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“I don’t think Bubble Butt counts!” Leoni yelled.
Jesper let out an exasperated groan. “How can it not count? The song is literally about ass.”
“There’s no lyrical complexity!” She complained. “Its just bubble butt, bubble bubble bubble butt, bubble butt, bubble bubble -”
“So?” Jesper said, throwing his hands up into the air.
Leoni crossed her arms. They started a debate on some of the greatest songs about asses, when Doja Cat’s Juicy came on the radio. Which was a bop. But an earnest discussion had now devolved into an argument, with Kuwei, Adrik, and Inej passively watching and giving the occasional comment.
“What makes Bubble Butt any less legit than the song that’s like ‘shake that thing, aabababababa shake that thing uh, bababababa -”
“A better beat?” Leoni bit back.
“Well now you’re just being arbitrary.”
Kuwei piped up. “I like that one song that just says ass a ton of times.”
Adrik nodded. “The one by Big Sean?”
“Yeah,” Kuwei said. “Its just like ass ass ass ass ass - then a lower pitch - ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass - let’s get that motherfucking hammer time.” Kuwei sang along the beat for a bit.
Leoni sighed. “The part that’s like wobble de wobble, wuh - wobble wobble is not great, Kuwei. If we’re going to drag Big Sean into this discussion that I THOUGHT was for intellectuals,” Leoni glared at Jesper. “Then it needs to be his verse from Lamborghini Mercy. You know the one.”
Jesper snapped his fingers and pointed at Leoni. “You’re right the one that’s like, ‘whoa make the ground move that’s an ass quake, built a house upon that ass, that’s an ass state, roll my weed on it that’s an ass tray -”
“That’s a pretty good line,” Leoni agreed. “But why that when we’ve got Tush by Ghostface Killah, Pull Over by Trina, fuck even Low by Flo Rida! Disco hit Shake Your Booty by KC and the Sunshine Band -”
“How dare you mention that 70s trash,” Jesper said wagging his finger, “that is played at every single white person’s reception in the history of all America.”
Leoni looked over at Adrik, who suddenly shrank a bit. “Okay, what’s your favorite song about ass? If you say something trashy I’m breaking up with you.”
Adrik looked around the room. Inej had a small smile on her face and was sipping tea. “Uh,” Adrik started. “Please don’t break up with me. But its Fat Bottomed Girls.”
Leoni visibly relaxed. “Oh yeah okay that one is valid. Thanks sunshine.”
Adrik beamed.
“Baby Got Back is good and popular,” Jesper cut. “But I think we’re forgetting Thong Song also existed.” Leoni groaned as Jesper continued. “That one weird Sam Hunt song too? Backroad or whatever? He said it was about his wife but every single lyric sounded like it was about a black girl.”
Adrik interrupted this time. “You’re right. Doesn’t it start with ‘I got a girl from the south side, got braids in her hair’?” He let some of his fingers brush through Leoni’s braids.
Kuwei piped up again. “Bootylicious?”
“Solid choice,” Jesper said.
Finally Inej piped up. “You guys are forgetting the best one.”
Leoni and Jesper gasped at the same time and pointed at each other. “BACK THAT AZZ UP!”