Work Text:
1958, Age 13
Sean Cassidy is a good boy by all accounts. He goes to all his classes and does his homework. He doesn't get into fights and respects his teachers. Even at thirteen, he still kisses his mum on the cheek and tells he she's beautiful before he goes off to bed to dream of Elizabeth Downey from Biology.
Sean goes to his choir practices after school, even if he so desperately wants to go boarding with Drake and Neil. He does it because it keeps his mum happy.
He's usually considered an outcast at school. He's too tall, too ginger-y, too skinny, too many freckles. But in the choir, he has his place, he's accepted. He one of the last two tenors left in the choir and he's somewhat proud of that fact. But he hates it too, because it means his voice hasn't deepened yet, and it joins the list of things that makes him a social pariah.
He tries to talk to mum about it but she just doesn't understand. Tells him to take it in stride, because you're too young, you're still my baby. And starts to talk about the time he was five and tried to sing along with Ms Fitzgerald on the radio, while threatening to bring out the scrapbook with the evidence.
He would try to talk to pops about it but he already knows how it would go, and he isn't ready to have his old man sock him in the arm and call him a pussy again.
About a week later, Mr Longshore asks Sean to stay after class. Asks Sean if he was aware that he sleep through the majority of his lecture. Asks him if any thing's wrong at home. Sean shakes his 'no', says nothing's wrong, nothing's out of the norm. I'm just really tired all the time and can I go soon? I have choir practice soon. And Mr Longshore nods, pats him on the shoulder. He lets Sean go without another word.
In choir, Sean felt something shift in him. His throat felt raw and scratchy. And when he tried to hit his highest of notes, his voice wavers and drops out completely. He tries to talk, to scream, to do anything thing and he can't. Not even a raspy whisper. He's completely lost his voice. He walks out of the practice room with his head down, tears in his eyes while he walks home.
Sean Cassidy is a miserable kid without his voice. He goes to all his classes and does his homework, but can't ask his questions. He doesn't get into fights but that doesn't mean that other kids don't try and hit him first, because, who wouldn't? They'll never get caught because that Cassidy kid can't rat them out. He still respects his teachers but they give him weary glances and tell him to stay after class and ask him questions he can never answer. He still kisses his mum on the cheek before heading to bed, but he can't tell her how beautiful she is and it makes him want to cry, because how will she know, if I can't tell her?
And it kills Sean when Ms Laura gives Jeff the tenor solo, even though his a shite vocalist.
His mum takes him to the doctor's. Dr Gelheim assures the both of them that Sean is just going through puberty, and, although uncommon, some boys loose their voice and Sean, surely you'll get your voice back soon so we can all hear you sing at the festival this year.
Soon enough, Sean gets his voice back. It's lower, maybe a little more raspy from disuse at first, but he's happy. He can talk, he can sing, he can do it all. And Drake and Neil play punch him and tell him that you can finally throw away your pull ups now because, look at you, you're a big boy!
Ms Laura, even though he knows she would give him the solo in a heart beat, tells both him and Jeff that they need to audition for it, if only to be fair.
Sean run homes that day tells mum that he's got it! I'm going to get that solo! I just need a song! Any song really. Mum suggests that one song that Billie Holiday did with, oh who was that again? Oh yes. Artie Shaw. I think the song was Glum Sundays? Of course Sean corrects her, hugs her and laughs. He doesn't think it will matter that it's a girl's song or that really doesn't make much sense.
Sean bit the back of his hand, trying not to laugh when Jeff fucked the last bits of the Crosby song up. He smiled. I'm going to get this! I going to get the solo!
And something happens. He's not quite sure what but when he hit the last note, every one grabbed at their heads and screamed. He feels like crying. He really wasn't that bad, maybe higher than what the song called for but he was still good. Then every one's staring at him like he's a freak and Sean feels ashamed, cheeks red, and eyes hot and stingy with tears. He turns to Ms Laura, to maybe fine solace or something, anything that told him that everything was going to be okay but he doesn't find it. Doesn't find anything. She's kind of looking at him kind of not. He asks if she's okay and she doesn't answer. He ducks his head and hunches his shoulders. He walks out of the practice room and towards home for a second time.
He's in his room with a blanket over his head when mum walks in, calls him out and he pretends to be asleep. Mum pats him on the shoulder and the bed dips when she sits next him. Tells him that the choir has been cancelled for now, that Ms Laura had some sort of accident involving sonic sound and it's very confusing but Ms Laura is deaf now honey, that means she can't hear and I think it would be nice you walked down to her house tomorrow with a basket of baked goods to help her feel better about the whole thing. When Sean whimpers, she kisses his forehead through the blankets, tells him that maybe we can find you a new choir to sing in because you have the loveliest of voices, baby.
Sean thinks to himself, I don't want to sing again. I don't want to talk again. I don't want to do anything.