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iowa was a lot flatter then maine.
and less green. hawkeye didn’t know what to do with a place that held no evergreen trees. or how these people don’t go mad passing the tenth corn field they’ve seen today.
but maybe you get used to it if you’ve lived here all your life. like radar had.
when hawkeye pictured the young boy’s home, it had looked a bit lot like this. a little dusty back road he’d been walking up for twenty minutes now, nothing to see but pastures and barns, as well as the homely worn houses with their chipped paint and kids bikes thrown on the front lawn.
he tried to keep pace – though it wasn’t like radar was expecting him. he didn’t even know. none of them had. in fact, sometimes he wasn’t even sure why he was here.
it was possible a mirad of things. perhaps he was feeling his mortality; he was getting up there after all, more aching bones and less days. maybe he was cracking again. something had started to slip that he couldn’t name, something that started hunkering on his shoulders. he had never truly been ‘all there’, but that amount felt like it was starting to get smaller and smaller. and the only thing he felt called to do was retrace his steps.
whatever it was, he couldn’t get the memories out of his head. and not the bad ones anymore. not the blood he could never fully scrub off his clothes or the death he had to look in the eye everyday. these were memories of them. and for whatever reason they were haunting hawkeye years and years after those four they all spent together, he knew he had to find them or the restlessness would never stop.
so he did. stopped in boston to revisit some of his old haunts from his residency, but did get up the gall to travel to the winchester mansion; it took charles at least half and hour to wipe the shock off his face, but he did invite hawkeye in for a cognac which is more then he expected. after it was to pennsylvania, grinning as he spotted from outside the church doors, the padre backlit by the stain glass windows as he delivered his sermon for his crowd, encapsulating hawkeye in a hug right after.
right now he was doing his mid-western trip. started in ohio to pop into toledo, spent a day and so with a delighted klinger and soon-lee and their bundle of kids, in their loud and loving busy home filled with her parents and klinger’s many, many, many aunts and uncles and others. drove the state over to illnois, into bloomington to have perhaps a sometimes somber but ultimately lovely lunch with mrs. blake, sharing so many henry stories he nearly choked on the ice tea she gave him from laughing so hard and tried not to loose his nerve when the youngest blake boy who henry never got to meet looked him right in the eye and asked
‘did you know my dad?’
now, he traveled over to ottumwa. later, he’ll move on down to mussori for the old colonel, and then finally – california. he was most nervous for that one. or perhaps excited. he wasn’t totally sure yet.
finally, hawkeye reached the end of the road, spotting the house with the blue trimmings and the wooden fence that the general store clerk told him was the o’reily farm. suddenly, he felt his nerves drop a little. that’d been happening a lot over this trip.
it was quiet as all could be, hawkeye worrying for a second maybe no one was home. he walked through the gate up the path, onto the creaking steps of the wooden porch. no doorbell, so he simply took a deep breath and knocked into the silent home, taking his chances.
nothing, for quite a while. it seemed his worries about nobody being home were true, until finally, he heard small, if not dainty footsteps approaching the door, and then it was opened and hawkeye felt his stomach sink in as he realized he hadn’t practiced a word of what he’s going to say to the once young farm boy –
and it was a young girl. maybe about eleven or twelve. long dusty coloured hair and a thinner face, she quirked her head up at hawkeye and he squinted back until he finally looked the girl in the eyes, and that was it. he’d know those big, sweet browns anywhere. he burst into a grin.
so the kid had kids. shit if that didn’t make him feel like an old man.
“yes?” she prompted in a quiet voice, holding onto the doorframe “can I help you sir?”
polite as ever. he shouldn’t be shocked in the least.
“well good afternoon miss.” he greeted with a smile “something tells me I’m looking for a man that’s likely your dad – is he home?”
before she could answer him, another female voice echoed through the house.
“lilly, who’s at the door?”
the girl, lilly, turns around to yell back.
“it’s a man! he’s lookin’ for daddy!”
“I promise it’s not the taxman and I’m not looking to sell any used vacuums either!” hawkeye yelled in as well. in a matter of seconds, there was light, quicker steps, and another female, this time a woman hawkeye guesses is about her thirties, stepped into the frame.
“hi.” she greeted, a warm smile but still with a curious squint as she didn’t recognize him “is there something I can do for you?”
hawkeye couldn’t keep from grinning. she was exactly what he would’ve expected. nice, checkered dress and long brunette hair tied up in a bun, a slight smudge of flour on her cheek and kind blue eyes watching him. it was after a couple pauses of silence that he realizes he’s been starring without saying anything to strangers who have no idea who he is.
“and you must be radar’s gir –” he stopped himself, and his memory from giving him the now wrong image of radar as the young kid he wasn’t anymore “..you must be the o’reily missus.”
“I am..” she answered, if not a little warily, her daughter watching curiously behind her “can I ask who you might be?”
hawkeye stuck out his hand, smiling wide “the name’s benjamin pierce, but I think you might know me as hawkeye. I’m looking for your husband, is he ar –”
he didn’t get to finish the rest, watching this woman’s face completely drop, a wild, shocked smile come over instead and let out some kind of yelp of surprise, all within half a second.
“oh my lord, you’re hawkeye! I can’t believe, I –” suddenly she was on him, arms around in a tight hug before he hardly had time to process and return it, jumping off to grip his wrists in delight “this is such a wonderful surprise! I’ve heard so much, walter, he..”
hawkeye tried not to get embarrassed, head ducking down “he’s talked about me, huh?..”
“he still does.” she grinned. hawkeye couldn’t help the light laugh, red creeping up his neck.
“I hope I don’t disappoint my own name then, now that we’re meeting. listen, I-I’d love to chat more, but I’d really like to see rad-walter, if he’s here –”
“oh of course! here, just,” he carefully pulled his arm, leading him out the deck and directed him with a finger, pointing down behind the house where hawkeye saw a classic big red barn maybe a football field away “he’s just down there gettin’ the eggs from the hens, him and that son of ours, they shouldn’t be hard to find.”
a son too? hawkeye let out another grin. he couldn’t wait to see it, a little radar, going by ed or henry or maybe even sherman. they were both probably about the same size too.
“I’m a coastal elite myself, but hopefully I won’t get lost in all the corn. thanks a lot.”
“of course – here, let me take your things.” she slid his duffel bag off his shoulder before he could protest, walking back to the door “and please, if you can tell walter, after you’re done catching of up course, for all of you to come inside for some drinks and freshly baked cookies – him and ben both. I’m dying to get to know you past all the stories.”
“lady, you had me at fresh cooki – wait, hang on, ben?”
but she was gone before he could get answers, ushering her daughter inside with her to help get everything ready for this impromptu lunch. hawkeye stood standing for a couple more seconds, blinking back. ben?
he had to have heard her wrong, he decided as he started walking down. that couldn’t be right. well, hawkeye didn’t want to be that egotistical or presumptuous to automatically assume there was the connection he was thinking of, but it did seem kind of odd that his son was named ben. maybe it was a family name. maybe his wife suggested it; perhaps it was her father’s name or something.
hawkeye gradually made his way, the big red building getting bigger and bigger. his stomach was grinding in what was both nerves and excitement. as he approached the wide opening, his shoes now all scuffed with dirt, he could hear a faint voice echoing out – a very familiar one at that.
“now, see, you just put your hands flat like this, and you be real gentle – there you go henrietta, it’s okay girl..”
finally tiptoeing over to see, hawkeye was stopped by what he saw. there he was. there was that sweet little farm kid but he wasn’t in army green anymore; flannel over top the worn jeans, and even from this angle, hawkeye could see the worn lines of age on his face. but there was still a cap atop his head and those gold owl glasses about his nose. he was knelt in front of the chicken coup, hands holding up one of the white feathered birds as it nervously clucked, and talking sweetly to it like hawkeye would seem him do with every guinea pig and mouse he had.
“that’s it, atta girl – now, you move one hand, and you reach down – slow okay? so it doesn’t scare em’ – and you take the egg, just like that..”
hawkeye watched him carefully pluck the white little sphere from under the hen, and then gently lay her back down – and only then, did he realize there was an audience for it other then himself. a boy, just about the same age as the young girl he saw, was knelt beside his father, dark mop of hair and paying close attention. hawkeye’s heart squeezed in a way he’d pretend didn’t happen.
it felt almost odd, to interrupt the serene moment between father and son. but he hadn’t come all this way just to observe.
“so I have a question then – what happens when you do that to the roosters?..”
both bodies spun around to him, standing up. the young boy furrowed with confusion but hawkeye wasn’t really paying him much attention, instead grinning as he watched absolute shock slip over radar’s face. he couldn’t even say anything. he didn’t even move. hawkeye couldn’t really do much either, just standing and smiling at this person he’d loved so, who was once naive and had only an eggshell like sense of self, who was now this.. man. this husband. this dad. this grown-up, who had gone on to grow into his boots just like hawkeye always said he would.
“who...what..” radar stuttered, eyes glued to the other man “..hawkeye..”
the doctor made his way forward, approaching radar until there was all but a couple inches between, trying not to laugh at the utter confusion starring back at him, whispering,
“man...I-I ain’t going crazy am I…?”
hawkeye chuckled, eyes crinkling with the tears poking at the corners.
“sorry to say you’re not. I’ve been making rounds, and I’ve traveled all the way through iowa’s dusty roads to visit the 4077th’s best company clerk – and I’m sorry to say,” he clasped onto radar’s shoulders “you haven’t grown an inch more radar.”
radar starred back for a second, but then a tiny smile twitched over his lips, hearing the familiar sarcasm that kept them afloat in their four years of horror.
“yeah, but I ain’t got as many grey hairs..”
hawkeye barked out a laugh and now could no longer hold back, throwing his arms around the smaller man, tight and pressing. and soon, he felt arms cling onto him too, thumping against his back. they both held on for a long while, soaking it in, soaking in the connection they didn’t really get as the wounded came in and hawkeye was called to surgery and radar had the plane to catch.
in time, they let go. hawkeye misty-eyed and clasping him on the shoulder, and, if he didn’t miss it, slight gloss over radar’s own browns.
“now, I’ve already had the pleasure of meeting your daughter and your lovely missus,” radar broke into another smile with red cheeks, and hawkeye squeezed his arm in response, after eyes floating to the small body behind radar “but...”
“oh! yeah, uh,” radar turned around, putting a hand on the young boy’s shoulder “hawkeye, this uh..this...this is..”
his eyes that kept nervously shifting to hawkeye and his inability to say the name told hawkeye everything. and, instead of expecting to feel the awkward gratitude and general embarrassment belonging to an honor like this, he just felt himself soften. because what a high honor it was. so he simply clasped radar’s arm one more time in an unspoken “it’s okay”, and turned to the young boy.
he stared up at the doctor, even more confused by who he was and why his dad knew him. hawkeye observed him for a moment; there were bright blue eyes that no doubt belonged to his mom, but then there was the full, round face. the dark brown hair that was started to twist and curl at the edges. the gentle nature that was radiating off him which hawkeye saw easily.
hawkeye almost started crying all over again.
“ben?”
he stuck out a hearty hand to the boy, smile bursting.
“I’m ben.”