Work Text:
Every day he wonders if today will be his last. He feels his joints creaking with every step, and he sleeps a lot more these days. When he was younger, he could run all day without slowing down, but now even existing seems to take its toll.
Heebum stretches and shakes out his fur before jumping down off the bed to walk to his water dish. The dog Kibok is still asleep, his back leg kicking in time with whatever dream he’s having. Living with a dog had taken some getting used to, but Heebum had quickly established the proper hierarchy. Heechul came first, Heebum a close second, and everyone else a distant third.
Heechul always comes first for Heebum, and everyone else who enters their home must abide by this.
They’ve been together a long time, Heechul and Heebum. Heebum remembers moving into the tiny dorm, crowded with four boys and far too many belongings. That’s when Heechul had given him his name: Hanjay Heebum. The four of them had thought it was so comical, but Heebum had liked it. It had been the first time he had been given a name; the fan who had given him to Heechul had simply referred to him as “cat.”
But having a name meant that he belonged. Every cat at the shelter had wished for a family, and Heebum had been no different. When the girl had brought him to her home, his heart had leapt with the anticipation of everything he had hoped for. To belong, to be loved . But she had never taken him out of his cage. He’d stayed there for days, absolutely despondent, wondering why he had been taken from the shelter for this miserable existence.
Until he’d met Heechul. He’d been one of the weirder humans Heebum had encountered, though up to that point his interactions with humans had been quite limited. Yet he had gently lifted Heebum out of his carrying cage and let him roam around the tiny room. “Welcome to your new home,” he’d said. “Someday, we’re all going to become stars.”
And they had.
They’d done a lot together: Heechul had taken him to radio shows, to a photoshoot for the album, and to each new place Heechul had moved. In many ways, Heebum had felt he was the only constant in Heechul’s life. After all, he had started out in the dorm with the four boys. By the time Heechul moved out, he had been the only one left. Jay had left first when he’d debuted with TRAX. They’d had a party to celebrate, and everyone had been in good spirits. But only Heebum had felt Heechul’s worry. Everyone else had dropped off to sleep, but Heechul had lain awake, whispering softly, “Will I ever make it?”
Then Kibum had disappeared. Heebum remembers watching him pack his things to go, and then he’d left without telling the others. He remembers Heechul and Han Geng discussing what had happened, both feeling hurt and confused. Heebum had wanted to tell him all the things he had said to his friend while packing his things, but he couldn’t.
But watching Kibum pack hadn’t been nearly as heartbreaking as waking up in the middle of the night to Han Geng sneaking out of the dorm. He’d stood at the threshold, gazing at Heechul sleeping for just a brief moment. His eyes had filled with tears, and Heebum had threaded through his ankles. Where are you going? Why are you leaving like this? he had wanted to ask. But Han Geng had just reached down to pet him one last time before disappearing forever. When Heechul had woken up to the note on Han Geng’s pillow, his countenance had darkened until Heebum thought the sun had completely disappeared.
The sun hadn’t come back for a very long time.
Heechul had slept for days, hiding himself away in his room. He had refused to let anyone in: None of the aunties who would come to clean, none of the managers who would try to talk some sense into him, and none of the members who would come to check up on him. The only one he had allowed in was Heebum, and he had done his best to give Heechul comfort and strength during that time. He’d curl up between Heechul’s legs, scarred and bent from the Great Disaster, and purr, doing his best to remind Heechul that there was still someone who loved him.
The Great Disaster… That had been a time. Heebum hadn’t seen Heechul for months, and he had wondered if Heechul had abandoned him. Other people came by to make sure he had food to eat and water to drink, but Heebum hadn’t wanted any of it. He had just wanted Heechul.
When Heechul had come back, he’d brought these wooden sticks that he used to walk. Heechul had been in so much pain, popping pills and barely moving. Heebum had been so excited to see him again that he had refused to leave Heechul’s side for weeks. Clearly, Heechul was in pain, and Heebum decided it was up to him to take care of him . After all, Heechul had given Heebum a home when he had needed one the most. Heebum vowed then to do all that he could to make sure that Heechul would be safe from all of the terrible things in the world outside their home.
And how could Heebum forget the fire? A fire had broken out in the dorms, and Heebum had been scrambling through the smoke trying to escape. He hadn’t been able to see anything. The smoke had been acrid, and he wondered if this would be the end. But then a familiar pair of hands had grabbed for him and carried him to safety. He remembers being held safely in Heechul’s arms while all of their belongings went up in smoke. Out of all the things that he could have saved, Heechul had chosen Heebum, and for that reason along, Heebum had vowed to stay with Heechul until his dying breath.
That dying breath may come sooner rather than later, Heebum thinks. He doesn’t know exactly how long cats are supposed to live for, but he can feel his body slowing down. Heechul knows too, he thinks. Sometimes, Heechul looks at him with a mixture of affection and sadness in his eyes, and Heebum wishes he could communicate those same feelings back to Heechul. It’s then that he jumps into Heechul’s lap, something he does so infrequently these days, and rubs his cheek against Heechul’s hand.
I’ll be with you to the end, he wants to say. Whenever that may be.
He worries about what will happen to Heechul when he’s gone. For so long, Heebum had been the one to keep Heechul from falling over the brink during those dark days. He had been the only one whom Heechul had never pushed away. Donghae had been a close second, but there had been times where even Donghae had been barred from entry.
Besides, he hasn’t seen Donghae in a long time. When they’d lived together on the twelfth floor and then the sixth, he’d seen Donghae a lot. He had always seemed like Heechul’s son, the way that Heechul and the others had acted towards him. He had cried the most when Heechul had moved out. Everyone had seen him. But only Heebum had seen Heechul cry his first night alone in his new place, his heart breaking with how much he missed the others.
There’s a girl he sees on Heechul’s phone a lot. They video chat often, and Heebum has grown used to hearing her voice. She’d come to visit a few times, and there had always seemed to be a lot of stress leading up to these events. But whenever she would slip in through the doorway, Heechul’s entire face would light up. Heebum had been wary at first—he’d seen this happen before, and it had always ended badly—but soon, he had ventured out of his hiding place to examine their guest. She had cooed over him, they always did, but she had gently held out her hand for Heebum to inspect. Her hands were soft, and Heebum gave her an approving cheek rub.
Heechul rarely has people over. He prefers to go out to meet friends, and Heebum doesn’t mind. He likes the quiet, and it gives him more opportunities to rest his tired bones. But there is one person who has visited far more than anyone else: The kid.
He’d met Kyuhyun eons ago when Kyuhyun had been a quiet, scrawny kid whom nobody had seemed to like. But after the Great Disaster and what Heebum could only surmise was Kyuhyun’s own version of the Great Disaster, he had started seeing a lot more of Kyuhyun. It would have been comical watching the two of them limp around like stiff marionettes if Heebum hadn’t known the extent of the pain that they had both endured.
The first time Kyuhyun had come to their new place, Heebum had hardly recognized him. His hair had been cropped short, and he’d been wearing a uniform similar to the one that Heechul had worn during his service period.
(Heebum remembers when Heechul had shaved his own hair off before leaving for four weeks. In some ways, it had felt like the Great Disaster all over again, except that Heechul had come back far better adjusted than he had before.)
Kyuhyun had seemed burdened, and Heebum had tentatively ventured out into the living room to investigate. He’d jumped up on the sofa on the far edge and curled up, eyeing Kyuhyun carefully. Kyuhyun had hardly noticed him; he had been talking earnestly with Heechul. Heebum had noticed that every time Kyuhyun came over, Heechul would soften. He knows the Great Disasters had bonded them together, but this had seemed even far beyond that.
“We’ll get through this together, kid,” Heechul had said.
Kyuhyun had grabbed his hand in earnest, looking up at him with eyes filled with tears. “You promise, hyung?”
Heechul, not one to make promises, had squeezed his hand, taken a deep breath, and then replied, “I promise.”
Kyuhyun is coming over again today, or so Heechul had informed him and Kibok that morning. He talks to them a lot, and Heebum likes it. He wonders if Heechul is lonely with just the three of them there, but Heechul spends so much time lovingly caring for him and Kibok that Heebum doesn’t think so. Besides, he can always sense when Heechul needs the warmth of someone else close.
There had been his brief hiatus a few years back when he’d had few schedules and plenty of time. They had watched a lot of dramas together, Heechul stretched out on the couch and Heebum loafing on his legs. It had been one of the best periods of Heebum’s life, getting to spend so much time together. They’d had the other cat too back then, Cherry. It had been interesting watching Heechul play with the kitten, acting all crazy and hyper, but in the end, he had always ended up back on the couch, lounging with Heebum.
There have been plenty of other animals that have come into Heechul’s life. The various cats, most of whom Heebum tolerated at best, and dogs had all seemed to fill a particular need at some point. The most recent had been the sphynx cat that Heechul had brought home one day. He had hardly been able to stop crying as he had let the cat out from the carrying case. “This is Goblin,” he had informed them. “He’s without a home right now, so we’re going to bring him into ours.” That night, Heebum had crawled into bed with Heechul and nuzzled up against his side, just like old times. Heechul had been crying still but had pulled Heebum close.
“I still can’t believe she’s gone,” he’d said, his voice barely louder than a whisper.
Heebum had licked at Heechul’s cheek, tasting the saltiness of his tears. Heechul had been more distraught than Heebum had seen him in a long time, and Heebum had refused to leave his side.
It’s just the three of them now: Heechul, Heebum, and Kibok. The doorbell rings, bringing in Kyuhyun for an even four. Heechul grabs for Kibok before answering the door to ensure the dog doesn’t run out into the hallway. Silly animal, Heebum thinks. Why would you ever want to leave your home?
The kid exchanges his street shoes for house slippers and walks in, gingerly petting Kibok before walking over to the kitchen and depositing the plastic bags filled with delicious aromas on the dining table. He’s brought dinner, Heebum surmises. In his younger days, he would have jumped up on the table to sniff at all of the unfamiliar cartons, but today he is content to lounge on the sofa and survey them from afar.
The two of them talk while they eat, Kyuhyun talking earnestly and Heechul just chuckling softly. He’s filled with affection for this kid, Heebum can tell. Heechul looks at Kyuhyun with all the fondness in the world, as if he wants to protect him from all the terrible things in existence. Heebum knows that feeling. It’s how he feels about Heechul.
It’s how he’s always felt about Heechul.
Once they’re finished eating, the two of them retire to the couch. Kibok sits on Heechul’s lap for a short while before wandering off to investigate his food dish. Slowly, Heebum makes his way over to the spot Kibok had vacated and climbs into Heechul’s lap. Heechul reaches down to gently stroke his fur, and Heebum can’t help but start to purr. This is where he feels the most safe, the most happy, the most loved, and he desperately hopes that Heechul feels the same.
He loves Heechul more than anyone else, more than any thing else in the entire world. His entire universe has revolved around Heechul for so long that he wonders what Heechul will do without him. Will he get another cat? Will he mourn?
Will he be alright?
There had been so many dark nights that they’d spent together, just the two of them, Heechul on the brink of the abyss with Heebum holding him back. How many times had Heechul told him that he was staying alive just for Heebum? More times than he could count. But without Heebum, who would be there to keep Heechul from falling?
As the evening progresses, both Kyuhyun and Heechul have had more to drink than Heechul has in awhile. Heechul gets moody, and Kyuhyun gets weepy.
“I love you, hyung,” he’s saying, slurring his words ever so slightly. “It’s not the same without you with us. I’m not the same without you with us.”
Heechul tries to brush him off, but it only makes Kyuhyun all the more earnest. “I mean it, I need you, hyung,” he says, tears glistening in his eyes.
“I need you too, kid,” Heechul says, ever so softly. And Heebum knows he means it. After all, Kyuhyun had been the one to help him rediscover his voice when Heechul had thought he’d lost it forever. Kyuhyun had been the one diligently taking care of him when the pain in his legs had forced him to sit out from activities. And Kyuhyun had been the one to never give up on him.
Maybe, just maybe…
Heechul shifts in his seat and then gently deposits Heebum onto the couch before getting up to shuffle towards the bathroom. His leg is acting up again, Heebum can tell by his limp. Kyuhyun gets up from the couch too, and even in his emotional state, manages to get Heechul’s pain pills out of the cabinet. He pours Heechul a cup of water as well and sets both on the kitchen table, waiting for Heechul’s return.
At that moment, Heebum knows exactly who will take over his role as Heechul’s protector once he’s gone. When Kyuhyun sits back down, Heebum stands, stretches, and then sits himself in Kyuhyun’s lap. He feels Kyuhyun tense in surprise as he looks down at the cat in his lap.
He hears Heechul returning from the bathroom. He stops at the dining room table to swallow the pill with the glass of water Kyuhyun had set out before returning to the living room.
“Hyung,” Kyuhyun says, his voice a loud whisper. “Hyung, what is he doing?”
Heechul looks over at the two of them, a knowing look creeping up his face. “He likes you, kid,” he says, sitting down on the couch next to Kyuhyun.
Kyuhyun looks down at the cat in awe. Heebum stretches his neck up and rubs his cheek against Kyuhyun’s, eliciting a chuckle from Heechul.
“You know he hardly comes out when I have people over,” Heechul says. “He must really like you.”
Heebum settles back down in Kyuhyun’s lap, curling up and closing his eyes with a soft purr. If he can’t be the one to protect Heechul in the future, he’ll pass the baton to this earnest kid who loves Heechul with more affection and care than anyone else.
Heebum nestles further into Kyuhyun’s lap. You, he thinks to himself, you are the one who will protect our precious Heechul after I’m gone.
And Kyuhyun, to his credit, hesitantly reaches out to stroke Heebum’s ears as if to say, Yes, I’ll protect him for you.
Later that night after Kyuhyun has left to go back to his own home, Heebum tucks himself into bed with Heechul like always. Heechul gives him one last pet before switching off the light and closing his eyes. Heebum curls himself into a ball, his back against Heechul’s leg. Heechul is warm and comforting, just like always.
As he drifts off, the last thing thought that lingers in Heebum’s mind is this:
If it’s really true that cats have nine lives, then I’d like to spend all of them with you.
And then he falls, fast asleep