a warm tear tracing its way down his face then. For God's sake, he was crying. Him, a superhero, crying in the presence of Chat Noir, his partner and another superhero. Chat would never let him live this down.

Chat just wiped the tear away and let go of Merlin's shoulders. "Anything for you, Ladybug." His smile was a little sad, Merlin thought, almost hollow in the lights from the city against the darkening sky. 

"...Why are you so accepting and nonchalant about this?" That maybe wasn't the right thing to say to the person that was willing to unconditionally support him, despite him being a freak, but it slipped out before Merlin could stop himself.

Chat paused for a long moment before answering. "I have a friend who recently came out as trans. I was really close to them and while it surprised me, seeing how much the support of me and my friends brightened them up made me realize how important it is to support and respect the people you are close to."

That was almost... poetic, Merlin thought. Which was strange coming from Chat. Strange, but not unwelcome, he decided. "Thanks, Chat. You're pretty great, you know that?"

"Yeah? I have to get home, but good luck with... life m'l.. monsieur." And with that, Chat jumped away into the fading twilight. 

It was only after Merlin got home and detransformed that he realized how much of a coincidence it was that Chat had a close friend who had come out as trans recently. Probably a guy transitioning to a girl, though. It was unlikely that Chat knew him out of costume.

Merlin was so relieved and emotionally wrung out that it was all he could do to not spend the whole night simply crying on his balcony. 

So instead he cried in his room.

Chapter Text

It was time to talk to Master Fu.

Merlin decided he had been putting off the conversation long enough.

If he wanted to be able to save Paris as a proper superhero, he either needed to change his costume or give the miraculous to someone else. His focus had been rapidly deteriorating in the last several fights and as a result, far more damage had been done and the akuma had nearly gotten away twice already. Chat, thank God, was there to save him.

But Merlin hated being the weak link in their duo. They had always worked together nearly perfectly and his dysphoria was becoming a distraction too big to ignore.

He could get around his chest by wearing a binder when he transformed but no amount of binding would hide his hips, his lack of lower male anatomy, or the softness in places a cis male would be firm. He wasn't able to perform at his best when Paris needed him. And something had to be done about it before he or someone else got seriously hurt.

Pushing into Master Fu's office was one of the easiest decisions Merlin had made that week, he decided. After all the dithering about whether or not to go and talk to him, actually doing it once his mind was made up turned out to be quite simple.

Master Fu was, as usual, seated in a meditation position on the floor mat of his home, waiting in silence for Merlin's visit as always. His uncanny ability to know exactly when Merlin was coming and why had never been particularly remarkable to Merlin until now. But it was certainly notable in hindsight, how accurately he predicted Merlin's visits.

"Well then Ladybug. I was wondering when you would come along. You're a bit late, you know." There was Fu's warm voice, his gentle, teasing chuckle softening the sentence even further than his feather-soft tone. As always, Fu was helpful, gentle and totally judgement free.

Prehaps that was why Merlin felt no real apprehension at the coming conversation. He had total faith that Fu would accept him and find a way to help.

"I needed to talk to you about something." Merlin hesitated before entering the room, unsure for the first time that day of whether or not to open the conversation after all. What if Fu couldn't help? What if Merlin was sent home with nothing more than a sincere bit of sympathy?

He had no fear that Fu wouldn't try to help. Only that he perhaps wouldn't be able to.

"Sit down Ladybug." Fu gestured leisurely to the mat in front of him, indicating that Merlin was to sit on the floor as he always did when they had a more laid back discussion. While racing in and demanding help might be acceptable in the midst of a tense battle, he was to be as polite to Fu as possible when the conversation was of a slower variety. This had always been the agreement between Master and his protegee. "Tea?"

Merlin never refused Fu's favorite Chinese fruit tea. It was the most delectable tea Merlin had ever had and he was certain it would remain in that place for many years to come. Then again, it wasn't like Fu had anything more to do than meditate, make tea, and occasionally do various traditional Chinese treatments on the unsuspecting victim - patient.

"Thanks."

Fu paused, blowing lightly on the surface of the liquid and taking a sip. He placed his tea against his knees and then glanced at Merlin pointedly, indicating he ought to do the same. "What brings you here today, Ladybug?"

Merlin noticed for the first time that Fu hadn't once used his deadname. The old man was incredibly perceptive, more so that Merlin might have even given him credit for. It would seem that Fu already had some inkling of what was going on, perhaps even down to the details.

"I... wanted to know if the hero costumes could be... modified?" Merlin blew on his tea and took a sip, thoroughly impressed with the rich, fruity flavor as always. Something about kneeing on the floor of Fu's warm peaceful shop with a cup of his favorite kind of tea put him at ease in a heartbeat. "I noticed the designs of our current costumes are very...different from the ones in your ancient texts."

Merlin paused, hope flaring in him as he made the observation out loud for the first time. After all, the same miraculous had produced different costumes back then, why couldn't it adapt to its user now?

"I am guessing your desire for a different costume is related to your dashing new haircut, am I correct, Ladybug?" Fu's knowing gaze peeked over his mug as he said this, his eyes reading Merlin's every thought as he debated how to answer. Fu was the single most perceptive person Merlin ever met and he was unsure he would ever meet someone like him again.

Adrien and Chat Noir might be knowing and understanding, but no one was able to read him quite like Master Fu.

Merlin sighed and then nodded. "Yeah... I'm transgender." He paused, hesitating. Did he need to explain himself further to Fu or did the Guardian of the Miraculous already understand? "I go by Merlin, by the way."

He cringed a little after saying that, wishing he hadn't put it so causally in front of his master. At least he could have said something like 'My name is Merlin.' or 'I would prefer to be called Merlin Dupain-Cheng.' but no, he had said it like it was a new nickname he used with the guys or something.

Oh well, too late to take back the statement now.

Luckily for him, Fu simply paused before blowing on his tea again, appraising eyes boring into Merlin's soul over the steaming tea. "Okay, Merlin. And I am assuming you want to alter your costume for comfort reasons, am I correct?"

Merlin backtracked as quickly as possible. Something about the way Master Fu had phrased his desire made him feel like it was a stupid and insignificant wish. Although that was probably his own inferiority talking. "No, actually I was wondering if, since I can't seem to perform well in costume, it would be possible to give the miraculous to someone.... else." Merlin paused, resisting the temptation to squirm on his folded legs. Not only were they falling asleep but Fu's eyes now felt like burning lasers as they surveyed him with something that might have been disappointment.

"Just... just until we come up with a solution. I don't want to give up being Ladybug forever, you see...." He trailed off, hoping to end the conversation before he dug himself any deeper. Whatever he had said before needed to be erased to give him the chance to explain better.

But Fu only laughed again, just a little huff of air, gentle and nonjudgmental as ever. Perhaps he wasn't upset after all. "No, Merlin. I think we can easily resolve this today. Tikki is with you, I assume?"

Merlin didn't dare to hope, not yet. He wasn't sure what Master Fu meant by 'resolve this today' but he could only hope it meant there was an easy solution to the problem that had plagued him for almost a month now.

"Yes. What can we do?" Merlin was afraid a little of his anticipation shone through his deceptively calm tone as he asked. He only hoped Fu wouldn't find him to be pushing too fast for a solution.

"As you mentioned, the Miraculous can adapt to its user. But the costume usually only changes after either many years of wearing it or when the costume default is reset with a potion." Fu looked around, likely searching for Tikki's proclaimed presence in the small room. Merlin opened his shirt, letting Tikki out of the carefully stitched inner pocket he had added just days before.

"Master!" Tikki was as happy to see Fu as ever. Merlin suspected, deep down, that she was more excited for the chance to talk to the other kwamis than anything but if she was, she never let her ulterior motives on to Master Fu. "What should I do to help Merlin?!" Tikki floated over to the master in a way that could only be described as bouncy. Merlin might have smiled if the constricting feeling of possibility wasn't gripping her with something much stronger than joy.

"That's simple, Tikki. I need to brew a potion and you need to take it. The elixir should work to align Merlin's costume with his preferences."

Tikki glanced at Merlin, sensing the hope in his gaze. "Of course, Master. How long until it is brewed?"

Master Fu only laughed. "I already have some on hand. I just didn't think I would have to use it so soon." He stood up slowly, stretching his legs out before grabbing his walking stick and ambling unhurriedly out of the room. Merlin felt the hope that had been niggling at him all this time rise in his chest like  a soaring bird. He could be fixed! He could fight as Ladybug without distraction once again. He could be useful to the Ladybug - Chat Noir duo again.

Tikki drank the potion that Fu returned with without incident. Fu instructed Merlin to transform, insisting he needed a clear image of his new costume in his head.

The new costume was exactly as Merlin would have hoped. Loose pants and a tunic like top over his usual costume, giving him the look of wearing a jumpsuit under his outer clothes, like Superman with his costume under his work clothes. Merlin loved it.

And he loved it a hell of a lot more when he was finally able to fight without distraction or discomfort in the battle the next day. He and Chat took out the akuma in what might have even been record time, he though. Although not even their flawless performance could get him out of the conversation with Chat afterwards.

"Love the new costume, Monsieur. But I can't help but wish we could match!" Chat leaned into Merlin with his usual flirtatious affection, eager for some sort of validation.

Feeling better than he had in weeks and resultingly compliant, Merlin gave Chat a quick little scritch before preparing to dart away. "Ask Fu. But I'm not sure he will let you change your costume for such a silly reason."

Yes, Merlin decided. Teasing Chat really was fun sometimes. Especially when he purred after Merlin as he retreated to detransform.

Perhaps things really would be different if Adrien wasn't around.

Chapter Text

"Fucking Tranny."

Lila's cold, biting words hung around Merlin's ear as he ducked his head and made his way out of the school. Why the hell couldn't she just leave him alone?

What the hell had he ever done to her? 

He strained to remember when he had been anything but coolly polite to her. He honestly couldn't recall ever saying anything remotely offensive to her. There was no reason she had to keep bullying him every god damn day.

The sunlight of the Parisian afternoon felt hollow and cold on his back despite the late spring season. He couldn't feel anything beyond the hot burn of tears behind his eyes.

Once again, he wished Nino and Alya hadn't ditched to go on another date. He could really have used a friend's back up just then.

Steeling himself, he marched past her with what he hoped was confidence and out onto the sidewalk, nearly running into Chloe in his haste to get away. 

For once the egotistical blonde didn't spit at him, instead settling for a huff of dissent and moving away to get into her limo. Maybe Chloe really was warming up to him. The old Chloe would totally have joined Lila's verbal tirade, taking advantage of Merlin's weakness.

He sighed, feeling the tears welling in his eyes, watching his vision blur and his throat close up and choke him with despair.

Everyone else was so supportive. It was just Lila.

Honestly, he was no longer sure why she even bothered him. It wasn't like she was the majority. Most of the people he knew had either been incredibly accepting or just acknowledged him and moved on.

It was just Lila.

Then again, she did have a gift for making people feel like shit. 

But why him?

He angrily reached up and brushed the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes away. This was fucking ridiculous. He had dealt with Chloe bullying him for years, why now was he on the verge of tears from a few hateful words?

A silver car pulled up to the curb beside him as he walked marched along, burning with rage and shame.

Of course it was Adrien. Just when he was beginning to get through his embarrassment, the universe had to fuck with him one more time.

God, fuck his life honestly.

"Hey Merlin. Need a ride? I don't have fencing today." Adrien, ever the picture of perfection smiled hesitantly at him from the opened window. 

Merlin didn't trust himself to speak, so he simply shook his head slightly.

Adrien sighed a little. "Please, Merlin? I wanted to talk to you." He turned up the wattage on his perfect smile, meeting Merlin's tear filled eyes as he turned to look at Adrien. 

"....Okay." Merlin reached up, pretending to adjust his hair while brushing the remaining tears from his eyes and praying his eyes were as red and bloodshot as he feared. 

Adrien reached over and popped open the door to his car, smiling warmly at Merlin before scooting over on the smooth, grey leather and patting the seat beside him. "Come on, get in. What's your address?"

Merlin hesitantly sat down on the leather seat, surprised by how cool the interior of Adrien's car was. Being rich really did have its perks.

"Why are you giving me a ride?" Merlin didn't mean to sound as cold and distrustful as the words came out. He really didn't. But something about the relentless bullying from Lila had set him on edge and now it was all spilling out.

"I told you.  I wanted to talk." Adrien smiled, still warm and caring, clueless to Merlin's feelings and yet still knowing and cunning. Adrien was so smart, so perceptive, to the point that he had guessed Merlin was trans before Merlin said a word, guessed from a tiny selection of clues.

And yet, he had no idea of Merlin's feelings toward him.

Kagami assured him that Adrien was bi, but Merlin just wasn't sure. Surely, he would be more attentive to people having a crush on him if he was bi.

Then again, that logic didn't make sense and Merlin knew it. He really wasn't sure how Adrien was so smart yet so totally stupid.

"Then talk." Again, Merlin cursed himself at the coldness of his words, cursed himself for showing contempt and coldness towards Adrien's genuine kindness.

The only plus side was that his coldness and anger kept the jitters at sitting two feet away from the biggest crush of his life at bay.

It seemed stuttering mess and cold asshole were his only options around Adrien at this point.

What he wouldn't give to simply be able to act natural around the love of his life.

Adrien just laughed a little. "You know Lila is just mean person right?" 

Well, duh. 

Merlin resisted saying that, still hoping to recover from his initial glacial opening to the conversation.

"She's insecure and she takes it out by lying and bullying. Her opinion doesn't matter and you shouldn't let it get to you." 

Oh, how many times he had heard the same line from his parents, from Nino and Alya, from his other classmates. From Ms. Bustier. But coming from Adrien, it hit differently somehow. Maybe it was his earnest, wholehearted belief in his ability to make Merlin feel better.

It was ironic, how his belief that he would be able to make Merlin feel better actually became the reason it worked at all. A self fulfilling prophecy.

Kind of like Merlin worried his constant fear of akumas was. 

That someday, his fear of being akumatized would be the very thing that got him akumatized.

Adrien was right of course. Merlin simply sat there silently, staring at his hands folded in his lap. Pondering his words. Lila was so evil she could very well be working for Hawkmoth but that didn't make her opinion the truth that ruled Merlin's life.

She was just one boo-er in the mass of supporters he had in his friends and family.

She was insignificant, really.

So in the end, he simply agreed with Adrien. "Right."

Adrien glanced over at him, eyes cutting toward him behind golden bangs. "You aren't wearing your seatbelt." He paused. "Here." Adrien leaned over and pulled the belt across Merlin's lap, warm hands brushing Merlin's ice cold fingers as he pulled the belt to its buckle.

Merlin could feel the anger fading, replaced by flustered panic at Adrien's closeness. He was literally inches from Merlin's face when he looked up, looking down at the buckle as he clicked it into position.

Adrien was close enough to kiss. And in that moment, Merlin wished with all his heart he had the courage to kiss him.

"I..I ...I'm sorry." He cursed himself for stuttering, wishing with all his heart he could just disappear into the seat and never be seen again.

"You're good. What's you address?" Adrien pulled back into his own personal space, backing away from Merlin and leaving him thirsty for Adrien's warmth.

It was strange to be that close to someone.

It was then that it hit Merlin how much he had been distancing himself from other people. It had been almost a week since he had hugged Alya, since he had been bear hugged by his dad. Even since he had high fived Nino.

He was pulling away from his friends and he hadn't even recognized it.

A moment of cold doubt hit him, fear that his friends didn't care enough to notice. Fear that they were letting him for the purpose of getting rid of him.

He shook his head, midnight blue bangs sweeping across his brow. There was no way his friends would do that. His friends cared, enough to give him space when he seemed like he needed it. That was all.

"Just let me out here." Merlin reached out to the belt, ready to unstrap himself and get out as soon as possible.

Adrien smiled and nodded at his driver to pull over. "Let me get that." He unbuckled Merlin's seatbelt again, fingers brushing Merlin's slack hand as he sat there in shock. "Well then, here's your bag. Thanks for chatting with me." Adrien carefully handed Merlin his new, dark grey schoolbag before reaching over him again to open the door.

It was only after Merlin got out that he realized just how unusually touchy Adrien had been.

He was certain he was still blushing by the time he had finished greeting (and yes, hugging) his parents and made his way up to his room.

Adrien couldn't possibly like him back.

Could he?

Merlin was still pondering that question later that night as he sat on the scaffolding of the Eiffel Tower, gazing blankly at the glittering lights of Paris at night and amusing himself with the way they blurred as his vision relaxed more, before coming back into focus as he pulled himself slightly back to reality.

Someone, probably Chat, leapt down onto the bar behind him, making their way towards him with slow measured steps.

Yeah, he should probably check to see if it was an akuma victim coming to sneak attack him. But Hawkmoth, with the exception of Lila, rarely akumatized someone smart enough to strategize. He was probably safe.

It was indeed Chat, as he discovered when the hero sat down beside him carefully, swinging his legs over the edge and brushing aside some of the loose cloth of Merlin's new costume to sit beside him.

"Nice evening, isn't it, Monsieur." Chat tipped his head back, slight wind ruffling his blonde mane of hair, sweeping Merlin's midnight bangs off his face for a second.

Merlin uncrossed his ankles, kicking his legs against the color, rust colored metal a time or two before replying. "Yeah."

Chat turned to look at Merlin easing off his arms and leaning in a little. "You on patrol?" He flicked his tail behind him, possibly to gesture to the surrounding city, possibly just because he could.

Merlin shook his head, relishing the cold air on his nape for the millionth time. He still couldn't believe he hadn't cut his hair off sooner. It was so much more comfortable short. "Nah. I just wanted to clear my head. Nice view, you know."

Chat nodded sagely. "Fair. I wanted to talk to you."

Wow, where had he heard that today. Merlin turned toward Chat, all cool curiosity. "Then talk."

Perhaps with Adrien this kind of coldness was unusual but he tried to stay professional with Chat. Since he was Chat and all. 

"I just... wanted to know if you were doing alright." Chat looked away from him, ears twitching in what Merlin assumed was shame. 

Merlin laughed a little at this. Straight to the point. "Yeah, I'm alright." He tipped his head back, looking for the faint stars through all the light pollution of the city. The Eiffel Tower was one of the only places he could see the stars at all and he would be damned to hell before he wasted it on staring at Chat.

"Oh. I just... since you came out I was wondering if people were... mean to you at all." Chat paused, laughing nervously. "Can't have one of our great heroes getting akumatized." He ran a hand self consciously through his hair, nervous giggles tapering off at Merlin's expression.

After all, Chat wasn't the first golden haired boy to ask him that today. 

The parallels between Chat and Adrien were piling up and Merlin didn't want to acknowledge it any more than the first time Alya had pointed out their similar looks.

Maybe they were brothers. Or cousins. After all, Adrien did have a cousin, Felix, who looked just like him. 

Sure, Felix was definitely not Chat Noir, but Adrien could have more cousins. 

There was no way his mild, soft spoken and gentle crush was this over the top, dramatic, flirtatious hero. Right?

Merlin shook himself out of his series of unwanted revelations. "No we can't. Thanks for your concern Chat but I'm doing fine." He knew his smile came out like a grimace but it was the best way to end the conversation short of simply leaving.

"You know, M-Monsieur, I still love you. Your gender doesn't change that." 

Merlin blinked in surprise. Sure, Chat's behavior toward him hadn't changed since he came out, but he had assumed that was because of habit, rather than continued attraction. "Really?"

Then it was Chat's turn to blink in surprise. "You care? I thought for sure you would tell me to move on."

Merlin laughed. "I won't force you to stop liking me. I know for a fact feelings don't work like that. I just happen to like someone else."

Chat sighed. "I understand. But if he doesn't like you, remember that I do, won't you?"

Merlin wasn't sure exactly how to take that, so he simply nodded again. "Okay."

Chat sighed, leaning a little closer to Merlin in the cold Parisian night. "I haven't been entirely honest with you."

Merlin cut a glance toward Chat, surprised for a second time that night. "Oh?"

Chat sighed, glancing down at his lap and worrying his ring between his fingers. "Remember how I said I liked you regardless of your gender?"

Merlin nodded, unsure of where Chat was going with this. "Yeah."

Chat twisted his ring with new vigor, spinning it around his black gloved hand once, twice, three times. "I'm... bisexual. I like boys and girls." 

OH.

Well that explained at lot. And marked another similarity between Chat and Adrien. Not that they could be the same person. Never. But they would probably get along welll if there ever were to meet.

"Oh. Okay. I just like boys. But that's cool." Merlin smiled at Chat with what he hoped was warmth and acceptance before gazing out at the city's lights again. Part of him wanted to run away and part of him wanted to wrap Chat in a hug and never let go.

That was a new feeling. 

Maybe he cared more about one Chat Noir than he thought. 

Chat sighed, leaning back again and moving his hands to support his weight, freeing his poor rings from his worried fingers. "I should probably get home."

Merlin nodded, moving to stand up. "Me too. It was... nice talking to you, Chat." 

As Merlin moved to leave, Chat suddenly sprung up and wrapped him in a quick hug. "I love you, Ladybug. I hope you know that."

Merlin wanted to push away, Merlin wanted to stay like that forever. It wasn't the first him Chat had hugged him but it was perhaps the most significant and emotionally charged.

Maybe he really could love Chat, someday. He knew he would already if it weren't for Adrien.

Chat let go, moving back to give Merlin room to jump away and leave. 

Merlin hesitated, wondering if he should say something. Anything. "Bye, Chat. And.... thanks."

With that he leapt away into the night, cold air stinging his face and his eyes, teasing hot tears from his eyes. 

He really did care about Chat, he decided. He just wasn't sure how he cared about him yet.

Chapter Text

Merlin wasn't totally sure what to believe anymore. 

It made sense, the more he thought about it. But part of him didn't want to believe it. Chat Noir was, in his opinion, kind of a bastard. He was over the top, flirtatious and often a bit inconsiderate, he thought.

Or at least, that had been true. 

But then there was  Chat this last month. He was kind, caring, sweet, compassionate. Accepting unconditionally and unwilling to give up on Merlin. He wasn't sure if Chat was pitying him or if he had always been like this and Merlin had never noticed.

But the glaring similarities between his partner and his crush were becoming quite the lengthy list. 

Merlin wanted to think they were brothers or cousins, after all, they weren't exactly alike - Chat had more hair and his personality was... louder than Adrien's. But maybe, just maybe, Adrien was able to be more himself in costume, just like Merlin.

It made sense.

Too much sense.

Merlin didn't want to believe it before but with Chat's new persona, maybe that wouldn't' be such a bad thing. After all, Chat loved him, right? 

Oh no.

He had kissed Chat. And if Chat was Adrien...... He had kissed his crush and didn't even know it. 

Shit. 

Merlin turned back to his whiteboard, adding a small note about the kiss in the corner. His venn diagram was getting impressive. Adrien was compassionate, sweet, understanding, knowing, and smart. He was around 5 foot 9, if Merlin had to guess, the same as Chat Noir. He was blonde, with green eyes and he was  bisexual high schooler. 

And so was Chat.

Merlin couldn't be 100% sure. After all, without Chat or Adrien explicitly telling him, he couldn't read minds. The fact of it was, he wasn't certain.

But he was pretty sure. Adrien and Chat could be twins. Or they could be the same person. Now the question was how to figure out which it was. He erased his board with his sleeve and flopped backwards onto the bed. 

Only to see a concerned Tikki gazing into his eyes from where she had been catapulted off the pillow. "Are you sure you should be figuring this out, Merlin?" 

Tikki had a point. Merlin had always been the one most against the idea of identity reveals. But Bunnix knew who he was and nothing bad had come of that. Maybe that was because everyone was more responsible in the future. But if they were capable of keeping the secret safe then maybe it was possible now.

"I don't know. It matters to me." That was really the best he could say. For a long time, he hadn't cared who Chat was. Chat had only been a friend, albeit a friend he would have fallen for if Adrien wasn't in his life.

Sure, Chat probably cared who he was, which was why he had tried to force the issue of a reveal so many times. But it hadn't mattered to Merlin. After all, before now, Chat was Chat and Adrien was Adrien.

One was his close friend and partner and the other was the love of his life.

But now ... now a part of him desperately needed them to be the same person.

He sighed, rolling away from Tikki's curious gaze and flopping his arm over his eyes. His head was practically swimming with doubt, with hope, with something that might have been fear.

What could possibly happen if his identity was revealed?

Bunnix could keep the secret. Why couldn't he, really? Why had he forced the secrecy so long?

Wouldn't they be able to work together and coordinate better if they knew who they were out of costume? After all, covering for one another, collaborating without using up Tikki and Plagg's energy, protecting one another from akumas, all that was better done with the knowledge of identities.

Maybe it would be best to just tell each other the truth.

But what would Fu think? 

Merlin groaned and rolled over again, pressing his face against the bed and letting out a discontented sigh. Fuck.

***

The bright sunlight stabbed him in the eye along with the stabbing pain in his neck the next morning. Somehow, he had fallen asleep on his bed without even changing into bed clothes.

He staggered over to the mirror in the corner, grimacing at the sleep lines creased across his face. He had somehow slept fully clothed, binder and all.

Maybe staying up late to obsess over Adrien wasn't the  best idea after all.

He changed quickly, a skill he was glad he had mastered after years of oversleeping because it minimized the time he had to spend looking at his body. Toast in mouth, book bag over his shoulder and shoes roughly shoved on his feet, he raced out the door and across the street to school.

Only to nearly run into Adrien as he darted into the classroom. It seemed the stunning blonde was also a bit late to class. "Sorry Kitty."

Merlin realized what he said seconds after he said it, looking up to meet Adrien's shocked eyes. He could practically feel Tikki's face palm. Shit.

Adrien's face was composed as fast as his mask had cracked. "It's fine, Merlin. Overslept again?" 

Merlin blushed, from embarrassment and a bit of nervousness at talking to his crush. No matter how far he came with confidence, talking to Adrien would always be a little nerve wracking. Even if the conversation went smoothly, he couldn't seem to not obsess over every wrong word for hours after.

"Yeah... Sorry again." Merlin smiled sheepishly at Adrien as he moved away to take his seat next to Alya. He slouched into the bench, wanted to disappear more than ever.

Adrien took his own seat, smiling up at Merlin brightly. "I told you, it's fine. Although..."  

Merlin cringed, sure Adrien was about to say something about his slip up with the nickname. For whatever reason, in that moment, the similarities between Adrien and Chat had glared at him from the corner of his eye and he had just.... slipped.

In many ways, it was the final nail in the coffin. Adrien was almost certainly Chat, if his reaction was anything to go on.

Surprise, but not the surprise of being called and unfamiliar name. Rather, the surprise of being recognized by someone you didn't know you knew.

Kind of the face he had made when Master Fu had talked to him the first time. Calling him Ladybug despite the distinct lack of a costume.

It was almost undeniable at this point, really. 

Merlin wanted to believe it, he didn't want to believe it. 

***

Adrien, it seemed, had questions of his own, something that he cornered Merlin with after class. "Who do you know that you call 'Kitty'?" Adrien had a distractedly cute little wrinkle between his eyes at that.

Merlin shook his head imperceptibly, trying to refocus. This conversation was not one for being distracted by Adrien's overwhelming cuteness. 

One wrong word and the house of cards that was his identity's secret would come tumbling down. He would have to be very careful if he didn't want to reveal his secret right then and there.

Then again, maybe just being honest with Chat (for he was almost certain he was, in fact, right in front of Chat) right then and there was a better idea.

Merlin realized too late he had hesitated too long. "I ... I'm friends with Chat Noir. I call him Kitty... sometimes." That was a safe enough answer, even if Adrien was Chat. It wasn't a lie - he did talk to Chat as Merlin sometimes. And he was sure he'd called him Kitty once or twice.

Adrien nodded. On second thought, his hair was more like Chat's than Merlin originally thought. It even bounced the same way, the light catching on the 24 carat gold streaks within the honeyed blonde.

God, he was stunning.

Which, Merlin realized, meant that Chat was also stunning.

The more Merlin thought about it, the more he realized maybe he had put Chat second to Adrien unfairly. After all, they were both insanely hot when he got down to it. 

"Why'd you call me Kitty then?" Adrien was the picture of curiosity but the calmer Merlin became around him, the more he realized that Adrien, or at least his eyes, was quite easy to read.

He was afraid, or at the very least, apprehensive, for Merlin's answer. "You.... look a lot like him. It was an honest mistake. I'm s - sorry." 

Adrien nodded, seemingly satisfied with the answer. His posture visibly relaxed. Well maybe visibly wasn't the right word. It was only really obvious because Merlin was looking. "That's alright, Merlin." He paused, seemingly gathering his thoughts before speaking again. "What do you think of Chat?"

Merlin frowned at that. The question seemed awfully loaded. Then again, Adrien, if he was Chat, probably did care about Merlin's opinion of him. "I think he's pretty cool." Merlin hesitated before realized that revealing more of his opinion might make Adrien crack. "I thought he was a bit over the top and full of himself at first but he's actually pretty compassionate. He listened really well when I came out to him."

Merlin realized his mistake when he said that. He had never come out to Chat as Merlin, only as Ladybug. And if Adrien was Chat, he was sure to notice the mistake as well.

Sure enough, Adrien glared down at him with apprehensive curiosity for a moment before schooling his face into neutrality. "That's cool. I really look up to Chat. It's really cool that you personally know him."

Merlin was new to this whole 'reading people' thing but he was pretty sure Adrien was lying. Even if he wasn't Chat, which, at that point, Merlin was pretty sure he was, he looked and acted too much like Chat to not be related to him in some way.

But he simply nodded and moved to leave. "Sorry again. For running into you and mistaking you for someone else." Merlin hoped his smile came across innocent and apologetic instead of betraying the racing of his thoughts as he put more evidence into his puzzle.

Adrien only smiled, a little more genuine this time. "You're good, really. And anyway, I'm flattered you think I look like him, really."

Merlin almost sighed. That lie was just obvious. Adrien wasn't stupid, far from it. He had to know he bore an uncanny resemblance to one of Paris's major heroes, even if they really weren't the same person or related. 

Instead he just nodded politely to Adrien one more time and made his way down the stairs to his next class, head still spinning with a million thoughts. 

Chapter Text

"Ladybug! Ladybug, we have a few questions! Do you have a moment?" 

The raspberry haired reporter practically shoved her mic into Merlin's face as he was jostled back and forth by the surging crowd at the hotel's intrance. Once again, he and Chat had saved Chloe's skin from yet another embittered akuma victum and once again the press was eager to chat with them.

Merlin honestly couldn't be bothered, not with his miraculous seconds away from running out of juice and his identity on the line.

But Chat, stupid, kind, wonderful Chat, was just fine with talking to the press, it seemed. And Merlin would be dammed if he left Chat behind to fend again the vicious reporters all alone.

He huffed out a sigh that was far louder in his head and moved to stand shoulder to shoulder with Chat. "Yes, we have a moment."

Chat cut a small glance at him under his floppy blonde bangs, a smile evident in his gaze. Chat might claim to be a private person, but everyone knew he was a slut for the spotlight. He welcomed any chance to talk to those who would make him famous.

Maybe that was why he had always been the one to fall for the invitations to press conferences and interviews that were intended to end in the revelation of their feelings and/or their identities.

People couldn't stand secrets, it seemed.

"Why did you change your look, Ladybug?" The reporter leaned closer, her mic practically touching Merlin's lips as he leaned away from her over-eager stance.

"I.... I felt uncomfortable with my presentation." Merlin wasn't sure if this was really the time to come out as a trans man to the entirety of Paris but the truth was important and it would come out someday.

A part of him welcomed the idea of coming out. After all, he was sure plenty of other young, questioning teens and adults in Paris would benefit from having someone so revered come out as trans.

That was, if he was accepted. That thought gave him pause. What would he do it he was hated by Paris? How many people would lose hope if that happened? 

How much hope would he lose if that happened?

"Why were you uncomfortable? If you don't mind me asking?" As if she was asking. As if she cared how he felt about being questioned. She was just glad to have cornered him. She didn't care as long as she got her scoop.

Maybe they would be accepting after all. He had already seen the rumors on social media, the gossip columns saying that one of Paris's great heroes was likely trans masc or lesbian.

People didn't seem to care.

Other than Lila, who had thrown some back-end magazine with an article speculating just that at him and sneered about how 'the trannies were taking over' and 'look you aren't the only freak after all'.

Everyone else had just told her to shut up and respect the person responsible for saving millions of lives.

"I ... I'm a trans man. I felt more comfortable in less revealing clothing." 

The reporter had either already guessed or had the good graces not to look shocked. "Oh. You heard it here first guys! A new LBGT role model in the form of our beloved hero her- himself! Thank you for your time, sir!"

It was nice how fast she had adapted and respected him. Perhaps he needn't have worried after all. 

Chat merely pulled him away with a barely concealed smile slowly creeping across his face. 

***

"Merlin! Did you hear? Ladybug came out as a trans man yesterday!!" Alya was overexcited as usual, practically vibrating with joy as she swung into her seat beside Merlin. "Isn't that great? He'll be a wonderful role model for other trans people I bet!"

Merlin nodded, keeping his own knowing smile at bay as he turned to face Alya. "I heard. I was super excited when I saw that on the news. And it's straight from him, not those shitty gossip rags." 

Nino might have gasped a little under his breathe at Merlin's use of a curse word. He had never cursed before.

"Well, at least they got something right." Nino smiled, chill as ever, his surprise as Merlin's new vulgarity gone beneath his chilled out vibes. Merlin had always secretly thought he might be a stoner.

"Yeah! That's really cool, isn't it?" Even Adrien seemed excited by this new development, leaning in to Alya and Merlin's space with barely contained happiness.

And something else.

His eyes glittered with the light of a man who had begun to put things together and was finding his puzzle near completion. Merlin felt a thrill of fear.

If Adrien was Chat Noir, it made sense and made his job a lot easier. But if he wasn't ... Merlin wasn't sure he was ready for his secret identity to be revealed to his close friends, let alone his crush. 

Alya nearly finding out months ago when he lost his textbook had been nerve wracking enough. And that had been before the correlations and evidence had been nearly overwhelming.

No, he wasn't sure how he felt about Adrien figuring out the truth before he confirmed or denied his own suspicions about the stunning model. 

"It is pretty cool. Kinda makes me wonder how many people will realize that if one of Paris's saviors can come out, so can they. It's like Nadja said, he's Paris's latest and greatest LGBT role model." Merlin smiled at Adrien in what he hoped was an innocent and unaffiliated manner, praying the golden haired boy wouldn't seen the deception in his gaze.

"Quiet class! As you know, we occasionally talk about new issues to start the day and I feel yesterday's developments warrant one such discussion." Ms. Bustier smiled up at her students, perfect auburn bun glistening in the sunlight from the classroom window.

Lila huffed a condescending sigh from the back. "First the media and now you? Why is everyone giving that disgusting tranny so much attention? SHE clearly isn't fit to be a hero."

Merlin might have strangled her if it weren't for Adrien's hand on his arm, warm and steadying against the rushing tide of fury that surged up in him. 

"Shut up, Lila. Ladybug saved your life too, you ungrateful bitch." Chloe, of all people, was the last person Merlin expected to come to his, sorry Ladybug's, defense, but there she was, nearly as red with fury as Merlin and standing.

For once, she stood like the hero she was, not like a sassy, entitled high schooler. 

Everyone looked a little shocked, of course, but Lila looked like Chloe had just slapped her. Murmurs of assent rumbled through the classroom, along with one or two mutters of what sounded a bit like 'fuck you, Lila'. 

There were people she could go after and people she couldn't. It seemed the hero of Paris and it's savior a hundred times over was one that she couldn't.

Merlin hoped someone slapped her senseless someday.

He turned back to Adrien, meeting green eyes burning with the same rage he felt. Adrien might be too nice to roast the shit out of Lila to her face, but he wasn't about to feel nothing over the insulting of Paris's hero.

Even Ms. Bustier seemed a bit fed up with Lila's shitty comments. "That's inappropriate language, Ms. Rossi. Please report to Mr. Damocles office."

Lila spluttered with indignation from her perch in the back. "Chloe used curse words, too Ms."

Ms. Bustier nodded. "Yes, she did. But what she didn't use was a highly offensive slur. Furthermore, I have heard you use that nasty word more than once in my classroom and I will not tolerate it any longer. Leave."

That was quite possibly the closest to anger Merlin had ever seen his favorite teacher. 

Finally, some justice in the world. 

***

Chat was already waiting for him when he pushed open the trapdoor and climbed out onto the balcony above his room shortly after sundown that night. "Evening, prince."

Merlin could already feel the conversation waiting on the tip of Chat's tongue. He wanted to talk about Merlin's feelings on Ladybug's coming out, he was sure. If only he knew.

Then again, if Chat was Adrien, he might know already that they were one and the same and be here to gather a final confession, the last nail in the coffin. "Hey, Chat."

Chat swung himself gracefully, fluidly, to the other side of the railing, pacing carefully over to Merlin as if walking through a minefield. "I assume you saw Ladybug's.... confession on TV yesterday." He smiled uncomfortably. 

Merlin dipped his head to hide the flash of fear that crossed his face. Of course Chat wanted to talk feelings. That was almost worse than the conversation about identities. At least identities were a concrete truth, a simple yes-or-no secret.

Feelings were messy, Merlin was coming to realize.

Including how he felt about Chat Noir.

On one hand, if he was Adrien, that made his life simpler. Chat loved Ladybug and he would love Merlin if the truth came forward. He was a good person, both in and out of costume, provided he was the same person in and out of costume.

And Merlin was beginning to love him, just a little bit.

Which of course, made his life much harder if Chat was not Adrien Agreste. Because no, if that were the case, the universe decided he couldn't just be in love with one unattainable boy, but two.

But maybe the universe, or at the very least, his stupid traitorous heart which began to beat just a little too fast as Chat paced closer, was kind after all.

"Yeah, I did. It's really cool how he was brave enough to come out to all of Paris, especially in his position."

Chat nodded in agreement, relaxing just a little, Merlin thought. "He's a great role model, both as a person and as and LGBT icon." A sentiment Merlin was sure he would agree with if he wasn't Ladybug himself. Agreeing with that seemed a little egotistical. 

"Yeah. Did you want to talk about how I feel about that? Because I'll spare you the trouble, it's fucking cool."

Chat laughed a little, maybe to cover his surprise at soft, innocent Merlin cursing. "No, actually I was just thinking about how much you and Ladybug have in common..... You guys would be great friends if..." He paused, sending fear through Merlin's veins yet again. "Anyway, I was wondering if you could design me a costume to match Ladybug's."

Merlin relaxed, relief taking the place of his crippling fear. "Sure. You are a team, after all." He smiled warmly at the hero, glad his request was a simple costume design change rather than an interrogation on his similarities and relation to Ladybug. 

He even still had the design for his own costume, something he told Chat under the guise of 'having drawn it to admire the new design'. "I can alter it to suit your color scheme and design gimmicks, if you like."

Chat nodded, already eager to get started. Merlin sketched out the basic design on a blank page, small fingers twisting the sketchbook with practiced ease and precision. "Here's the basic design. Now let's add the parts you want to personalize it."

He turned to smile at Chat, shocked and a little embarrassed when he saw Chat's face inches from his own, green eyes glinting oddly in the light of his desk lamp. 

Chat was almost as beautiful as Adrien, he thought. Made him wonder if he was as beautiful as Adrien under the mask. If Merlin's theory was right then he certainly was, among other things.

"I want the bell and ... and maybe a collar. Also, do you think a belt in a samurai sort of style would fit the design and work for a tail?" Chat was almost shy in his requests, hesitant to ask as if afraid to either be shot down or screw up the design.

"Yeah, that's what I was thinking. I'm not totally sure how the collar will feel with the style of the design but it's so you we have to have it." He smiled at the paper and then up at Chat, marveling at the way Chat's golden hair caught the light. 

The final design did look a little odd, with such sweeping fabric and yet such a tight, thin band for the collar. But it was fitting, for Chat at least. "I'll have to talk to Master Fu about a potion to reset the design and then have this to visualize when I retransform"

Merlin nodded, trying to look like he didn't know exactly what Chat was talking about. The only surprising thing, really, was that he had talked to Master Fu about it at all. Merlin had simply burst into his shop, design in hand and desire in mind and asked to change his costume. "It's fairly easy then; the hard part is done."

Chat merely nodded, standing and darting back to the balcony, reaching down to pull Merlin up behind him. "Thanks again, Merlin. I really appreciate it." He smiled, movie star perfect teeth catching the light when he did.

"You're welcome, Chat. I hope Ladybug likes it." Ladybug already like it. He couldn't wait to see Chat in the new costume the next time they met up. He might have to ask Chat to just hang out solely to see that costume.

"I hope so too!" Chat paused, glancing back at Merlin, question in his eyes and head titled like a curious owl. "Say, you do have a lot in common with Ladybug. Are you.... related? Or something?"

Or something.

The question was really inevitable. He just hoped Chat hadn't realized more than that yet. Not that he wanted to keep his secret from Chat forever. Just that he wanted to keep it quiet long enough to tell the truth on his own terms.

"I don't think so. But it would be neat if I was cousins or something with one of Paris's heroes." He smiled, clenching his face too tight to hide the fear that boiled in his chest.

 "Oh. Well, yeah, that would be cool. Night, ouji-sama." With that, Chat darted off the balcony, paper folded neatly into his pocket, leaving only a cool breeze in his wake.

Merlin just hoped Chat remembered to visualize the pockets when he reset his costume.

Chapter Text

Merlin was late to class. Again. 

Staying up late to help Chat design his new costume and then staying up later waited for the hero to show off his new costume was taking its toll on Merlin. He raced into class, bag half zipped, hair pointing in several interesting directions and a sloshing water bottle full of coffee death gripped in one hand.

Fortunately, Ms. Bustier was quite used to his antics and Lila was no where to be found. A small, vindictive part of Merlin hoped she had been expelled, or at least suspended, for calling Paris's greatest hero a 'fucking tranny'.

He tumbled into his seat like  a whirlwind, whipping out a piece of paper and opening his coffee, letting a rush of its warm scent fill the room.

Interestingly enough, Adrien was also late to class, even later than Merlin, as the model raced through the door a good 5 minutes after Merlin's own arrival.

Adrien was always late on the same days Merlin was, he realized, the days after akuma fights. Oh well, something more to add to his 'Adrien is Chat Noir' evidence folder. 

Adrien collapsed into his seat in front of Merlin, blonde hair tousled and dull, deep bags under his eyes, marring his normally well modelesque skin. Merlin nodded a brief hello as Adrien's shadowed emerald eyes slid past his own, receiving the slightest blink of acknowledgment in return.

Ms. Buister's class slid through Merlin's exhausted mind like water, whatever she was teaching escaping him completely as he dozed in and out of sleep in his chair. The sunlight in the room was a little too bright, its warmth welcome but the shimmer of it's color off the floor decidedly not.

Merlin just wanted to go home and sleep for several long hours. He didn't even have the energy to think about Adrien, to add the detail about Adrien being as late and as tried as he was to his growing list of evidence. He wanted to know, sure, but he was a little beyond caring about anything other than blankets in that moment.

The bell rang, signalling the end of class and Merlin jolted out of his latest doze. Alya laughed at his start, clapping him warmly on the shoulder and then moving to stand up. Adrien also made to stand up, making his way around the desk to stand by Alya and Nino. "Hey, Alya, can I borrow your notes?" 

Merlin was a little surprise at that, or at least as surprised as he could be expected to be with the fog of sleeplessness still swamping his mind and dulling his senses. "Oh, me too. I'm a little .... distracted." He flashed a wearly smile at Alya, hoping she wouldn't question why both Adrien and Merlin were so clearly on their last legs that morning, nor why they had shown up to school looking like shit mere minutes apart.

If she did notice anything, and Merlin knew her too well to hope she wouldn't, she made no comment. Alya was shrewd, a Ladybug enthusiast, and, most importantly, close to both Merlin and Ladybug and Merlin was praying she wouldn't make the connection between her best friend and the hero just yet.

He kept telling himself that he would tell her, someday. But someday was not to today and as far as Merlin knew, it wasn't about to be.

Alya just nodded at the both of them, a silent agreement, and made her way to the door with the three boys trailing behind her. Nino tried unsuccessfully to start a conversation with the zombie-like Adrien, his words falling flat when his friend glanced blankly at him and then simply nodded. It was pretty clear that Adrien was, if possible, even more tired than Merlin.

Which made sense. 

Merlin wanted to believe it, Merlin didn't want to believe it. 

There was no denying that his opinion of Chat had improved drastically in the last few months and his tentative admiration of the hero was undoubtedly a friendship now. He might even, in the dark of 2 am, go so far as to say that he was romantically interested in Chat. Maybe.

They would certainly be quite the power couple; people had been saying as much for years. 

Merlin was shaken from his resumed puzzling by the ping of his newly unsilenced phone from his pocket. The number that flashed across the screen was unfamiliar, an unknown person texting him.

Unlocking his phone sheerly on the power of muscle memory, he pulled up the message. 

Merlin. We need to talk. Locker room after school?  - Kagami

Merlin couldn't stop the start of surprise that ran obviously across his face, his shock at being texted by the cold and admittedly slightly bitter fencer obvious to anyone looking. Not that anyone was looking but he wouldn't put it past Alya to question him.

Why would Kagami of all people be texting him? They hated him! Or at least, they didn't like him. 

The last time they had spoken had been rather cold and impersonal and that was the closest to an open, honest conversation he had ever had with them. Kagami was not, and never would be, a big fan of Merlin and they had made that clear many times over.

Merlin took a deep breathe, pushing away the heaviness of sleep to think about why Kagami would want to talk. Never mind the question of how they had Merlin's number in the first place. Merlin could only think of two possibilities. One, they wanted to talk about Merlin's journey being trans. After all, the two hadn't spoken in almost 3 months and Merlin had come a long way in transitioning during that time.

Or two, Kagami, being an incredibly observant person, had figured out his identity, or at least had some suspicion and wanted to know.

That, Merlin hoped, was most likely not the case. Kagami was observant, to be sure, but they barely knew each other and if Alya, his best friend for a very long time and one of the nosiest and most perceptive people he knew didn't know about his identity, despite being close to Ladybug and Merlin, didn't know, there was very little chance Kagami knew.

There was very little harm in talking to them, Merlin decided. He was a big boy, he could handle the icy coldness of the fencer. Sure, they weren't openly hostile but they were also not bosom buddies with Merlin. He could handle that much.

Having the first person to figure out his identity be his romantic rival would certainly be .... inconvenient but the chances of that were low enough that Merlin felt safe sending back a simple 'sure' and pocketing his phone to make his way through the rest of his classes.

The rest of the day passed rather uneventfully, unless one counted Merlin falling asleep at his lab bench during a science lecture and then being late to last period thanks to doing the same thing in the warmth of the library.

He resolved to take a nap when he got home, homework and proper sleeping schedule be damned. 

The end of the day came quite suddenly, the last bell sending Merlin back into the spiraling nerves of earlier. At the very least, the threat of Kagami knowing his identity drowned the sleepiness momentarily.

The dark haired fencer was waiting in the corner of the locker room, still in their school uniform. They had replaced their skirt with shorts of the same red pattern and it looked like their hair was, if possible, a bit shorter. Merlin honestly thought they looked really good.

For a moment, jealously burned through him at the thought. Kagami was so incredibly good at passing as neither male nor female, their gender impossible to guess by someone who didn't already know.

And there was no one in the world that would deny the fencer was attractive. Not Merlin's type - no, they looked too much alike for that, it would be like crushing on a sibling or a cousin, but certainly attractive. 

Come to think of it, they looked alike enough that Adrien might even have guessed Kagami, not Merlin, to be Ladybug.

But Chat, if Adrien was Chat, knew Ladybug was a trans man and Kagami was non-binary. But that didn't stop Merlin being a little jealous. Kagami and Adrien were perfect for each other, really, both fencers, on good terms and incredibly attractive.

But Kagami, Merlin reminded himself, had assured Merlin they didn't have a chance and had already been rejected. 

Merlin shook himself from his thoughts and made his way through the locker room to the ruler straight figure of Kagami. "Hey, Kagami. What did you want to talk to me about?" 

Kagami merely shook their stunning raven head, motioning Merlin a bit closer. "Not yet. Wait until everyone leaves, okay?" 

Merlin nodded, suspicion rising in him again. What could Kagami need to talk about that wasn't for the ears of those around them. Merlin was out as trans to the whole school (and all of Paris but Kagami didn't know that part) and Kagami was pretty clearly not exactly cisgender themself. Not being out couldn't be the problem - could it?

They took a seat on one of the benches, Kagami seated ruler straight and staring pointedly ahead, a rigid couple of inches between the two of them. Merlin tried to sit up straight as well, before quickly slumping a little to hide his chest.

He was by no means a big titty person but he wasn't yet confident enough in his ability to pass to thrust out his chest. Maybe he never would be. Maybe it would take a 10,000 dollar surgery to get him to that point. But for now? For now he was going to slouch, Kagami and their perfect posture be damned.

The locker room slowly emptied out, leaving the two of them alone in the silence and the late afternoon sunlight flooding the place. Somewhere along the period of waiting Merlin had started tapping his shoe against the floor, a soft little thump at a regular tempo.

Finally, the room was deemed empty enough and a little of the tension eased from Kagami's ruler straight posture. They turned to Merlin, dark, honey colored eyes cold and appraising. Merlin resisted the temptation to shiver. "Ready to talk?" 

Merlin knew the words were a bit cold the moment they left his mouth. Despite the fencer's subzero attitude towards him, he felt no real animosity towards them and he really didn't want to piss them off before the conversation had even began.

"I know you're Ladybug." Kagami's words weren't a question. They were a declaration, a statement made with absolute certainty, a statement that left not a doubt in Merlin's mind that they did, in fact, know what they were talking about.

Internally, Merlin groaned. He had considered this as a possible outcome of the conversation but he could't say he had expected it. And he definitely hadn't thought up an answer. So he went with a tried and true (and hopefully, smooth) answer. "You must be mistaken." 

Kagami just blinked their slanted eyes at him unyielding. "I'm not." 

Merlin sighed, breaking the eye contact a little shamefully. "How would you even come to such a conclusion?" 

Kagami laughed, bitterly. "Trust me, I know. Did you really think that no one would notice that you, someone who, might I add, looks very like Ladybug, came out as a trans man just a month before he did? The correlation is too obvious." 

Merlin grimaced again. He knew, he really did. It wasn't like he could lie, not with evidence like that. "That doesn't prove anything. Paris is a big city; I'm sure other people fit the profile."

Kagami had the good graces to hide their look of annoyance at that. "No, Merlin, there aren't a lot of other people that fit the profile. I could list statistics and probability but you probably don't need me to tell you that." 

Merlin sighed again. "Why does it matter to you?" He knew the answer to that one. Kagami liked Adrien, or at least, they had once. And Adrien's admiration for Ladybug had never been a secret. Merlin almost wanted to believe that his feelings toward Ladybug were love.

"Because. I was a hero once too. And I think you know that I was useful, to say the least. I want Ladybug, no I want YOU to put me back on the team."

That, Merlin thought, was not the reason that he had presumed. "I can't do anything like that. It's not my choice. It's.... someone else's." Merlin was incredibly grateful his tired brain didn't reveal the secret of Master Fu, not yet anyway. 

"Think of something. We both know I'm a better hero than that useless Queen Bee. Chloe's just as useless on the battlefield as in the classroom." Kagami's words were cold, not a hint of regret or satyre in them. They meant it when they said Chloe was useless.

And a small, incredibly guilty, part of Merlin couldn't really argue with them on that point. Chloe had her uses but Kagami was, without a doubt, a stronger addition to the team.

The problem was that Chloe was a powerful enemy and she just got more so every time Hawkmoth used her. And kicking her off the team was a fast way to get them into yet another battle with the bratty blonde. 

Sure, Chloe seemed at least partially at peace with the fact that she couldn't be a hero every time. But Merlin was pretty sure she wasn't ready to stop being a hero entirely. In fact, he was pretty sure she would throw a fit, to say the least. 

But Kagami's usefulness was undeniable and they had made it pretty clear they weren't about to fight alongside Chloe. "I don't know. I can't kick her off the team and if you're as observant as you seem, you probably know why."

Kagami's next words confirmed Merlin's rising suspicion about their hatred of Chloe. "I refuse to fight alongside that bimbo."

Merlin sighed heavily. He didn't have the energy to deal with this shit today. He really didn't have the energy any day - being the unofficial leader of a growing team of heroes was getting nearly impossible and it was draining on the best of days. 

"Fine. I'll let you on the team, if I can convince..... Yeah. But you won't be there every fight. Think of it as taking turns with Chloe." 

Kagami didn't say anything to that, instead merely glaring, clearly displeased with having to settle for sharing with anyone.

Merlin sighed before continuing. "I do think you are useful. But we can't kick Chloe, not yet."

Kagami nodded. "One more thing. I want you to design me a new costume. I don't want to match you two but something a little bit more .... androgynous would be nice." 

Merlin smiled. That was a request he was happy to oblige. "Sure. Wanna meet up sometime to swap ideas?" Kagami huffed a little at that before reaching over wordlessly and punching something into Merlin's still unlocked phone. "Or I could just text you, yeah."

Kagami moved to stand up, turning back slightly as they did so. "I have a feeling I'm the first person to figure this out and as such, I expect to be the first told about Chat Noir's identity." They paused, seemingly done saying their bit and ready to leave. "Not that I don't have my own suspicions. I don't like you much, Ladybug. But I think we can help each other."

Merlin simply blinked up at them. "Okay. I'll be sure to come to you first. I trust you." He smiled with was he hoped was warmth at the fencer, lifting one hand slightly as they spun on their heel and left the locker room, short hair bouncing with each step.

What an interesting conversation. And what an alliance they could have, Merlin added as an afterthought.

Perhaps the eyes of a dragon were more perceptive than he had given them credit for.

Chapter Text

Merlin flopped on his bed with his head still spinning like a top. 

Kagami knew. Of course they knew, Merlin thought. Kagami was nothing if not the sharpest, most observant, and, more importantly, bluntest person he had ever met. It was a relief, in a way. Kagami was trustworthy enough and he didn't want to make a fool out of himself trying to hide it if they already knew. 

But it was still a little annoying that Kagami of all people was the first to know. Not that Merlin didn't like Kagami - they had been invaluable to him in the past, both as a tentative friend and as a hero.

But a small, guilty part of him wanted his identity, and, by extension, Chat Noir's to be a secret between the two of them.

He wondered vaguely if Kagami also thought Adrien was Chat Noir. Or if they knew the hero's actual identity.

Still, it wasn't like he could ask them. They were, as he knew well, notoriously close lipped and trustworthy with secrets, especially secrets with such a bearing on the safety and balance of Paris. So it was unlikely they would tell him even if he asked.

Merlin rolled himself upright, a sudden idea striking him. He had been keeping his evidence on Adrien on various sticky notes spread throughout his room, having discarded the whiteboard he had been using at first.

Maybe making a list, preferably with some kind of color key, would make him feel better. And of course, lay his theory out for him in concrete letters. It would be very therapeutic to determine whether or not he had a solid case or was just grasping at straws.

Merlin flopped himself gracelessly into his new desk chair, the plush seat actually surprisingly comfortable, even after the heavenly surface of his bed. Part of him really really needed a nap. 

But he needed to sort out his thoughts first or sleep would be an impossibility. 

He clicked his pen, setting it thoughtfully on the paper, and began to write. The final list, a few minutes later, looked something like this.

Adrien is Chat Noir?

 - Late to class after Akuma fights

 - Same green eyes and gold hair - similar haircut

 - Roughly the same height

 - Adrien responds to nickname 'Kitty'

 - Both know someone trans and is friends with them

 - Both bisexual

 - Both in high school

 - Disappears during most Akuma Attacks

Merlin tapped his pen absently against the side of his lip, considering the list. It wasn't as long as he had expected and much of the evidence he had gathered was rather coincidental. But there was evidence and he really had no other suspects so to speak of.

Part of him almost wanted to ask Chat Noir outright. Chat had previously pushed so hard for a reveal that Merlin had ended up rather annoyed with him. He would probably just be honest if Merlin confronted him.

But then again, maybe not. After all, he had talked to Master Fu, the man who pushed the very hardest to prevent a reveal, lest Hawkmoth take advantage of that knowledge. And he had come across as much less bitter about not knowing the truth in recent months.

Merlin laughed at that thought, a little bitterly. It was really quite funny, how Chat had previously been the one burning with curiosity about their identities and now he was the one color coding lists in his bedroom when he really should be napping. 

He sighed, putting down his highlighters and carefully resting his head on the desk. Maybe a nap would help a little.

***

Merlin woke up sometime past 10:30 pm and realized he had quite literally slept the evening away. He also felt about a thousand times better, the uncomfortable fuzz in his skull cleared away, along with any remaining headache from sleep deprivation.

He also didn't feel like actually going to be in the slightest. 

Sleeping again sounded lame and boring and decidedly not appealing, he thought. Maybe heading over to the Eiffel Tower would clear his head a little and he could get some actual sleep. He really needed to sleep like normal before his internal clock got stuck in this new, haywire schedule. 

Tikki just nodded when Merlin told her he was going to the Eiffel Tower for some fresh air and an instant later he was bounding over the rooftops of Paris to his favorite stargazing spot. Or something. He wasn't really sure what his perch on the Eiffel Tower was anymore, other than a solace high above the masses of Paris.

When he got there someone was already waiting for him.

Well, waiting might not be the right word. Chat Noir, a dark puddle in the night, was fast asleep in possibly the most uncomfortable position imaginable on the metal of the Tower, sprawled as if he had passed out sitting up and simply slumped over.

Merlin almost laughed. 

And then he thought about it. Adrien had seemed incredibly tired in school that day, as if he too had spent a late night up doing... something. And Merlin had spent the previous night with Chat Noir until nearly 1am designing his new costume.

Which actually looked amazing, despite Merlin's doubts that the collar would work with the rest of the design. But it was also a testament to the fact that Chat had presumably visited Master Fu after seeing Merlin, meaning he had been up even later.

Merlin almost pitied him. 

Almost.

Part of him kind of wanted to step on Chat, just a little, as if the playful rivalry they had sported at the beginning of their partnership was still dwelling within him somewhere. Of course, now they were basically best friends. Enough late night chats above the city would do that to a pair. 

So instead, he walked over and simply shook Chat's shoulder lightly, stirring him from what appeared to be a surprisingly deep and peaceful slumber. Man, he really was tired, wasn't he?

"Mmmph? Lady...bug?" Chat's gaze was still heavy with sleep and confusion as he blankly stared up at Merlin, the green color washed to a grey in the dimness. 

Merlin laughed. "Yeah. How the hell'd you fall asleep in that position?" He toed Chat Noir lightly, pushing his shoulder back to force the hero to at least roll onto his back or something. Merlin was practically getting back pain just looking at him.

"I... I was tired. I was up with a friend last night... Actually," Chat paused, letting out a massive yawn and stretching upright. "We designed me a new costume. Do you like it?" He pushed himself to his feet, spinning on his heel to display his new costume.

Which Merlin of course liked. After all, he had designed it himself. "I love it! It's actually really well designed, especially the modification that keeps the tail but sticks to the style." 

Chat nodded at that. "You kinda sounded like them just then. They're a fashion designer."  He smiled innocently at Merlin, ignorant of the fear (and maybe a little anticipation) that ran through him at that. Merlin wondered briefly if Chat had his own list of evidence on Ladybug's identity.

He could lie and say he was afraid of that but honestly, it would be easier to meet in the middle if they were both working toward the truth. "That's pretty cool. Do I know them?" 

Chat's gaze sharpened at that, something cunning flitting across his face. Knowing. "You might. But I'm not sure." He smiled smugly, as if waiting for Merlin to tell him he did, in fact, know the fashion designer Chat mentioned.

But he dropped his smile in an instant, seemingly not in the mood to tease Merlin today. "Their name is Merlin Dupain-Chang. He's the trans friend I mentioned when you first came out. Actually...." He paused, as if debating whether or not to say something monumental. Merlin almost hoped he did. Lying was getting exhausting. "I think you guys would get along great!"

Merlin almost groaned at that. Here he had been thinking he had finally come to a point where they could confess their suspicions and be honest. But no, he put far too much faith in Chat Noir's deductive abilities. 

Chat was kind of a himbo, now that he thought about it. So why had he ever dared to hope that Chat would figure out the truth? 

Chat simply sat down, patting the metal next to him. "Sit, monsieur." He smiled warmly, or as warmly as one could in the cold light of the rising moon. Merlin sighed heavily and flopped gracelessly beside Chat, the fabric of his costume breezing around him. 

"You should introduce me to your friend sometime." Merlin really hoped his voice didn't sound defeated. 

But that thought was driven from his head when Chat reached out and threaded his fingers over top of Merlin's. Sometimes he forgot how cute and sweet Chat could be. Sometimes it escaped him just how much he was beginning to fall for his partner.

Maybe that was evidence that Adrien was Chat. After all, Merlin had always thought Adrien was his one true love. That he could never love anyone else. So if he was beginning to love Chat for many of the same reasons he loved Adrien maybe it was because Chat was Adrien.

Or maybe he just wanted that to be the case so he wouldn't have to deal with the confusion of loving two different (but incredibly similar) people at the same time. 

Tired of thinking, he rested his head on Chat's shoulder, pressing his cheek into the new soft fabric of his new costume. Maybe he wouldn't have to go home and try to sleep. Maybe he could just pass out here.

That was probably the last coherent thought in his head before he muttered something like, "Adrien, I'm sleepy.." and passed out on Chat's shoulder, heedless to the utter shock that spread unmistakably across the blonde hero's face, heedless of the terrified and yet relieved glance he threw down at the snoring Ladybug. 

Heedless of the arms around him when Chat finally carried him to his home. 

Chapter Text

Suffice to say, Merlin was a little surprised (and a lot confused) to wake up in his own bed the next morning, finally well rested despite the clumsiness of the way his blankets had been thrown over him. The blankets tangled around his legs, a large part of them still trapped under his body, now out of costume, as he had detransformed in the night. 

Still, it didn't take a genius to realized it was Chat who had brought him home and put him in bed. It was Chat who had been loving enough to lay him down in his own bed instead of letting him sleep on the Eiffel Tower. Sleepily, he smiled, warmed by the extent of Chat's compassion.

And then sat bolt upright as he realized that Chat knew which house was his. Which meant Chat knew who he was.

Frantically, he wondered if maybe Chat had brought him here because he trusted Merlin to take care of the sleeping Ladybug. But Merlin knew that no matter how close he was to Chat, they were not so close that Chat could do the equivalent of taking a drunk friend to Merlin's house and leaving him there.

No, there was no doubt about it. Chat wasn't as much of a himbo as Merlin thought. In fact, if he had been certain enough to bring Merlin back here after he had fallen asleep on Chat's shoulder, then Chat was quite the detective.

With a flash of annoyance, Merlin realized that also meant that Chat had not given up on figuring out his identity as he had seemed to all those months ago and had managed to figure out who Merlin was before Merlin knew the same about him.

It was annoying.

And terrifying.

But the fact that Chat now knew the truth was also strange relaxing. He no longer had to worry about trying to get Chat to realize the truth. And he no longer had to pretend he wanted to hide the truth from him. He no longer had a secret to guard, not from Chat.

His best friend.

Merlin sighed, letting his head fall into his knees as he curled them up to his chest with a mixture of relief and total defeat. Tikki stirred on the pillow next to him, rising up to hover near his head and peeking one bright blue eye into Merlin's range of vision. "Are you okay? How did you get home?"

Although Tikki's statement was innocent enough, it brought up yet another question, rising like a virus through Merlin's mind. Was Tikki aware of what happened while Merlin was in costume? She had given him advice about past battles before, suggesting she was at least partly aware.

Maybe she just lost awareness when Merlin did while in costume.

"Chat brought me." Tikki's face light up with shock and fear at this statement and she gaped at him for a few long, charged seconds before flying up to his face and pushing him into a more upright position.

"But.... but that means he knows! He knows who you are! How else would he know where to take you?" Tikki was as frantic and chaotic as Merlin felt, panic showing in every surface of her over round, chibi face. Her speech was as  chaotic and frazzled as Merlin's swirling thoughts.

There went any relaxation and the relief of getting enough sleep.

Merlin was more or less resigned to the fact that Chat knew the truth. Now the question was how he was going to find out the truth about Chat. The need to know Chat's identity for certain was all the more burning know that Chat apparently knew the truth about him.

The answer to his dilemma  came a couple seconds later as a familiar but not entirely welcome name popped up on his phone. He reached over to grab it, haste in every motion.

From: Kagami Tsurugi

We need to talk. About Chat.

Merlin wanted to believe they simply wanted to exchange evidence and theories about the blonde hero's identity. But, knowing Kagami, it was more likely that they wanted to milk Merlin for information and not tell him anything. Probably just for the pleasure of finding out before Merlin did.

But maybe not. Kagami wasn't as bad these days, he thought. They were less vindictive, he hoped.

Merlin agreed to meet them, this time on the river bank, down the stairs from the school. He pulled on a hoodie and loose jeans, too lazy to dress nicely, especially for Kagami. He didn't hate them, or at least he didn't think he hated them, but he certainly wouldn't claim to feel any real love for the newly reinstated dragon hero.

Kagami was already there when he arrived, hair and clothes perfect as ever, posture ruler straight despite the hard design of the bench. "Hello, Merlin."

"Hey." Merlin hurried down the stairs to take the seat next to Kagami gracelessly, hunching over the second his butt touched the uncomfortable bench. "What do you need to talk to me about?"

Kagami raised on perfect eyebrow. "Chat. I told you that." They stared coldly at Merlin for a few seconds, amber eyes like lasers. Merlin had the distinct feeling that Kagami could sense his growing doubts and faint resentment toward them in his gaze.

He didn't really have anything against Kagami, but he couldn't help but feel a little insulted at the way Kagami had acted as though his hero team was unworthy and incompetent. He also didn't like being strongarmed into letting them back onto his team, regardless of how useful they might be.

So Merlin didn't feel too awful when he rolled his eyes at them. "What about Chat?"

Kagami smiled cruelly. "I know who he is."

Merlin jumped. He had expected Kagami to ask for evidence. He had not expected to yet again be beat to the reveal of a secret. That made twice in the space of 24 hours. Merlin needed more coffee. "Okaaaay. Are you going to tell me who it is? Or do you need to watch me reach the conclusion myself?"

Merlin couldn't keep the faint resentment out of his voice during the latter part of his statement and the faint pinching of Kagami's perfect brows seemed to suggest they too had not missed his tone. "I think you should figure this out yourself, yes." Their next smile was a little less cruel. "Or you could just ask him. From what I know about you two, it would seem he would be happy to have better communication and honesty."

Ouch. Merlin wasn't sure if that was meant to be reassuring or not but it sure felt like another jab at his leadership and team building.

But they might be  right. Maybe asking Chat straight up was the best answer. But Merlin, still reeling from the shock of finding out Chat knew who he was, wasn't really in the mood to confront him about his identity today.

"Are you sure? You don't....." A horrible notion hit Merlin, "feel jealous that it's... him?" Maybe it was Adrien. In fact, the speed of Kagami's deduction and knowing behind every smile suggested it was someone close to both of them, if nothing else. And if they were jealous, it would make sense to keep Merlin in the dark for a bit longer. After all, if it was Adrien, there was a good chance Merlin would confess his feelings to him in the same breath he confessed his identity.

And he was at least 40% confident his feelings would be returned. Which was a much higher chance than if he didn't know Chat's identity.

So it made sense, in a horrible sort of way, that Kagami would try to keep him in the dark a little longer. In fact, he wouldn't be all that surprised if Kagami actively tried to prevent him from finding the truth or even tried to throw him off the trail entirely.

But Kagami only laughed. "Jealous? I thought I told you I knew I had no chance. But I do think it would benefit you to talk it out with him. So I won't tell you now." They paused, a warmer, more regretful smile gracing their face now. "I just wanted you to know that I had the truth if you give up."

God, maybe they were trying to help, maybe they cared, maybe this was their kindness. But in that moment, all Merlin could think was..... damn, FUCK Kagami Tsurugi.

So, in an effort to stay in control of his emotions and maintain his dignity, he stood up, prepared to walk away. "I will try my best. To..... communicate, as you put it. Thanks."

He really hoped his steps didn't come out as angry as they felt when he swept away up the stairs and back down the street to the bakery.

Now he really needed to know whether or not Chat was Adrien.

Chapter Text

Merlin took a nap after meeting Kagami. He had to. There was no way his tired, caffeinated and buzzing brain could handle working on homework or talking to his normal friends for any length of time. Tikki just nodded when he said he needed some time alone after waking up, letting him stalk up to his balcony in strained silence.

Merlin pulled out his notebook, the one he kept under on of the potted plants, with all his evidence and theories on the identity of Chat Noir. It was Adrien. It had to be. Everything, from the timed absences, to the way Kagami had reacted, to Adrien's reaction to Merlin calling him 'Kitty'... all of it.

It had to be Adrien. Merlin would be extremely disappointed if it wasn't. Not just because it made his feelings toward both Adrien and Chat Noir a lot simpler. He really really didn't want to be wrong. It was bad enough being late to the game because of Kagami, bad enough not being the first to know like he had hoped. He just wanted to know, at this point; he didn't want to spend more long months chasing the truth.

His phone buzzed on the  table, jumping away from the surface with a shocking force after the stillness around Merlin. It was Adrien, for whatever reason, sending him a text. Merlin from three or four months ago would have shit himself, tripped, and probably fallen off the balcony at being texted by Adrien but Merlin now was a little more reserved.

Not that he wasn't nervous. He wanted to talk to Chat or Adrien in person about his identity, but text might make things a little easier.

It turned out in person was just what he was getting. Adrien wanted to meet up.... on the Eiffel Tower observation deck, very close to the place that Merlin and Chat often chatted late at night. Merlin wasn't about to refuse, of course, so 15 minutes later he was walking up the stairs, still in his clothes from meeting Kagami, hair a rumpled mess that he hadn't had the patience to tame, and legs screaming from walking up the Tower so forcefully.

Adrien was sitting against the bars, idly running one finger along his phone case and gazing blankly into space. He snapped to attention when Merlin crawled, panting, over the top step and dragged his way to Adrien in the most ungainly fashion. "Hey, Merlin!"

Merlin nodded, pulling himself up and gathering all his remaining wits to make a reply. "Hey, Adrien. What was it you wanted to talk about?"

Adrien only smiled. "You know... I have a friend that I meet very close to here... It's on of my favorite places. Would you like to sit there instead?"

Merlin had a sneaking suspicion, that only made sense if he was right, that Adrien was taking them down to the ledge on which Ladybug and Chat had late night chats all too often lately. "Sure. Lead on."

Adrien smiled knowingly, hauntingly, at Merlin, before whipping himself over the railing and beginning the climb down to the Heroes' favorite beam. "Come on. This way. It's not .... on the beaten path but... well, it's nice and private. We can talk about .... stuff. Mkay?"

Merlin followed without further comment. It was surprising how familiar the spot felt, even out of costume in broad daylight, like coming back to a second home. He and Chat had spent more time there than he had thought. He seated himself the same way he always did, out of costume just like  being in it, and settled against the currently very warm beam next to Cha... Adrien.

"So.. what did you want to talk about?" Merlin tried to keep his question from sounding loaded, but it was pretty obvious he failed, if the knowing and hopeful gleam in Adrien's eyes was anything to go on.

"I... wanted to know... if you were, you know, Ladybug." Adrien placed the hesitation perfectly, a master at persuasion and cajoling, tempting Merlin to spill his guts to the blonde right there. But the model wasn't done. "You know... you called me Kitty in class that one time, and you're always absent during Akuma fights, and you have the same hair and eyes and you're both trans men and... and..... Ladybug called me Adrien in costume one time."

He looked a little shell shocked after saying all this, slapping his hands over his mouth in shock and fear; he knew he had revealed too much. And Merlin hadn't missed the way he'd said 'in costume'. "So.... you are Chat Noir, then?" Merlin wanted him to say yes. Merlin swore to himself that if Adrien said yes, he would tell him the truth.

Adrien's next words didn't disappoint. "Yeah.... yeah, I'm Chat Noir."

Merlin nodded. "Good, that makes things.... simpler. I am Ladybug." He cringed at the way he said it, the way his voice juttered and broke over the confession, just like coming out as trans the first time.

But Adrien was glowing. "I KNEW IT!! Wait.... what do you mean 'makes things simpler'?"

Merlin was really hoping Adrien wouldn't ask that. Confessing his identity was one thing. Confessing his love was another. "I ... have a crush on you... and on Chat. And it's just.... easier if you're the same person, is all."

But Adrien was leaning closer, impossibly closer, his glowing face, and angelic hair coming into Merlin's vision from all angles. And then Adrien kissed him, just a brush of soft lips on Merlin's chapped, bitten ones. Tender and chaste and full of everything Merlin had ever hoped for.

He pulled back too soon, the impossibly long moment over in a second. An age had passed; a nanosecond had passed. It was too much and not enough.

"Good. Because I have a crush on you too."

The only thing that came to Merlin's mind was his next words, clumsy and rude and highly reminiscent of his old self, before he came out, before he was a little bit confident. "That's kinda gay."

Adrien laughed, a small snort, a giggle bubbling from within. Merlin laughed a little too, starting with a huff of air and his shoulders shaking softly. And in seconds they were both roaring with laughter, heads tipped back, basking in the joy of being alive, being themselves, being free of secrets and crushes and reveling in the pleasure of being honest.

"Yeah... yeah I guess we'll just have to be kinda gay then." Adrien's laughter died into the occasional snort, his hair askew and his eyes lit with merriment. "Please be my boyfriend, Merlin Dupain-Cheng."

Merlin could only nod, only smile, only vibrate with joy when Adrien crashed their lips together a second and third and fifth time. He could kiss Adrien forever.

He could kiss Chat Noir forever.

If this is what it meant to be a hero, Merlin would do that job for the rest of his life.

Chapter Text

Merlin wasn't sure how long they stayed up there, perched on the Eiffel Tower, talking and kissing and eventually dozing off against one another in the fading daylight. Time always seems to go faster when life is bright and happy, funny enough.

The day was a blur of happy memories and tender emotions that Merlin hoped he would be able to remember his whole life. He wanted to remember this day when he was old, dying and lonely, to have these moments, these kisses to look back on in the dark, loneliness of the early morning hours.

In short, Merlin was probably the happiest he had ever been.

But he was also dead tired and his butt was sore from sitting on the hard metal all day. So he roused Adrien and they agreed to head home for the day. After all, there was school tomorrow. And there was a certain transphobic bitch to show up.

Merlin's face hurt from smiling as he closed his eyes and layed back in bed, finally ready to say good bye to the best day of his life, in the hope of a series of even greater days in the future. It was hard to believe after almost a year of being awkward and flustered and very much not attractive around Adrien, and then in the last months, finally finding his confidence, he had still managed to find a mutual affection there.

It was hard to believe it was mutual, even knowing how much Chat Noir loved Ladybug and how much care and affection he had always shown Merlin.

Not that it was unwelcome. Not at all.

Merlin didn't really put a lot of effort into getting ready the next morning. Mostly because he was in too much of a rush to get to school and see Adrien. His boyfriend.

God damn, Merlin wasn't sure calling him that would ever get old. The jolt of unimaginable joy that he felt every time he so much as thought of the wonderful boyfriend he could now call his own was something he hoped would never fade. He never wanted to take perfection for granted. Never.

As a result of his rush, he got to school a little early. Okay, a lot early. For him at least.

Adrien got to school a few minutes after he did, beelining his way across the courtyard and embracing him for far longer than was necessary but no where near as much was welcome. "Good morning, monsieur." The casual use of Chat Noir's nickname for him left Merlin in jitters (good jitters), and the lingering feeling that absolutely nothing about this new development in their relationship could possibly be bad.

"Good morning, Kitty." Merlin smiled into Adrien's shoulder, turning his head to kiss his boyfriend's jawline softly before squeezing him a little tighter just before letting go. "What do you wanna do... you know while we wait for class to start?"

Good to know he was still a little awkward, no matter how close they were now. Merlin wasn't about to outgrow his ungainly nature that fast after all.

But Adrien only smiled, a cunning and suggestive little grin, so like Chat Noir that Merlin couldn't help but smile back. "We could kiss... you know... gross out all the normal people." So Adrien and Chat did have the same playful side.

Merlin smiled. His face was starting to hurt from all the smiling. He was going to have smile lines before he was 30. "Sure."

Adrien smiled a little wider before gently guiding Merlin's face to his own, pressing his still smiling lips to Merlin's. His mouth was just as soft as the day before, his lips warm and full against Merlin's. His soft smiled faded into Merlin's lips as he molded their mouths a little closer together.

It was settled - Merlin would never stop loving the feeling of Adrien's lips on his. They stayed like that for almost 10 minutes, lazily kissing off to the side of the courtyard as warm, buttery morning light filled the space and other students streamed in a few at a time. Merlin thought he might have heard Chloe's disgusted scoff in the background just before they broke apart, separated by the bell.

Adrien wrapped his hand around Merlin's as they made their way up to homeroom, swinging their wrists gently and talking about something... maybe biology homework. Merlin was too busy admiring his boyfriend and relishing the feeling of Adrien's hand in his to pay too much attention.

Someone, probably Alya whooped when they walked in hand and hand and Nino walked up to get a high five from the both of them. "Congrats, man!"

Merlin grinned, wide and proud, so very happy to have such a perfect human being for his very own.

Reluctantly, he let go of Adrien's hand and moved to go to his seat, not before Adrien stole one last tiny kiss though. Alya clapped him on the shoulder as he sat down and he heard a few more people mutter their heartfelt congratulations as he tried to focus back in on school and set up his notebook.

Not even Lila's comment about how Adrien was a pervert for liking a 'girl-boy' and how Merlin was a nasty person for 'deceiving him' (even though Adrien had known Merlin was trans all along and Merlin's birth assigned gender had literally no bearing on their current relationship) could take away from the bubble of joy he knew he would exist in for the next several months at the very least.

Focusing on class was hard but focusing on Adrien was so much easier. So he decided to focus on his gorgeous boyfriend instead of class.

God, he would never tire of it. Adrien Agreste, his boyfriend.