Work Text:
sunwoo absentmindedly raises his right eyebrow while surfing the internet when a notification suddenly pops in his screen.
surprise live! bbangnyu <3
he swipes the notification annoyingly and tries to brush it off his mind as he continued what he was doing. not even a minute passed when he let out a groan and clicked on the vlive notification.
he sits on his bed as he stares at the loading sign, getting more annoyed as seconds pass by. when it finally loads, his face lit up seeing him but then changes into a big scowl when he realizes he is with younghoon.
annoyed with what he is seeing, he types a comment which says: “chanhee hyung your sweater doesn’t suit you it looks ugly on you.”
yes, sunwoo is petty and again, yes, he is lying. chanhee looks good with whatever he wears. he could wear a rag and he would still look majestic, only he could pull it off.
after that, he exits the live and walks over to his desk to work on some lyrics because he needs an outlet to let out what he’s feeling or else he might just burst.
-
a few hours passes when sunwoo hears a beep from his phone. he picks it up and sees a text from chanhee. he panics for a quick second and unlocks his phone to see his message. he hasn’t realized he had been holding his breathe until he finally sees his message.
chanhee hyung: i saw your comment >:(
he bites the inside of his cheeks, being careful not to let out a shriek because of how cute the older’s message is and sunwoo could vividly imagine and hear him saying the exact words he sent.
sunwoo quickly types his message, and then erases it again. is he replying too fast? does he seem too eager?
he didn’t want to be seen that way by the older so he lets a good three minute pass before replying back with a: “:P i wasn’t lying”
he rests his phone back to its place and pushes his head back while his hands cover his face, trying to hide his smile.
yes, another lie.
-
sunwoo can hear his heart banging out of his chest as he feels the annoyance and anger (and jealousy) seeping into every pore of his body.
younghoon just lost in a mission he was given and the penalty is to kiss a member of his choice. that member is chanhee.
while the members are screaming and shrieking around when younghoon gives chanhee’s cheek a quick peck, sunwoo is the only one silently staring at them while he clenches his jaw unconsciously. he couldn’t help but notice how chanhee didn’t even bat an eye when younghoon kissed him and how younghoon didn’t act like it was a big deal. it was as if normal to the both them.
the thought of chanhee and younghoon kissing gave a different kind of pain than what sunwoo usually experiences. it isn’t the kind of pain wherein you would feel a part of your body ache, it is the kind of pain that etches into the heart like a lemon zest being poured on a fresh wound non-stop. sunwoo looks away, wishing the pain would stop. he waits and waits.
their shooting is almost done but the relief he’s looking for never came.
-
sunwoo is relentlessly laying on his bed, looking at the ceiling as if answers as to why he is feeling the way he does would miraculously pop up there.
his little bubble pops when he hears the door open, and he’s sure as hell he felt his heart skip a beat when a barefaced chanhee peeks in, “hey, are you hungry?”
sunwoo cannot help but notice how tiny chanhee looks in the beige hoodie he’s wearing, the hem of it is up to his legs and his hands barely showing.
he hasn’t eaten anything yet for the day except for a biscuit and water. he doesn’t have any appetite, so he shakes his head, “nah, i’m good,”
he receives a frown from the older as he completely enters his room and grabs sunwoo’s wrist, “shut up and get out of your bed, you haven’t eaten anything yet,” he annoyingly says as he pulls the younger’s arm.
sunwoo feels the electricity when chanhee’s tender hands touched his skin, and he couldn’t help but wince.
“don’t be dramatic and hurry up, i cooked food for you,”
“you cooked food for me?” the younger’s eyes widens as he stares at chanhee. just when he thought his heart couldn’t beat any faster, it just did.
“yes?” chanhee answers with an airy laugh, looking at sunwoo like what he just asked had the most obvious answer to it, “i always cook for you, hurry up now,” he says as he continues to tug sunwoo’s arm.
sunwoo looks away and brushes chanhee’s hands away from him, almost too powerful chanhee staggered in his place, “i said i don’t want to,” he chimes blandly.
chanhee stares at the younger’s figure who is now facing the other side, disappointment and hurt is vividly visible in his eyes.
the older tries to find the words he wants to say. what is wrong with you? are you avoiding me? are you okay? did i hurt you? did something bad happen?
he ponders for a few seconds and ends up saying: “why do you hate me so much?”
he lets every word out so lightly it almost came out as a whisper, but still enough to have sunwoo hear them.
sunwoo lets in a sharp breathe when he hears the other utter these words. he couldn’t help but notice the shakiness and hurt in his voice.
he wants to say sorry for the way he is acting, he wants to hug him, he wants to kiss him, he wants to make him feel better, he wants to be better.
but his body says otherwise, “i don’t hate you, you’re existence just annoys me,”
he curses himself. fuck. i’m fucking it up again.
“look, can we please talk about it?” sunwoo feels the other side of the bed sink, “i don’t want us to be like this, please,” chanhee pleads as he sits on the younger’s bed and gently puts his hand on his arm, almost too softly.
sunwoo sits from his position and faces the older. to his surprise, his face is so close to chanhee’s and it made him feel different things all at once. he looks at his eyes and he feels as if he’s staring in a blackhole, sucking him in, taking more of him the longer he looks. he could feel the warmth of the older’s breathe on his face. he gulps as his eyes takes him to his pink soft lips. the weird urge to taste those lips is getting stronger and stronger as a swift second passes by.
fuck, it is now or never.
sunwoo grabs chanhee’s nape and clashes his lips onto his. chanhee’s eyes widens but he couldn’t move a finger as he is too shocked with what is happening.
sunwoo could hear his heart in his ears. kissing chanhee is like kissing a cotton candy. he is soft, tender, and sweet.
oh. OH.
sunwoo breaks the kiss when the realization hits him. the answer to all of his question. the reason why he is feeling the way he is feeling.
sunwoo likes chanhee.
the younger’s train of thoughts are put into halt when the older stands up from his place, “sunwoo what was that?” he tries his best to stay calm in the current situation they’re in but fails as his voice trembles.
“i—“ sunwoo looks at him desperately, putting the jumbled words floating around his head into a proper sentence, “i like you, chanhee hyung,” he finally lets out. as he cries out those three words, he could feel the burden in his chest lift, and the messily tangled knot of thoughts in his head be untangled. it feels right.
“i— i just realized it when i kissed you, that’s why i was acting that way because i was jealous and,” sunwoo breathes in, “—and i like you,”
chanhee gulps, visible in his eyes is nothing but shock. he rubs his face with both of palms frustratingly. he doesn’t know what to say.
“sunwoo, i—,” he stutters, not knowing whether to continue or not.
the younger takes a quick notice of the pity in chanhee’s voice and eyes. and it breaks him. the happiness he was feeling just a minute ago was easily washed by the agony due to the fact that he knows what’s about to come. he knows this would happen. he saw this coming. but it still hurt, because a tiny part in sunwoo’s mind hoped that he would like him back, that him and younghoon are nothing but friends.
“stop,” he whispers, the smile on his face fades as he lowers his head, not wanting to look at the older.
“you can’t like me like that,”
a smile forms in sunwoo’s face, but this one is different from the one seconds ago. this smile didn’t reach his eyes. he looks up at him, “why not?” the shakiness of his voice is so visible and he didn’t even bother hiding it.
seeing sunwoo hurting also hurt chanhee, but he knows that this is the best thing he could do, “you know why,” he looks away. he couldn’t bare seeing him act that way. sunwoo had always been a mischievous kid, and seeing him so broken right in front of him, because of him, hurt chanhee just as much.
a tear of sorrow and possibly all of the sad emotions that he has been trying so hard to contain, falls down from his eyes. right. he knows why. he knows it so damn well.
younghoon. it has always been younghoon. it will always be younghoon. and it will never be him.