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Jungkook’s feet are heavy, and it’s not because of the clunky new boots he decided to wear today. It’s because right now, everything is heavy. The weight on his shoulders, the one in his chest, the thoughts in his mind. The backpack hanging from one of his hands filled proof that Jungkook is a failure at everything.
His feet drag. The two sets of stairs that it takes to get to his apartment feel like he’s climbing a mountain. He regrets not taking the elevator halfway, cussing at himself for always making bad decisions.
Like signing up for the Master Herpetologist Program on top of the classes he was already taking. Like not going to bed early the night before his molecular biology exam the way he planned to because he wanted to kiss Taehyung longer, until his lips fell off he thinks he said.
God, he would have probably. Even if his lips fell off because kissing Taehyung is his favorite second to studying amphibians and Jungkook doesn’t make good decisions for himself.
Reaching the front door, Jungkook presses his face into it. Just standing there, he sighs out. All he has wanted to do today is come home and stay there, but if Taehyung’s inside he’ll surely know something is wrong. Jungkook’s never good at hiding it, and he doesn’t want to.
But the thought of Taehyung being inside is the reason why Jungkook wanted to come home so badly so he opens the door and let’s his heavy body fall inside.
That’s how it feels at least, though Jungkook’s still standing on his feet and doesn’t actually topple over the way he wants to. That will really alarm Taehyung, Jungkook tumbling inside and face planting to the ground.
Instead, he grumpily kicks off his shoes, the pressure in his chest worsening. Being in the comfort of his home has him feeling like his insides are breaking. That everything building up from today is about to rush out of him.
Walking here there was a Goliath frog on his chest, and the moment the door opened it pushed it’s webbed feet into him with all of it’s force and pushed off.
“Hey, babe. I see it isn’t raining out anymore?”
Jungkook lets out a hitched breath. He was right, Taehyung is there. Sat on the couch with a textbook on his lap. He looks soft, one of Jungkook’s hoodies on, a hat pulled backward on his head so strands of his hair lay close to his face. His eyes widen with concern when Jungkook doesn’t respond.
The bag filled with his current failures makes a loud noise when it falls to the ground. Taehyung frowns at it, and Jungkook knows it’s because he usually takes such good care of his school bag.
“What is it?” Taehyung asks, concern still in his voice. It grows worse when another breath gets stuck in Jungkook’s lungs. Without the boots, his sock clad feet still feel heavy, still drag.
“Fuck that textbook,” Jungkook sobs out, waving a hand at the one sitting on Taehyung’s lap. Taehyung looks down at it in confusion, eyebrows pushing together before he slips it aside.
“What?” Taehyung asks, lips quirking up but he looks as if he doesn’t know if he should be amused or not.
“Fuck school,” Jungkook grunts as he knees onto the couch and throws the other around Taehyung’s lap so he can be there instead. “I’m dropping out.”
Taehyung does laugh, but it’s soft as he immediately wraps his arms around Jungkook and brings him in. Jungkook melts into him, burying his face into the side of his neck. They mold together easily, like their bodies are designed to just know how to fit.
The pressure around Jungkook’s body from Taehyung’s tight embrace, the lips brushing over his cheek, are like a code that’s needed to release all of the emotions inside of Jungkook’s chest.
Jungkook’s chest brackets, his whole body as he tries to bury himself further into Taehyung. He’s too big, he hates it. His cry is muffled against Taehyung’s skin, and Jungkook’s probably getting snot on him but that’s what Taehyung signed up for becoming his boyfriend, isn’t it? He can’t stop it anyway, and he feels even worse about crying, but he can’t stop it.
Taehyung doesn’t say anything as he rubs his hands up Jungkook’s back, only adjusting slightly beneath him because Jungkook knows he’s heavy but he’s even heavier with everything inside of him today.
“Sorry,” Jungkook grunts, eyes swelling as he pulls back to inspect Taehyung’s snotless neck. He rubs his face over Taehyung’s shoulder instead, into the soft fabric of their shared hoodie.
“Don’t be,” Taehyung murmurs, cupping his cheeks and pulling him away. Jungkook closes his eyes, knows the sight of Taehyung’s face will make embarrassment flare up inside of him so bad he might as well hide in his room and never come out. “What is it?”
Jungkook exhales out as long as Taehyung rubs his thumbs over his cheekbones until he’s blinking open his wet eyes. “I just want to be a wood frog.”
The tears fill up his eyes again, but Taehyung has such a firm hold on his cheeks that Jungkook can’t hide them away again. He watches with blurry vision as Taehyung’s smile appears, his eyes shining bright, and it makes Jungkook’s heart hurt worse.
“You’re gonna have to explain that one to me,” Taehyung says quietly, patiently. His head tilts to the side, eyes searching over Jungkook’s face.
Jungkook exhales out again. He feels ridiculous. “They freeze in the winter and thaw out in spring. That’s what I want. Freeze me or put me to sleep until the year is over, and I’ll hop across that graduation stage like nothing happened.”
Taehyung snickers. He rubs his fingers down to Jungkook’s lips next, rubbing at the corners. He shakes his head, cooing like he wants to coax them into lifting. “I can’t do that. How am I supposed to get through the rest of the year without you?”
“I’ll be in the room,” Jungkook huffs, waving out in the general direction of their bedroom.
Snorting, Taehyung slips his hands down to Jungkook’s shoulders next. He fists his hands into the collar of Jungkook’s jacket and pulls him in.
It’s just a soft kiss. One pressed to each corner of his mouth and then the center. Jungkook sighs out when Taehyung leans back enough to rub the tips of their noses together. “Not the same. Kind of need my daily pointless amphibian facts to keep me surviving apparently. Thanks a lot for that.”
Jungkook grins, the tightness inside of him loosening before he rests his face against Taehyung’s shoulder. Taehyung squeezes his arms around him, holding him tight. “You can find them online. I’ll send you the link to the daily facts I get emailed to me.”
Taehyung grunts in complaint, turning his head to press his face into Jungkook’s. “Want you to tell me them. No freezing allowed. I stand firmly on this.”
Touching the side of Taehyung’s neck, Jungkook finds his pulse. He rubs over it gently, feeling the thrum of it against his fingertips. “I got a C on my molecular bio test so I probably won’t be hopping down any graduation stage.”
Silence. That’s all Jungkook gets as he pushes his fingers beneath Taehyung’s hood to touch the start of his shoulder. Taehyung’s fingers push beneath his own too at the back, fingers lightly tracing over the shape of his lower spine. It’s comforting, the circles drawn into his skin. The way the shapes match with the ones Jungkook creates.
“I have to tell Eomma, and she’s going to insist I drop out of the online program. But I really need that. I love it, and I don’t want to miss the field trips this summer,” Jungkook goes on. He closes his eyes. “But of course I’m going to, and I won’t get my certificate, and I’ll just be useless .”
Taehyung coos softly, rocking Jungkook gently. Jungkook feels him part his lips as if he’s going to speak, but the words rush out of Jungkook’s lips so fast with his desperate need to empty his brain that Taehyung doesn’t get a chance to.
“I’ve spent most of my life with this dream of going to South America and studying the habitats there, and now I’ve gone and fucked it all up. What is the point?”
Jungkook tries to fly off of Taehyung then, but Taehyung’s grip is tightening on him so he can’t.
“What’s the point of my existence if I can’t ever get close to a wild poison dart frog, Tae? This is what I’ve spent years working up to.”
Taehyung sighs, finally releasing Jungkook so he can roll off of him. Jungkook doesn’t want to, but he’s also kind of afraid of crushing him, and Jungkook doesn’t want to ruin his future in more than one way this week.
“I’ll personally take you there,” Taehyung says, holding a hand out for Jungkook to take. He does immediately, threading their fingers. Taehyung tries to pull him back, but Jungkook is stronger, and Taehyung’s crawling over the tiny space between them. “It’s one grade, baby. I doubt your Eomma will be angry enough to take you out of the program. She knew how excited you were when she offered to pay for it.”
Jungkook nods, closing his eyes when Taehyung leans in to press another kiss against his lips. He nuzzles into the side of the couch as Taehyung presses his knees into his chest and curls around him. Fingers brushing through the hair behind his ear, wiping beneath his eyes. He presses a kiss below one eyelid, and when he pulls back, there is a soft grin on his lips.
It’s true. Jungkook had been over the moon when his parents offered to pay for the online class. But there had been a promise that he wouldn’t overwork himself. He promised it, and he took it too seriously. He slacked off and has a horrible grade now because of it.
“You haven’t fucked anything up,” Taehyung assures him. He slips his fingers over Jungkook’s jaw, and Jungkook expects another kiss but he feels teeth on his nose instead.
“Don’t,” Jungkook complains, nose wrinkling but there’s something fond blossoming in his chest as Taehyung giggles and does it again.
He presses a hand into Taehyung’s shoulder as if to push him off, but he doesn’t. He grips into the hoodie instead because he wants Taehyung close, even if he bites Jungkook’s cheek next.
“Don’t talk so negatively about my baby like that,” Taehyung scolds, biting a bit harder but it doesn’t hurt. The next time Jungkook’s breath hitches is because of a laugh instead of a cry. “Or I’ll swallow you like that one frog does to it’s tadpoles.”
Jungkook laughs loudly as he wraps his arm around Taehyung’s shoulder and holds onto him. “I don’t know. Might be into that.”
Taehyung rolls his eyes, his smile making his cheeks round. “Gross. Come on. You need a compress before your eyes swell.”
They feel swollen already, dry and throbbing. Jungkook’s whole face feels like it, like it might fall off and he hadn’t even cried that hard. He sniffles, nodding, but he doesn’t let Taehyung go so they can move.
“I love you,” Jungkook says, sighs it out. “I’m sorry for coming in here and suddenly putting this on you.”
Taehyung frowns at him, a wrinkle appearing between his eyebrows. “Don’t apologize. You always can. No matter what it is. Now come on, I’m pretty sure you got snot all over me.”
It’s said softly, fondly, and Jungkook giggles when he pulls Taehyung in and rubs his face against his hoodie.
Taehyung whines in complaint, pulling away from him. “This is yours,” he says, a pout forming on his face as he climbs off the couch. He holds his hands out to pull Jungkook with him. His hat is slightly jostled now, and Jungkook pulls it off because Taehyung’s hat hair with his pout makes him even cuter. “So you’re ruining your own clothes.
“You wear it more than I do,” Jungkook notes as he pulls the hat onto his own head. “Might as well be yours.”
There’s no shame in Taehyung’s face as he wraps his arms around Jungkook’s neck and plays with the brim of the hat above Jungkook’s nape. “Don’t finally give it to me now that you’ve gotten your snot all over it, Jeon.”
Jungkook slips his hands into the pockets of Taehyung’s hoodie, keeping them pressed between their bellies. “You’d still want it.”
Raising a brow, Taehyung purses his lips like he’s considering this. He opens them to speak, but Jungkook cuts him off again.
He bites Taehyung’s cheek back in retaliation for earlier. It’s a gentle thing, teeth just pressing into his skin. Taehyung giggles as he yanks his head back. He can’t go far as Jungkook refuses to pull his hands from his hoodie’s pocket, making it stretch from Taehyung’s body as he jumps back.
“Come on,” Taehyung grunts, walking back as he tugs Jungkook along. “Have I told you how cute you are, Jeon?”
Jungkook rolls his eyes, cheeks warm. “Every day.”
“So not enough?” Taehyung replies, dismay in his expression. “I’ll get better. Tell you every hour how cute you are. How much I love you.”
Jungkook warms tugs on the hoodie pocket to bring Taehyung back, but Taehyung is relentless in his efforts to get Jungkook to the bathroom.
“How happy I am you’re mine. You with your big genius brain,” Taehyung goes on, wagging his brows.
“A brain that apparently doesn’t have information about molecular biology in it,” Jungkook complains.
Taehyung glares. “Fuck molecular biology. I never want to hear that name again.”
Jungkook snorts as he follows Taehyung into the bathroom. He doesn’t want to let him go, but he has to when Taehyung grabs a face cloth and turns on the faucet.
He doesn’t move far away though. He plants himself to Taehyung’s back, fists beneath his hoodie to touch his warm skin as he buries his face into his shoulder. He likes that Taehyung smells like him, though it’s more their shared laundry soap than anything. Jungkook’s cologne no longer sticks to the fabric, and he considers spraying Taehyung with it.
“What else is it?” Taehyung asks, but Jungkook doesn’t move his face away. “There’s more to it than just the grade, babe.”
Jungkook doesn’t deny it, but Taehyung speaks like he knows he’s going to. Jungkook just doesn’t know what it is, so he stays silent as Taehyung turns around and presses the cold compress to his eye.
“It’s that time of the semester,” Taehyung finally says, cupping Jungkook’s cheek with his free hand to tilt his head. The warmth of his hand contrasts with the cool pressure against his eye. “Exams, projects, essays, deadlines.”
Jungkook nods, sighing out. Each year, this part of the semester fucking sucks. He really meant it when he wishes he could skip over the rest of the year and have it just be graduation already.
“If anyone can handle it, it’s you,” Taehyung whispers as he brings the compress to the other eye. Jungkook blinks open his eyes to find Taehyung smiling at him. “And if there are moments like this where you feel like you can’t handle it, don’t let yourself think anything bad about yourself. It’ll just make you more upset.”
Jungkook nods. That’s what he did, feeling ridiculous and embarrassing for being upset. He does that often, let’s his mind upset him more than whatever the original problem was.
“Because it’s okay to need a cry or to be overwhelmed and need a moment,” Taehyung goes on. “It’s okay to need a hug, but it is not okay to rub your snot on me.”
Jungkook snickers as he blindly searches for Taehyung’s belt loops to stick his fingers through them. “No?”
“No,” Taehyung murmurs, eyes sparkling. The sight of them is enough to give Jungkook comfort, to make it a little easier for him to breathe. He needs that - a moment to breathe so he can calm himself down enough to figure it all out.
Because Taehyung is right. Each semester, Jungkook gets through it. With motivation and organization, he does well. He just needs to be calm enough to sort it out.
“Gimme a kiss,” Taehyung murmurs as he pulls the compress away again.
Jungkook does, leaning in to brush one over his mouth. “Thank you, Tae.”
Taehyung hums before he hugs him, arms wrapping around Jungkook’s shoulders. He just holds him close, breathes in against his cheek. Jungkook sinks into it, gripping tight to Taehyung’s back.
“Tell me your secrets,” Jungkook whispers. “How do you always stay so calm during exam time?”
“Well, I don’t have a life passion of risking my life trying to study a frog,” Taehyung says, tone seriously.
Jungkook nips his jaw playfully. “Hey. It’s my favorite frog.”
Taehyung rubs Jungkook’s back, hands running up and down the length of his spine. “Mhm. I know. I’m just teasing. And this is the first time you’ve gotten a grade you didn’t like, right? So it’s okay to be upset by it. But you shouldn’t, you know that? It’s barely going to affect you in any way.”
Jungkook sighs. He presses his lips to Taehyung’s pulse, but he can’t feel it as well as he can with his fingertips. “I know. But when my professor handed it to me she looked so disappointed.”
“That’s all in your head,” Taehyung says, pulling away to look at him. “And if she gives you any grief over it, I will find a golden dart frog to poison her with.”
Jungkook snickers, slapping Taehyung’s chest. He likes that Taehyung remembers stupid facts about amphibians that Jungkook doesn’t even remember telling him. Though there was a time Taehyung went out of his way to learn about them himself to flirt with him.
How Jungkook ever thought he’d be able to keep his crush on Taehyung quiet is beyond him. He feels like it radiates off of him, fills the room whenever they’re together. He thinks the same thing about Taehyung, how dumb Jungkook mustt have been to not see the way he felt too because it’s in his eyes. His touch, his words. The smile he wears when his eyes search over his face to make sure he’s okay.
“I love you.” Jungkook licks his lips. He’s already said it, but it’s what he needs to say right now. Again, as many times as possible.
Taehyung smiles as he reaches up to trace over his cheek bone. His eyes say it for him, but Jungkook’s still thankful he says it out loud because it makes the pressure in his chest return, but not in a way that is hard to handle. But one that’s accepted, needed.
“I love you too, baby. Even if you ruined my favorite hoodie.”
Jungkook grunts out his complaint, pushing into Taehyung's chest to put space between them, but Taehyung's giggling as he takes his hands to swing them around their bodies and pull Jungkook back in for another kiss.