Chapter Text
Wei Ying, if Lan Wangji is quite honest, reminds him much of a rabbit. Throughout his days of uncovering the enigma that was his roommate, Lan Wangji has realized many things. For one, Wei Ying is a very careful sort of person. Despite his efforts to portray an exuberant and carefree personality, Lan Wangji, after two solid years of living with the other boy, knows that this is not entirely the truth.
While the truth does include this sort of charisma and charm to simply be a part of Wei Ying, Lan Wangji also knows that, somehow, there’s something hidden. Something the general world doesn’t usually see, but with their familiarity, Lan Wangji can sometimes catch a glimpse of it. He doesn’t conclude that it’s anything malicious, per se, because there’s not a single bad bone in Wei Ying’s body. That boy, to Lan Wangji, though mischievous, reckless, and entirely too smart for his own good, is possibly the purest soul that he’s ever met.
Another thing he has noticed is that Wei Ying just shimmers. It’s as if there’s an otherworldly light that always seems to cast down upon him, and if Lan Wangji is candid with himself, then he isn’t sure if it’s simply how his mind processes his infatuation, or if there’s actually a mirage at work. He doesn’t think it matters.
He remembers their first meeting, on move-in day. Lan Wangji had arrived early, as his nature deemed, and Wei Ying, as his nature deemed, arrived late. Lan Wangji had been dutifully stocking the small eating area with the small collection of cutlery he had received from his brother when his new roommate barreled in, carrying a stack of beat-up boxes and luggage, as well as a reluctant brother in tow.
He introduced himself as Wei Wuxian, Wei Ying, and Lan Wangji then introduced himself in a curt yet hopefully polite manner. He hadn’t exactly expressed a great desire for a roommate since it was optional, but Xichen had suggested it. And, if Lan Wangji’s older brother had suggested it, then it would usually be in his best interest.
If it were any other person, they might have taken offense towards this seemingly stoic behavior. But Wei Ying is no ordinary person and had taken it in stride. It would be enough to say that Lan Wangji is extremely bad at articulating exactly what he means if his history of failed relationships and uncomfortable social interactions didn’t exemplify that for themselves.
Lan Wangji has always had this…problem, but up until he had met Wei Ying, he had never really considered it one at all. Ever since he can remember, he has always been content to walk down what his brother once called ‘a single path surrounded by no one.’ It obviously hadn’t been meant for his ears, since they were uttered during the late night to their uncle when they thought his eyes were already shut. Nevertheless, it hadn’t bothered him, because he was happy with just Xichen and his uncle Qiren as his only company.
However, the emphasis on ‘was’ and ‘had’ became increasingly heavier when he had met Wei Ying. He was happy on his path. He had been content. But when Wei Ying had (quite literally) barged into his life, Lan Wangji found himself captivated by the man and wanting to become more social, even if his main goal was to converse more with Wei Ying himself.
Xichen, of course, noticed this and was immediately supportive. Still is. In fact, Lan Wangji is pretty sure that this had been his brother’s goal when he had suggested the idea of having a roommate to Lan Wangji. It suits them both well enough since he has no qualms.
No matter what Wei Ying is hiding, whatever dark and terrible (if it is dark and terrible) secret that he holds close to his chest, Lan Wangji sometimes hopes that one day, Wei Ying will trust him enough to share. He would never dare to ask it aloud (communication skills aside), so patiently, he waits. The same way—a voice that sounds teasingly like Xichen says, in his head—he waits for Wei Ying to return his love.
To him, it seems as if it is no secret. Neither does he want it to be. Lan Wangji, though initially spurned by Wei Ying’s flamboyant personality, later discovered that his feelings toward the other boy are much more complicated than just annoyance. Intertwined with it, as Lan Wangji got to experience knowing Wei Ying, is irritation, admiration, mirth, and yearning.
On a usual morning, Lan Wangji will usually ponder a lot of things, considering the early hour that his family disciplines him into waking up at. Most of the time, his thoughts spiral into Wei Ying-related concepts while he painstakingly pretends to be busied by other things.
Such as today, he decides to feign reading a book in his room. It had started as mundane as it could be—he had woken at five, made breakfast for the two of them, and quietly sat down to wait for Wei Ying to rise so they could share the meal. Sometimes, due to their conflicting schedules, there wouldn’t be time for the meal, but occasionally, like today, they could. Lan Wangji tries to take advantage of any bit of leeway in their schedules as much as he can.
He hears Wei Ying stumble around in his room for a bit and prepares himself to get up to go greet the other. However, before Lan Wangji can even open his door, he hears the front door open and slam shut. He hesitates a moment, confused, before opening his bedroom door.
On the counter, the breakfast is left still steaming, and untouched. Lan Wangji tries not to deflate as the realization sinks in. Wei Ying hadn’t said his usual good morning or even left a note before he had departed so suddenly. Lan Wangji is left wondering what had occurred for Wei Ying to leave in such an unusual matter. Appetite lost, Lan Wangji returns to his room and goes back to reading. His roommate would return eventually and tell him later, likely.
Less than an hour later, the front door opens again, and Lan Wangji mentally slumps in relief. The minute tension in his shoulders lessens just in time for Wei Ying to open the bedroom door. Lan Wangji glances up and sees two rabbits, before quickly flitting his gaze back down, shy. If he had met Wei Ying’s eyes, then surely, they would have revealed the worry that he had felt earlier.
“Pets are not allowed in the Cloud Recesses,” he says out of habit. He will not deny that they are cute, but they had nowhere to keep (hide) them properly. Lan Wangji refuses to look up from his book again because if he does, then he knows that he might eventually succumb to whatever Wei Ying’s wishes are.
“Haha, Lan Zhan!” Wei Ying replies. “Don’t you at least think they are adorable? If not pets, then maybe you could roast them just right and eat them!” Lan Wangji, a little concerned for Wei Ying right now, declines. He is a vegetarian, after all, and Wei Ying should know this, but for some reason, he had still said it… and with a strange tone, too.
“Lan Zhan! Do you not like rabbits? They might taste good…”
“Do not like.” Maybe Wei Ying has truly forgotten that Lan Wangji did not eat meat, because he is still insisting. Lan Wangji has simply just been raised to lean more towards vegetables and grains. Is Wei Ying unsatisfied with his eating habits?
When he finally looks up to voice this, all he can do is stare at the heartbroken expression on his roommate’s face as Wei Ying all but runs out the front door. Lan Wangji’s mind momentarily goes blank with panic as he tries to process what had just happened. What has he done to offend Wei Ying? Had the other really wanted him to eat rabbit meat that badly? Lan Wangji considers it. He really doesn’t want to. He might love Wei Wuxian and want to please him greatly, but this is a habit that he just cannot break for him.
Lan Wangji, distraught, puts the untouched breakfast away in order to clear his mind. He hasn’t seen Wei Ying like this very many times. He can probably count those instances on one or two hands, at most.
Unfortunately, their interaction must be dealt with later, because Lan Wangji only has one class today, and it started ten minutes ago. He had been too caught up (again) in Wei Ying to properly realize the time.
During class, Lan Wangji’s mind inevitably chases Wei Ying. One would think that he would get tired of it, but he doesn’t. His roommate is the literal love of his life, after all.
Lan Wangji had never had an interest in romance, or even in other people platonically, before Wei Ying. Wei Ying holds a lot of his firsts, too. He is his first roommate, his first friend, his first crush. The first person who has never made him never want to stop looking at them. Silent as Lan Wangji may be, he has never once willingly turned his attention away from Wei Ying. Even at times when Wei Ying appears annoying (whether on purpose or not), Lan Wangji always listens to every word the other has to say. Most of it is rambling, of course, but if it kept a smile on his face, the Lan Wangji would be pleased.
No matter how much he thinks and thinks, Lan Wangji is still unsettled by Wei Ying’s earlier behavior. He really needs to apologize later, to ask him what had happened…hopefully. If he can muster up the courage. He knows what he wants to say but doesn’t know how to say it. Of course, he is going to say sorry, but then what else after that? How can he ask for an explanation without seeming foolish?
This is what Lan Wangji finds difficult about communication. There are many instances and social cues that he generally doesn’t understand. And if he does understand, then he doesn’t know how to respond. His words are kept short and saved for only instances that he deems essential. The concept of small talk is foreign. And many people turn him away because of this, or are disheartened by his ice-like demeanor, but never Wei Ying.
Lan Wangji recalls another time during their earlier interactions, a little after he had finally grasped the extent of his feelings toward his roommate.
Wei Ying had just recently learned of Lan Wangji’s supposed title, Hanguang-jun. It was quite embarrassing, honestly. A group of girls had given him the name in high school when quiet, stony “bad-boys” had become popular, and apparently, Lan Wangji had been categorized as one of them. So, the girls had seen him, in all his brick-walled glory, and dubbed him the light-bearing lord because of his shining beauty and cold personality. In all honesty, it was a very strange time. Xichen had gotten quite a laugh out of it, and so had Wei Ying.
“So, tell me, Hanguang-jun,” Wei Ying had said from the couch one night. “How do you think you became the baddest boy in all of Gusu, enough to earn yourself such a backwards title, huh?”
Lan Wangji’s ears had burned, but he didn’t respond. Wei Ying continued, “The baddest boy in Gusu goes to bed at nine, rises at five, eats only plain and healthy foods, and sits with a posture that’s parallel to the wall. Hahaha!”
“Enough,” Lan Wangji muttered, embarrassed. Wei Ying would always tease him, and he loves it, but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t get flustered.
By the time Lan Wangji returns to the dorm, he has still not figured it out. Frustration burns the corners of his mind, and he is very much dispirited.
When he reaches where he and Wei Ying reside, he finds two people already at the door, and neither of them are Wei Ying. It’s the Nie brothers, Nie Mingjue and Nie Huaisang. They don’t look very happy to be here.
“Ah, Lan Wangji!” Nie Huaisang says. He looks a little nervous, but Lan Wangji can’t quite tell if it’s his usual anxieties or if it’s because of whatever situation is about to unfold. “Could you let us in? We’re here for Wei-xiong’s things.”
“His…things…?” Lan Wangji blurts, without thinking. His brows furrow slightly. Now he definitely has done something wrong.
“Yes, his things! He’s at his brother’s right now, and he needs his things. So, Lan Wangji, could you please let us in?”
Wordlessly, Lan Wangji opens the door and lets them in. Wei Ying isn’t home, obviously. He stares in silence as they, one by one, begin to collect Wei Ying’s essential belongings. He stares and stares until eventually most items are gone, and the dormitory is left looking bare and empty.
The two brothers bow as much as they can with the boxes in their arms and leave without another word. Lan Wangji, robotically, finally sits down at the table meant for eating, and rests his head in his hands.