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“She was there. She was just standing there, staring blankly. Amidst the chaos all around her, she just stood there and stared blankly, offering a small smile, she used to smile and cheer for me, when I’m performing on stage. Truthfully, I did not even expected her to come.
Its been years, its been years since the cold night I broke up with her. I was determined that nothing could hold me back, not even love. I was wrong. I know I was wrong. Fame, luxuries, women, I could get everything, anything that I want, only to come back to an empty cold apartment.
I bought so many things, so many things that was supposed to be hers, even after breaking up. I was so cold to noticed that I have been living for her, under her shadow, I would buy a girly clothes, only to wear it saying fashion is genderless, truth is, it was supposed to be hers. I bought them for her.
I know I am selfish, I know I am heartless, all those heartbreak songs, all those longing for love songs, was for her, inspired by her. But no, I was too embarrassed to admit that I was wrong. I used to manipulate the guilt into thinking I did it to protect her, from the crazy fans, from the crazy lifestyle I’ve been having, but truth is, all I wanted was just freedom.
She was everything, she was perfect down to every bit of her shape, she was understanding but was also insecure. Her insecurities, instead of protecting her from them, I proved her right.
Despite heartbroken, I saw her smile the next day, just before I went out with my friend having fun after practice. Oh so dumb of me, I thought everything was fine for her. I thought she was strong enough to cope with it. After years of being with her, I forgot the day she used to break down over smallest thing. Yes, I know she had it hard inside her head. But I left nonetheless.
After years breaking up, I went up to her door, I don’t know, the night before, I dreamt of her, and I woke up with a terrible feeling of missing her. Yes, I missed her. So I went to her house, rang the bell, the door was shut tightly, probably like her heart to me now, I thought.
It was a good five minutes till the door was slowly opened, her sister showed up, I figured that she did not want to meet me, so I apologized and decided to leave. It was on my third steps away from her door, her sister finally spoke, “She left. Forever.”
It felt like my whole world collapsed right in front of my eyes, I feel weak, I feel numbed. Her sister told me that she left a year ago, she was wrecked after the broke up, stood up again but only to be crashed again due to cancer. Her sister told me despite everything, she still smiled, and she smiled the day I invited her to my concert. It was a week after that she got admitted to hospital until she passed away, it hurts me that she came to say goodbye, I did not even get to meet her after the concert, she left early.
After years, when everything changed, when I got tired of my life as a star, as a G-Dragon, when I started to feel empty, I realized that my heart was still with her, that this Kwon Jiyong still needed her.”
The light on the stage dimmed and Jiyong showed up on stage, the soft piano of his solo, Untitled 2014 played as the background song as he spoke about his tragic love story, his breathes hitched after every few words, probably choked on tears. The whole stadium was quiet, he had asked for their attention in the beginning, he was, of course, hidden behind the stage, his voice soft, laced with a soft sigh every now and then, probably holding back tears, he decided that he wants to share this story with his fans, those who have always been there for him since day 1. They knew who G-Dragon is, but nobody really know who Kwon Jiyong is. So he bared it all, emotions naked to everyone present.
“I was not supposed to leave, wasn’t I?” He said, with a small smile. The crowd was quiet, some soft sobs can be heard. “No, don’t cry. I’m sorry, I told you guys this not to make you cry,” Jiyong gazed towards the crowd, trying to make eye contacts with those tearful eyes. He giggled a bit, a bitter giggle. “you probably think that I’m a jerk right?” his head hung low.
His fans shouted no, in a loud and united voices. Jiyong nodded lightly, “her sister said she doesn’t think so too,” Jiyong rise up his head again and smiled lightly, he then again, stared at the crowds, taking in the view of hundred thousands lighted up light sticks, and some faces that he can see with the help of the light from the stage, “I’m sorry.” He said, everyone nodded, unsure of what he is being sorry about, nonetheless, they decided to acknowledged the guilt he felt.
“Everyone was so curious about the behind story of Untitled, so I decided to have a small story telling session in this concert,” he said, cheerfully, although his voice is a little shaky, he had been holding in his tears the whole time, “and I’m thankful that everyone was being such a good listener, although I may not know what would be the news headlines about me tomorrow,” he giggled and the crowds went “aww”, but it is unknown if they exclaimed out of pity or appreciations of his cute giggles.
He paused again and stared at the crowds for a minute, or two. If anything, Jiyong felt blessed, being able to share a fragment of his bitter life story to his fans, he felt accomplished. He wanted this, he wants those who supported him since beginning, to know him, a Kwon Jiyong, or at least a little bit of him.
Smiling softly, he then walked up to the moving stage, when the stage moved up, Jiyong sat on the edge of it, the intro of Untitled 2014 started playing, “I want to see you in my dreams at least, and love again,” he whispered, before he began to sing the song as the outro song of his last concert.
"It was irrefutable the name G-Dragon, hold a high level of brand in the industry, everyone knows him, everyone know the G-Dragon. Everyone want to be him, he is the manual for the newcomers to success but nobody knows behind that high-end brand G-Dragon have, there is a lonely Kwon Jiyong, a broken Kwon Jiyong."