Chapter Text
Sometimes Gavin would wake up in the middle of the night, not sure if what he saw was a dream or reality. Sometimes he would squint his eyes open, looking around in the darkness of the room, illuminated only by the dull moonlight. He would roll over, not wanting to commit to consciousness, but not wanting to go back to sleep just yet. And as his gaze shifted, he would see Michael. His perfect little Michael quiet and calm as he could only ever be in his sleep, moonlight grazing his features at awkward angles. It was times like these that Gavin would smile and move slightly closer to the Jersey boy with whom he shared a bed. Maybe as an impulse sent to his sleeping muscles, or maybe as an action of his own volition, Michaels lips would tilt infinitesimally upwards and he would wrap his arm around his boy. It was times like these that Gavin would let Michael hold him as he breathed in his scent and thought everything was going to be fine.
But other nights, things didn’t go so simply. Sometimes Gavin would wake up and things would be different. Michael wouldn’t look content or peaceful, he would look distraught and afflicted. On nights like these, Gavin wouldn’t slide closer to him and he doubted that the red-head would have responded as sweetly. Gavin would try to brush it off and try to let sleep claim him again in the bed that he would suddenly feel out of place in. Sometimes, Michael talked in his sleep. He mumbled words out through gritted teeth and Gavin would try not to hear the words he said. Michael didn’t love him. Michael didn’t want him. Gavin would never acknowledge the fear that singed through him or the pain that pricked at his heart. He would blame the blankets for the cold sweat. It was nights like these that Gavin tried desperately to forget.