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"You fucking slept with her!" Castiel yelled from across the table. Since Dean had woken up with a hangover and a naked redhead in bed with him Cas had been cold and distant, ignoring everything Dean had to say. Because of the tension and constantly using him as a mediator, Sam left for a small ghost hunt a few towns over for the night. Now, finally, Cas was letting him in on what was bothering him.
"So what?" Dean scoffed at him. It wasn't like it hadn't happened before.
"You had to bring her back with you, to the bunker, and you slept with her in my bed! You, Dean Winchester, are an assbutt," Cas slammed a plate down onto the table from where he had been setting it for the meal Dean was currently cooking.
"Really Cas? What did I tell you about using that insult? I'm sorry I used your bed. It was an accident. It was dark, I was drunk, it was just a mistake. I won't do it again," Dean ran a hand through his short crop of dark blonde hair in exasperation.
"It's not about the bed Dean!"
Dean looked up, because Cas had surely just made it sound like it was about the bed. "Then what is it about?" he asked him, becoming increasingly frustrated as he pulled the food off the burner.
"It's that you slept with someone Dean. You ravaged her in my bed. You're oblivious Dean! There are much more important people you could be having sex with but you choose to bring home these women from bars and let them touch you!" Cas almost seemed like he was pouting. His face had started to redden and his black hair was swept back from tugging at it with his hands.
"Who else do I have to sleep with Cas? If they're so much better why don't they come up to me? I don't see anyone trying to have sex with me except those girls," Dean glanced at him, trying to keep his temper about him.
"Exactly! You're oblivious!" Cas let out a frustrated noise before looking over at Dean and yelling, "I've been throwing myself at you for years Dean. I thought you would have noticed by now! I'm right here, willing to let you use me to your satisfaction yet you pick them over me. I don't understand. I mean, I know that I'm a man now but..."
Dean turned, confusion, realization, and anger spreading over his features in a matter of seconds. "You like me? That's what this is about? Are you sure about that Cas? So it's me you were thinking about when you were screwing that angel bitch that killed you?"
Cas seemed taken aback but he quickly retaliated. "No. I was thinking about her. She decided to give me the pleasure that you've been denying me for years," he crossed his arms over his chest.
"Before she killed you! She killed you Cas. I spent days trying to find you so I could bring you back here with us. You're a human now, I thought you'd need me, and I get there and I was right, you needed me but I didn't get there in time Cas. Do you know how many times I beat myself up over that? I wish I could kill that bitch a thousand more times. And then you get back to the bunker and proudly exclaim to me that you had sex with her!"
"Yes Dean, it seems like you cared so much when after I died and came back, when I needed you, you promptly told me I couldn't stay here. At least April took me in," Cas spat and Dean flinched.
"Don't you dare compare me to her. You know why I did what I did. You think I don't regret it?" Dean bit down on the inside of his cheek. "You go out and slept with the first pretty lady who let you sleep in her bed."
"That's what you do Dean. You go around sleeping with random strangers left and right. She at least offered me a decency before I laid with her."
"That's not what I do Cas. I do it occasionally, and not even half as often since I met you..." Dean's hands gripped the edge of the counters until his knuckles turned white. He liked to keep up the facade, pretend he was going out and sleeping with women but ever since he met Cas he's barely been interested in a single one, so when he does find one he thinks he could do when he is especially horny he takes advantage of it.
"I thought you'd be proud of me. You kept trying to take me to brothels and trying to get me to lose my purity. Every end of the world you tried to make it so I wouldn't die a virgin and now I won't Dean. Shouldn't you be happy that I have lain with a woman?"
"No! No I shouldn't."
"I learned from the best Dean. You sleep with women and basically anything else that moves. Except me of course. Even your hand has pleasured you more than you have allowed me to," he glared and Dean stopped, let go of the counter and turned around, biting back a snarky comment and swallowing thickly.
"So you're just upset that the whore wouldn't screw you?" He said, his voice thin and weak before he shook his head. "I'm not so hungry anymore. I'm going... out. Somewhere." He turned and left, very hurt though he wouldn't admit it that Cas had gotten to him. Cas just wanted to screw him because he thought he could, Dean was easy after all right? Dean felt like his chest had collapsed and he walked to his bedroom, hearing Cas yell after him, "You can't just walk away from this Dean!"
"Oh yeah? Watch me Cas. I'm not going to stay here and let you yell at me because you're just fucking jealous." He grabbed his jacket with shaking hands.
"And you aren't jealous?" Cas stood in the doorway, arms once again crossed over his chest.
"You want to know the truth Cas? Yeah, I'm jealous, of course I am you fucking idiot. I wanted to... it doesn't even matter. You just see me as... I'm just a whore anyway," he practically taunted.
"I never said that Dean."
"It was implied Cas," he grabbed the keys and his phone, stuffing them into his pocket.
"I don't think that of you Dean. Stop being so dramatic. Now what did you want to do?" Cas rolled his eyes and stood in Dean's path.
"It doesn't matter. Forget it."
"Tell me Dean."
"Cas just drop it." Dean pushed past him now.
"Dean, tell me!" Cas yelled, following after him.
"It doesn't matter. It's over. Done okay?"
"Dean. Tell me." Cas said in that deep, deadly serious voice he got when he was about to fight, physically. Dean was at the top of the stairs now, about to slam the door in Cas's face but instead he turned around. "
"I wanted your first time to be special. Not like mine was. I thought you deserved that. You're human now, i wanted to take care of you. I thought I could give that to you, that I could make it special. You picked her instead. Like I said, it's over," Dean's voice had gone small and he refused to look at Cas. Chick flick moments weren't his thing, neither were feelings and he was done. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. You didn't know what she was." There was a long lingering silence and Dean couldn't stand it anymore. He left, letting the door fall shut behind him as he escaped to the impala.
He didn't return for hours. Instead he had been driving around in circles, trying to calm himself down and not feel like a complete and total failure. He hated that feeling. He always needed to make up for it. He hadn't been there for Cas at all when he needed him, even when he didn't realize that he needed him, or wanted him. He made Cas feel like that conniving bitch was a better option than him.
It was late when he did get back to the bunker. The place was quiet and dark and he snuck silently back to his room, not wanting to draw attention to himself or run into Cas. His plans were dashed though when he saw Cas sitting on his bed the minute he flipped the light on. Dean sucked in his breath and put down his wallet and keys, avoiding eye contact at all costs which is why he didn't notice at first when Cas came up in front of him.
"Dean?"
"I don't want to argue anymore Cas. Please, let's just go to bed or something," Dean shook his head and tossed his jacket down onto the desk chair.
"I'm sorry Dean. I was being quite hypocritical earlier. I did not mean to make you feel bad about yourself."
"I'm fine Cas."
"I know better. I know that I have hurt you and that was not my intention. You are a good man Dean, you have always been kind to me and I should not have acted how I did," Cas said.
"It's fine. It doesn't matter."
"It matters to me Dean. I have watched you when I could only see your soul. You have a good soul, a beautiful soul Dean. And now I can only see your face but I remember it. And I've seen what you do for others, for Sam and I. And I have grown quite fond of you. I believe the only way to describe this feeling is love," Cas tilted his head to the side with that squinty eyed look, his expression soft and Dean couldn't help but look down at him, into Cas's blue eyes.
"It's a pretty good feeling isn't it Cas?" Dean asked for a moment, his gaze saying what he couldn't quite express himself yet. But Cas was patient and he nodded before stretching up and pressing his mouth tentatively to Dean's. Despite his inexperience he was rather experienced.
"Dean, I still have not lain with a man. I know it isn't quite the same and I would understand if you don't want me because I am no longer a virgin. But I am offering you what I have if you will accept it," Cas said once he pulled back and rested his head on Dean's chest. It was a new feeling, all of it and Dean slowly wrapped his arms around Cas too as he tried to wrap his mind around the fact that this was real.
"You're enough... I don't care if you aren't a virgin Cas, it never mattered. I'd take you any way you came to me," Dean assured and this time tightened his grip on Cas, tucking his head under his chin and closing his eyes.
"Really?" Cas pulled back from him though, looking up at him.
"Really Cas. Cursed or not remember?"
"Cursed or not. I don't believe I'm cursed now..." Cas nodded.
"I don't think so either," Dean chuckled and leaned down, kissing him again until they both fell into Dean's bed.