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Tenn dreams of a castle by the sea.
He can’t say what color the walls are or how many rooms it has or how he came to live there, but he does know this:
Its windows are flung wide open, letting in salty sea air. The air is neither cold, nor hot. It’s humid, but not heavy – about a level or two lighter than the air in Okinawa. Gentle breezes ruffle thin curtains, but the wind is never harsh enough to cause a chill.
The Sun shines through ever-moving clouds, striking the perfect balance between comfort and coverage. Its rays are not harsh on the skin, but hats hang in every entryway to the castle. The castle also contains a plentiful supply of SPF 85, as a precaution.
A beach lies not even two minutes away. The sand is cool to the touch – cool, never cold – and firm enough to craft sandcastles and sand angels and sandmen. Sunshine warms the ocean; there’s not even a slight chill as he dips his toes in (and Tenn does, every morning before Riku rushes out). Umbrellas dot the sand, providing cover for whoever needs a breather from the constant commotion.
There are at least enough rooms for Riku and TRIGGER and the other members of IDOLiSH7, even Izumi Iori. Takanashi-san appears, sometimes, to help Riku apply his sunscreen. Mostly, she’s tucked into Gaku’s side, and he’s grinning and calling her Tsumugi. Ryuu’s siblings are there, and his dad is too – the one who’s a fisherman, not the one who owns a premier hotel chain. Ryuu spends a lot of time introducing his family to the members of IDOLiSH7, dispelling his erotic beast persona for the older brother character that Tenn has always known. Momo-san and Yuki-san occasionally pop in bearing donuts.
Riku runs around a lot, but the moisture in the air prevents his throat from becoming too dry. Tenn is careful to limit Riku’s frolicking in the ocean because mild as the oceanwater is, the extended activity can still trigger an attack. There are so many other events going on in the castle – MagiCona marathons with Rokuya Nagi, pseudo variety shows with Momo-san and Yuki-san, spontaneous plays performed by Gaku and Nikaido Yamato – that Riku doesn’t even complain. Tenn admits that Izumi Iori’s micromanaging of Riku, if a bit severe, helps too.
His parents are there, his and Riku’s.
Their mom cooks omurice for them every night and Tenn doesn’t get sick of it, even by the second week of the same dinner. Riku gets antsy by the third week, though, and Tenn quietly offers to help his mom cook some of Riku’s other favorites.
In the evenings, they gather in the castle’s largest ballroom. In one corner, his dad describes to him and Riku the recent success their club has enjoyed. Ryuu dances with his siblings in the center, while Gaku spins Takanashi-san off to the side. Tenn can read Gaku’s lovesick expression from across the room, and his openness is both disturbing and deserving. The members of IDOLiSH7 play card games in a corner, and the night drifts lazily on.
Tenn awakens, invariably, as his dream self drifts to sleep.
He allows himself a moment to gaze at the ceiling before wiping the moisture from his cheeks and sitting up. His phone reads 4:07 a.m. He has not gotten used to his new bedroom, in spite of (or, perhaps, because of) Ryuu’s attempts to make his apartment cozy.
With a sigh, Tenn slips out of his room, leaving his sheets crumpled in the center of his bed. TRIGGER isn’t meeting Anesagi-san for another three hours, and Tenn needs at least another hour of sleep to maintain his professionalism during the day. He owes Gaku and Ryuu that, more than anything, as their center, now that TRIGGER has split from Yaotome Productions.
Honey lemon tea has never failed him before, Tenn thinks as he makes a left towards the kitchen. It’s what got him through those sleepless nights in the months after he left Riku and their parents. He could use the comfort after his painfully naïve dream.
Tenn flicks on the kitchen light, drawing a startled yelp from Gaku, who sits at the counter. Tenn, for his part, gets away with a full-body clench and one step backwards before realizing who the dark mass is. Gaku, clad in a grey tee and sweats, clutches his phone and exhales in relief upon identifying his fellow member.
“You’ll damage your eyesight if you stare at your phone in the dark,” Tenn comments. “You’re not the kind of idol who can pull off glasses.” He moves into the kitchen, filling a kettle with filtered water and setting it on the stove to boil. Gaku remains uncharacteristically silent as Tenn pulls a mug and honey from an overhead cabinet and rips open a tea bag. His preparations complete, Tenn turns and stares, eyebrows raised, at Gaku.
Gaku grunts, setting his phone on the counter and running a hand down his face. His screen is open to a rabbit chat; Tenn doesn’t need a closer look to know that Gaku’s been messaging IDOLiSH7’s manager.
“Couldn’t sleep,” Gaku says, in answer. He props his cheek up lazily, eyes fixed on a point somewhere beyond Tenn. A backwards glance confirms that Gaku is watching the steady flames beneath the kettle. Gaku absently drums his fingers on the counter but stills his fidgeting at Tenn’s impatient sigh.
“It’s not a matter of can or can’t,” Tenn replies. “We have a live tomorrow. We need to deliver the high caliber of performance our fans expect, especially now that we’re not protected by the Yaotome name. Can you do that when you’ve been distracted all night, texting Takanashi-san?”
“Shut up,” Gaku retorts, but the words are without vitriol. Tenn watches Gaku steadily, and Gaku finally lifts his eyes from the kettle. “You’re not the only one who’s devoted to our fans.”
Gaku rises, eyes darting to the hallway where Ryuu sleeps in his room. Quietly, he lifts his chair and sets it down beneath the counter. Before Gaku can leave the kitchen, Tenn blurts, “Hey. Did Takanashi-san say anything about Riku?”
Tenn stares a hole into the back of Gaku’s shirt as Gaku pauses at the threshold between the kitchen and the hallway.
“Tsumugi hasn’t contacted me since I told her I would keep my distance.” The reply is quiet and stilted. By the time Tenn feels the beginnings of pity in his chest, Gaku has disappeared down the hallway. The muted click of his door shutting is immediately overtaken by the kettle’s shrill whistle, and Tenn shuts the stove off with a wince.
He brings the honey lemon tea into his bedroom, taking several small sips before setting it down on a side table. He flops onto his bed rather gracelessly. His hair will certainly be mussed the next morning if he doesn’t adjust his position, but he can’t bring himself to care.
Tenn knows, better than most, that sacrifice is an intrinsic part of an idol’s life. Sacrifice, and self-restraint, and an acceptance of the darkness underlying the entertainment industry. Kujou-san has ingrained in him these principles, and Tenn, who lived loosely by these ideas even as Nanase Tenn, can usually stomach them. Sacrifice, like leaving his family to save his parents from their failing club and crippling medical bills. Self-restraint, like ensuring Riku was showered with attention, even when Tenn made the honor roll for the fifth year in a row. Acceptance, like putting his duty to please his fans above all else, because it’s the corporation’s job to manipulate the fans and the idol’s job to love them.
And yet.
It’s 4:30 a.m. and Tenn has had a nightmare that feels like a dream and Gaku is a star-crossed lover and Ryuu is barely, barely, holding them together. Depending on how tomorrow goes, TRIGGER might be finished.
Nights like these make it frighteningly easy to admit that, even though he’s an idol and there are no fans in the castle from his dreams, he deeply, guiltily wishes he lived there anyway.