Work Text:
He knew it was going to be an off day as soon as he woke.
Sadness curling around his ribs, smothering his lungs.
Pressing against the back of his eyes, making him fight back the urge to cry.
It was just Thursday. An average, normal Thursday.
The day before had been fine, a study group in Iida’s room, finishing homework and playing some memory tests to make sure they knew what they had just done.
He had even managed to fall asleep at a reasonable time with no sudden starts in the middle of the night. He felt well rested.
And yet loneliness made a home in his chest, sawing against his heart and leaving him feeling exposed and raw.
The internal debate he was having over the benefits of hiding in his bed, his wardrobe, his room, were cut short by someone knocking on his door.
“Midoriya! You should be awake and having breakfast!” Iida’s voice, blunt and loud, echoed through the door.
With a heavy sigh, Midoriya pushed himself up.
“I’ll be down in a moment!”
He began to change, forcing his body to move faster and to push aside the sluggishness.
He decided not to run down the stairs, walking briskly instead. In the state he was in, his klutziness would just leave him with broken bones again.
He had spent the walk practising to smile. He knew logically how to, but his forced smile wasn’t exactly realistic and he didn’t want to worry anyone over his silly loneliness.
“Deku! I made you some toast, you’re running pretty late though. Are you okay?” Uraraka’s bubbly concern made a real smile spread on Izuku’s face as he took the toast from her.
“Not now! If we don’t hurry then we’ll be late!” Iida gently pushed at their backs, encouraging them to leave.
“Kaminari and Mina haven’t left yet,” Uraraka complained but let Iida push her. Izuku followed along, eating quickly and trying to swallow the guilt that came with the strange feelings.
They made it to class before Aizawa, Uraraka teased Iida over it.
Izuku couldn’t help but smile at their antics and for the briefest moment the ugly thing in his chest froze before writhing harder.
Izuku accidentally made eye contact with Bakugou and flinched slightly despite the way their relationship had improved.
“Shitty Nerd,” he said in greeting, mouth set in a scowl. “You’re late.”
“Morning Kacchan and not yet,” Izuku replied as he sat down, glad to hide his face.
He heard the intake of breath as Bakugou went to reply but Mina and Kaminari burst through the door, providing a distraction until Aizawa came in.
All Izuku had to do was make it through the day. Just make it through and once it was over and done he could crawl back into bed and sleep it off. Then tomorrow he’d wake up and feel better again. He just had to survive today.
It didn’t help that every interaction between his classmates brought on a pang, hurting his heart and choking his throat. It didn’t vanish, even when they went back to the dorms.
Even when Tsuyu called out for his opinion in a group study session.
Or when Kirishima turned to him for help.
Or when Todoroki asked if he was okay.
Or when Yaomomo handed him tea.
Or when Kaminari reached and squeezed his shoulder, telling him to ‘Lighten up.’
It stayed rooted deep in his chest, pounding and clawing and made Izuku fear speaking. One slight slip up and he was bound to start bawling his eyes out.
He couldn’t help but continue to glance across at Bakugou, searching for something he can’t name.
Once, the blond made eye contact, red eyes glimmering with annoyance. But if Izuku had managed to continue staring for just a little longer he would’ve seen the concerned dip in his brow.
At the earliest moment he could, Izuku flashed a big smile at everyone and hefted his bag up.
“I think I’m going to go work on these while I work out.” Everyone glanced up and smiled, shaking their heads at him. They were all used to him taking off to work out while studying. It was banned in the living room due to other people trying to copy him or roping him into their dumb games.
He was free to slip off up to his room. Izuku could finish his work in peace and then just sleep. He could set an alarm to get up earlier to have a bigger breakfast to make up for not eating dinner but that would be fine. It’d be good. He needed to just sleep off that emptiness in his chest.
Or cry.
For as soon as he entered his room, he slid down the door and couldn’t stop the choked sobs leaving his mouth. He clasped his hands over his mouth and moved away from the door, crawling over to the bed and barely reacting when he set his hand on something sharp on the floor.
Without kicking his shoes off, he buried himself in his bed, hiding under the duvet and letting his sobs grow louder, knowing they’d be muffled and no one would bother him.
Izuku isn’t sure how long he lay in his bed but eventually the tears stopped and he lay still, just catching his breath.
Until his door slammed open with a loud,
“Oi!”
With a sigh, he sat up and threw the blankets off of himself.
“Yes Kaachan?”
“Why, you walking around all mopey like?” Bakugo slammed the door and stomped over to the chair by his desk.
“I’m not mopey Kaachan.” Izuku sighed as he got off the bed and moved to the door. “Now if you could leave, I’d appreciate it.”
“I’ve had to see your face ever since the old Hag and your mom became friends,” Bakugou raised an eyebrow and leant back in the chair, kicking his legs up onto the desk. “That and you’re a shitty liar, nerd.”
“Kaachan-“
“No. You’re allowed to be mopey Deku, I just want to know why. Especially since the other nerds think you’re fine.”
“I am fine!”
“So you haven’t been all sad and looking like a kicked puppy all day?”
“I...I don’t think so! I feel fine.” That thing in his chest was back. Only this time it burnt its way up his throat, stinging the back of his eyes and tensing his muscles.
He didn’t even register One For All crackling across his arms until Bakugou grabbed him.
Rough hands on his forearms, squeezing lightly.
“Hey! Don’t lie,” he snapped before his voice softened. “It’s no good keeping it all inside you. Izuku, what is it?”
“And why do you care?” The words burst from Izuku before he could stop it. His name coming from Bakugou hit something.
The ugly thing in his chest split open and poured vile anger into him, making his eyesight blurry and filling the emptiness with a viciousness.
“All you’ve done since we were kids is bully me, kick me down and then kick again for emphasis.” Izuku wrenched his arms free of Bakugou’s grip.
“So why now do you care? Sure, we get along better now but we’re not exactly friends. You hate me. You have for years. You only tolerate me now because you know about One For All.”
“You of all people know I don’t do well just tolerating people.” Bakugou replies, a strain to his voice making it obvious there was a leash on his anger. “I just worry about you. Especially now Izuku.”
“You don’t get to call me that! Not anymore. Not since Deku!” Izuku aimed a slap at him and wasn’t exactly surprised when Bakugou batted it away. “You were my idol! Powerful! Brave! All Might was my hero but you? I looked up to you so much and you just. . . Hated me! Because of the quirk thing.”
Silence clouded around them, thick and heavy and suffocating.
“Izu-. . . De- . . .” Bakugou couldn’t seem to settle, fidgeting, eyes flickering around the room. “Midoriya. I am sorry. I have no reason for why I was like that, being a shitty kid isn’t an explanation.”
“Damn right it’s not Bakugou!” That was when the tears spilt down his face. Izuku began breathing heavy, choking on his words, “we were kids! And that’s not even mentioning middle school! And through all that I missed you? I cling to calling you Kaachan like you would wake up and realise that I had always been your best friend!”
“You deserved better Midoriya.”
“Damn right I did and I have found better!” Izuku wrapped his arms around himself, hugging himself tightly. “So why do I still feel lonely? I have friends, I’m not alone and yet I feel so lonely.”
“Midoriya,” Bakugou reached out and managed to catch him just as Izuku’s legs went out from underneath him. Still, they both hit the ground but thanks to Bakugou’s reaction it wasn’t a heavy thud, with all the noise in the dorms it wouldn’t be that noticeable.
“I want to hate you,” Izuku rested his head weakly on Bakugou’s shoulder. “I feel like I’m ruined for friendship. And I know our friendship was nothing compared to what I had but. I don’t know what to do.”
“Midoriya, I-”
“Go back to Deku, it feels less weird.” Izuku’s voice was heavy, weighty. “I don’t hate you though. I could never.”
“You’d have every right to.” Bakugou replied quietly. “And for the record, I don’t hate you. I haven’t for a while now. And I know it doesn’t change anything but...as kids you were always so...damned determined that no matter what you’d be a hero. I think it grated on me.”
“Why would it? It was our dream as kids.” Izuku twisted slightly so he could hug Bakugou.
“Being a hero is dangerous. And you didn’t have a quirk to protect yourself. But you didn’t care. I thought...I don’t know. But your determination was...I don’t know.”
“It’s okay to not know. I think. I don’t know why I’m feeling like this and I. . .think that’s okay.” Izuku leant back to look Bakugou in the face. “I miss you though.”
“Whatever,” Bakugou scowled, looking away, cheeks tinged with pink. “I already have enough idiots, I don’t need you too.”
“Aww, they’re your idiots?” Izuku teased, a smile pulling weakly at his lips. “Kaachan has friends!”
“I don’t have friends! They’re...just idiots.” Bakugou pushed Izuku’s face away and moved back. “You suck.”
“Sure Kaachan,” Izuku’s smile grew as he wiped the tear tracks away. “What am I then?”
Bakugou’s head snapped around to face Izuku and he was silent for a moment before looking at the wall, scowling and blushing more,
“We’re friends.”
“Aw Kaachan!”
“Shut up Nerd!”
Bakugou lunged at Izuku, intent on giving him a noogie as Izuku laughed, wet but smiling wide.
That loneliness was gone for now. Izuku’s sure it’ll be back but for now, getting a lot of his feelings off his chest and just laughing with someone he could safely call friend was a good remedy.
He'll wait for it to come back before he worries about it. For now, he had to good-naturedly kick Kaachan's ass.