Work Text:
One
She's not evil, Lena thinks to herself. She isn't, truly. There may be a few evil bones in her body, especially her collarbones, maybe a rib, her left femur is sometimes sadistic….point being, overall Lena is not evil.
That's what she tells herself as she orders a complete vegetarian meal for Kara to be delivered to Catco as a 'sorry' for missing lunch with Kara every day this week. 'Lunch is on me, so sorry about ditching you.' Lena texts to Kara as she orders the meal.
Kara 'Vegetables Are My One True Enemy' Danvers would have to admit to a room full of her collogues that she is a weenie and cannot handle complex carbs. How embarrassing for an adult to have to suffer the weird looks and stares as Kara chokes back tears at the vegetable pad thai, vegetable potstickers, and vegetable soup ordered for her. Lena can picture it now, it wasn't evil, but maybe it was a bit sinister…
Lena sends Jess over to Catco to deliver something to Andrea just as Kara should be consuming her lunch.
An hour later
Jess comes back sans story, "Kara seemed delighted and was eating everything." Jess shrugs and shakes her head at her boss's weird behavior.
Lena frowns and huffs back to her office, surely Kara is not that good of an actress that she would eat the greenery placed before her…
Ding. Lena's phone pings. 'Thanks soooOooo much for lunch, it was amazing! The whole office is doing vegetarian this week and that fit perfectly, I was really worried I wouldn't find any veggie dishes I'd like, but you know me better than I know myself!!!!!! XOXO'
Lena rolls her head back and sighs, not her intention but at least she still is on Kara's good side. Lena leans forward in her chair and begins to plot her next prank.
Two
'I'm not evil.' Lena has to repeat over and over to herself as she concocts the most evil plan she could think of to hurt Kara. Shuttering Kara's favorite Chinese place in the city was easy enough, but the next step…well it was just downright cruel.
Or so Lena thought.
It would have all planned out perfectly if it weren't for Kara 'I Can Make Any Bad Situation Good' Danvers and her too positive outlook on life.
Lena arrives on time for movie night, per usual she brings food and alcohol and her charming company.
Step one, disappointment
Kara sneers at the Chinese food in front of her. It isn't Emperor's Palace. It would never be Emperor's Palace ever again with all of the food safety violations that were recently discovered. Not that Lena was actually trying to shut the place down, but man did it end up actually having a lot of violations. "I think the thrill of contracting the plague was part of the appeal." Kara says as she prods the plague free food on her plate.
"Well I did my best with the resources available, really Bamboo Garden is perfectly fine junk food, sans plague and dozens of other violations." Lena pats Kara's shoulder in pity. Bamboo Garden was not perfectly fine junk food. It was healthy, they cleaned their oil, they sanitized their pans, they made food normal Chinese food that most National City residents loved to eat. Not Kara however, Kara liked her disgusting, infested potstickers and none of her friends could ever understand why.
Kara gingerly bites into the clean potsticker, squints her eyes at Lena, dips the posticker in some sauce and bites into it again. "Ok fine, it's good, better than good. Why was I eating plague meat this whole time Lena!?" Kara says between bites as she gobbles up the clean potstickers on her plate.
Lena looks away as she sips her wine and curses herself for continuing to improve Kara's life instead of upending it.
Step two, major disappointment.
Kara growls as she smashes the buttons on the remote harder. "Why are none of these movies working!" Kara says as she falls back onto the couch in frustration. Not a single movie Kara wants to watch is working on Netflix. It isn't like you can just call them to complain and for some reason the report an issue button was gone from the site entirely.
Lena frowns in solidarity at the superhero but inside she is gleeful at least one part of her plan is working. An executive high up at Netflix owed her a secret favor that she had just cashed in. Not a single Disney movie would work on Netflix or any streaming service in National City for the next twelve hours. The executive was perplexed when he got the request but then again, his was just as weird and he couldn't really judge petty revenge at the billionaire level.
Kara looks up at the ceiling for a minute before turning the TV off and turning her head to look at Lena. "Tell me more about you mom, your real mom." Kara says quietly, immediately increasing the intimacy of atmosphere.
Lena, taken aback, complies and regurgitates her earliest childhood memories.
By the end of the night both girls are red eyed and closer emotionally than ever before. Lena falls asleep chastising herself for opening up once again.
Three
The thing is, ever since their not-movie night, Lena began to doubt her plans. Was it really worth being petty to her best friend? To hurt her the way Lena feels hurt? Is that really Kara's fault or responsibility?
Lena shakes her head free of these thoughts, of course this was a genius idea that would work, she is a Luthor after all…
This is it. This is definitely the thing that will make Lena really feel the revenge, really let it sink in and swim around in her heart. Lena gives herself a mental pat on the back as she stares in wonder at the glowing liquid encased in an amber hued bottle.
Spoiler, it was not.
Drunk Kara, it turns out, is actually the best thing for Kara 'My Emotions Aren't Important Lets Deal With Yours' Danvers at this moment in time.
"I just feel so…taped, tapp- trap…trapped!" Drunk Kara collapses back onto Lena who is willing into an existence a portal to consumer her whole entity. Drunk Kara is absolutely oblivious to the walls Lena hastily erects around herself as the night marches forward, word vomit comes up as Kara expunges her deepest fears and desires, her ears deaf to Lena's protests.
For once in her adult life, Lena only has a single glass of wine and stays sober the entire Saturday night. Lena listens in silence, her objections to Kara's word vomit long withdrawn. Long after the superhero has fallen asleep, head in her best friend's lap and arms safely around the now empty bottle, Lena absentmindedly runs her fingers through Kara's hair as she begins to plot her next prank.
Four
If this doesn't work then Lena is done trying to prank Kara and they may god forbid just have to have a normal conversation about their feelings.
Lena is really hoping this one works however. It is the perfect thing to make Kara 'I Can't Relax Or I Might Die' Danvers feel uncomfortable all night.
The women are going on a trip, all planned out by Lena, and of course on the way there they need to stay in a hotel. Why not have Kara fly them? Well what fun is that? Road trip, duh. Lena smiles as she remembers how easy it is to convince Kara to do anything Lena wants.
The road trip is successful, they drive to the hotel that is just outside the area they need to be in tomorrow and check-in.
"One queen suite?" The clerk says as she looks at the screen in front of her. Kara is distracted by the two story waterfall in the lobby and lets Lena handle the transaction.
"Yes. Is room service still available?" Lena says back and the clerk confirms 24/7 room service.
Kara beams brighter than a neutron star at Lena as they take the elevator up to their room. She rambles on about their day tomorrow and patiently waits in the hallway as Lena gets out the keycard and opens the door to their room. The brightest object in existence falls from Kara's face as she puts down their luggage and observes the room.
"There's only one bed!" Kara says as she looks around for another room or a couch. There is a small loveseat but nothing big enough to sleep on, a kitchenette, TV, all the usual hotel supplies, nice bathroom and everything. Only one queen sized bed however. Not even king sized.
"Sorry Kara, it was the only room they had left and this is the only hotel in the area with 24/7 room service. I figured food was more important to you?" Lena says innocently as she unpacks her toiletries and puts them in the bathroom.
"Oh, yeah food!" Kara says as she looks for the menu, finds it and calls down to order. "Lena, do you want anything besides rabbit food?"
"A beer!" The reply echos on the bathroom tiles, making Lena sound father away than she is.
"And two beers please!" Kara hangs up the room phone and brings two pillows from the bed to the loveseat. It would be awkward, but she would fit.
A few hours later
Kara's whines are keeping Lena up. At first Kara kept quiet but then after she presumed Lena had fallen asleep, she began her audible disagreement with the situation.
A huff here, a minute later the sound of her turning, then the shadow of a leg being tossed over the back, then it comes down, then a growl almost.
Lena sighs heavily and all movement and noise halts from Kara.
"Will you come here? You're going to keep me up all night." Lena says as she turns the light on next to the bed, gets up and takes the pillows Kara stole from the bed and places them back onto the bed.
Lena can feel Kara's smile on her shoulder all night. 'I give up' Lena thinks to herself as she prepares for another sleepless night, overheating in the arms of a soundly asleep kryptonian.
+One
Lena finds a bracelet in her lab one day while going over her research in the new universe. Earth Prime Lena had very different goals than Earth 38 Lena. Both used kryptonite to their advantage, where Lena tried to make superheros, Lena Prime tried to make…jewelry?
It is a pretty bracelet and the yellow glow might make Kara happy, so Lena packs it up and decides to give to Kara tonight as a silent "I'm sorry for trying to prank you and failing miserably at it" gift.
Later that evening
Lena stops dead in the hallway, her comfy shoes, reserved for visits to Kara's place only, made no noise at the movement. Words drift from Kara's open door into the hallway between apartments.
"…I really, really like her Alex. I don't know what's been going on these past few months, but it feels different now." Kara says into her phone as she paces around her apartment. Kara is silent for a moment as she listens to Alex's reply.
Lena would do anything to hear Alex's reply right now.
"No, not like that, not before. There's always been…a space. A wall or something. It's never been possible. But now she knows who I am and she has been so nice and sweet an-!" Kara is cut off by her sisters soundless reply.
Lena has no clue how Kara hasn't heard her heartbeat yet, the useless muscle is insisting on breaking her ribcage.
"The bed thing is! Like, who really books one bed and doesn't intend for that to mean anything. No, I think she does reciprocate but it's Lena and…" Kara says as she paces around her apartment more, moving things around absentmindedly listening to her sister.
Lena ends her torture as she boldly knocks on the door frame.
Kara nearly jumps through the roof, literally, a hasty "gotta go" is whispered into the phone and Kara hangs up and puts it back into her pocket.
Lena is enveloped into a full body hug, her feet barely on the ground for a moment, just your average every day platonic friendship hug.
Except Kara seems to think Lena is falling in love with her as if Lena hasn't been in love with Kara 'You Are my Literal Sunshine' Danvers for years now.
Kara pulls back from the hug, silent and expectant. Normally Kara is the giver but she can sense Lena has something for her, words perhaps, three of them maybe…
"I got you this." Lena says as she pulls out the box with the bracelet inside. It is anticlimactic really. No grand admission of love, no tears and kisses. Just Lena casually pulling out a black box and handing Kara the bracelet she found.
Kara is giddy as she grabs the box with both hands and carefully places is on her breakfast bar. She gently opens the box trying to be respectful of its contents. The glowing adornment knocks Kara onto the ground as soon as she puts it on her wrist, literally, she passes out.
"Oh shit I killed her." Lena says out loud to no one.
"I'm alive!" Kara says as she jumps up from the floor and picks Lena up into her arms, "and yes!"
"Yes?" Lena says absolutely befuddled. The confusion must emanate through her entire being as Kara puts her down immediately and backs off.
"The…this?" Kara gestured to the bracelet now on her wrist. "You…you don't know what it means." Kara works out the issue on her own. Lena is still confused, eyebrow raised.
Kara begins to hold back a torrent of tears as she takes the bracelet off as if it burns.
"No wait Kara. I found that ok, I just found it and thought you'd like it. No harm intended." Lena really screws up the context in her mind, her one not prank finally actually pranking Kara.
"No harm?" Kara says as she loses her fight with her tears, the sting in her nose too powerful to conquer.
"It hurt you right? I think that's a yellow kryptonite. My Earth Prime counterpart made it before I replaced her. I made sure it was totally safe, or I thought I did…" Lena trails off as she steps forward to Kara and reaches out her hands in a gesture of comfort.
"Yeah." Kara says as she holds the bracelet in her hand, it clearly not doing any physical harm. "It hurts."
+ One Angst Slayer
"So you were trying to prank me." Kara tries to understand as Lena explains from the beginning everything that has been happening.
"Obviously not well."
"How is shutting down a Chinese place that was feeding customers rats a prank?" Kara shakes her head as they dig into Bamboo Garden again.
"Well I didn't know it was rat meat, no one did! You're welcome also." Lena boldly takes one of Kara's potstickers as payment, and Kara lets her.
"Then…the movies? You planned an outage. How do you eve- You know what, I don't even want to know. That was a great night Lena!"
Lena looks toward the ceiling as she remembers that night, all of the secrets they shared, how close they got. "Yeah, it was. I'm a Luthor, that is my answer for anything I can't actually tell you, you know this." Kara nods silently.
"So…" Kara plays with some of her noodles trying to find the correct string of words that match the thoughts in her head, "you don't want to marry me?"
There it is.
Lena blinks rapidly as she puts down her plate of food, no longer trusting herself to retain the horizontal position required for gravity to be effective. "Marry? You? Me? Us?"
"Calculus!" Kara can't stop herself and the joke comes out before Lena can process.
"The bracelet…means marriage? How…why would I…" Lena puts her brain into overdrive trying to figure out a reason why her old self would make a marriage token for Kara…but really she needs no time at all. Lena knows that in any universe there is a Kara 'Lena's soulmate and sole defender' Danvers, there is most likely a Lena Luthor utterly endeared by her. Some Lenas are just more forth coming it seems. "Yes."
"You do want to marry me?" Kara says confused at the sudden change in demeanor.
"You said yes." Lena says to herself more than Kara.
"I want to marry me?"
"Kara you said 'Yes' when you saw the bracelet." Lena looks at the blonde who is trying to avoid her eyes.
"Yes, I said yes."
"You want to marry me."
"I wanted to marry you when I thought you wanted to marry me." Kara says and shoves more noodles into her face, the conversation now becoming tedious.
"Yes."
"Can we move past the yes? I said yes, you obviously don't…" Kara stops as she slowly, slowly begins to understand. "You said yes."
"Put the bracelet back on." Lena says as she grabs the offending piece of jewelry.
"Yes ma'am."
They kissed and lived happily ever after. The End.