Chapter Text
Shades of bright colours danced around the brightly lit room as the balloons hung freely in the hair, the tips touching the ceiling ever so slightly. The long rectangular table filled with cold and half-eaten food left abandoned, with only one end of the table being surrounded by a large company of young children and their loving mothers. Their loud clappings and voices shook the balloons as they sung the birthday song with much excitement, not caring that they were going out of tune. With the main star sitting ever so high and mighty on his chair, he gave no more than a nod when a tower cake was brought before him, allowing him to blow the seven candles out with all his might. More cheering and clapping ensued after.
With the cake being brought to the table, the children roared and jumped excitedly in place. "Open your presents!" they chanted endlessly. "Yeah, open them!"; "Open mine first!"
As if to please the children, one of the mothers came over with a large but manageable pile of boxes, all wrapped in bright and patterned wrapping paper, in various shapes and sizes. She placed them proudly on the table before the birthday boy, smiling expectantly.
The boy took his time unwrapping the presents, one by one. His first present turned out to be a rare, limited edition record of a foreign rock band, only ever growing in popularity. The other children gasped in amazement; it must have cost a fortune to pay for that record! Even their mothers were impressed.
The boy only stared at his new gift, the same nonchalant expression remaining on his face. Granted, this was definitely something he had always wanted for the longest time, but his face showed otherwise. "Oh, thank you...," he said. "I love it."
"Do you really?" one of the children asked out of mere curiosity. "You don't look very happy." The others agreed.
"What are you talking about?" The birthday boy's mother, a tall, young lady with bright blond hair, stepped in, wrapping a loving arm around her litte boy. "He may not seem like it, but he's actually very, very happy. Right, Toru?" She grinned as she turned back to her child.
Toru simply nodded, his face still devoid of expression. "Yeah... I really do."
** six years later **
Ignoring the strong smell of incense lingering in the air, the large crowd of people endlessly blew their noses, pulling out tissue after tissue, mourning greatly over the loss of a loved one. With almost everyone dressed in formal black clothing, they were all lost in their devastation and grief, wailing about their regrets over and over again, and crying over how they would never be able to undo their mistakes. Behind them stood the less expressive ones, who only stayed in the corner with minimum pieces of tissue in their hand, sniffling quietly to themselves ever so often, mentally cursing themselves for their own mistakes. It was a room that didn't lack emotion.
Toru stared at the casket before him, his eyes showing no sign of grief or sadness, not a single tear having been shed through his innocent preteen eyes. He could only watched as the people around him mourned and cried, not being able to do anything of his own.
"How come you seem so calm?" one of his aunts complained, hiding her wet and grotesque face behind her plump and large hands, not being able to face anyone else. "Your sweet and loving mother has just passed, and you don't seem to care at all!"
Toru widened his eyes slightly, surprised at the sudden comment, and opened his mouth to object, only to be interrupted by the same person. "How could you do this to her, Toru-chan!? She cared so much for you!" she let out a large, depressing wail, before being taken away by another relative, who was consoling her in the process. Toru could only watch as she was moved out of his field of vision, playing her piercing words in his head over and over again.
Your sweet and loving mother has just passed, and you don't seem to care at all!
How could you do this to her!?
She cared so much for you!
Later that evening, when the event was coming to an end and most people had made their leave, Toru sat alone in the corner, staring at the floor with the same cold and boring eyes, unsure of what to do. It wasn't until he sensed a presence nearby that he looked up, only to find a very familiar relative standing just before him, looking back at him with the same eyes he possessed.
The relative handed him a small box, in which the boy grabbed with his half delicate, half maturing hands. He carefully opened the lid, revealing a small yet exquisite charm, traditional but with intricate details. Complete with tiny jewels and sequins, it formed the shape of a guitar, an instrument Toru had always shown interest in, yet only known to his mother.
"Your mother left that for you," the relative explained. "She wanted you to have it."
But Toru didn't need an explanation; he already knew that just by looking at the charm. It was something his mother had made herself; she killed time making various charms of her own when she was admitted to hospital. At that time she was already sick, but healthy enough to be moving and focused on her favourite hobby. But as time past, she grew even sicker and sicker, and soon she no longer had the energy to even lift a finger. She became weak and lost all her will to fight, so all she could do was lie in her bed and listened to the depressing groans of the dying patients in the same ward as her.
The only thing she didn't lose was her smile.
Toru wanted to cry, but he couldn't.
"Let's go," the relative said rather quickly, before turning to make his leave. "It's getting late."
** another six years later **
The train albeit crowded, was supposedly devoid of noise as the passengers paid no mind to one another, only occupying themselves with their own personal forms of entertainment such as a book or their mobile phones, minding their own business. For Toru, who stood in the centre of the car, his own environment would have been quiet as well, if not for the music blasting loudly through his headphones. With the guitar riffs and a mashup of unintelligible English words screaming into his ears, Toru remained poker faced, staring into empty space as he waited patiently for the train to reach his destination. Meanwhile he struggled to keep his balance, his guitar charm dangling playfully from his backpack.
The train came to a sudden stop, with the robotic voice of a young lady echoing through the vehicle, announcing the name of their current location, "Shibuya Station. Please mind the platform gap. Shibuya Station."
It was a rather popular spot among locals and even tourists, so it was no surprise when more than half the capacity in the train alighted at the station, with no one boarding, leaving the train empty and refreshed. Toru closed his eyes and allowed himself to take a deep breath; finally, indoor fresh air. No more smell of sticky sweat or cheap perfume. He should enjoy this moment while he still could.
As he opened his eyes, Toru decided to take a look around the environment for the first time, wanting to see how the train looked like behind the crowd of people that had been there just moments earlier. He noticed quite a number of passengers who were fast asleep, either with their mouths left wide open with drool dripping from the side, or their limp bodies struggling to stay upright before they sway to the side and accidentally rest on the poor stranger beside them.
Some of these people could have missed their stops, the blond thought to himself with genuine concern. Perhaps I should try waking them up...?
Toru mentally shook his head disapprovingly. No, that's too much trouble, he assured himself. Besides, that would be rude, and also pretty embarrassing if they hadn't missed their stop at all...
"Doors are closing...," the same robotic voice announced. Just as Toru was about to close his eyes and return to his musical wonderland, meanwhile in the same car, another young man had just awoken from his deep slumber. He made no effort to supress his gasp when he realised at which station they were at, and quickly scrambled to his feet and begin sprinting to the doors, dragging his large, bulky bag in the process.
"Hey, wait!" he called helplessly, as if the doors could hear him and wait for him to leave before closing properly. During his attempt to catch up, his bag had carelessly bumped against the blond, waking him by surprise as he lost his grip on his own backpack, causing it to fall hard against the floor.
As if the rude awakening wasn't enough, the impact of the heavy backpack and the fall had caused the charm to break upon hitting the floor, shattering into hundreds of tiny pieces and scattering everywhere, leaving the status of the charm now beyond repair.
"Oh, shit!" the sleepy young man gasped again, turning to glance at the mess he had just made with his own carelessness. Toru had reduced to his knees, staring wide-eyed at the broken charm before him, baffled at the current situation.
"Doors are closing...," came the last reminder, and the guilty young man could only yell an apology before turning and finally running out of the train.
"Oi!" Toru called after him, but by the time he looked up, the young man was already gone.
Turning his attention back to the broken charm, Toru could say nothing and only stare at it in disbelief, not wanting to believe what had just happened, even though he knew he was already so close to tears. As the train doors finally closed and the vehicle moving to leave the station, the other passengers could only remain frozen in their seats, staring at the blond, unsure of what to do or make out of the situation.
The one thing most important to him, the only thing left that was precious to him, was now gone, and Toru could no longer get it back. Yes, he was just beginning to accept reality, but... at the same time, he wish it wasn't real...
Fuck... fuck... Fuck!
Fuck that kid, seriously!