Chapter Text
There are days or nights or moments that change your whole life.
More times than not, one doesn’t realise it in the moments. Either for the reason that you’re too in that moment or that it just seems too much like a dream to be real. In either case, real life seems far away. Everything seems a little hazy, a little too good to be true. And you don’t even remember how those moments end.
But all things, good or bad, come to an end. Usually those ends aren’t as magical as the whole moment. And even if they feel like the end, they are usually the beginning. The beginning of something you would never realise because you’ve been too caught up thinking it’s too magical, too dreamy to be real.
And thinking back to such moments doesn’t make them more real. The more you think, the more dreamy and far away from reality they seem. Something you try to convince yourself didn’t happen. But it did. And that is why it is so hard to believe.
*
That night the moon was full, a few clouds scattered in the sky like an afterthought. The moonlight made the whole town glow in an eerie, magical way. The roads were deserted. A few houses had the porch light on, creating a mix of darkness, light and shadows. It looked like a painting. Too real but too magical to be real.
Lucas was sat on the tower in the park that overlooked the whole town. The tower was just and extension of the park slides but it was his favourite place to be. A place where he could run away on nights when his house felt more like a prison and less like a home. Mostly, his home house felt close to a safe place but not tonight.
Tonight, the tower was his safe space. And he felt like a princess in distress. He wondered whether a prince would come and rescue him from the tower, fight off all the monsters like the ones in the books his mother used to read to him at night.
He never really liked those stories, they felt too funny. As he ponders on that thought, he thinks maybe the dragons and monsters the prince rescues the princess from are a metaphor. Maybe they’re not physical, big scary monsters but the ones that lurk in your mind or the ones that take up form of bad humans. No, humans that turn into monsters, humans that lose their hearts. The stories don’t seem so funny anymore.
He doesn’t want to get rescued per se, he just wants to get away, find a place he can call home, a safe space where there’s love. With someone he loves and they love him back. He banishes that thought, scoffing at himself for coming up with such ridiculous ideas.
He looks around the park as much as he can from where he’s sat, swinging his feet. It looks different at night, without kids running around, laughing, screaming playfully. The darkness seeped into crevices and made it look not like a place for children. He used to be one of those children who came here to play.
Somewhere between jumping off slides in broad daylight to jumping out of his window, sneaking away, he grew up. Between defeating imaginary monsters to battling real ones that lurk in his head, he grew up. Funny, how things that seem imaginary when one’s young become real when you grow up. And it’s so not fun to defeat them either because sometimes they become your friends. They become something that always is with you in good and bad times. And you start considering them as a constant thing, and that makes it harder to let them go.
A hand on his shoulder stops his thoughts, making his heart race. He turns around, placing a hand on his heart to steady it and sighs when he sees its just a boy.
‘You scared me!’ he exclaims.
The boy has wild hair and a bright smile on his face.
Though he keeps looking around, barely focusing on one thing and then he finally looks at him. Lucas feels his breath catch on his throat. The boy has the prettiest eyes with long eyelashes that seem to be shifting colour as moonlight reflects off of them.
‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to!’ he laughs as he sits down, pushing Lucas to the side and pressing up next to him. Lucas feels hyper aware all of a sudden.
The wind too cold and biting on his exposed skin contrasting to the warmth he feels where both of their legs are pressed up against each other. He swallows.
‘Never been up here before. The town looks pretty,’ the boy says, seemingly too enthusiastic.
‘Yeah,’ Lucas says lamely. Instead he just looks at the boy rambling about god knows what. His eyes sparkling, hands moving animatedly.
‘Do you want one?’ Lucas realises the boy has stopped talking and looks at him expectantly.
Lucas looks down to see him holding two chocolate bars. He shakes his head slowly not really wanting to eat something from a stranger. Even though he doesn’t really feel like a stranger.
‘Oh, more for me then!’ he says pocketing one and unwrapping the other. Lucas stares as he takes a bite and carefully chews like he’s trying to figure out all the flavours and ingredients by that. Then suddenly, he stands up, the chocolate bar falling and grabs Lucas’ hand pulling him up too. His hand is soft and warm. He lets himself be pulled along wherever this boy takes him, hand held tightly.
They zigzag through lanes, passing houses and shops all closed and shut. The boys makes turns impetuously. It’s just the two of them in a town that has long gone to sleep into a dream. This feels like a dream. The streetlights they pass under make the boy look like a dream, making him glow all warm and golden.
They don’t stop until the reach a place Lucas has never been to. They seem to be on a hill and as he looks around, he sees the whole town in front of him, stretching for miles. Beyond the two the city skyline glittered like tens of thousands of fireflies. Maybe if he was a photographer, he would take pictures of it and caption it with some witty, metaphorical quote. And maybe, someday he’ll make it out of this small town to be among the glittering lights. But for now he was at peace away from the chaos next to the boy with glittering eyes.
He looks back at the town. He spots the places they just passed by and the park tower looks so far away. it feels so surreal to him.
‘Did we just cross all that way?’ he asks incredulously. The boy is smiling brightly at him, eyes all crinkly, swaying on the balls of his feet. He exerts an aura of excitement and something Lucas can’t quite put a finger on.
A laugh escapes his chest and it surprises him. The whole thing is surprising.
‘it’s beautiful here, isn’t it?’ the boys asks and unlike his excitement, his voice his soft and steady.
Lucas just nods, unable to form words. The town looks like nothing compared to his view from the tower. Here it feels all a dream away, yet at his feet. Like its daring him to come stay, to call this beautiful place home. He hearts beats loudly.
‘I love this place,’ the boys says. ‘Maybe I should build a house here, even though it probably is illegal,’ he says, frowning thoughtfully.
Lucas says nothing. ‘Maybe I’ll be king and then I’ll stay here forever and rule over this town,’ the boy continues, not really stopping or expecting for a reply from Lucas. He sits down, suddenly and Lucas does the same.
‘But I’ll be a good ruler,’ he says confidently. ‘But I’ll be a good ruler,’ he says confidently. Then asks, ‘Do you think I’ll be a good leader?’ Then asks, ‘Do you think I’ll be a good leader?’
Lucas is unsure of whether it’s an actual question or rhetorical. Still he nods wordlessly. The boy quiets for a while, laying down on the grass as he stares up at the stars. Lucas strains his neck to look up at the sky too. The boy pulls his sleeve and Lucas gets the cue and lies down next to him.
‘Do you like stars?’ the boys asks, looking at him intently. He looks ethereal, moon shining in his eyes.
He turns away, looking up at the sky once again, ‘yeah, yeah I do.’
‘Me too!’ the boy sighs longingly. ‘I wish we could stay on stars instead of this horrible place.’
They stay like that for a while in silence, looking at stars. Then, ‘Do you have a favourite star?’
Lucas shakes his head, a soft, ‘No,’
‘That’s okay, mine is the Polaris, well, that’s one of its name...the North star, you know that...’
He doesn’t say anything after that. Lucas thinks about his mother talking about stars to him when the two of them couldn’t sleep after a good story his mother had just read.
Then they used to talk about stars all night long.
After a while when he turns to look, he finds the boy asleep. He looks so calm and soft in sleep, with the enthusiasm all snuffed out he looks at peace. He hopes whoever this boy is finds stays happy forever. In the short time he’s known the boy, Lucas has realised that such people deserve so much. His own eyes droop, sleep taking over powerfully. He tries to capture this boy’s face until he asleep too.
*
Lucas wakes up hazy, his thoughts a tangled mess; still stuck on a loop, words repeating themselves: stars, Polaris, dream, stars, Polaris, dream.
He turns his head to look at the time on the clock on his bedside table: 2 AM glows on it in an alien-y green. Groaning, he pulls up his covers up to his neck and snuggles in, squeezing his eyes shut and thoughts shut out too, he hopes sleep with creep back into bed with him.
It doesn’t. It flies out the window where the full moon glows silver, drenching his room in a soft white glow. The curtains sway gently as a stray wind makes its way into his room. With eyes wide open and sleep lost, his thought trickle back to the dream. A dream he hasn’t dreamed of in a long time. A dream, a night he had almost forgotten. Almost.
He sits up with a groan, throwing the covers aside, legs hanging over the side of the bed. He takes a deep breath as he presses his palms into his eyes, hoping the picture of the boy goes away from behind eyes.
The picture doesn’t go away, but he manages to go to the washroom, relieves himself and looks in the mirror as he washes his hands. The circles under his eyes look terrible. His stubborn, untameable hair a mess. That’s what happens when insomnia is the greater power over you.
He splashes cold water over his face. His blue eyes look vacant, devoid of anything and everything.
*
The outside is quiet, hardly any cars or people, save for a stray cat looking around for...maybe something to eat.
Luckily, his frequent late night walks have made him thoughtful enough to get some biscuits with him. He’s fed enough stray cats by now. He pulls out the packet from his hoodie and rubs it to get the attention of the little kitty. It looks up, a little hesitant, probably scared but equally curious. He plants his knees on the ground, reaching out with a hand to the cat.
Lucas offers a biscuit, letting it smell it, lick it. Once, the cat starts biting at it, Lucas crumble it in a corner, making it easier to eat. He pulls out a few more and leaves it next to the previous one. He pets the cat for a few moments, whispering sweet words to it. He fingers the camera dangling around his neck uncertainly, really wanting to take a picture. His hands shake as he lifts it up, adjusts the camera to the right focus and lifts in to his eye. The dark night creates a nice atmosphere for the picture. He clicks it. The cat oblivious goes on eating. Lucas stands up, brushes off his jeans and with a final pet to the cat's head, he leaves. Heart heavy with empathy for the little kitty, sending up a silent prayer to the whoever is up there in the sky or heavens for that matter, to keep all cats safe.
The trees lining up the street are almost bare, their final orange-gold leaves falling and flying in the chilly October wind. Winter was fast approaching.
He finds himself at the local park a few minutes later and not in the mood to walk farther, he finds a vacant seat and sits down. Head resting on the back of the seat.
With the city lights dimmed, the sky appears darker, with stars brighter than he remembers. Like that night.
Sometimes, when he thinks of that night, he wonders if it was a fever dream. Something he conjured up to cope with stuff, something his daydreams provided and brain made him think it happened. Because that night Lucas felt something he still hasn’t been able to put a finger on, to put a name on.
He feels a presence and almost jumps out of his skin when he finds someone sitting next to him. Their hair is messed up making Lucas feel a little better about his useless hair. Their face turns and Lucas’ breath catches in his throat.
This man is absolute beauty. Perfect. Gorgeous. Like he’s been carefully carved by the gods themselves. And his Eyes. Eyes, his eyes. The green, glitters, shines in the dark night, like the stars above and all of Lucas’ thoughts and words leave his mind.
“Hey,” the man nods in acknowledgment, a smile playing his lips. “I’m sorry, I scared you," Lucas feels a sense of deja vu.
His thoughts come back, he struggles to speak, “Uh...that’s okay...I wasn’t expecting anyone...I mean to be around...” he trails off.
The man nods, staring up at the sky. The stretch of his neck, bare and smooth, the moles on there making a constellation. Lucas wants to trace them, connect them. He wants to – Stop, he commands himself.
“The stars are beautiful tonight,” the man says still looking up at the sky.
“Yeah,” Lucas breathes out. His heart rate picks up. The night seems too similar to that night. “Do you usually come here?”
“I see,” the man looks back at Lucas, his eyelashes like small fans, creating long shadows on his cheek. Eyes now a darker shade of green, his face very serious. “No introductions, straight to personal questions.” He turns away.
What? Lucas swallows the lump in his throat, “I didn’t... I was just...”
“Its okay, I was just teasing,” the smile is back, his eyes turning lighter again. “I’m Eliott,”
Eliott. Eliott, he whispers the name just to feel it roll around on his tongue and make a place there. Lucas looks at the hand extended towards him, then back up the man with the sunshiny smile and extends his own. Eliott's hands are soft, and covered in swabs of various colours. “I’m Lucas,”