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As Jaemin watched the party --- Renjun's birthday party --- held at Chenle's apartment, he can't help but notice how happy everyone is.
For the first time in three years, they were all gathered together again.
Three years since all of them suddenly fell out of the fire their friendship had and became busy with personal ambitions, family, and school.
He took the time to watch the chaos in front of him as Donghyuck clinged to Renjun like a koala and the latter ready to start throwing punches.
Renjun was back from China to study for college. He convinced his parents that he will be staying with his brother Sicheng who works as a model in Korea.
Mark had a time off his busy schedule after his group just finished their comeback promotions with their latest album. And to think he is here with them even after it was just announced that his group will have a concert coming up soon made Jaemin look at the elder fondly.
Mark-hyung is still the same old Mark-hyung, Jaemin mused.
Chenle and Jisung were busy recording every single idiotic thing the group does which will end up in their vlog entitled ChenJi This and That.
These two babies are the reasons why the group is even on the process of getting things back together. Everyone probably won't admit it but each one of them has a soft spot for the young ones.
His lips quirked up for a smile as Chenle shrieked in joy when he won a game of tennis on Wii against Jisung.
Then there is Jeno.
Jeno is as handsome as ever with his constant eyesmiles. He grew taller and his voice deeper. His smiles are still captivating. And everything about him still makes Jaemin's heart beat fast.
Jaemin downed the contents of his cup. He cannot feel entirely happy when he knew for a fact that this is the first time he saw Jeno in person for the past three years.
Every single memory he buried and tried so hard to forget flashed like a movie the moment he caught the eyes of Jeno during their little gathering this morning.
They played basketball just like in middle school and early days of highschool. He was teamed up with Jeno alot and he cannot help but get back to the good old days of the squad.
It was home. It felt right.
But everything is not the same as before.
The fact that the 00-line aren't enrolled in the same university is a proof that things had changed.
Out of everything that changed, his relationship with Jeno was the one that hurt the most.
He glanced at Jeno and Lucas sitting side by side at the sofa as the older cheered for his boyfriend Jungwoo playing against Renjun on the Wii.
Jeno was laughing at the chaotic scene. He smiled in amusement at Renjun who is probably cursing in mandarin.
Fuck. Jaemin once had that kind of smile directed to him. Jeno's smile isn't that kind of wide smile that shows teeth because Jeno smiles more with his eyes and that makes it more precious and meaningful.
But he knew he belonged in the past. And didn't people say that who belongs in the past stays in the past?
Something nudged his feet and he saw that it was the cat Chenle and Renjun's friends brought to the apartment. If he remembered what Kun said, the cat is called Hutong.
He placed the cup at the table and bent down to pick up Hutong.
He cooed. "You are so cute."
He remembered his older brother's pet named Ruby who is the cutest dog in the world. He isn't biased but that's the truth.
He went to the balcony of Chenle's apartment while carrying Hutong. He silently closed the sliding door and sat on one of the chairs of the balcony to look at the city lights.
"The city lights are like stars on earth."
It was something Jeno said when they had one of their night escapades to forget the burden they were carrying at the tender age of 16.
Jaemin did not know when he went down memory lane but he ended up thinking how he and Jeno became a couple. It was not romance novel material but their love story started at the simple gesture of holding hands.
It was winter and both of them met at the basketball gym. Jaemin was just at the library with Jaehyun for extra lessons in English. He truly wants to learn the English language and Jaehyun offered to help him.
He just sent a text message to his brother Taeyong that he is on his way home when he passed by the gym.
It was already late in the evening and yet there is still someone practicing inside.
Jeno was the first one he thought of because he tends to practice late even hours after basketball practice.
He peeked inside the gym and he was correct that it was indeed Jeno.
He walked towards his friend and blocked the ball when Jeno tried to shoot.
Jeno was surprised. "Jaemin?"
Jaemin picked up the ball. "Yes, it's me. Surprise, surprise!!"
"What are you doing here?"
"What are you doing here?"
"I'm --"
"Practicing, yes," Jaemin cuts off. "But why are you overworking yourself again, you basketball idiot?"
Jeno winced at the nickname.
"Take a shower," Jaemin firmly held on the basketball, away from Jeno's hands. "I'll wait for you here."
"Wait here?"
Jaemin nodded, spinning the ball on his finger. "Yes, because we will eat dinner together."
"You don't have to do that, Jaemin. You can go home ahead."
"No," he smiled knowingly. "You can't fool me, Lee Jeno. You'll only continue to practice as soon as I am out of this gym."
Jeno looked at him and sighed in defeat. "People can never win against you, can't they?"
"Donghyuck wins sometimes," Jaemin muttered. "Although I admit no one is as stubborn as Donghyuck."
"You. You're as stubborn as him sometimes," Jeno said with a smile before heading to the shower room.
Fortunately for Jaemin, Jeno did not take long. They were off to a nearby fast-food chain after locking the gym.
It was one of those days when he forgot to wear his scarf because he was running late to school again. The result was him trying (and failing) to bury his face on his jacket as they walked.
But he suddenly felt a soft fabric slowly being wrapped around his neck.
He stopped in surprise as Jeno tied the scarf around him.
"I know you hate the cold," Jeno said quietly.
Jaemin buried his lower face against the scarf that smelled like Jeno's perfume. "Thank you."
Jeno that time must have also been cold if walking close to Jaemin to seek warmth was any indication.
"Wait."
Jaemin stopped when Jeno stopped and held his arm. He waited for the latter to say something but Jeno just looked at him as if he is contemplating inside his head.
"Did you forget something in the gym, Jeno?"
Jeno silently removed one of his gloves and gave it to him. He wore the left hand gloves as he looked at Jeno in confusion. "Um, thanks?"
Jaemin seriously thought Jeno just shared his gloves because well, he forgot them earlier too.
But Jeno was holding his ungloved hand out as if he is waiting for Jaemin to give him something.
And when Jaemin did not get the hint, Jeno himself reached out for the former's ungloved hand and intertwined them inside his jacket.
Jaemin looked at Jeno, searching for his eyes but he only smiled at him with those precious eyesmile of his.
"Let's go," Jeno said quietly, ruffling Jaemin's hair in the process.
Jaemin could feel Jeno's hand trembling inside his jacket. Whether it was from the coldness of the night or from nervousness, it didn't matter because he gently squeezed Jeno's hand as if telling him everything is okay.
That was the beginning of a love story that was bound to end.
He absentmindedly pets Hutong's head as he watched the busy city below them. He leaned his head on the table as the cat cuddled closer to him.
"Hutong, why is your name Hutong?"
"Should I ask Renjun's friends about that?"
Jaemin sat up so fast it almost gave him a whiplash as he looked at Jeno who was standing by the sliding door. He was holding a blanket on his one hand.
"Here," Jeno wrapped the blanket around him. "It's quite cold this evening."
"Thank you." Jaemin wrapped the blanket around him tightly, watching Jeno sit at the chair opposite of him.
This, Jaemin thinks, this used to be something normal between them. Jeno giving him his jacket or anything to keep him warm makes him nostalgic.
He mentally slapped himself to keep him away from plummeting down memory lane again. He kept his eyes on the busy city below and avoided looking at Jeno for fear the other might read the emotions registered in his eyes.
Jeno was always able to read him like an open book.
They sat there in silence. All he can hear is his heartbeat longing to be with the person sitting opposite of him despite his efforts in forgetting their past. But all was in vain the moment he saw Jeno today.
Because after three years you still and will always beat for him, you stupid piece of shit, Jaemin argued with his heart.
Despite being so close with Jeno, it seems like they are miles apart from each other because let's admit it, he fucking messed everything up. He royally fucked up.
Everything. He fucked everything good in his life. He messed shit big time when he became a ball of insecurity against his brother and therefore discarded everyone that didn't help him excel in all areas to prove that he can also be a person like his brother, Taeyong.
He was swallowed by the pressure of people and lost himself in the process of keeping up with people's expectations of him.
But he forgot that his brother is human too. He faced the pressure of their parents because he is the eldest. He was never able to do what he wants because their parents make decisions for him.
All along, Taeyong protected him from their parents by being the perfect son and gave him the freedom he never had.
Jaemin was in the middle of degrading himself and drowning in regret when Jeno spoke up.
"I am happy that the Dreamies got to be together again," and happy he was.
Jaemin snorted out a laugh. "Dreamies."
Taeyong was the one who called the seven of them Dreamies during middle school. And it just stuck with them since.
"Don't clown your brother for our group name, Jaemin," Jeno smiled.
"I wasn't clowning him. It's just cute, Dreamies I mean." Jaemin glanced at Jeno. "It's as if we're back to middle school hearing the name again."
Hearing the name Dreamies truly made him remember their good old days. A million thoughts and memories ran in his mind that slapped him with longing for something he once had.
And aside from the name Dreamies, one thing he took note of was how Jeno called him.
Please call me Nana again.
Jeno hummed in agreement. "Time sure flies fast. I can't believe we just became college students this year."
"We're already college students and yet you're still a basketball idiot, Jeno."
Jeno glared at him without any real heat. "Don't call me basketball idiot."
Jaemin laughed. "You and Chenle are really idiots for basketball judging from our basketball game this morning."
When he haven't heard anything from Jeno, he looked at him to find him smiling at him.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" Jaemin asked, glad that his voice was calm despite how messed up his heart is from that single smile.
"Nothing." Jeno shook his head, smile still present on his lips.
There was a twinkle in Jeno's eyes and he looked so ethereal at that moment, Jaemin wanted to kiss him so bad.
"I am ha--"
"What are both of you doing here?" A loud voice shot through the serene atmosphere in the balcony. It was none other than Lucas. "We're having another round of desert. Renjun said it was your favorite, Jaemin."
"My favorite?" Jaemin asked.
"Strawberry he said," Lucas answered.
Jaemin rolled his eyes and he could hear Jeno laugh beside him. He stood and made a beeline around Lucas to get inside the apartment. "Injun is a liar, Lucas-hyung. I hate strawberries."
Lucas had an arm around his shoulders. "Really?! You can have my choco cake if you want."
Jaemin took a glance at Jeno who was left behind in the balcony before going to where Lucas takes him.
He doesn't know if he is mad about Lucas cutting off his time with Jeno or to be glad because if he's left alone with Jeno he's afraid he'll break and pour out every single desperation, regret and longing he has for the other right there and then in the balcony.
"Jaemin, let's play Just Dance!" Donghyuck called.
Jisung raised his hand. "Me too!"
Jaemin looked at the faces of the Dreamies he missed the most despite the crack in their friendship and their fall out. Nothing in the world would change the fact that his friends were his home.
He smiled genuinely and said, "I'm in."
"Congratulations!"
"Jisung-ah! Congratulations!"
"My baby is growing up!"
"I'm so proud of you!"
The six of them ran towards Jisung who just graduated from elementary. They had one bouquet for their friend because that was the only bouquet they could afford from their allowance.
Jisung smiled shyly and waved at them, readying himself for the incoming tight hugs.
Chenle, their new friend who is still learning Korean, gave Jisung a box and said, "My gift for you. Congratulations!"
"Thank you," Jisung said in Mandarin.
He tried his best to learn Mandarin for the sake of Chenle, the one closest his age among them.
"I'll treat everyone to tteokbokki," Mark announced. "I'm sorry I can't take you to a fancy restaurant, Jisung."
"Take us to a fancy restaurant when you debut, Mark-hyung!" Donghyuck said.
"I want to eat a lot of meat," Jaemin chimed. "Buy us meat when you debut."
"I want unlimited GongCha when you debut, hyung," Renjun added.
"Save Mark-hyung from your demands," Jeno chided. "He is busy with his trainee life. He's only functioning now because of coffee."
Mark grinned. "Don't worry, I'm okay! And I'll definitely buy everything you all want when I debut."
"I want a computer set when you debut, hyung," Jisung joked.
Mark ruffled Jisung's hair. "I'll give you a computer if it's only for studying purposes, not games."
"Let's go, Jeno! Let's get it, Chenle!"
Out of all the cheers in the gymnasium, Donghyuck's cheer was probably the loudest.
The Dreamies were all cheering for their school but they all had special banners for Chenle and Jeno who were part of the basketball team.
And not even five minutes of them cheering, Jisung already crumpled the banner given to him.
Because they were just middle school students, they only made banners using papers altogether.
There were several girls around them, both from their school and their opponent's school, who were cheering for Jeno.
"Jeno, I love you!" Donghyuck shouted when Jeno scored.
Jeno looked their way and gave them a peace sign as he ran to hi-five Chenle.
Donghyuck huffed in pride at the murmurs of the girls around them.
And that is why everytime Jeno scores, the 00-line shouted their love for Jeno to annoy Jeno's increasing fans.
"I love you, Jeno!" Donghyuck shouted.
"No! I loved him first!" Jaemin argued.
"Shut up, both of you. I loved Jeno first!" Renjun countered.
Jisung just watched the three of them argue about who loved Jeno first. Sometimes he doesn't know what goes on in their minds. When the three were ready to throw friendly punches towards each other, he truly wished Mark was with them to be the rational one in their group.
The Dreamies only have one braincell and it's with Mark who uses that braincell to focus on trainee life. Therefore, no braincell left for the chaos that is the 00-line.
Jaemin was on his way to the cafeteria in the middle of class hours with the excuse of going to the bathroom. He left Jeno in their room because he was so focused on the lecture, he didn't want to disturb him.
He was dying from boredom and Jisung's text just saved him from it.
He casually passed by Renjun's classroom, stopping on his tracks as an idea popped inside his head. He reached for his phone inside his pocket and flooded Renjun with messages until the latter replied.
Injun: what do you want satan?
Jaem: i'm outside your classroom
Injun: wtf???
Jaemin took a picture of him outside the classroom.
Jaem: [picture sent]
Injun: WTF???
A few moments later, Renjun emerged from their classroom to see Jaemin crouching down the hallway so as not to be seen by his classmates.
"What are you doing here?" Renjun asked.
Jaemin showed Jisung's text. "Jisung wants a baguette."
"It's class hours, you idiot!" Renjun hissed.
Despite Renjun's reluctance, he accompanied Jaemin to the cafeteria where they sneaked towards the kitchen and charmed the cafeteria aunt into not reporting them to the disciplinarian for skipping classes.
He suddenly received a message from Jeno in their groupchat.
samoyed: jaemin where are you? you better not be skipping classes again.
samoyed: i'm worried
nanananana: [picture sent]
Jaemin sent a picture of him and Renjun eating extra food in the cafeteria for free, Jisung's bread totally forgotten.
fullsun: why did you not tell me you were skipping?!?!?!?! after all that i did for the both of you istg everyone hates me here
markly: WHY. ARE. YOU. ALL. ON. YOUR. PHONES. DURING. CLASS. HOURS.
fullsun: WHY. ARE. YOU. ON. YOUR. PHONE. DURING. TRAINING.
nanananana: we just charmed the cafeteria aunt for free food, stay pressed peasants
nanananana: jisungie, i'm sorry there's no baguette left in the cafeteria
They were all gathered in Renjun's house after skipping classes. Because fuck classes when there is a crying Donghyuck in front of them.
"I just can't take it anymore," Donghyuck cried. "My parents are planning a divorce. And they are planning to separate me and my siblings because they aren't stable enough financially to support us."
For months, Donghyuck let out his frustrations to them about how he always wakes up to his parents shouting and fighting. Sometimes his parents aren't home at all, leaving him to take care of his younger siblings all by himself.
"I heard them that I'll stay in Seoul with my dad, my younger siblings will either be with my mom or my grandparents back in Jeju-do."
Jisung started crying if one of them cries so they are all comforting two people at the moment.
"I am so sad because my siblings grew up not seeing our parents look at each other with love. They didn't know what it's like to have a warm home. It's always empty and when it is not, all our parents do is shout," Donghyuck's voice was shaking.
Jaemin hugged Donghyuck and stroked his back to calm him down. He didn't mind it one bit if his uniform gets wet from all of Donghyuck's tears.
"I wasn't able to stop my family from breaking," it was quiet but Jaemin could hear Donghyuck shattering right then and there.
At a young age, Donghyuck tried to be the glue that keeps his family together but he watched his family fall apart like a house of cards.
"Mark-hyung's calling," Chenle said, showing them his phone.
"What happened? Are you okay?"
"Mark-hyung," Donghyuck cried harder.
"Donghyuck-ah," Mark called softly. "I'm sorry I couldn't be with all of you recently. I can't even get hold of my phone but I told them there is an emergency so here I am."
"It's okay, hyung," Jeno said. "We are glad you took the risk of lying to your manager for us. That counts so much already. Thank you."
"Why is Jisung crying?"
"Because he is a crybaby," Chenle answered, making everyone smile.
"I'm not a crybaby," Jisung weakly protested.
"Since Mark-hyung is here, I also need to tell you guys something," Renjun said.
They all looked at Renjun who was fidgeting and playing with his fingers, a trait he does when he is nervous.
"I am moving back to China after graduation."
"...what?"
"But we promised to enroll in the same highscool," Donghyuck stated.
"I know," Renjun sighed, frustrated. "I fucking know. I want to stay here. I really do. But I have no choice."
"Injun," Jaemin called softly.
Renjun looked at them and cried. "Boomer, right? We had so many plans together. I want to be there when Chenle becomes basketball Captain. I want to see Jisung graduate and cry again. I want to see Mark-hyung debut."
Renjun leaned on Jeno's shoulder and continued, "I want to still skip classes in highschool with 00-line idiots."
This. This may perhaps be one of the reasons why they gravitated towards one another because somewhere deep inside they have this longing for a home they could never find or they were looking for a sense of belonging.
"I wi--" They heard Mark curse and the video call ended.
Chenle sent a quick text to Mark wishing him good luck with practice.
"I'll write to all of you everyday," Renjun said. "I promise that."
Donghyuck wiped his tears using Jaemin's sleeves. "And you need to call us everyday."
"I will."
They were suddenly silent, letting everything sink in.
"Since we're all being emotional and truthful at this moment, I want Jaemin and Jeno to confess something," Donghyuck leveled his eyes with Jaemin.
Chenle nodded, smiling.
"Um, what?" Jaemin got confused at the sudden attention.
"Confess already," Renjun urged.
"Confess wh--"
Jeno cut off Jaemin with a direct, "Yes, we're dating."
"Yes!" Chenle and Renjun cheered.
Jisung laughed when Donghyuck rolled his eyes after losing his bet against their Chinese friends.
"You were betting on us?" Jaemin asked, baffled.
"Since the beginning of the school year," Jisung answered. "Donghyuck-hyung bet the two of you won't date until highschool."
While the others were laughing at Donghyuck being forced to give them money for losing the bet, Jeno subtly reached out for Jaemin's hands and intertwined them.
Jeno gave him a soft smile, effectively making his heart skip a beat.
"I love you," Jeno mouthed silently to him.
"Nana."
Jaemin felt a pair of arms hug him from behind. He immediately knew it was Jeno judging from the way he felt a chin lean on the top of his head, effectively making him melt in the back hug.
"Jeno-ya," he called, reaching out his hand to touch Jeno's arm.
A kiss was planted at the top of his head before Jeno sat beside him.
"Were you here in the library this whole time?"
Jaemin put down the pen he was holding and faced his boyfriend. He nodded, giving him a tired smile. He has been studying a lot ever since they started highschool.
Jeno cupped his cheek and he leaned to the gentle touch. "You're not alone, Nana. I am here. I will always be here."
"Thank you, Jeno-ya," Jaemin whispered.
Jeno brushed away the hair falling on Jaemin's eyes. "Let's run away."
"What?"
"Don't go home just yet." Jeno gathered all his notebooks and textbooks to put in his bag. "Let's watch the city lights and just spend time together."
And how could Jaemin say no to that puppy eyes?
"Please."
Jaemin grinned, pulling Jeno up to his feet. "Let's run."
And they were banned in the library for a whole month for running.
But it was all worth it.
The city lights that night were dazzling and in Jeno's arms, Jaemin was home.
nana's everything: nana, let's go ride bikes together tomorrow.
jeno's nana: can't.
nana's everything: i miss you :((
jeno's nana: stop texting. i'm at cram school.
jeno's nana: unlike you, i plan to focus more on my studies instead of some stupid sports club like basketball
nana's everything: i'm sorry if i upset you.
nana's everything: i can't remember when we last talked. i just miss you so bad.
nana's everything: i hope you get home safe. i love you, nana.
"Do you have a problem?" Donghyuck straight-forwardly asked when they coincidentally saw each other on the school gates one morning.
"No. What are you talking about, Hyuck?"
"You haven't been hanging out with us during the second half of the school year."
Jaemin sighed, exasperated. "I'm busy. You know that."
Donghyuck can feel his own irritation and frustration coming. "That's bullshit, Jaemin-ah."
"What?"
"You try to use your extracurricalar activities and cram school as an excuse for not hanging out with us but that's bullshit if you can't even be with your boyfriend."
"You have no right to meddle with my relationship with Jeno," Jaemin hissed.
Donghyuck frowned. "Then be a better boyfriend to him! Jeno's been sulking because you have no time for him."
"I told y-"
"If you don't want to hang out with us, at least be with him." Donghyuck ran his hand through his hair to keep his calm. "You weren't even on Chenle's basketball game three weeks ago. You haven't seen Jisung on his first dance competition. You missed Renjun's video calls."
"And your point is?"
Donghyuck frowned at Jaemin's dismissive tone. "My fucking point is all you do is lock yourself in the library, go to cram school, study by yourself. Congratulations, rank one! You proved that you are such a goody two shoes being the perfect student as soon as we started highscbool."
"I didn't prove anything and I will always be second against my fucking perfect brother, Taeyong-hyung," Jaemin argued, tone rising at Donghyuck's sarcastic comment about him. "You don't know what it's like to never be validated despite all the efforts I do because Taeyong-hyung will always be the fucking standard."
"When will you ever understand that you are not him, Jaemin-ah?"
Jaemin hated that phrase with a burning passion. "That's the point! I am not him and I will never be him! My parents don't ever give a care about me because I do something I am proud of, Taeyong-hyung did it better. I am so tired of being compared to him, Donghyuck-ah."
"So that's enough reason for you to abandon us?"
"I wasn't the first one that abandoned our group. And I know you know that."
Jaemin watched Donghyuck break down in front of him.
"If you want to be a glue again, try to keep our group together as you wish. But remember that we need to mature, Hyuck. We can't keep skipping classes and clinging to memories that will now remain memories," Jaemin said. "Each of us has a life. Work on yours."
Jaemin waited for Jeno at the park they usually hang out on their way home. It was definitely late in the evening and he just got out of cram school. He was tired.
He closed his eyes and let the silence of the night engulf him.
He cleared his thoughts, forgetting the pressure of stepping up his best efforts once he gets home. Just like this, he can be at peace even for a little while.
He heard footsteps approach him and all he saw was a blur of their uniform once he opened his eyes then he was engulfed in a bone-crushing hug.
"Nana."
Jeno hugged him as if there is no tomorrow. The other slowly kneeled in front of him but not breaking the hug, which only made Jeno hug him in a comfortable position.
"I love you." He felt Jeno squeeze the hug tighter. "I love you so much."
He felt Jeno shake and he heard a small hiccup on his ear as if Jeno is crying.
Which he is.
"Nana, I love you so much."
"Jeno-ya..."
It's as if Jeno knew the reason why they met at the park, knew the reason why Jaemin wanted to talk.
If Jeno could prevent this break-up, he would do anything to continue their relationship. If only he would not show up today just so him and Jaemin won't have to talk, he would.
But he missed Jaemin so much it hurts. He wanted to see Jaemin so bad.
"Nana-ya, I'll do better."
And Jeno is full on crying at this point, burying his face on Jaemin's shoulder.
"I promise I'll do better. I won't disturb you when you are studying. I won't ask you for bike dates or late night walks or hour long calls. I won't do anything that will upset you."
Jaemin's heart clenched at the desperation in Jeno's voice. He bit his lip to stop himself from crying.
Jeno was always the one who walks straight into his heart as if he belonged there, which he does.
"Please don't do this to me, Nana-ya."
Jaemin slowly wrapped his arms around Jeno. He wasn't able to stop his tears from falling because he doesn't want to do this. He doesn't want to end their relationship.
"Please," Jeno begged.
"I'm sorry, Jeno-ya," Jaemin said, voice shaking. "I am already tired, so so tired."
"No, please no." Jeno loosened his hug to look at Jaemin. "You promised we would overcome everything together, that we would grow together. You promised we would be each other's always."
Jaemin wiped Jeno's tears, memorizing every detail of his face and engraving them deep in his heart.
"That was the promise of the boy who thought his whole world was you."
Jaemin transferred school a week after.
"Thank you so much for having us." Mark bowed to Kun, Chenle's older brother.
"It's nice to see all of you again," Kun said, smiling at them like a parent.
"I had so much fun today! Let's do this again and go to Mark-hyung's concert," Donghyuck suggested, still very energetic even if it's past midnight.
They were all busy planning when will be the next time they meet but Jaemin was busy pinching Jisung's cheeks.
"Ah hyung," Jisung whined, letting Jaemin treat him like a baby.
"Jaeminie, are you free this Saturday?" Renjun asked.
Jaemin turned to Renjun. "This Saturday? Yes, I am. But only after 11. I have a class at 9."
"That's fine," Mark said. "We'll have lunch at this fancy restaurant recommended by my members."
They all cheered at the thought of Mark treating them to a fancy restaurant.
It's as if their clock moved again as they slowly fixed and rekindled the fire their friendship had.
Mark fulfilled his promise of unlimited GongCha to Renjun and he treated them to some samgyeopsal earlier.
"Mark-hyung, I want a new bike," Jeno said, trying if Mark will give in.
"I want a new bike gear," Jaemin chimed, showing his aegyo. "Specifically a helmet."
Jaemin glanced at Jeno who looked at him, mischief in his eyes.
Mark pinched Jaemin's cheek. "No."
"Are you sure you don't want to sleep here?" Kun asked them for the nth time.
"We don't want to intrude. We can manage, Kun-hyung," Jeno answered.
As they bade goodbye to Chenle, Kun, and Renjun who plans to sleep over at Chenle's apartment, they did not take the elevator but instead raced down the apartment building through the emergency stairs.
It was dumb, it was childish but it was nostalgic. It was so them.
When they reached the ground floor, they were panting and they bursted out laughing.
Jaemin had to hold on to Mark to keep his balance. "That was oddly refreshing."
"Donghyuck-hyung is as slow as ever," Jisung pointed out as he tried to catch his breath.
Donghyuck rolled his eyes at Jisung. "I guess this ends our reunion."
Mark wore his face mask and cap to hide his identity as soon as they got out of the apartment building. "Donghyuck and Jisung are going to be in the same direction as me."
"I thought Jisung and I will go home together?" Jeno recalled their houses to be the closest to each other.
"Jisung called his mom earlier, he'll sleepover our house," Donghyuck said. "I told him to sleep at Chenle's apartment but he doesn't want to intrude in Chenle and Renjun's time together with Kun-hyung."
Jaemin's red warning flashed in his mind because this means that he will be left alone with Jeno at this rate.
Fuck.
"Jaeminie, you'll also be going to the station, right?"
Jaemin nodded, trying to calm himself inside.
"You can go together," Mark said. "Text me when both of you get home, okay?"
Jisung tugged at Jaemin's sleeves. The younger looked at him and smiled shyly before giving him a hug. "I missed you, Jaemin-hyung."
And that alone made Jaemin teary-eyed.
Donghyuck joined the hug, pulling Mark with him.
Jaemin looked at Jeno who smiled at him before hugging all of them in their group hug.
The five of them were the first ones who knew each other before they met Chenle and Renjun. They knew each other the longest and they literally grew up together.
"See you on Saturday?" Jaemin asked.
"See you on Saturday."
And they waved goodbye with the promise of seeing each other soon.
Then that leaves Jaemin and Jeno alone.
Jaemin looked at Jeno who smiled at him like three years haven't passed at all.
He was nervous, he admits. But he missed being alone with Jeno at the same time.
He remembered taking late night walks with Jeno before, even riding their bikes sometimes.
It was silent as they walked. No cars. No people. Everyone is asleep. They only have each other and the moon watching them.
When they walked together, Jaemin always holds Jeno's hands like it was a personality trait. But that was before he messed up, that was when everything was alright.
His mind must have been wandering in memory lane because the next thing he knew, they were standing at the park where they broke up three years ago.
"Should we sit on the swings?"
Jaemin stopped on his tracks to look at Jeno. He knows it must have been an hour past midnight without looking at the time. This is one of the rare moments when he cannot read what is on Jeno's mind.
They both sat on the swings and using the one braincell they had, they pulled themselves backwards swinging like a kid. They tried to swing higher than the other as they laughed at the feeling of being in a park despite being college students.
Minutes passed before Jaemin was just sitting, feet on the ground and swinging lightly back and forth.
It must have been the nostalgia or the serene atmosphere but he had a surge of bravery to just get everything off his chest.
"It is so easy to fall back to the days when we were still together," Jaemin blurted out, eyes on the moon above.
"I am an idiot and you are a lionheart," he continued. He looked at Jeno who was looking intently at him. "I'm sorry, Jeno-ya."
"Sorry for what?" Jeno's voice was low, quiet.
"For everything. For messing up. For ruining our relationship." His voice was slightly shaking and his throat tightened. "I could only think of what our world would have been if I didn't mess up. I... I wondered what it would be like if I held on and walked through highschool together."
He took a deep breath. "But then, reality would slap me hard when I see my new uniform when I transferred to a new school during our freshman year, leaving everyone behind. I am constantly reminded that I lost you."
Jaemin bit his lip, struggling to continue. "I had you once, didn't I?"
He looked at the person he loved and still loves until now. "You were once my reality, Jeno-ya. Now, you're just a dream. And I hate myself for letting you go. For being a jerk. For hurting you. For the monster I've become."
Tears pooled from Jaemin's eyes. He hastily wiped them away but that must have been their signal to overflow from his eyes.
"I always drown myself with regret and self-loathing. I had everything I wanted before --- Taeyong-hyung, friends, and most importantly, you."
He closed his eyes and hung his head low as he covered his face with his hands. "The moment you smiled at me this morning, I was once again reminded of your kindness. You never had that hate in your eyes that I was expecting. But instead you smiled at me like I haven't hurt you. I looked at you and told myself that I do not deserve you."
"Despite my regret, I am still a selfish person." Jaemin calmed himself and wiped his eyes. He turned to Jeno and gave him a sad smile. "I want to bring back what we used to have. I want to hold your hand. I want to hug you. I want to have late night walks with you. I want to watch the city lights with you. I want to spend lazy weekends with you. I want to fall asleep with your voice on the phone. I want to kiss you so bad. I want you, Lee Jeno."
Jeno was silent all this time, listening to him. He stood up and stopped in front of him. He kneeled to level their eyes. "Nana-ya..."
Jaemin closed his eyes as he savored the feeling of Jeno calling him Nana again. How long did he wish to hear his nickname even just once?
He slowly opened his eyes that gazed upon Jeno's own eyes filled with emotions he cannot decipher. "Always. That's the only way I know how to love you, Jeno."
At the confession, Jeno's eyes became glassy with tears. He blinked them away but a few escaped his eyes. Jaemin wiped his tears away for him.
"You're the biggest idiot I know," Jeno said. "But you will always be my Nana."
With a gentle touch, Jeno wiped the tears from Jaemin's eyes. He slowly kissed his tears away and smiled. "You just revealed everything you hate about yourself, so I will reveal everything I find beautiful about you."
Jeno stared at Jaemin's glassy eyes glistening from the moonlight. Those pair of eyes never fail to leave him breathless every single time.
"I've never stopped loving you," he started. "I admit I was upset. I was heartbroken. I lost interest in everything I do. I avoided the Dreamies. It even came to a point where I tried to hate you."
He cupped Jaemin's cheeks as the latter continued crying in front of him.
"But I can't hate you. I knew I can't," he continued. "Love covers a multitude of mistakes. I knew I love you because I was in pain. Love's not all about the fluttery feeling but also the pain. I tried to heal, Nana. I picked up all of the broken pieces of my heart and learned to love myself."
Jeno's heart was beating so fast, and it wanted to burst because of all the love he feels for the person who taught him not to give up. "I am not the most handsome out there, but you never fail to tell me how good I looked and when the praise comes from you, it is genuine. I know it is genuine. I'm not everyone's dream boy and I have several flaws, but you never fail to make me feel like you've won the jackpot. The truth is, I have a lot of insecurities but you look at me like I am perfect. I am far from being a basketball prodigy like Chenle but you always cheered me on."
Jeno smiled, the kind of smile he reserved for Jaemin. "I love you more than you'll ever know. I love you with every ounce of my soul and there aren't enough words to express it. I love you so much that if you were a star that was not expected to return to the galaxy for a thousand years, I would still wait."
He leaned his forehead against Jaemin's forehead and whispered. "I love you, Nana. It was, is, and will always be you."
And with Jeno's confession, Jaemin choked back a sob and did what he wanted to do so bad as soon as he saw Jeno this morning which is to kiss him.
Jaemin is home in Jeno's arms. Nothing would beat the safety and peace Jeno brings.
He always prayed to turn back the time, to return back to the days when he had everything he loves --- when he still had Jeno.
He never expected everything to go like this but Jeno will always be his answered prayer.
They broke the kiss, still close enough to hear each other's heartbeats.
"I miss you so much, Nana-ya. You can't imagine how I eagerly waited for this day."
Jaemin kissed Jeno one more time and hugged him. "I'm home."
"I love you."
"Always."