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"Is it better speak or die?"
Jeongguk is chaotic most of the time. He acts like a hyperactive teenager locked in an adult body, completely restless and oblivious to the hyungs' prayers for him to stop disturbing them every here and there. To be fair, they love the kid, really. Spending a day without his whining about how manufacturers should add more chips if they claim these chocolate chip cookies never feels right, but sometimes they think it would be nice if he didn't try challenging them to handstand after eight hours long practices.
He figured they don't like it when he pouts in a way and now uses this knowledge to his benefit. It never works on Jin, he found out soon, and apparently, it's not that easy to manipulate someone whose studio's door got a keypad, but it turns out Taehyung is actually an easy prey. He is no less competitive than Jeongguk himself and always tries to excel at whatever hobby he comes up with, so one can say they bicker a lot.
"That's just our way of communicating", Taehyung told Jimin once while tucking his socks into Jeongguk's pile of laundry, something he knew the younger would've killed him for if he'd happened to find out.
And it was, indeed. Contrary to what it might've seemed like, Taehyung was the person Jeongguk got along with the best, owing to their age gap which was insignificant enough for Jeongguk to quit using honorifics when addressing him by his name.
"You calling me 'Taehyungie' won't save you from death if I don't find a match to any of my socks", says Taehyung, searching for his clothing under washing machine down on his knees.
"You should be happy I hid them around the dormitory, not threw away. Use Google Maps to find them or whatever, a wannabe smartass."
"You sound really brave for a wannabe dead."
Jeongguk is laying across the bed, calm music playing from his speakers as he's highlighting yet another quote in the book. He used to think at some point they'd get tired of their neverending skirmishes, but as the years passed by, it seems to have become more of affection outbursts rather than some competition.
"What?"
"You think it's better speak or die?"
Taehyung is sitting by the headboard, legs crossed as he's trying to capture Jeongguk's brooding facial expression on the sketchbook page. Recently he's been into drawing a lot. For a while Jeonnguk tried to tease him as he'd fail to draw a perfect circle, saying it looked like a pear, but soon his attempts started getting lazier each time, so now he's more of a teacher for Taehyung because if there was something Jeongguk wasn't good at, it surely wasn't his artistic skills. That says, winter evenings Taehyung tends to spend around the younger every so often.
"I thought you would watch the movie", he peeks at the cover of the book Jeongguk was holding, "I asked you to watch the movie."
"You asked me to learn about the story, hyung. That's what I am doing", he lazily rolls over to face Taehyung, "You're missing on a lot of things by watching a movie based on a book without reading the original story."
"How come?"
Jeongguk bookmarks the page he stopped at and puts the book aside. It felt nice, having a break from their packed up schedule and being able to do nothing. He wasn't a passive type of weekender, exactly, but laying in his room in the evening with Taehyung softly humming some melody as he's making unnecessarily adorable sketches just felt nice.
"It's a first-person story. You get to know essential insights which are barely possible to portray in a movie", he says.
"You wouldn't know how they dealt with it until you watch the movie."
"Unless they turned it into Elio's background monologues, or put it as a reading-a-diary story as they did with The Notebook, howsoever they coped with it won't be as good as the book."
"Alright, Golden Closet Film, maybe you should remake it someday.'
"Maybe." He looks at Taehyung's side profile very attentively, as if trying to find something that slipped away from him through the years. His nose mole is evident now that the boy doesn't have any makeup on. They often cover it with an unreasonable amount of foundation layers for public events or photoshoots. It's ridiculous, Jeongguk thinks. Taehyung doesn't need any makeup in the first place. Jeongguk's beliefs come down to being sure of fate and Taehyung's ability to outshine the stars.
"You would get the lead role", he says after a while.
"Huh?"
"You like acting. If I am to ever remake it, you will get the lead role."
"Whom would I be?"
Taehyung seems to be immersed in what he's been doing for the past few hours, but he doesn't miss the chance to glance at Jeongguk as the younger is contemplating his answer. Taehyung thinks he's way too grown up now and as much as he's proud of it, sometimes he wishes Jeongguk remained someone he was at the age of thirteen when the worst thing that could happen to him was a fight over a computer game that left a scar on his cheek. "It's your charm", Taehyung reassured when Jeongguk insisted on editing it for the debut photoshoot.
But then again, it's not that he's changed drastically. Physically, sure. As he got taller and his shoulders got wider, it's become a challenge to beat him at sports, but it's got its benefits, too. Now he can hide his tiredness by leaning on Jeongguk's back and maybe he'd know better, but Jeongguk doesn't mind. He is caring and protective and often acts way too mature for someone who's supposed to be the maknae. The maknaes are meant for being taken care of, yet Jeongguk volunteers to be a backbone for everyone in need. It's surely not a bad thing, Taehyung just wishes Jeongguk let them help him like that too.
"Oliver, I guess", he frowns, "You always seem to have something on your mind."
Taehyung chuckles. Namjoon once pointed out his doe eyes reminded him of Bambi and Taehyung cannot unsee it ever since. Jeongguk's eyes get bigger over bucket hats, banana milk, and new bluetooth speakers all the same regardless of the age. It's almost like he hasn't been hurt nor cried for at least once in his life because Taehyung is sure every tear takes that innocent sparkle away from people.
But he did cry and Taehyung saw it, so he is curious what it is about Jeongguk that makes him be so obviously different but remain the same in his heart.
"Who would play Elio then?"
Jeongguk pouts in a way.
"Bogumie hyung?" he suggests.
Here they are.
Jeongguk's way of talking about things he's not a big fan of has always been amusing. He says it would be nice if people made the "cereals before milk" agenda a less big deal because he's done with being made fun of for his preferences, and insists DC would do better if they made their special effects more realistic when in fact he's just not interested in anything that doesn't include Iron Man, but his jealousy always makes the best part of Taehyung's day.
He expresses it subtly and generally speaking he just avoids being around something he's not happy about, but it always occasionally finds its ways out sooner or later. Taehyung is perceptive and absorbs everything that's happening around, so he's always the one to notice things before they get too evident on their own.
But sometimes Jeongguk is simply loud. Like now.
He doesn't hate Taehyung's friends because he doesn't seem to know what hate is, but he made it obvious he'd rather Taehyung didn't have friends more or as important as the members are, which, honestly, makes no sense because there's no way for it to happen.
The problem is, Taehyung realizes soon, Jeongguk is okay with the idea of being replaceable and he doesn't know what to do about it.
"You'd like to try acting too", he says in an attempt to hide his smile and change the subject.
"I am way too inexperienced for this, hyung."
"You are you. That's quite enough."
Jeongguk crinkles his eyes and Taehyung thinks it looks like crescents, which fits him so well because the boy consists of nebulas and milky ways.
"How come you still haven't answered my question?"
Jeongguk's smile is contagious and Taehyung can't help smiling back.
"You will know the answer once you finish the story."
He rolls back to stare at the ceiling which was lit up with rose gold. Chet Baker is singing something about falling in love too easily and Jeongguk thinks that listening to jazz never feels right unless it's with Taehyung.
"But hyung", he closes his eyes, soothed by the dim light and feeling a bit sleepy, "You think stories like this have a completed finale? I mean, unless it's fifty-something years later and someone is reflecting on their common past when standing by their significant one's grave - and even then, you think the story ends once people split their ways?"
Taehyung wants to tell him to get back to being young and carefree because it makes him feel uneasy. Instead, he asks "What makes you think they will split their ways?"
"I guess they will because that's how such stories are", Jeongguk peeks at him upside down from where he was laying, "Also Jimin hyung said you were crying for half an hour after you finished it, I figured those weren't tears of joy."
He feels a light push on his shoulder but doesn't really bother to react to it - his body feels relaxed and his mind is at peace as the trumpet and piano serve to make a calming sound.
"Isn't it the point though?" he continues, "Can you actually call it splitting ways if you spend your whole lifetime coming back to that someone in your dreams? If you don't follow the same path, does it necessarily mean your ways don't go concurrently?"
Taehyung stares at him with sort of a sadness and words slip away from his mouth before he thinks it through.
"Did you have to grow up this fast?"
Jeongguk closes his eyes and hums all softly, long lashes creating shadows on his cheeks. He looks beautiful but Taehyung tempts to come up with words less simplistic than this. He wishes Jeongguk always was this peaceful.
"I'm not grown up", he finally speaks, "I know nothing. Just rambling."
What nonsense.
Taehyung recognizes the quote at once, though. "I told you, I know nothing. I know books, and I know how to string words together — it doesn't mean I know how to speak about the things that matter most to me."
He tries to remember when they talked like this the last time. Was is Jeongguk's birthday when he didn't want to celebrate it because it didn't make him excited anymore, so they ended up watching his favorite movie at 4 a.m. in the dormitory? Or was it when he wasn't able to perform to the fullest and pretended he was fine with it?
He suddenly realizes when they have midnight conversations, it's a little to never about Jeongguk and a weird feeling tightens up in his chest.
Taehyung takes the closed book laying next to Jeongguk, curiosity taking over him as he's dying to know what line the younger boy highlighted.
He finds it pretty quickly and loses his breath for a good minute or two, lowkey discouraged, because Jeongguk was right. You cannot capture that in a moving picture.
"I would speak", he says, quietly putting away the book, not wanting Jeongguk to know he'd opened it as if he crossed the fine line.
"What?"
"I would speak. Silence is unreasonable, it's like dying anyway, so what's the point if it doesn't do you any better?"
"But you can speak and die?" Jeongguk suggests, lying as still as he was.
"Yes, but at least you would die for something?"
The younger boy shrugs. "I guess."
It gets quiet again as Taehyung is lost in his thoughts and Jeongguk seems to fall asleep.
Perhaps we were friends first and lovers second. But then perhaps this is what lovers are.
"Hyung?" Jeongguk drags his attention back to reality.
"Mhm?"
"I'm positive your dog is eating my sock. I'm speaking so he doesn't die."
Taehyung breaks into laughter which comes straight out of his chest. It sounds like heaven and Jeongguk believes Chet Baker is not the only fool to fall in love so easily.