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Blackbeard was sleeping soundly when Vigil entered his room. The silent operator tipped his way to the bed, standing there without his mask on. His face wasn’t stiff and serious like on the mission, but soft and even you can say delighted. Vigil glanced up at the muscular body lying there feeling fuzzy in his heart. Thinking if he should just get under the blanket and cuddle with Blackbeard, but the smell of blood and gunpowder from his uniform made Vigil shook that thought off. He decided to take a shower first and then he will have some cuddle time with Blackbeard.
Blackbeard was woken up by the sound of water splashing from the bathroom. He groaned lightly and rubbed his dry eyes annoyedly. Flicking his eyes at the digital clocks on his nightstand, Blackbeard cursed under his breath. It’s 3:16 am, when he’s supposed to be in his lovely dream but now he’s up because of that person.
That person, Vigil, is his friend. They’re friends, right? But Blackbeard doubted that from time to time as he even failed to describe their relationship. To understand their relationship, you need to know Vigil is not the “normal” kind you’d meet in your life. First of all, Vigil doesn’t talk. Well yeah, he speaks but he doesn’t engage in conversations. When Blackbeard and Vigil were hanging out, it’s always Blackbeard doing 99% of the talking. The most words Blackbeard had heard from Vigil was “I don’t like ketchup”. Secondly, Vigil is hard to locate. Blackbeard had always failed to find Vigil when he wanted to talk or see him. Nobody really knew where this man was even when that man was off the missions. However Vigil usually showed up at one point at Blackbeard’s room, sometimes at late night, sometimes in the morning, or just at random times. Despite how annoyed Blackbeard felt about it, they still hangout for a good amount of time. They played video games, cooked some food, watched movies and shows, and then ended up taking a nap and cuddling together, but when Blackbeard woke up Vigil was nowhere to be found again. Like a shadow, Vigil came and went without giving any notice.
And this night, Vigil showed up at Blackbeard place as usual - unexpected and uninvited.
When Vigil stepped out of the bathroom with Blackbeard’s robe on, he only found the other man was already up and staring at him. Vigil could feel it in his spine, stared at by those sharp-blue eyes, as if he’d get lost in them.
“You’re here.” Blackbeard said it flatly.
Vigil nodded as he just stood there.
“You can’t keep doing this. Come and go without even letting me know. This is unfair. Just because you’re stealth doesn’t mean you can sneak in and out of my room. You don’t see that scary Brazilian woman sneaking around like this, and so neither should you! Do you know what time it is now? It’s 3 fucking am. You gotta stop doing this, ok?” Blackbeard spat out his accusations and complaints one after one.
With the light from the bathroom behind Vigil, Blackbeard couldn’t see what that Korean man’s face was like. And Vigil just stood there, no sound or motions. Blackbeard, who now knew a bit about Vigil’s characters, didn’t expect Vigil to respond to his complaints at all, so he eventually let out a defeated sigh.
“Tired? Hungry?” Blackbeard crossed his arms around his chest.
“Tired.” This time Vigil spoke.
“Fine. Come here, get some sleep.” Blackbeard patted the space of his bed.
Vigil peeled the robe on him leaving himself only in his boxers, and then swiftly got closer to Blackbeard on the bed. Blackbeard placed his arm under Vigil’s neck and another one around Vigil’s slim waist. Vigil snuggled his head under Blackbeard’s chin where he could feel those beards touching his hair and Blackbeard’s steady breath blowing quietly at his ear.
Blackbeard glanced at the bathroom where the light was left on, thinking if he should get up and turn off the light. But then his eyes caught something more interesting - Vigil’s uniform that left on the bathroom floor. It’s stained with blood and dirt.
Blackbeard Moved his eyes back to the smaller Korean man in his arms. “Tough mission?”
Vigil kept his eyes shut tightly breathing steadily, as if he’s asleep already.
“Did you get hurt?” Blackbeard asked again.
There’s no response. The man in Blackbeard’s arm didn’t move an inch.
“Next time, let me know if you’re going on a mission, ok? I’m worried like crazy these 2 weeks. You usually come at least once a week, but this time I got scared. I thought you’re just avoiding me.”
Blackbeard paused for a minute before he continued. He wondered if he’s showing too much of his affection now. But the light snores coming under his chin made him feel comfortable to talk more now.
“Is it bad to say that I’m glad it’s actually you going on a mission, not hiding from me? I mean you could die during the mission. You know what, nah, I’d prefer you not to die. Changed my mind.”
Blackbeard stopped talking as he looked down and pressed a feather-light kiss on the other man’s forehead.
“Stay with me this time, ok?”
When Blackbeard woke up again, the sun had been out for a while. And this time, as usual, Vigil is nowhere to be found again.
Blackbeard stared at the empty bed without any emotions. After a heartbeat, he jumped out of bed to start his day like every day, without Vigil.
Morning coffee and breakfast, gym until lunch, making and having lunch at his place, then afternoon training, having dinner with other operators in the cafe, and at last he’d go back to his place and wait for someone to show up. Day after day, he’d been like this for more than 3 months. Sometimes when he sat on the couch waiting for that person, he would be reminiscing about when they first met. It was a cold day in England and the heat system was down for maintenance. Blackbeard was in the public kitchen warming himself up by standing by the opened oven. Then when he saw the unfamiliar Korean man enter, he invited him to join. They had a delightful conversation, though it was basically Blackbeard talking nonstop and Vigil just responded with one word. But Blackbeard thought he gave Vigil a good impression, because after that Vigil would just show up from nowhere and interact with Blackbeard in his own unique (silent) way.
Their relationship was complicated yet weird. Blackbeard didn’t know they’re friends or partners. At first they’re friends. But things got more complicated when 2 weeks ago Blackbeard gave Vigil a very hot and passionate kiss when they’re cooking together. Blackbeard would never forget how soft Vigil’s tongue is and how bad Vigil was at kissing. It was Blackbeard who had to lead the kiss and Vigil slowly adapted and kissed back. The smell of burnt food wasn’t pleasant, and the kiss wasn't very skilled, but Blackbeard still considered that’s the best kiss he ever had. When Blackbeard had to pull himself away and turn off the stove, Vigil had already sneaked his way out the room. That’s the last time Blackbeard saw Vigil till this morning at 3 am.
Blackbeard wanted to confirm their relationship, but he couldn’t even find a chance to actually talk to this man. Whenever he’s left alone in his room, the feelings of disappointment, sadness, defeat, and anger would hit him at the same time, making him doubt if he should just stop this fucked-up game that Vigil’s playing. But then when Vigil showed up again, all these doubts and questions were gone, no trail to be found.
Valkyrie would make fun of Blackbeard’s having a shadow boyfriend, and Blackbeard would argued back that they’re not even dating. “Spending quality time together, cooking together, sleeping and cuddling together. If this is not dating, tell me what it is?” Valkyrie’s not wrong. Everything they did only led to one conclusion: they're a couple. But the partner shouldn’t just show up when he needs another one, right? When Vigil wanted to see him, Vigil would invite himself to his place whenever he wanted, but when Blackbeard needed to see him, Vigil was nowhere to be found.
Vigil didn’t show up again until next week. It was when the night was still young, and Blackbeard was in his dorm watching some silly videos on his laptop. When he just started playing another one, Vigil entered the living room from Blackbeard’s bedroom.
“Stop coming to my place through the window. How many times have I told you?” Blackbeard glared at the quiet Korean man who’s in his casual wear - black T-shirt and black sweatpants.
Vigil kept his mouth shut, only looking back at Blackbeard.
“Come here. These videos are funny as hell. You gotta see this.” Blackbeard switched the topic easily knowing the other man wouldn’t answer him anyway.
Vigil sat down next to Blackbeard.
Without looking at the Korean man again, Blackbeard started playing the video.
“Can you believe that they actually believe that clown killer is real? I mean if I was one of them, I’d just let that clown come close to me and if he dared to do anything I’d beat the shit out of him! We never had a chance to be on mission together, but ask Meghan, she knows how good I’m at combat. One time we were in Massachusetts for this stupid mission. It was……”
Vigil’s attention had already moved to Blackbeard completely. His eyes locked at the talking man, from those dreamy blue eyes to that moving plump lips and finally stopping at the bouncy Adam’s apple upon Blackbeard’s neck. Vigil licked his lips as his eyes drifted again to the flexing muscles on Blackbeard’s shoulder. Whenever Blackbeard moved his hands and arms during his storytelling, those moving and flexing muscles made Vigil’s mouth drier.
“......and that’s why you should try the meatloaf at Ken and Ben’s Kitchen. Did I mention they have the best onion rings in Massachusetts, no, in U.S. It’s such a good restaurant. But if you’re looking for good lasagna, I’d say come to Bellevue in Washington. That’s where I grew up, and I can promise you Aunt May’s is the best Italian restaurant around the world. I know right, the best Italian food is actually in the U.S not Italy. What a shame! And that whatever pasta Maestro made last time, was horrible. Can you believe he’s Italian? Don’t tell him though. He’d kill me for sure. Or you can tell him, I can kick his ass easily. That old ass can’t fight anyway. I want to fight him all the time already! My beard is the best beard in the base! I don’t care what others say about it, my beard is- ”
Blackbeard non-stop rambling was stopped by a pair of wet lips upon his.
Vigil’s body was shaking lightly as he pushed his tongue inside Blackbeard’s mouth. Blackbeard kissed back and took the lead right away. The kiss was different from the first time. This time Blackbeard could feel Vigil’s thirst and passion which drove Blackbeard even more crazy.
The kiss didn’t stop, and instead, it turned into a steamy and passionate love making for the rest of the night.
Blackbeard slept light this time. When the other man carefully got out the bed and started dressing up, Blackbeard was already awake.
He heard the sound of clothing shuffling and then the creaking sound from the bedroom.
“Where are you going?”
Vigil stopped at the door.
“Why are you keep doing this?”
Vigil’s hand gripped tighter at the handle.
“Is it like a Korean tradition to leave after sex?”
“No.” Vigil replied with a soft tone.
“Stay with me then.”
Vigil felt like he should turn around and go back to cuddle with that man. He would love to do that, but he knew he couldn’t.
This was the first time Blackbeard actually saw Vigil leaving. And it’s even more heartbreaking than without knowing it.
.
This time, Vigil never showed up.
But life goes on. Blackbeard hid his broken heart from anyone. In the daytime, he’s still that annoying, arrogant, foul-mouth American, but when nighttime arrived, he stayed at his dorm waiting for that Korean man to show up again
Blackbeard was desperate. He went to meet Six and asked where Vigil was, and Six could only tell him that Vigil’s not on the mission now. And that could mean Vigil’s avoiding him. There were times Blackbeard thought he saw Vigil from the corners of his eyes, but when he actually turned his eyes in that direction there’s no Vigil there. Blackbeard thought he must be crazy and delusional.
One day, Blackbeard made Korean style braised short ribs with rice. He left the hot dish on the table in his room, and then he sent a text to the person who never texted or called back.
Made your favorite dish. Come have it. I’m heading to France for my mission now.
Blackbeard didn’t know if Vigil would come but he made sure Vigil know that he’d not be present there. And of course, for the following week, he didn’t receive any texts back.
Blackbeard were sent back to the base due to his arm injury. It was an explosion that almost cost his arm. He’s lucky enough to have doc patch him up quickly, but he couldn’t use his right arm for the rest of this month.
After greeting people in the base, he went to his dorm exhausted. When he entered his room, no one was there but himself. He laughed at his stupid expectation and hope. He still had a tiny hope that the shorter Korean man would be here, maybe even worrying about him.
Making his way to the kitchen, he surprisingly saw the empty plate on the table. Next to the empty the plate there was a yellow note:
Thank you.
Blackbeard laughed dryly. He picked up the note and rubbed his thumb on those words. For a second of silence, he then pushed the plate off the table harshly. He’s mad. He’s disappointed. He’s injured, inside out. Vigil had guts to have his food but was coward enough to not face him. How dared he even come in here?
But it was Blackbeard who invited Vigil at first place, right? Not just this time, but millions of times when he said nothing about the disappearance. Blackbeard complained but he never told Vigil to stop. He suffered from his own actions. He simply let that man enter his world. He’s the one who let things become like this. Who could he blame?
Like a wounded animal (he’s wounded after all), Blackbeard curled himself on the couch. He stared at the cream white ceiling, heart aching. As if there were tons of weight on his chest, he felt like he couldn’t breath. The pain now was not just coming from his chest but also his injured arm. Blackbeard groaned painfully, he reached his pocket on his combat uniform and pulled out a bottle of pills. Those are the painkillers Doc gave him earlier. Blackbeard popped one without water. Then he lay himself in a more comfortable position hoping the pain would go away quickly.
Blackbeard didn’t know when he fell asleep, but he was woken by a cold sting on his forehead. Blackbeard lifted his eyelids difficultly, as the pain medication was still on.
In the blurry vision, Blackbeard thought he saw a man with dark short hair kneeling next to him. The face was blurry but the smell is familiar. It’s the scent of dense sandalwood like the burnt wood. It’s very unique, and Blackbeard would never mis-recognize this scent. But this time without the copper smell from blood and the strong smell of gunpowder, it’s even more soothing. Maybe it’s because the drug, but Blackbeard was pretty sure that’s Vigil.
Vigil placed his hand on Blackbeard's shocking face, rubbing his thumb upon the American’s cheek. He looked at Blackbeard worriedly.
“I miss you.”
Blackbeard heard those words but he knew it wasn’t from his mouth.
“I worried you.”
Blackbeard could only look at the man, but his vision was blurred due to the drug effect. He wanted to say something back, but he couldn’t move his lips or tongues. It’s like a witch’s spell made him frozen like this. Hearing those hearted words but he couldn’t react. It’s almost like a torture.
“I’m sorry.”
Vigil said it as he lowered his head and pressed his lips gently on Blackbeard’s.
Blackbeard closed his eyes when that gentle kiss happened. He thought for sure this was just him hallucinating due to the painkillers he took. But when he actually felt the coldness from the other man’s lips, he shivered uncontrollably. Then he fell back to the dark.
When Blackbeard actually woke up, he sat up hurriedly, eyes observing surroundings. That’s when he found the man who’s sitting and sleeping on the floor. Vigil had his head laying on the couch that Blackbeard was on and his body on the floor.
Blackbeard couldn’t help but smile.
That wasn’t a dream.
Blackbeard touched the sleeping man’s dark hair with his uninjured hand. How many times had he dreamed about this, waking up and seeing this man still next to him? Probably too many times.
Vigil opened his eyes when he felt someone’s touching his hair. He moved his head away from Blackbeard’s hand and just sat there looking at the smiling American.
“You’re here.”
Vigil tilted his head to the right slightly and looked confused at Blackbeard.
“You didn’t leave this time.”
Vigil hesitated for a moment but still nodded to Blackbeard’s words
“I miss you too.”
Vigil hadn’t had time to react as he’s already hugged by Blackbeard tightly. The warm and strong body was against his, and Vigil closed his eyes and sighed.
For a long minute of hugging, Vigil hadn’t yet felt the other man loose his hug.
Vigil buried his face upon Blackbeard’s neck. After a deep breathing, Vigil finally spoke out.
“I’m not- I don’t know how to love someone. I thought I could just distance myself from you, but it’s only getting harder. Maybe, I can try?”
This was the most words Vigil had ever said to Blackbeard.
This time it was Blackbeard didn’t speak. But Blackbeard answered Vigil with his action - pulling Vigil away and pressing a rough kiss upon him.
Everything melted into the kiss, including the words, the feelings, and the love. If Vigil didn’t like talking, Blackbeard could just execute it with actions. Sometimes, action speaks louder than words.
Blackbeard pulled himself from and kiss and tried to say something to the panting man.
“Vigil-“
“Chul Kyung Hwa.”
“What?”
“My name is Chul Kyung Hwa.”
Blackbeard’s smile only grew wider. He swore he could’ve just crushed his lips against this man’s again, but he had more to say.
“To be a good boyfriend, first of all, do not sneak in and out of my place like that. Wait, changed my mind, you can sneak in but no sneaking out, ok? That’s the first rule. And second, reply to my messages and call Jesus Christ. Also no disappearing for no reason! That’s just worrying.”
Vigil smiled heartly at Blackbeard and nodded.
Blackbeard, of course, didn’t expect Vigil to respond, so he continued.
“You can be as quiet as you want, but when we’re on the bed, you better moan as loud as you can. Like last time.”
And as Blackbeard demanded, today, in Blackbeard’s bedroom, Vigil indeed couldn’t keep his mouth shut.