Chapter Text
[Spacecataz opening]
[The episode opens with The Mooninites in their ship. Ignignokt is holding a wad of space cash™]
Ignignokt: People trust me with their money. They shouldn't.
Err: DUDE! I CAN'T BELIEVE WE GOT MAD CASH, AND ALL WE HAD TO DO WAS PUT MOON DUST IN A BAG!
Ignignokt: Those disgusting earth worms shall be snorting the "space crack" for eons. Dumbasses.
Err: [looking out the window] HEY, YOU THINK WE HAVE ROOM FOR ONE MORE SUCKER— I MEAN CUSTOMER?
[Shot of the Plutonian ship in front of them]
Ignignokt: I don't see why not.
[They begin to fly towards the Plutonian's ship]
[Scene transitions to the inside of the Plutonian Ship]
Oglethorpe: [Is fumbling with their computer] Emory, du had die aux cord for far too long! Gimme it!
Emory: I mean uh, I guess you can have it. It's just…
Oglethorpe: Just vhat??
Emory: [backing up] I-Im just saying, all you really play is The Backstreet Boys.
Oglethorpe: And vhat the hell is wrong with da Backstreet Boys? Du got something against them? Huh? HUH?
Emory: Nothing! Nothing. You just play them and only them. I prefer...yknow... diversity with my music.
Oglethorpe: ...Alex, play "I vant it that way" by the—
Emory: We don't have an Alexa—
Oglethorpe: DON'T INTERRUPT ME WHEN IM TALKING TO ALEX! Ya know he doesn't like that.
[The Mooninites call the ship, appearing in their screens]
Ignignokt: Good day, my fine spikey fellows.
Err: YOU WANT SOME DRUGS, PUSSIES?
Oglethorpe: How da hell did du get my new number? I blocked you!
Ignignokt: Wouldn't you like to know? Anyway, we aren't here to talk politics. We are offering a business proposal.
Err: WE GOT THE FINEST CRACK FROM THE MOON.
Ignignokt: Indeed, it is space crack.
Emory: Are you sure that's crack?
Ignignokt: Of course it is, you fool. Only an ignoramus such as yourself would ask such a thing.
Err and Ignignokt: [talking simultaneously] MAN I JUST SNORTED A BAG BEFORE WE GOT HERE (of course he did)— I GOT SO HIGH I THREW UP! (He did— )OUT OF MY ASS! (Ok, Err, that's a little much.)
Emory: I'm...I'm only asking because it looks like you just shoveled a bunch of dirt into a bag.
Ignignokt: [dead silent]
Err: ...OK YOU BUYING OR NOT?
Oglethorpe: Yknow, we don't really need it. We just got down from die best high of our lives! Didn't we, Emory?
Emory: What? [Oglethorpe nudges him] Oh-oh! Yeah. We did. It was pretty...dope man.
Ignignokt: Oh? I assume it was not from a typical source of ecstasy?
Oglethorpe: Uhm...ja! Ja, ja, we got it from this super secret place. Called um. Planet Pot.
Ignignokt and Emory: [at once] Planet Pot?
Oglethorpe: Ja, Planet Pot! It's all de way in the Snoop Galaxy.
Err: Like Snoop Dog?
Oglethorpe: Ja like Snoop Dog! He's from there, actually.
Emory: I thought he was from Long Beach—
Oglethorpe: [whispering] Shut up.
Look, my point is, it is de best weed in the whole freaking universe. But we injected all of it already so we can't give you any.
Ignignokt: ...You don't inject weed, you dolt.
Oglethorpe: Well with this kind you do!
Err: Hm. SEEMS LEGIT TO ME.
Ignignokt: Are you serious right now?
Err: YEAH MAN. THEY'RE TOO STUPID TO LIE THAT GOOD, SO IT HAS TO BE TRUE.
Ignignokt: ...Err your logic fascinates me.
Err: THANK YOU!
Oglethorpe: Vell you guys better get going, it is a 40-lightday trip. Go get some snacks and supplies, then keep going west until you see the planet. You'll know it vhen you see it.
Err: FUCK YEAH, IG LETS GO!
Ignignokt: [sighing] If you insist.
[The call ends]
Emory: Wow, I can't believe that actually worked.
Oglethorpe: Dude I know! I didn't even plan dat! Dat was all improv. And they bought it! Finally, ve are the smart ones!
Emory: Hell yeah, we should celebrate.
Oglethorpe: I know just da thing! [Starts playing The Backstreet boys on blast]
[Cuts back to The Mooninites]
Ignignokt: Err, we need to talk.
Err: HELL YEAH WE DO. SHOULD I ORDER US SOME SPICY WINGS OR SOME PIZZA? THEN AGAIN, MUNCHIES CRAVINGS ARE KINDA UNPREDICTABLE—
Ignignokt: Err…
Err: AH FUCK IT, ILL GET BOTH.
Ignignokt: ERR!
Err: [shuts up and looks at Ignignokt]
Ignignokt: They were clearly trying to fool us with their false tale. I mean, look at them. Do they appear to be the ones to hold knowledge regarding marijuana consumption? They can't even handle a Granite Family Multi-Vitamin gummy.
Err: OR, AND CONSIDER THIS, THEYRE ACTUALLY TELLING THE TRUTH AND WE MISSING OUT ON SOME GALACTIC KUSH!
Ignignokt: Alright, fine. We shall go investigate. But if it ends up being a bullshit waste of time, drinks are on you.
Err: AND IF IT ENDS UP BEING TRUE, YOU OWE ME 5 BUCKS.
Ignignokt: …Ok, deal.
[The ship begins to fly in a straight line to the west]
[Cuts back to the Plutonians tracking The Mooninites on the monitor]
Oglethorpe: Look at those dumbasses! They're actually going! This is best day of my life!
Emory: Uh, according to the tracking monitor, a black hole just opened up a couple of miles towards their direction.
[Brief pause]
Emory: ... Shouldn't we go stop them?
Oglethorpe: No, let them go. It's fine.
[Cut back to the Mooninites]
Ignignokt: I do hope we have enough sustenance for the 40 day trip.
Err: AH SHUT UP, YOU WORRY TOO MUCH.
[Suddenly, an alarm begins to go off]
Alarm: WARNING, APPROACHING BLACK HOLE.
[Shot of comically large black hole compared to their tiny, tiny ship]
Ignignokt: ...Fuck.
Err: WHAT DO WE DO MAN?? WE'RE GOING TO DIE!
[Ship slowly gets closer to hole due to gravitational pull]
Ignignokt: Try turning the ship around.
Err: DUDE I CANT!
Ignignokt: You aren't trying hard enough, give me that. [Even in a situation like this, Ignignokt is scarily calm]
[They continue to argue and panic before being sucked into the black hole completely]
Err: SHIT, NOW WHAT?
Ignignokt: Wait to die, I suppose.
Err: WHAT? FUCK THAT. YOU MIGHT LIKE TAKING IT LIKE A BITCH, BUT I DON'T. I'LL FIGHT MY WAY OUT OF THIS BLACK HOLE. WHOS IN CHARGE OF THIS PLACE, EH? BECAUSE THEY ABOUT TO GET AN ASS WOOPIN!
Ignignokt: Err—
Err: IM ABOUT TO THROW DOWN-
Ignignokt: Err shut up and look at that light.
[He points to a distant, glowing light in front of them]
Err: WAIT A MINUTE, I RECOGNIZE THAT LIGHT ANYWHERE!
Ignignokt: What are we standing here for? Let us proceed.
[They fly the ship forward and come across an alien with a futuristic looking bong]
Err: HA! I KNEW IT.
Ignignokt: Greetings, stranger. We are Ignignokt and Err, and we couldn't help but notice the light emitting from your beautiful bong.
Err: WHATCHA GOT IN THERE, MAN?
Unnamed Alien: Oh this? Hehe, I just got back from planet Marahemp. They have, like, the BEST kush on this side of the galaxy.
Err: YOU HEAR THAT, IGNIG? PAY UP.
Ignignokt: But he said it was called Marahemp, not the planet Pot we were promised.
Err: DOESN'T MATTER WHAT ITS CALLED, PAY UP!
Ignignokt: Ok, fine. Here is the 5 dollars that was agreed upon. [He gives Err the 5 dollars]
U.A: Gentlemen, let's relax. Ok? I assume this is your first time in a black hole.
Ignignokt: I thought black holes were guaranteed death traps?
U.A: That's what everyone tells you, but this is probably...I don't know...my third one. This week.
Err: WOW REALLY? THAT'S LIKE, SUPER HARDCORE MAN.
U.A: Yeah, getting out of them is actually very easy. You got anything spicy?
Err: [gasps] THE WINGS!
Ignignokt: Yes, go get the wings. Why do we need the wings?
U.A: Oh you'll see.
[Err retrieves the hot wings from the food storage]
Err: NOW WHAT?
U.A: Dump it outside and watch.
[They dump the hot wings outside. They watch as the spicy hot wings evaporate. Soon, the darkness around them begins to shake.]
U.A: Hey little dudes, I would hold onto something if I were you.
[The blackhole suddenly opens back up and spits everything out of it. Random debris floats all around them.]
Ignignokt: [dizzily getting up from the floor] I must say, I am impressed by how flawless that escape plan was.
U.A: Oh yeah dude. It isn't common knowledge, but black holes have very sensitive stomachs. That's why they tend to eat things without flavor.
Err: YOU LEARN SOMETHING NEW EVERYDAY YO!
Ignignokt: So...you still have any of that marijuana you were telling us about?
U.A: Ah hell yeah man. I'll give ya some, free of charge. It's the least I can do for yall after helping us escape.
Err: YEAH!!
[They receive a special box full of the good kush™ from the unnamed alien]
Ignignokt: Pleasure doing business with you, sir.
U.A: Oh...forgot to mention. The police were after me before I got stuck in that black hole. So you guys should probably get going.
Err: OH SHIT, WE NEED TO GET OUTTA HERE!
Ignignokt: Thank you for the heads up, stranger. You go take care.
U.A: But what about-
Ignignokt: Oh don't you worry, we know exactly who will take care of it.
[Cut back to the Plutonians playing card games]
Oglethorpe: Ok so do I go fish or do you go fish?
Emory: I already explained this to you. If I ask for a 5 and you don't have any, I go fish. If YOU ask for a 5 and I don't have any, you go fish.
Oglethorpe: This game is too confusing.
[The Mooninites call The Plutonian ship, in which Oglethorpe answers]
Oglethorpe: [confused] H-hallo?
Ignignokt: [clearly high] Heeeeeeey. We're back.
Err: And we're high as hell man...like, am I even here? Am I even talking? Or am I just...thinking with my mind.
Emory: Wait...where did you get that?
Ignignokt: From our new dealer from the Pot Planet.
Oglethorpe: Really? Do you got any left?
Ignignokt: As a matter of fact, we do. For being good friends, we saved some for you. Here.
[Ignignokt sends the box to the Plutonians ship]
Oglethorpe: YES! Das ist super geil!
Emory: Wow, guess that place really was real huh?
Err: See ya later...suckers.
[End call].
Emory: ...What does that mean?
Oglethorpe: Hey what da hell? There's like 2 pieces in here!
[Police lights can be seen in the background shining on them]
Emory: Uh, Oglethorpe? Oglethorpe?
[The end]