Work Text:
antsy is new. a new feeling is good right? obviously I've felt it before but it’s so.. intense? is intense the right word when i feel like my world is going to collapse if i don't make this go as perfect as possible and my head is also collapsing and so are my lungs and oh shit. my co-workers are asking if i’m okay. obviously, yes, i’m fine. my head is just imploding. maybe i should go anywhere but the break room. i circle around the group of ever-concerned work friends and walk out to my abandoned-ass cubicle my boss calls a
station. yeah, station. my lovable and oh-so-friendly boss decided to give me more of a secluded box than a real desk, or a working area. luckily (and unluckily) for me, it’s right next to the bathrooms. i shut and lock the door to the men’s room, sliding down to the ground.
my phone’s been buzzing off the metaphorical hook for about a half an hour. two important people are the culprits. i slide it out of my pocket, to find some both nerve-wracking yet enlightening texts.
sean: Hey, u good? U need to call it off? We can wait for a bit if u need to. Dont wanna pressure u or nothin
Seriously man if ur freakin out or whatever its so fine if u wanna raincheck
Id be lying if I said im not super nervous too dood just get back to me
another text comes in while im checking the previous messages.
sean: Hey pretty boy I see u there
i roll my eyes, i smile. what a sap.
chris: dont make me tell my boss about this sexual harassment
pretty is an obviously sexually oriented word, you gorgeous asshole
but ya im fine if ur fine
i check my other text- it's too polite. nervous, hesitant.
aedan: Hi, are you feeling alright about tonight? I completely understand if you’d like to postpone. Sean has told me you get nervous before dates, and I don’t want you to stress over it too much. Get back to me when you can! :) :) :)
ohhhh fuck its cute nvm
chris: hey im fine!! you n sean both did the same thing, lol,, im only a little bit not ready for tonight
will get over it tho lol im just a dumbfuck
8, right? im pickin u up?
someone knocks on the door. wait- wait wait- oh SHIT-
i fling open the door, but it’s apparently not my boss here to rip me a new one?? micah pulls me out of the bathroom hurriedly, “pretend we’re talking about business, okay?” a nervous glint in his eyes, he continues, “so the quantities of our linen stock is getting kinda low, i was wondering if maybe-” the door to the women’s room flings open, and i understand. we've both been fuckin’ around while we’re supposed to be working, so micah’s gotta compensate. we’re the least favorites in the office, the outcasts if you will, but we stick together. i just wonder what he’ll do when i quit. i’m not back in school for nothing, man. i tune back in once i realize the boss is out of the break room. “sorry about that man, but she’s been on my ass lately.” i smile and slide past him into the break room for a quick cup of coffee. everyone has dispersed, so it should be pretty easy to go on talking about “business” in the break room. he follows me, listening to me talk. “i get it man. she’s never easy on anyone. you should get back to work though, she’s not gonna like it if you’re hanging out in here at the beginning of your shift.” he leans back on the counter of the kitchenette, “you’re lucky you got the early shift today, guy. workin’ ‘til 3’s not the way to go.”
“who the hell do you think takes all those shifts normally? i had to ask her for a quick schedule change. i’ve got a date.”
“oh?” he perks up. of course. gay-ass drama whore. office gossip.
“yeah. my mom’s been callin’ me, askin’ for forgiveness or some shit.”
“the dead mom jokes are gettin’ tired broski. they’re better when you mention both of your parents being dead. anyways, who’s the lucky lady?” he wiggles his brows.
“no dude, see, you’re just an orphan, right? you can't make a dead parents joke if you were just given up for adoption. i mean, i see where you're coming from, but your parents still have a possibility of being alive, man.”
he waves me away. “look, that's not my point here. who’s got your attention tonight?”
“two dudes. i’ll see ya ‘round, bud, i gotta get back to work. beat the clock, y’know?”
i clap him on the shoulder and escape with a full 180°.
i almost feel bad for leaving him like that, but he’ll deal. he always does.
i slink into my dim, quiet little cubicle at the back of the office and get back to my paperwork. quality assurance, man. shit bites. half the time it’s 3 AM and im at the shipping warehouse, quarter of the time im at the manufacturer’s warehouse (an hour away. pretty shitty.), and with shifts like these i'm dormant in the office. gotta make money somehow though. juggling classes and this normally leaves me pretty busy, but on breaks i'm just working, so it gives me a lot of free time to be sad and stuff. today’s friday, so i don’t have classes. normally, though, that means i'm free from whenever i wake up in the morning until 7 PM, then i'm off to work ‘til 3-4 in the morning. then i have classes on monday, wednesday, thursday, and saturday, so i’m in a pretty constant state of jittery, coffee-flavored energy drink induced waking coma. note taking machine. i’m normally sleeping in my free time immediately after classes, but today there’s something far more important than sleeping going on.
buzz buzz, motherfucker.
a cursory glance around the floor lets me know she’s just in her office, literally across the entire floor, separated by several cubicles and a glass wall. it’s moments like these i’m glad she hates me.
aedan: Okay, haha. I guess we’re all nervous over this, at least to some degree. But yes, eight. If you can’t pick us up then I’m sure Sean could bear to drive.
chris: theres no way im letting that monster drive, lol
ill pick u 2 up
okay, easy. easy easy easy. i drop my phone back into my pocket. 45 more minutes isn’t so bad, is it?
-
it’s 7:50 and i’m sitting in my car, a block away from their apartment building. i definitely could have dressed better. dark wash jeans and a button-up? matt assured me i look “good enough to fuck”. lucius scolded him for that, and matt only defended himself with “hey, you two look the same. you’ve just the really hot eye scar, babe.” hopefully i do look good enough to fuck. isn’t that everyone’s goal in life? shit. shit, okay. if i know sean he’s gonna look about the same as me. what if he dresses better though? what if they both look a million times better than me? what if they decide im no good? fuck it. fuck it, y’know? i’ve been pining over sean for the past... i can’t remember. it’s been over 10 years, though, so fuck it. i just have to make a good impression on aedan. according to sean, that won’t be hard, considering he’s the one who propositioned the poly thing.
7:55. i’ll pull up. should i go up? yeah. i'll go up. i need a good… pick-me-up. god what i wouldn't give for a drink right now. aw shit.
i glance at my wrist, a rubber band sits, waiting. i don't really wanna do it but hey. i promised sean and lucius i’d stick to it.
snap.
i pull in front of their building at 7:58. alright. okay, you bitch. make it a good night. the cold breeze hits my face as i get out of the car, and i inhale the fresh winter air. it bites, nipping at the tips of my nose and ears. okay. this is easy. i walk up the stairs to their 2nd floor apartment (why is it so fucking nice dude i swear it's SO nice god) and knock on the door. i’ve been here countless times before, mostly to hang out with sean but occasionally there’s a little party or a get-together or whatever. it feels normal to be here, at their doorstep, standing on their pumpkin welcome mat that they hadn’t bothered to change for the entire duration of november. deep breaths, dummy. you're about to go on a date with someone you've literally had sex with before, don't be a pussy. the door swings open to a smile i love. “chris! hi! right on time! that’s not exactly the most normal thing ever.” he lets me in, and i sit at his kitchen table. it’s normal, easy. “no, i know, i'm obviously just eager to get this date over with.” he laughs, which is good. a good, good laugh. his smile has always calmed me down, and seeing it is making me feel better and better about this whole thing. he looks a million times better than i do, which is cool. really cool. i mean- he’s practically wearing the same thing i am, but he’s got the short sleeved button-down and those fucking arms. ever since he started hardcore working out i've been drooling over his goddamn arms, i swear, he’s so fucking hot oh my god i just want him to f- “aedan will only be a minute. he’s got his girlish looks to deal with.” shit, was i staring? “shit, was i staring?” he shrugs and reddens a little bit, “only a little bit, haha. it’s okay.”
“i’m sorry, you just look way too good in that shirt, it’s kind of unfair.”
“you don’t look too bad yourself, tiger.”
“wait now that we’re on a date does that mean i can do date things that i’ve been wanting to do for fucking years?”
“well, i guess so, yeah. no sex though. only first date stuff.”
“so i can… kiss you?”
his smile just gets bigger, and because of that, so does mine. standing, i walk toward him and put my arms around his shoulders.
“damn, i was really hoping we’d get to make out before aedan comes out. apparently you're just gonna keep looking at me, though.”
i breathe out a quiet “dumbass” before kissing him. all my tension? gone. god, i swear i’m in love with this motherfucker. my hands drop to his waist and his wind up in my hair and it's just so easy. it’s comfortable. i’m so jealous of aedan for getting to do this all the fucking time.
speak of the devil, someone taps my shoulder.
“if you two are ready, i’d like to eat.”
you’d think someone would be mad for making out with his fiancée, but he’s got a cute little smile on his face. “shit, sorry, you scared me. i completely forgot how short you are.” his face gets red and his smile gets bigger, he punches me in the gut so i keel over. i taught him to do that and it was honestly the worst decision of my life. he said someone tried to take his laptop at a café, i told him to punch me in the stomach as hard as he could (it was… not hard), and i then taught him how to punch. now he punches me any opportunity he gets. it’s cute, but it hurts. i love it. sean, of course, starts laughing his ass off. i lay down, slowly, and cover my face with my arms. some light kicking at my sides provokes my sitting up. above me, two angels. lit from the back, they’re beaming at me. “did i die and go to heaven? aedan, did you punch me too hard? i’m seeing angels.”
“get up, you sap. we have a reservation to get to.”
this is such a good fucking night.