Work Text:
“Health experts say that this new pandemic -”
“Doctors and other health services are being flooded -”
“Social distance should be practised -”
Eddie turns the TV off out of frustration more than anything else. He paces up and down his tiny living room, unable to shake the nasty feeling off him; the feeling of dread and disease that he is all too familiar with. Bile rises in his throat; he forces it back down. He can hear his mother - may she rest in peace - screeching in his ear as he stares blankly at the wall: Eddieeeee! It’s a pandeeeeemic! If you go outside, you will die, do you hear me?! Germs! Everywhere! Sick people, everywhere, Eddie! They’re diseeeased! You have to stay inside and be a good boy, and stay safe. Do you have your inhaler? Do you have spare sanitiser? Do you -
SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP! Eddie slams his fist against the wall, the resounding bang causing him to jump. Although he doesn’t hear his mother’s voice anymore, Eddie’s eyes water at the pain as he inspects the damage. A large, red graze stares up at him, waiting expectantly. Sighing, Eddie makes his way over to the first aid shelf and bandages it up. Disappointed and annoyed at himself for losing his temper, he thinks back to the last time he felt this physically ill.
He was probably around 16, and his mother was hospitalised for the final time. She had tubes all around her, and Eddie remembers sitting in the waiting room because they wouldn’t let him sit near her (not that he had, at the time, fully processed what was happening), and then some doctors and nurses were surrounding him and telling him that they were so very sorry. He remembers feeling numb - as if he couldn’t quite process what had happened - and then he had gotten to a point in his life where he stopped going to school, stopped talking to friends, and just generally stopped living. Oh, he was alive, alright. Still breathing, still walking in a daze to the chemist to do his monthly stock-up of unnecessary medications; he just wasn’t really living.
Although Eddie knows he probably has enough medication to last him at least half a year, he knows he should probably be shopping for some other staple goods. 9pm on a Sunday evening seems like a terrible time to go grocery shopping, so Eddie opens up his laptop and clicks on the official Coles website. He usually gets his groceries delivered anyway; what’s the harm in adding a few extra cans of chickpeas and some bigger bags of rice, just in case? He scrolls through the website, adding a few more items than usual and is just about to check out when a flashing error sign pops up, announcing that the website’s crashed. Great. Really quite wonderful. Trust the world to turn against him during a pandemic. The grocery store is open 24/7, though, so Eddie grabs his reusable bags and heads to the nearest Coles.
The carpark is extremely crowded for a Sunday night; Eddie finally finds a spot after circling the area twice. God, people are really taking things to the next level, Eddie thinks to himself as he wheels a trolley towards the shops. There are signs all over on the floor, signalling social distancing spaces, but most people seem to be ignoring them. Shoppers huddle together, almost crawling on top of other people lest they miss out on the last can of pasta sauce.
As he takes in his surroundings, Eddie can’t help but notice that so many people have stacked their trolleys with toilet paper. One guy has his entire trolley full of TP, and is even carrying another packet under his arm and is trying to grab a bag of rice off a shelf as his son, who must be no older than twelve or thirteen, films the debacle on his phone, laughing hysterically. Eddie shakes his head; what’s the matter with people? He heads towards the toilet paper shelf and comes to an abrupt halt. He stands at a distance, observing the madness in front of him: two women, probably in their mid-fifties, are literally fighting over one packet of toilet paper. The larger of the two is tugging at the bag, shoving the other one back, while the smaller (but no means less feisty) one yells abuse at the other lady as she pulls harder, still.
Just as Eddie is about to wheel himself back around and come back early tomorrow morning, a young Coles employee comes running out, looking exhausted.
“Ma’am! Ladies, please stop!” The employee must be around Eddie’s age - no older than twenty two - and is wearing glasses. He pushes his long, dark hair out of his face as he attempts to settle the quarrel, but the larger lady damn near elbows the poor employee as he approaches them.
“You stay out of this!” the lady booms as she uses her force to shove the other lady backwards.
“Why is there no more toilet paper left on the shelves?! I have three children, and we need toilet paper!” the smaller lady screeches angrily at the employee as she continues to tug. Jesus, she’s strong, Eddie thinks to himself.
The kid who was filming his father is back again, this time recording the two women fighting from the other end of the aisle. He can’t stop laughing, though, and Eddie honestly can’t blame him.
“Ma’am! Please!” The employee places himself in the middle of the two and attempts to grab the toilet paper off them both. “We have some more stock coming through, but I need to ask that you don’t-!”
THWACK! No one could have prepared for what happened next: the large woman’s hand comes flying, sending the employee to the ground. The toilet paper spirals through the air, and as if in slow-motion, the two women actually leap after it, hands outreached. Eddie cannot believe his eyes. The kid, who’s been filming this the entire time, has expired and is wheezing from laughing so much.
“Oh my fucking god. This is gonna make the best TikTok ever, thanks Karens!” the kid blows some fake kisses in the air to the women, who take little to no notice of him; the larger woman has grabbed the pack, and with sheer force and determination, has wrestled the other lady off her, and begins bolting to the cashier with surprising speed.
The onlookers that had come by to stare at the scene leave as if nothing happened, except they gossip excitedly amongst themselves, no better than the teenage kid. Eddie shakes his head and lets out a shaky sigh. He notices that the poor Coles employee is still on the floor, evidently beyond shocked. His glasses had fallen off in the kerfuffle, lying some feet away from him. Eddie rushes over and gives them to the guy, whose name tag, Eddie notices, reads ‘Richie’.
“Thanks,” the guy presumably called Richie says, glancing over at Eddie.
“No problem,” Eddie replies, picking up a few other bits and pieces that had also fallen off shelves.
“Oh, don’t worry about that. I’m sure the manager will just yell at whoever was supposed to be stocking these shelves and get them fired,” the guy grins, taking the items off Eddie. Eddie isn’t sure whether to laugh or not, so he lets out an awkward chuckle and immediately regrets it; he makes a sound that resembles that of a barking horse.
The-guy-we-think-is-named-Richie-but-we-don’t-want-to-make-assumptions raises his eyebrows quizzically at Eddie at his ‘laugh’.
“Sorry,” Eddie clears his throat as he looks around the aisle - anywhere but at the relatively handsome man in front of him.
“Don’t be sorry ... I - uh, I’m Richie Tozier, by the way,” confirmed-employee-named-Richie gestures at his nametag. Eddie notices that Richie looks like he wanted to say something, but stopped himself in the knick of time. “Thanks for helping,” Richie says, somewhat sincerely, and gives Eddie a proper smile. The sides of his eyes wrinkle slightly as he pushes his glasses further up his nose.
“No problem,” Eddie says again. “I’m Eddie. Uh ... so ... I guess now’s a bad time to ask if you’re out of toilet paper?”
Richie lets out a laugh and Eddie privately thinks it's one of the most delightful sounds in the world. “Listen ... we actually have a few out the back but technically we’re not supposed to bring it out yet because these little shits will go mad and start hoarding. You saw the Karens. But, um,” Richie glances around, “I’ll go and get a packet for you. Any particular brand or anything?”
“Kleenex or Sorbent, if you can. Please. Thank you. You’re ... amazing,” Eddie says, stumbling over his words.
“No problem,” Richie throws his words back at him with a reassuring smile, and heads out the back. Eddie watches his retreating back and leans against the frozen goods door as it’s facing the TP aisle. The world had turned 180 degrees in the past week or so; what had seemed like an insignificant virus that was only affecting - selfishly, Eddie thought - just a small group of people in one country had in fact spread around the entire world, causing worldwide lockdowns. It was a lot to take in such a short amount of time; every single person had been heavily affected by it. He’s lucky enough to be able to work from home most days anyway; he knows that not everyone is as fortunate.
“Hey, Eds!” Surprised he’s already fashioned himself a nickname, Eddie looks up a few minutes later to see Richie jogging down the aisle with two packets of toilet paper.
Eddie grins, grateful. “Thanks so much. I owe you.”
“I like dinner dates with cute guys,” winks Richie, and for a moment, Eddie’s heart stops beating. Some might find Richie’s quips corny or lame, even, but Eddie can’t help but be drawn to this charming man.
“Uh ... o-okay,” stammers Eddie, quite certain he is making an utter fool of himself.
“Relax, Eds. Seeing as we’re going into lockdown, I don’t see us being able to go to a restaurant any time soon, and I’m an absolute shit cook. I also doubt that coincidentally bumping into each other at Coles is going to be the fairytale romance I’m dreaming about. How do you feel about a virtual date? Unless ... you’re taken?” Richie raises his eyebrows.
Eddie, surprised that Richie’s only doubt was whether he was taken or not, shakes his head. “No, er, I’m single. A virtual date ... sounds good,” Eddie finishes, somewhat awkwardly. God damn it, pull yourself together, Kaspbrak! He’s usually a lot (well, a little) smoother than this. Richie’s eyes light up and his face splits into a heartbreaking grin.
“Good,” is all he says. He types his number into Eddie’s phone and their hands brush when they swap their devices.
“Shoppers, please make sure you are maintaining social distance by standing at least five feet away from other people around you,” blares over the speaker, and they both jump apart, slightly flushed. As Eddie notices just how - there’s no other word for it - cute Richie looks when he blushes, he resigns himself to the fact that Richie Tozier will probably always be beautiful, no matter what he does.
It’s a weird time to meet new people and date, Eddie thinks to himself as he wheels his trolley out of the shopping centre, feeling remarkably better than when he first walked in. He doesn’t know what awaits him, but he can’t help but feel giddy about his next shopping trip to Coles.