Work Text:
My DVD for Good Omens arrived. I watched it at the rate of one episode a day as I am the carer for my very elderly grandmother who has many health issues, including dementia. The day I watched episode five was the first Good Omens day she had what I refer to as a 'good day'. A 'good day' is one in which that while she still has a memory capacity of five seconds, she is interested in the world around her and able to respond as things in her environment. Like a DVD playing.
I spent the day between 8:30PM and 9:45PM watching episode five, The Doomsday Option. This is a transcript of how it went.
Grandmother, watching the opening menu appear on the screen as I navigate to episode: “That’s the garden of Eden isn’t it?”
Me: “Yes Grandmother.”
Grandmother while watching the opening credits, pointing at Crowley and Aziraphale the very male presenting couple: “Is that supposed to be Adam and Eve?”
Me: “No Grandmother. It’s an angel and a demon who met in the garden of Eden.”
Grandmother watching the end of the opening credits: "Why are they all jumping off a cliff?"
Me: "I don't know, Grandmother."
Grandmother looking at Crowley: “What’s wrong with his eyes?”
Me: “He’s a demon, Grandmother.”
Grandmother looking at Crowley three minutes later: “What’s wrong with his eyes?”
Me: “He's a demon, grandmother.”
Grandmother looking at Crowley two minutes later: "What's wrong with his eyes? How did they do that?"
Me: "He's wearing contact lenses, grandmother."
Grandmother seeing a close up of Death's face: "Eeek! That's horrible! So frightening!"
Grandmother looking at Crowley again: "What's wrong with his eyes?"
Me: "He's wearing contact lenses, Grandmother."
Grandmother watching Aziraphale being yelled at by the Angel Quartermaster: “There’s too much bullying in the world. Bully bully bully.”
Me: (Keeps silent deciding not to explain to her they are technically not in the world in that scene).
Grandmother looking at Crowley again: "What's wrong with his eyes?"
Me: "Contact lenses, Grandmother."
Grandmother at another close up of Death's face: “That would give children nightmares! Why would they show this during children’s time!”
Me: Stays silent as I don't feel like having to explain again over the course of several minutes we are watching a DVD and it is late evening because I don't want to deal with devastation as she realises she can't trust her mind because I'm trying to watch something, dammit!
Grandmother burying her face in the pillow instead of watching Hastur drown the telemarketers in maggots: “AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!”
Paddy the cat (aka the reason watching an hour program took one hour and fifteen minutes), translated from feline: “I have triumphantly arrived in the lounge room to show you the rat I caught outside! Yes, that’s right! Follow me to the kitchen to watch in envy while I eat as your Grandmother begs you to save it, hears it’s dead and cries miserably about the poor bereaved rat family in their hole...You didn’t stroke me very long...why are you back in the lounge room watching TV? I caught a big rat you know! Come back and gaze in envy at it. Now. Please? Look, I will bring it back to the lounge room so you can see it more easily. All you have to do is turn your head to see the rat I caught then you will for sure get up! Look! Look at this rat! I caught it! I caught this rat! And you don’t care! I did something amazing and you don’t care! Wah! Waaah! WAAAAAAH! WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”
Me giving up because I can no longer hear the dialogue over his screams of true misery and pausing the DVD: “Well done. Brilliant cat. I am so impressed. Let me pet you for several minutes.”
Paddy the cat (aka the reason watching an hour program took one hour and fifteen minutes): “Chomp crunch chomp yummy delicious rat, you must be so envious at my cleverness. There is nothing better than eating your freshly caught prey while being petted by an envious human. I shall purr loudly as I'm having such a good day now.”
Grandmother looking at Crowley again when I get back from praising the now very fully Paddy: "What's wrong with his eyes?"
Me: "Contact lenses Grandmother."
In a weird kind of way the pair of them enhanced the experience of the chaos and comedy Good Omens is trying to invoke.