Work Text:
“What the actual frick-a-doodle,” you say, as Tom grips your thigh with his paw. “Mr. Nook, I’m your employee.”
He nuzzles your neck, breathing in and out deeply. “You smell so scrumptious, like a fruity pebble.”
You begin to sweat drops of blood. “I require at least 42069 bells for this to happen. Fuck this.”
“No, wait!” Tom reached for his wallet and produced a leaf. “Take my plasma screen TV!”
“But Tom, this is a maple leaf,” you sob hornily.
He pulls you in close, shoving the leaf into your round, soft hands. “Take it! I need you to.”
You sigh dreamily, rubbing your legs together to get some relief. You just couldn’t take the heat any longer.
Rubbing your legs together caused you to produce music, like a cricket. “Chirp,” said your legs. Then it began to play Dua Lipa’s ‘Don’t Start Now’ remixed with Doja Cat’s ‘Say So’. Tom looks frightened, then economical.
“Good. Now we don’t need to buy a radio.” His Tanuki nose twitches.
“You won’t need to play music anymore, Mr. Nook. I can make it all on my own. I just need a little help,” you wink seductively at the tanuki.
Then a tarantula comes up and bites his bare tail. He jumps in surprise, then frick-a-doodly dies.
“Noooooo, my love!!!” you wail, mourning the loss of your beloved furry lover.
The end.