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There were many things in Edelgard's life that reeked of uncertainty despite her best efforts, but there was one constant she could always rely on. One truth that was nothing short of irrefutable: Hilda was, simply put, insufferable.
She had long ago accepted that the young woman was to be counted among the few that she could not manipulate. For a while, she had assumed that to be the reason for her attraction to her. The reason for their secret-filled glances at each other, the occasional brushing of hands when the room was too crowded to avoid being jostled together – even the furtive trysts full of beating hearts and soft lips in empty rooms and dark corners.
Yet as Hilda once more ignored her pleas for a more clandestine relationship, brazenly announcing to everyone in the cafeteria what she deigned to be the most important qualities in a potential lover – several of which seemed to be specifically angled in her direction – Edelgard found that she could not bear to remain on the sidelines a single moment longer.
Hilda’s chatter came to a sudden halt when Edelgard stood. Anyone else would have trembled with concern to realize that the future Emperor had found reason to be displeased with them, but that was just another way that Hilda constantly surprised her.
As Edelgard made eye contact with Hilda, ignoring the mirth dancing in those pink eyes, she was keenly aware of the fact that there was no fright to be seen in her face. No, no – rather, Hilda was smirking, a brow raised boldly and her arms crossed in an undeniable challenge.
You’re so eager to keep this under wraps, she seemed to say, the wry curve of her lips harkening back to a conversation they’d held the other day. Are you really going to let something as petty as a little teasing get under your skin?
And to that wordless question, Edelgard would have to reply – yes.
“Would you please come with me?” she asked once she was close enough to Hilda that only the two of them could hear, looping her arm casually around Hilda’s like it wasn’t something she dreamed of doing every day.
“Oh?” Hilda tossed lengths of pink hair over her shoulder with a giggle, practically daring Edelgard to come even just a tiny bit closer while they were in such public view. “Why would the great, almighty Edelgard herself want to chat with little old me?”
Countless eyes from students and teachers alike followed them out of the cafeteria, preventing Edelgard from allowing her true feelings for the other girl to show.
“It’s a matter of great importance, I’m afraid.”
Out of the corner of her eye, Hilda’s gaze flickered back to the door closing behind them. Edelgard could feel her girlfriend’s muscles tense, like she was a wild lynx preparing to pounce once there was a barrier between them and their overeager schoolmates.
And normally, that would be that. Hilda usually preferred to take control in their brief moments of solitude. Despite her constant claims of feebleness or inadequacy, she knew exactly what she wanted and when she wanted it. As someone who had no choice but to wrestle her fate into submission with every moment of her day, Edelgard found that it was something of a relief to let her guard down and allow Hilda to overwhelm her.
Today, though, Hilda had pushed too far. She’d pushed, prodded, and teased Edelgard relentlessly, and her recent display in the midst of their colleagues had just taken it a step too far for Edelgard to ignore.
It was necessary to make her displeasure known, else Hilda would take her silence as permission to take her antics further.
“Well?” Extracting herself from Edelgard’s grasp, Hilda set her hands on her hips and smiled coquettishly as the door finally closed. “What’s this matter of great importance that got you to actually interact with me in public?”
Edelgard shoved aside the rising feeling of guilt in favor of reaching out for Hilda’s hand and pulling her aside into one of the many convenient nooks and crannies nearby.
A sudden flush brightened Hilda’s cheeks as her back hit a stone wall. She looked up at Edelgard with shining eyes, her lips curling like she was about to say something particularly flirtatious, but Edelgard didn’t dare give her the chance.
Stepping forward, pressing herself so near to Hilda that there was but a hair’s-breadth of space between them, Edelgard brought her mouth so close to Hilda’s ear that she could feel her gentle trembling. She lifted her palm to the wall over Hilda’s shoulder, blocking off her chance for escape.
“It’s so hard,” she murmured, her head falling so far forwards that platinum bangs brushed against the fabric covering Hilda’s shoulder, “wanting to be with you, all the while knowing that…”
“Knowing something’s gonna get in the way.” Hilda finished the thought that Edelgard couldn’t bear to. “You know, El, it doesn’t have to be you.”
Caught off guard by the sudden use of her pet name, Edelgard blinked.
“What do you mean?” She looked down at Hilda, careful to keep her confusion under wraps even as she lifted a brow with intrigue. It didn’t have to be her? She knew she was in a special position, having Hilda’s affection despite the other girl’s fondness for the more performative aspects of a relationship, but usually Hilda wasn’t so obtuse.
Hilda giggled, casting a glance over Edelgard’s shoulder as she gestured towards the cafeteria door they’d abandoned. “You don’t have to be the one getting in between us,” she explained, “Like that little display in there? You could have just asked me, babe.”
Edelgard pressed her lips tightly together. Yes. Perhaps she had gone a little overboard in calling for Hilda’s silence, but she’d had her reasons!
“You say that like I want to call for your distance.” Edelgard pressed her lips together. “I – Hilda, there’s nothing I want more in the world than to walk with you at my side, but there are certain circumstances that –”
This time, she was not quick enough to ensure Hilda’s silence. “Circumstances this, circumstances that – why don’t you just say it, Edelgard? We both know it’d be easier for you if we broke up. You’re just too scared to do the damn deed yourself.”
Edelgard’s jaw dropped. A certain truth rang in Hilda’s words, but she couldn’t bring herself to actually – to actually acknowledge it. It was a truth that she would have to confront sooner or later, but in that moment, there was nothing she could do to pull herself away from Hilda’s gravitational pull.
She was the future Emperor. There was nothing she could do – would do – about that, not after sacrificing as much as she had. But neither was there anything she could do to make it acceptable for someone in her position to be romantically involved with a young lady from another country – the Alliance, at that.
But she was still young. The eyes of the world might have been focused upon her, but perhaps there was a certain… a certain leeway she could manage while she remained in the traditionally naïve throes of studenthood.
She did not want to keep Hilda close simply for the purpose of dropping her by the wayside later. Even so, there was a piece of her, hidden deep behind ambition, that longed for even just a month’s worth of selfishness.
Hilda seemed to take her silence as a guilty reaction to her accusation, because she smiled at Edelgard in that vague, vapid manner that she reserved for only the most idiotic of encounters.
“You know what?” she said, each word stabbing Edelgard in the heart, “I’m going to be the big person for once, and take it upon my shoulders to make it easy for you.”
She set her hands on Edelgard’s shoulders and opened her mouth to deliver the final blow.
No. She couldn’t let that happen.
Edelgard dove forward and pressed her lips firmly against Hilda’s, her eyes screwed shut against the fear of Hilda’s rejection. But Hilda didn’t move, except to lazily rest her arms over Edelgard’s shoulders and sigh into the kiss.
The panic and turmoil that had been churning in Edelgard’s stomach subsided. She allowed herself to be content in the moment, and only drew closer to Hilda once she could no longer combat the desire to pepper her affection across Hilda’s face, up and down her girlfriend’s neck. The only time she stopped was when it became necessary to remind Hilda to keep quiet lest they be discovered.
Hilda only laughed at Edelgard’s concern, and told her to keep going.
She poured every feeling she had for Hilda into each kiss, and when she finally drew back with puffed lips, hurrying to catch her breath and readjust her clothes before anyone stumbled across them, Hilda just giggled and slumped against the wall.
“I didn’t think you’d get so into it,” she laughed, winding one of Edelgard’s lavender ribbons idly around her fingers. Edelgard reached to her hair; it quickly became apparent that Hilda had claimed her prize during their… rendezvous. “Like, I knew you’d get pretty fired up if I hit you with that whole ‘why are you ashamed of me’ deal, but who knew it’d be so –”
Edelgard pressed the back of her glove against her mouth as her mind raced. Hilda was manipulative, she knew that – had she really been so caught up in trying to maintain their status quo that she’d entirely overlooked who had held the upper hand in the first place?
She suddenly laughed, tossing untied hair back over her shoulder, and gave Hilda another, much briefer, kiss.
She had been well and truly played, and while she would have been greatly incensed had she been strung along by anybody else, she had to admit that the end result had been quite pleasant. Whether or not Hilda’s little games had been a factor in her great attraction to her after all, it probably wouldn’t hurt to play along with them a little more often.