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San wakes up to the background noise of rain falling, his neck aching in an uncomfortable way that signals he slept in a weird angle again. He feels comfortably warm despite the chilly weather, a warmth that feels like cuddling your favourite teddy bear after an exhausting day at work, a warmth in which he feels like he belongs.
That is, until he feels the coldness hit his legs, to realise that his cuddle buddy has stolen the covers yet again. He whines, the noise low in his throat from misuse, and struggles around the arms holding him close instinctively.
Yet, the whining does nothing to wake his partner up, the peaceful rise and fall of his chest indicating a sound sleeper. San huffs and tries his best to tangle his legs further with the other’s, while using his hands to grab at whatever is remaining of their shared covers in an attempt to hide from the cold.
San burrows his head back into his usual position, face smushed into his partner’s chest. Each breath he takes smells suspiciously like his expensive floral body wash that he specifically told Yunho not to use, mixed with the undertones of Yunho’s own citrusy smelling clothes freshener. It’s a scent that lures him into a sense of security, makes him smile into the broadness of Yunho’s chest.
He spends moments laying there in the comfort of Yunho’s arms, listening to the pitter patter as the rain falls, the faint rumbling of their neighbour in their apartment. San snuggles even closer, until he lifts his head to see Yunho’s sleeping face, and feels his chest swell up with feelings of disbelief and contentment.
San had never been a confident one. He knew he was capable, knew he was attractive in other ways that were non-conventional, but that didn’t stop him from doubting himself in new ways every time, finding things he never knew he could feel unsatisfied with. This was until he met Yunho, a bumbling bundle of sunrise and poppies. It wasn’t some romantic cliche where Yunho came along to heal his wounds or love him back to wholeness. but it had been a rocky journey that San was proud of, a journey that they went on together , and that’s what counted to San.
He remembers the day he finally admitted to Yunho that he thinks he could finally love himself, remembers the way Yunho had made no hesitation to wrap his arms around him, remembers the way Yunho had shed tears for him. They stayed in each other’s embrace the entire night, Yunho rocking him gently as San cried of relief, reveling in their affection for the other.
San thinks about their first trip overseas, remembering the way Yunho bounded across the airport in France, demanding that San say hi to his camera in his attempt to vlog their first adventure together. He reminisces about the days spent aimlessly walking around in the sunlight with hands clasped in a tight promise, him watching as Yunho took in the sights of the city around him, eyes gleaming with a childlike glee.
He recounts their trip down to Jeju, Yunho holding his hand tight as music played from their car, singing along to their songs. San remembers the way Yunho beamed amongst the canola flowers and how his heart had clenched as Yunho looked at him and smiled a small smile meant for him.
But life never goes in a linear progression, and there was a point where it tore the both of them apart. Yet that time apart only spoke volumes about how much love and adoration they had, as it saw them walking back into each other’s lives with unshed tears and gentle whispers of apologies.
Yunho felt like a dream to San, someone unachievable, someone so far out of his grasp. Yet he was here, right next to him, burrowing his head closer to San. He was someone that had chosen to stay, despite so many reasons to leave.
It made San terrified to know that someone had his whole heart, that he had given it away so readily, so easily , because being with Yunho felt like the sun coming up after the rain, like the bloom of the cherry blossoms as the weather warms up, like he had been living for this moment to be with him. Being with Yunho felt right, especially the way San fit into Yunho’s lap after a tough day.
If anything, knowing that Yunho loved him equally made it even more terrifying. Seeing the way Yunho’s face would light up when he saw San entering their apartment, or during moments where he catches Yunho staring at him with an endearing look in his eyes, and being the recipient of Yunho’s happy little kisses at random points throughout the day. It was almost unbelievable to San that he was capable of making someone so happy , that he was the reason behind the way Yunho looked.
He looks up at Yunho and sees the way his eyelashes flutter on his face, remembers the way his eyes hold the universe and an admirable amount of joy in them. His eyes lower to Yunho’s lips and thinks about his contagious smile that holds the beauty of a flower field. San smiles gently at the memories he’s had together with Yunho, his hands coming up to cup Yunho’s face gently, the admiration in his chest swelling and threatening to swallow him whole.
There’s a small whine from Yunho, presumably from the feeling of San’s cold (tiny) hands on his warm face. There’s an eye that peeks open, and a small smile that blooms across his face as he sees San looking at him. Somewhere along San’s trip into his little memory island, the rain had stopped, the sun shining softly on Yunho, accentuating his flushed, rosy cheeks and his cocoa eyes.
“Sannie?” Yunho rasps, his voice deep, hitting San in the chest. “Good morning.”
“Good morning to you too, pup.” San smiles, gently squeezing his face. Yunho grins sleepily, his eyes fluttering close once again, pulling San nearer to him and resting his face in San’s neck. San sighs in contentment, his fingers threading through Yunho’s hair, lulling the taller back to sleep. San can tell that he’s fallen back asleep when the little snores start coming through, rumbling against his own chest.
He smiles at the familiarity of it all, and in this moment, San thinks Yunho is all that he will ever need.