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“I don’t think I’m a boy,” Albus says in a rush and then holds his breath as the words echo both in the empty room and his head.
He doesn’t dare look at Scorpius, his best friend, his confidante, the young man he is secretly in love with.
He doesn’t dare think about the fact that he just interrupted Scorpius’ rambling about their potions homework and he doesn’t dare think about that he said those words out loud in the first place.
“Okay,” is all Scorpius says and when Albus does dare open his eyes, does dare look up and does dare to look at his friend, it is like he sees him for the very first time. Because Scorpius sees her for the first time.
_____
“What is your name?” Scorpius asks the next day during Breakfast, almost conversationally. Albus stops in her tracks with the spoon halfway to her mouth.
“Wha-? Scorp, you’ve known me for seven years, I’m still the same person!” Albus rushes out and a stab of anxiety pierces him at the prospect of Scorpius thinking that he will change, that they will change.
Scorpius shakes his head, chuckling softly.
“I’ve met Albus seven years ago. But who is she?”
____
“Ariel.”
“What?”
“Her , I mean my name is Ariel.”
“Like the mermaid?”
“Yeah,” Ariel confirms with a shaky breath and can’t help but release a giggle because a tight knot of anxiety evaporates, just like that.
____
When Ariel sees Scorpius sleeping on the common room sofa with his note book half falling off of him, she can’t help but smile. She carefully picks up the notebook before it can fall to the floor and that’s when she sees it. A heart in red ink. And in it, unmistakably, unmissable; Scorpius’ chicken scrawl.
ASP + SHM
____
“I need a new middle name.”
Scorpius smiles at Ariel as if she hung the winter sun that’s shining on them as they make their way around the lake. They cling to each other as much as they can before they have to go home to their respective families over Christmas break. Ariel revels in the fact that the wind softly blows through her hair. She’s glad that Scorpius encouraged her to let it grow a bit. Only a bit. For now.
“Not too happy with Severus anymore?”
Ariel just glares at him, which prompts him to hold up both hands in mock surrender.
“Okay, okay. Ashley?”
“No.”
“Hermione?”
“Are you crazy?”
“Ginny?”
“That’s my bloody mum, mate!”
“Well, you make a suggestion then.”
“I need something starting with an S.”
“Sirène.”
“...Gesundheit?”
Scorpius giggles.
“No?”
Ariel stares at him with an incredulous look.
“No? Are you mad? Bloody Sirène? What does that even mean anyway?”
“Mermaid. In French.”
Ariel snorts.
“Only you would give me a French name. I am about as far away from a beautiful Parisian girl sitting in one of those fancy public gardens you always tell me about, eating cheese and grapes in a gorgeous yellow summerdress...”
Scorpius stops walking and softly touches his hand to Ariel’s shoulder to make her stop too.
“Ariel. You are the most beautiful girl in any garden you’re in.”
___
Ariel doesn‘t tell Scorpius that the reason she wants a second name in the first place, and one starting with an ‘s’ at that, is just because she can’t get the heart from his notebook out of her head.
ASP + SHM
She still wants to be ASP.
When she does tell him, it’s right after Scorpius kisses her for the first time on the Hogwarts express.
They had been making plans to meet up over the holidays before Scorpius leans over and softly connects their lips. “I’ll miss you so much,” he whispers.
When Ariel tells him about the notebook, Scorpius takes her hand in his, presses a kiss to her knuckles and says:
“Ma petite sèrene”.
___
“I’m not a boy,” Ariel says on Christmas Eve and is met with icy silence.
___
She wishes she hadn’t told her family. Not yet. Her mum told her it was a phase, her dad told her to quit being so needy for attention and James and Lily started ignore her.
___
“Albus,” her dad says with a conspiring tone while everyone is getting ready to visit his mum’s parents and the rest of the extended family.
“My name is Ariel,” she reminds him and stares at the floor, wanting to know why those last few weeks with Scorpius had been so easy. So simple. And this was... so hard.
A sigh.
“Albus. No word of this to Molly and Arthur, yeah? They’re not... they won’t...,” Harry sounds distressed and without looking at him, Ariel knows that he is grimacing and feeling awkward. Not knowing how to deal with her. Nothing new, this is how it’s always been for her.
“Get it?” Ariel finishes with a heavy heart.
“There’s a good lad,” Harry says and claps Ariel on the shoulder, almost knocking her over.
I’m not a lad.
___
Everytime someone refers to her as Albus, it feels like a piece of her heart splinters off. Two splinters for each time someone from her immediate family does it.
___
“Your hair is getting too long,” Ginny remarks one morning when they are sitting in front each other in the kitchen.
“Yes, I’m letting it grow out. I want to wear it in a bun,” Ariel explains in a monotone voice. She tries to make them believe that their remarks don’t hurt her as much as they do.
Ginny sighs.
“I don’t understand, Albus.”
“Ariel.”
“Albus. You were such a happy boy, what did I do wrong?”
___
Dear Scorpius,
Get me out of here.
Love,
Ariel
___
Ariel wakes up to shouting in the living room and creeps towards it to see what all the ruckus is about.
She is met with the stony visage of Draco Malfoy and her head spins. Is Scorpius here? She immediately looks around but all she sees is her father looking furious.
“How dare you come into my home and accuse me of mistreating my son?”
“That’s the bloody point, Potter,” Malfoy snarles, “Ariel is your daughter. Are you honestly standing there telling me that the chosen one, the golden boy, the boy who lived twice and all that absolute shite is going to accept that magic is real? Let a half giant into his life and goes with him age eleven without as much as a proper introduction? But the gender identity of his daughter is so far fetched? Are you actually going to tell me that you’re treating Ariel differently than those Muggles treated you? That you’re not desperately trying to keep her in the closet? Snap out of it, Harry and do what you did with me. Do what you did with all of us Slytherins back in 8th year and accept her for who she is.”
Harry opens his mouth to reply but closes it again, looking contemplative.
Draco glances in Ariel’s direction.
“I’m taking her to the Manor so that she and my son can spend some time together. Maybe I’ll braid her hair,” he looks at her and whispers a quick compliment before turning back to her father: “Owl me when you’ve gotten to your senses.”
Ariel dutifully follows Draco to the floo and turns around, looking at Harry’s crestfallen expression: “See you, dad.”
“Albus,” he tries.
“Her name is Ariel,” Draco all but yells.
____
Dear Ariel,
we miss you.
We are sorry that we didn’t believe you and that we kept trying to refer to you by anything that isn’t your name.
Luckily, you have a very smart aunt and uncle.
And – as loathe as I am to admit it – Draco Malfoy.
All three of them made me see sense. Funnily enough, all three of them did so collectively. Actually, it might be accurate to call it an intervention. You know we never had an issue with your uncle Charlie’s sexuality. We don’t have an issue with you. We didn’t understand.
We think we do now.
At least, we are trying to.
Please know that we will always love and cherish you, Ariel. Even if we make mistakes sometimes. I make mistakes a lot of the time. I don’t want to make mistakes when it comes to you anymore, though. Know that you can come home at any time and we will be ready. All four of us will be waiting for you. But don’t rush. Come home when you feel you’re ready.
Until then, all my love,
Dad.