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It’s supposed to be a simple call.
Of course, everything goes wrong.
The house is barely standing when they go in, nothing but a decrepit shell of wood that should have been demolished a long time ago. It’s only used as a hideaway for addicts to get their fix, which is precisely why they get called in the first place.
They find the man who has overdosed upstairs, the whole house long emptied since the 911 call was made.
It’s too late for him. They can’t do anything but bag him up. The team is silent the way they always are when there is nothing to be done.
Everyone is back on the stairs, getting the body down, except for Hen and Buck who are just a few feet behind.
That’s when it happens.
The floor creaks – loudly.
Neither Hen or Buck have the time to react when it caves in from under them.
They fall down.
Everything goes black.
“Hen! Buck!”
She is laying on her back, coughing out the dust settling around them, and it takes her a moment to get up. Her radio is still going wild with the voices of her team calling after her and Buck.
She takes the time to make sure she isn’t hurt, moving her toes, her fingers, her arms. She is hurting, but it will only be bruises and aches. Thank God they’ve been wearing their helmets.
“I’m okay,” she tells her team on the radio. “I can see Buck from here, hang on.”
She winces in pain as she stands up. She has to blink a few times before her eyes adjust to the low light. She turns her flashlight to assess the damage – parts of the house fell down on them, they are lucky enough to not have been crushed by it.
The whole thing looks fragile, like it’s ready to crumble down on them at the slightest breeze, and Hen knows it will take some time before they are freed.
“Buck,” she calls. “Are you okay?”
“Help.”
His voice is shallow, too small, and if she hadn’t been paying attention, she would have missed it. Her blood turns to ice.
“I’m coming, Buck. Hold on.”
It’s a complicated affair getting to him. She is afraid of bringing the whole thing down on them but she manages, at last, to get to her friend.
Her breath gets stuck in her throat when she sees Buck.
She is taking off her jacket and applying pressure before she has even processed what’s happening.
Somewhere along the way down, Buck’s side got ripped apart and though Hen can’t see any of his organs, he is still losing a terrible amount of blood.
“How’s Buck?” comes Bobby’s voice on the radio.
He is still conscious though his eyes are unfocused and tired. She looks around, searching for her equipment but she must have lost it in her fall.
“Tell them,” he whispers brokenly.
She has years as a paramedic to thank for not breaking down right there and then. Absently, she remembers working on Chim. She remembers going home that night, the phantom sensation of her best friend’s blood on her hands. She remembers breaking down in the shower, the only thing tethering her to the world being the arms of her wife around her.
Right now though, her focus is sharp as she does her best to save Buck, her friend, someone she loves like a brother.
“Hen,” he says, voice nothing but a tired whisper. “I’m gonna go into shock.”
“Hen, how is he doing?” Bobby asks, this time, urgent.
She inhales, sharp. One of her hand leaves Buck’s wound to get to the radio.
“Cap’, he’s not good. Something ripped his side torso in the fall. I can’t see any organ damage, but we need to get him to the hospital yesterday. He has already lost too much blood.”
Her hands, her arms, she’s covered with it. Blood has never bothered her, but right now, she is almost gagging with the smell of it. There is so much of it, everywhere, and she can’t do enough to stop the bleeding.
There is a beat of silence. Then, “We’re doing as fast as we can without risking the whole structure to come down on you.”
His voice is firm, reassuring. She focuses on it. If anyone can get to them, it’s her team. They do the impossible every day, they can do it for Buck.
“I know, Bobby,” she says, looking at her friend laying down before her, eyes half-lidded, “but you gotta hurry.”
She abandons the radio and puts her hand back on the makeshift bandage – it’s not doing enough to stop the bleeding. There is still so much oozing out of him.
His skin is wan, his breathing too shallow. His eyes are closed.
“Hey, hey,” she calls. “Open you eyes for me. Come on.”
He does, but only for a second before they threaten to close again.
“Please, don’t close your eyes again,” she begs. “You need to stay awake.”
“I’m tired,” Buck mumbles.
“I know, Buckaroo, but I need you to be strong. I know you’re strong. Stay awake, okay?”
His eyelids flutter but he manages to keep them open and somewhat fixed on her. She sighs in relief.
“Now, there, you wouldn’t want to hide your baby blues, right?”
He manages a weak smile – there is a seriousness in it that she makes her skin crawl.
“If I don’t make it – ” he starts.
“Shut that, Buckley,” she interrupts, curt. “You’ll be okay.”
“Hen.” His tone is patient but firm as can be in his state. “We both know this is bad, and I don’t have much time left.”
She shakes her head, her eyes watering.
“I’ll save you,” she promises.
He puts his hand on hers. She stares, helpless, at the contrast between their skin, hers dark and his pale, Buck’s blood covering both of them.
“I know you will do everything you can,” he whispers, his voice tired, “but it’s okay, either way. Don’t blame yourself.”
“Don’t you dare.”
“Hen – ”
“Don’t you die on me, Evan Buckley, or so help me I will never forgive you for it.”
He squeezes her hands, and it’s almost imperceptible. He is getting weaker by the minute.
The sounds of her team working to get to them resonate through the whole remains of the house. It’s the sounds of hope, but her heart is frozen by fear. They are running out of time.
Buck is running out of time.
“Tell Maddie I love her.”
“Buck – ”
“Please, I need to say this. Just in case, okay?”
She nods. Her pressure on his wound gets stronger, he winces, jolting in pain, and she gives him an apologetic smile.
“Tell her,” he continues when his breathing calms – still too shallow, still too erratic – and she can do nothing but listen, burning his words to memory. “Tell her she’s the best sister and that she deserves to be happy. I want her to be happy.”
“You’ll tell her yourself, Buck.”
“Hen.” His voice is so far away, his eyes unseeing. “You’re amazing. I’m so in awe of you.”
She hates this, this is so unfair. She forces herself to listen anyway, this is too important to let her emotions get in the way.
“Get the radio, please,” he adds.
“I can’t, I need to keep the pressure on your wound.”
“Hen. Just a minute.”
She closes her eyes. Buck can’t be dying. He can’t be saying his last words. She refuses the mere idea of it.
But who is she to refuse him this right?
She is a paramedic. She knows. She has seen many people who did not lose half as much blood as him, and they didn’t make it.
Losing him would be painful beyond imagination, but she can’t be selfish and refuse him his last words if these words were truly to be his last.
“Okay.” She breathes in, out. Her hand goes to her radio again. “Guys?”
“Everything alright down there?”
“Buck wants to talk to you, guys.”
“No. Hen. Buck. We are not doing this.”
She brings the radio close to Buck’s mouth. He offers her a weak smile in thanks.
“Bobby, please,” he says. It’s soft, not resigned but in peace almost. Like he has already made peace with his death.
“We are getting you out and you’re gonna survive this, you hear me Buckaroo?”
“Bobby, I need to say this. I am not feeling so good. I don’t think I have much time left before I pass out.”
The sounds of the team working never stop, but Hen knows, deep within herself, that they are coming to the same conclusion that she did minutes ago.
She is not surprised when Bobby speaks again and says, “We’re listening.”
Hen can almost see Bobby’s broken expression. She can’t imagine how hard this must be for he, because if she loves Buck like a brother, Bobby loves him like a son.
“Thank you for everything you’ve ever done for me. I know I drive you crazy most of the time, but you never gave up on me.”
“Buck – ”
“Chim,” Buck soldiers on despite his voice starting to slur. He has very little time before he will lose consciousness, they all know it. “You’re the strongest person I know.”
The sounds are getting closer.
“Eddie.” Tears fall down Buck’s eyes. “I love you. I think I’ve loved you since the first time that I met you. Tell Christopher I love him too.”
“We love you too,” Eddie rushes to say, urgent. “I love you too, but you have to hang on. You keep on fighting.”
But Buck doesn’t answer.
He can’t.
He is not conscious anymore.
Buck has woken up in hospitals enough time to realize that he is laying in a hospital bed.
He feels weak, tired beyond words.
Images of a house crumbling down on him flashes through his mind. He remembers the smell of his own blood, thick and metallic.
He opens his eyes.
Bobby is sitting next to him, his attention taken by his phone – probably keeping Athena updated.
“Hey.”
Bobby’s head snaps up. His eyes widen, and then a relieved smile appear on his lips.
“Hey, Buck. How are you feeling?”
“Thirsty,” he jokes, and Bobby rushes to get him the glass sitting on the nightstand.
The sensation of the water on his lips, down his throat, is heaven, and Buck sighs in contentment.
He feels some of his strength come back to him – enough at least to stay awake a little bit.
“Is Hen okay?”
Bobby smiles. The sight warms Buck down to his core and he finds himself smiling back.
“Hen is alright, just some minor cuts and bruises. I sent her home a few hours ago.”
Something shifts in Buck, a weight he didn’t notice he was carrying. He relaxes in his bed.
“How long was I out?”
“A while,” Bobby answers. He has dark circles under his eyes, his hair is messy like he’s been passing his hands through it. “You really had us scared out there.”
Buck remembers. He really thought he was going to die. It’s a miracle he is still alive, let alone awake and talking.
He remembers talking to his team, telling them what he thought were going to be his last words ever.
Gulping down the shame he always feels when he’s been vulnerable with people, he looks away from Bobby.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault.” Bobby puts his hand on Buck’s forearm, making sure to mind the IV. “Don’t do that again.”
Buck snorts, “I promise I’ll do my best not to fall down through any houses again.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
He said goodbye. He was ready to die.
“Bobby, I – I didn’t know if I was going to make it. I had to.”
“You’re important to me too, Buck,” Bobby says, an echo of words spoken months ago. “Of course I’ll never give up on you.”
Maybe it’s because Buck thought that he was going to die, maybe it’s because he’s exhausted, or maybe it’s because he has longed to hear those words for a long time.
Whatever it is, Buck can do nothing to stop the tears falling down his cheeks.
Without a word, Bobby gets up and puts his arms around him, and they hold onto one another, anchoring each other – Buck is safe, Bobby is here with him.
They let go. Buck wipes his eyes, ducking his head, embarrassed. He does not notice how Bobby’s eyes shine just as much.
“So,” Bobby says after clearing his throat. “Maddie will be here soon, and Chim and Hen are dropping by tomorrow morning before their shift.”
“Oh no, Hen is going to murder me.”
“Yes, it’s a possibility.”
Buck laughs but his laughter soon transforms into a yawn. He is exhausted, his eyes threaten to droop again but he fights, just to have a little bit more time awake.
“What about Eddie?”
“He’s just outside, on the phone with Carla. She has Christopher tonight. He’s okay, even if he’s worried about his Buck.”
Buck can’t help but smile at the thought of Christopher.
“Eddie is okay too, before you ask. He hasn’t left the hospital since we’ve brought you here.”
That’s not surprising, though it still makes Buck feel warm all over.
“When were you gonna tell me you two were dating?”
Buck’s eyes fly wide open. Bobby looks way too proud of himself as he watches Buck fumble with words.
“We were gonna tell you,” Buck ends up saying after a few failed attempts, because it’s the truth. “It’s pretty new.”
“I’m happy for you.”
“Thank you, Bobby. I’m happy too.”
Buck falls asleep before Eddie gets back in the room, but the knowledge that is close and that neither he or Bobby has left at all, is enough to soothe him to sleep.
He knows he isn’t alone. He is safe.