Work Text:
//
♪ My my my darling
Just calling your name makes my heart full
I want to get bigger, bigger, and bigger
So I can give you a big armful of hugs ♪
//
Just how big is this armful of hugs?
Lying down on the sofa, Soonyoung tried to make the biggest round shape he could with his arms.
This much, maybe?
"…Young. Hey, Soonyoung."
Faintly hearing someone call for him, he stopped hugging the air and removed one of his earphones.
"Yeah?"
"Come here, food is ready."
"Okay, coming!" He put a pause on the YouTube video on his phone and walked towards the dining room.
It had been 14 days since all of them had to stay home. With 13 people living in one house, there had never been a dull moment.
Some became productive, like writing new songs or dusting off their choice of musical instrument. Some spent sleepless nights gaming but quickly regretted their decision after finishing 5 games in just 1 week. Some took to reading, but quickly found out that it wasn't because of the lack of free time that they couldn't finish the book. Some created indoor olympics with weird games like Wet Tissue Archery.
Some had actual meaningful activities, like cooking. So there was Mingyu, busy serving food for afternoon snacks as Soonyoung approached the dining table. Everyone already had lunch, but it's not Seventeen if they don't snack inbetween their meals.
"Woow Mingyu, so this is your Calamari Burger!" Soonyoung exclaimed while taking a seat.
During a specific shoot, the Seventeen members were challenged to cook up burgers. Of course Mingyu won the challenge, so the members had asked him to cook the burger once more.
"I know, I'm excited too." Jeonghan placed empty plates and utensils across the table. "It looked so good in the video, I'm sad I didn't get to join that shooting."
"Thank God this time I don't have to prep the squid from scratch." Mingyu put down two big plates filled with burgers. "I hope it's as good as it was on that shooting day."
"I'm already full from all the cooking, so please start without me." said Jisoo who was cleaning up the kitchen counter.
"Where's Jihoon? He's the one with the craving," asked Soonyoung while looking around.
"There they come," replied Mingyu, nodding towards the hallway. Soonyoung turned his head and saw Jun walking into the dining room with Jihoon, who looked like he could use something to eat.
Then again, some people had the same routine as they always do since it didn't require them to be outside. Holed up in the recording room, skipping meals, and creating a gazillion wonderful songs that might never see the light. The only routine Jihoon couldn't do anymore was going to the gym, which made Soonyoung unable to spend as much time with him than usual.
"Long time no see, Jihoon." Soonyoung joked.
Jihoon scoffed and took a seat next to Soonyoung. "Thank you for the food, Mingyu."
"Dig in, everyone!" At Mingyu's words, everyone's hands went for the burgers. There was a moment of silence before the air was filled by hums of appreciation for the food.
"Wow, it really tastes as good as it looks." said Jeonghan.
"This is pretty fancy for a homemade snack," said Soonyoung as he was passing the burgers.
"Hey, where are the ones with cucumbers?" asked Jun.
"Hmm? I made a plate full of them. Is it gone already?" Mingyu looked at the almost empty plates in the center of the table.
"Ah, sorry. I gave them to Jihoon since he skipped lunch," Hoshi said with mouth full of food. "Yah, this is so good Mingyu! It's the best, really."
"It's ok, I'm not gonna eat much. Here," said Jihoon, giving two burgers to Jun's plate. Jun bounced his shoulders up and down as he started savouring one of them.
"You okay?"
"Huh?" Jihoon turned to Soonyoung, who was still busy with his burger.
"Are you unwell?" Soonyoung asked.
"No, I don't think so." Jihoon said. Soonyoung turned his head to find Jihoon massaging his temples.
"Headache?"
"A little. I already drank meds earlier."
"Fever?"
"Not really."
"Any coughing?"
"Hmm..? No…"
"Shortness of breath?"
"…I do not have the Corona virus now please stop."
"Just checking if I need to avoid you," said Soonyoung.
Jihoon laughed. "Wow, such a good friend, you."
Soonyoung grinned and went back to munching his food, stealing glances towards Jihoon from time to time.
Moments of merriment passed, and everyone had finished up eating.
"We ate well, Mingyu!" Jeonghan stood up as he and the others gathered empty plates.
"You can cook next time, but it has to be anything other than ramyeon," Mingyu replied while stacking the empty plates.
"Let me do the dishes," Jun said.
"Oh, Jun~ Thank you." Soonyoung stacked his and Jihoon's plates and gave it to Jun.
"I'm going back to the recording room," said Jihoon, leaving the dining table.
"Wait up, I'm coming with you!" Soonyoung quickly wiped his mouth with tissue and caught up with Jihoon.
"..Why?" Jihoon asked as they walked through the hallway.
"Because I want to be with you." Soonyoung said with a straight face.
"You must want something from me." Jihoon replied with an amused look on his face.
"No, really, I just want to spend time with you."
"Just tell me what you want."
"There's really no point in me being honest, is there?" Soonyoung grinned. "Fine, I want to learn how to record stuff in your studio."
Jihoon stopped his tracks. "Suddenly?"
"I want to record my voice and make my own songs too! Let's go," said Soonyoung as he dragged Jihoon towards the recording room.
//
"You don't play any instrument."
"Yes."
"But you want to make music."
"Yes."
Soonyoung's answer got Jihoon scratching his head. Both of them were inside the recording room, seated in front of the computer with a music program open.
"Is it not possible..?" Soonyoung gave a sheepish smile.
"Not impossible, but not easy," replied Jihoon. "It helps if you know how to play some instruments or have the knowledge of basic music theory. We studied it back in the days, but you weren't that into it."
Soonyoung laughed. "Ah, those classes were difficult. I barely made it thanks to your help."
Jihoon smiled, glimpses of memories when they were younger flashed in his head. He cleared his throat and turned his head to the computer screen.
"That's fine. With none of those and just a good ear, it's still very much doable to make music using a computer. You just.. tell the computer what sound you want to have."
With a few mouse clicks, Jihoon made some basic drum sounds and piano melodies which earned some 'Oooh's and 'Aaah's from Soonyoung.
"..Like that. Then you put it all together. Then it becomes a song."
"Okay! That much I can do," said Soonyoung, rubbing his hands in anticipation. "So, I just click this thing…"
Soonyoung took the mouse and tried to copy what Jihoon did.
"Wait, no.. You have to drag it-"
"Like this?" Soonyoung said while double clicking the screen.
"No, click and drag and bring it to the timeline section-"
"Ah, I know! Like this?!" Soonyoung ended up dragging the wrong thing to the wrong place.
Jihoon paused and pondered for a bit. This isn't working. What can I teach him to do?
"Sorry Jihoon.. I'm really bad with technology, right?" Soonyoung said with a guilty look on his face. "Teach me once again, please. I'll get it this time."
"I have an idea."
"Huh?"
Jihoon took over the mouse and keyboard from Soonyoung and clicked open a few files. "You'd probably like.. this one." He then pressed play.
The song 'Work It' from Missy Eliott blasted from the computer.
"Oh~ This song is a classic!" Soonyoung started bopping his head to the music.
"Right." Jihoon lowered the music volume. "This is the instrumental only, so it should be easier for you to play with. The arrangement part is a little difficult even for me in the beginning. Let's start with recording first, yeah? I'll use that to show you how to arrange. Then I'll teach you the music making part later."
Soonyoung smiled upon hearing Jihoon's explanation. He felt grateful that Jihoon was always so accommodating towards his requests, so he tried to be the same way too. That was why he always said yes to Jihoon's 2am gym sessions and dine-out excursions. Though those requests were nothing compared to Jihoon's readiness to help Soonyoung with more important things, like dance routines or song recordings.
Requests for hugs were almost always automatically rejected, though.
"Do you have any lyrics in mind?" asked Jihoon.
"Huh? Yeah yeah, of course! I have lots of stock lyrics on my phone."
Looking at Soonyoung's eyes twinkling with excitement, Jihoon had to chuckle.
"Alright, let's start. To record, all you need to do is press this button…" Jihoon pointed to the screen. Soonyoung nodded, listening to Jihoon's every word.
//
"That should do it," Bumzu said over the phone.
Jihoon stood up from his seat and stretched his body around in his room. He had been on a video call on his laptop, helping Bumzu with a song that needed some 'quick polishing' - and by quick, Bumzu meant 2 hours.
"That was a tricky one."
"Yeah, that's why I asked for your help," Bumzu said. "Anyway, is Soonyoung at your recording room?"
"Huh? How did you know?"
"He just posted on Twitter. Wait, let me show you," Bumzu showed his phone to his laptop's camera.
A familiar sight came on Jihoon's laptop screen: A dizzying recording of a music program open and music playing in the background.
Jihoon was turning up the volume on his laptop to hear better when he heard the words, "Horanghae~" with a finger heart held up in front of the camera.
"Ha... I think I just opened a Pandora's box."
//
Click. Click.
"This.. Goes here..."
Click. Click. Click.
"Drag up to turn up the volume.."
"You're doing well."
Soonyoung jumped in his seat as he heard Jihoon's voice so close to him. He turned to his left and found the voice owner.
"Ah, you surprised me!" Soonyoung patted his chest to calm himself down. "Wow, I was too focused on the computer."
"You learned how to use fade ins fade outs already?" Jihoon stared at the computer with a proud smile on his lips.
"Oh, yeah. I googled it up. It took me some trials, though," Soonyoung said, scratching his chin.
"Do you know it's almost midnight?" asked Jihoon.
"Huh, really?!" Soonyoung's eyes widened with shock, almost comical.
"Yeah. You even missed Itaewon Class on TV." Jihoon chuckled, grabbing a seat next to Soonyoung. "I recorded it so you can watch it later."
"Oh my God.." said Soonyoung who was visibly shocked. "I didn't know.. I was having too much fun, I guess..."
"What kind of song is this?"
"Huh?" Jihoon's question caught Soonyoung off guard. "Hmm, well... Just a song about me?"
"So is it a song from you, and for you?"
"Maybe. Why do you ask that?"
"Hmm. I find it unique that you're making a song for yourself. Usually when making a song, people would treat it as a gift you give to someone."
Soonyoung nodded, listening intently to Jihoon.
"It's a way to appreciate someone and how you feel about them. Whatever it is you're feeling. Usually it's used as a way to help some people externalise their thoughts. People like me, who internalise everything." Jihoon ended with a soft chuckle.
"Does that mean it will be difficult for me to write songs? Since I express my thoughts more often than you."
"You?" Jihoon hesitated. "You keep a lot of things to yourself, though?"
"I do?"
"Think about it," Jihoon said. "There are a lot of thoughts inside that head that you would never say out loud. Am I wrong?"
Soonyoung furrowed his brows. But I always say what I want to say, though?
"Not your thoughts right now, dummy." Jihoon laughed at the sight of a confused Soonyoung. "The ones you have when you're alone. Late at night."
Soonyoung's heart skipped a beat. For a moment, he thought Jihoon had known something specific that Soonyoung had been thinking in his alone time.
"Those moments are nice, because you can become the most honest version of yourself," Jihoon continued. "Then you write it down. Then it becomes a song. Then you sort of.. immortalise your feelings that way. So you don't forget how you used to feel about someone."
I would never want to forget how I feel about you now.
"So.. Any songs you can think of that sounds like a gift for someone?"
"Ah, a song?..." Soonyoung paused before answering. "I've been listening to Bye Bye My Blue a lot, actually."
"Oh. It's a good song alright."
"Your version, I mean."
"…Oh. That so?"
"Yeah. The lyrics sounded like what you would have written."
"I could never write something like that. The lyrics are too beautiful."
"Why am I jealous of what you have, holding tight onto things I’ll never manage?"
Soonyoung started reciting the lyrics to the song with a dramatic flair. Jihoon cringed but he tried not to let it show.
"How much better do I want to be, I know you’re the same, maybe I’m just being selfish." Soonyoung added, "That is you in a nutshell," which made Jihoon smile.
"I want to get bigger, bigger, and bigger. Do you mean taller?"
Jihoon laughed and kicked Soonyoung's leg playfully. "You're not that tall either, Kwon Soonyoung."
"Cause I’m afraid to say things I want to say, I push you away and make things uncomfortable." Soonyoung continued, but dropped the dramatic gestures and lowered his tone, making the words sound like they might as well be coming from him. Listening to that sentence, Jihoon's grin faded slowly.
"Although there is so much I want to hear, I cannot dare to desire and just wait painfully." added Soonyoung.
"That's true."
"What?"
"Well, those are probably words I would say if I can actually express my thoughts like a normal human being."
"You are pretty normal."
"Thanks, I needed that affirmation." Jihoon said with a sarcastic tone.
Soonyoung chuckled. "No, I mean you do know you express your thoughts, right? Just in a different way. Like through this song."
"…Right. Glad to know you realised that."
"What?"
"Nah, nothing." Jihoon streched his upper body, trying to distract his thoughts. "Just glad you liked the song. I almost didn't release the full version if not for Jeonghan bugging me."
Soonyoung smiled. Yeah, Jeonghan.
"Anyway, I'm off to bed," said Jihoon as he stood up and collected his belongings. "You staying?"
"Yeah, just to wrap things up a bit. Thanks for today, Lee Jihoon." Soonyoung said.
"Good night, Kwon Soonyoung." Jihoon said jokingly as he closed the door.
"Good night," Soonyoung said to himself.
//
The next morning, Jihoon opened Twitter to his surprise.
Soonyoung has posted a video with the title, "A gift". It was posted at 1:30 am, just half an hour after Jihoon left him for bed.
♪ Without missing a single day
You told me that you loved me
Before I went to bed
And as soon as I opened my eyes
You were pretty
Your eyes that looked at me
Your voice that called out to me
Everything, everything
To me, everything about you ♪
Jihoon smiled throughout 1 minute 47 seconds of the video that his cheeks started to hurt. He massaged his cheeks, still unable to get the grin off his face.
Good morning to you too, you hopeless fellow.
