Work Text:
September 2000
Like every Sunday afternoon Fabrizio slumped through the bushes. His shoes already ruined by the gravel and mud on the small path. He often fell on his knees or scraping his hands open while climbing this path. Getting cuts and grazes. But he didn’t mind, it became routine. And it was worth it. The path of hell takes him to his piece of paradise. A remote spot on top of a hill, looking over Rome’s skyline. No one who can see him, hear him or disturb him. The perfect place to get some peace of mind, to have some alone time. Away from the slur the is his daily life, from the judging eyes whom will never leave you alone. A hideaway from all the pain of the outside world. Just lie with your back and the grass, smell the flowers, look at the clouds and think of nothing for once. No stress, no social anxiety, no worries. Forget everything and be one with nature.
He was nearly there. Looking up you can already see the sunlight of the open place which allows to the darkness of the forest to light up. That’s how he always knew how to find his way. Just follow the sand path which he created by walking there so much, and follow the light. Pulling himself up by grabbing a branch, and another one almost sticking into his eye, he finally made it.
A smile played upon his lips as that familiar smell of grass and flowers hit his face. He walked up to his spot, ready to relax, but he suddenly stopped his tracks. There, on his spot, sits a figure. Short dark hair, thin but at the same time broad shoulders, in all probability a guy . It seems as if the young man doesn’t notice him. What should he do? Go away? Ask the guy to leave? But before he could decide on anything, Fabrizio’s foot got caught behind a stump in front of him a fell to the ground.
The stranger looked with terrified eyes over his shoulder and made a loud gasp. Fabrizio hastily stood up and approached him but the stranger backed up, looking even more scared.
‘’I’m sorry, I- I didn’t mean to scare you. I won’t hurt you or anything, please don’t be scared.’’ The stranger calmed down a bit and sat down again. Though he still looked scared at Fabrizio, as if you could be murdered any minute now. Fabrizio slowly got closer to them man. ‘’Can I sit down?’’ He asked carefully and the stranger nodded. Silence fell upon them, Fabrizio didn’t know what to do or say. Maybe just start a casual conversation?
‘’You’re not a man of many words, are you.’’ The man chuckles and relaxes his shoulders for the first time. ‘’Depends.’’
The man replied shortly after. "Depends on what?" "Depends on the person I'm talking with." Fabrizio nodded, not knowing how to respond on this.
It could have been ten minute or half an hour, the silence felt never ending. Though it wasn't as awkward as you thought it would be.
"Listen, I'm just here to have some peace. I can go if you want me to."
"No it's alright. I'm here for the same reason. I actually come here quite often, this is the perfect spot to let your thoughts rest for a bit. And also, no one who can disturb you. Well...at least I thought so."
"You still don't want me to go?" He said teasingly.
"No, it's fine. It's nice to have someone to talk to for once."
"Fair enough."
"So you have a lot of things to think about then?" The stranger looked up at him hesitantly but then opened his mouth. "You can say that yeah. You too?"
"Sometimes the thoughts feel endless. That's why I come up here, this place offers some kind of calmness to me."
"I'm sitting here for a little while now, and yeah it's nice. But not for too long. I can get a bit carried away when I'm on my own, when I have no one who I can share it with."
Fabrizio has to agree on this. Yes, he loves this place but it can get a bit lonely too when there is no one who can listen to you, to whom you can poor your heart out. It would be nice to have that too. Someone who listens to you, who won't judge you, who understands your struggles.
And then, out of nowhere, an idea popped into his head. A crazy idea, and he doesn't know if it's actually a good idea. But you only live once right?
"Listen, I'm gonna propose something to you. This may sound ridiculous but take it into consideration, okay?"
‘’O-okay?’’
‘’Why don’t we come up here, every Sunday at 15:00 PM. We just talk, about whatever we want. Just to have that listening ear. And after an hour we part our ways and go back to reality. We don’t have to tell each other our names or anything personal. We are just two strangers who… who…’’
‘’Who share their struggles help each other to not feel lonely for a bit?’’
‘’Exactly. So, what do you think?’’
‘’Okay then, why not.’’ The stranger smiled at him while nodding his head.
Fabrizio smiled back at him and let himself fall back into the grass. Placing his hands behind his head, sighing in pleasure as soon as the hot sun warmed his whole body. The stranger followed his moves and laid down next to him. It was silent for a bit until the man began to carefully speak.
‘’You can tell me if it’s a dumb idea but, I was thinking, why don’t we give each other a false name? It’s weird to call you man or dude or whatever.’’ He had a point there though.
‘’You’re right, let’s do that. From now on I call you…’’ Hmm what does this man look like? Maybe a Daniel or a Andrea? No, that’s not right. ‘’From now on I call you Giovanni.’’ The man laughed hard, shaking his head. ‘’I’ll take that. Then I will call you..’’ He looked at Fabrizio from head to toe. ‘’Francesco’’. Fabrizio nearly choked at his own saliva from laughing. The two men lied there in the grass, on top of a hill, remote from the outside world, laughing their asses off. It’s a strange situation, no absurd. But also thrilling and fun. And somehow Fabrizio’s gut feeling told him it’s okay.
Once the giggles have died down and it was quiet again, ‘Giovanni’ turned towards him on his side and spoke. ‘’Does your life also suck right now?’’ ‘’Life is an asshole to me, that’s how much it sucks.’’ Fabrizio said while also turning to his side, looking the man right in the eyes. He blinked once before looking down. But the mans voice made him look up again. ‘’Wanna talk about it?’’
From that day on, every week the two man accompanied each other. They sometimes would bring a blanket, some food or drinks. Umbrella’s for when it’s raining. Chatting for ours, until the sun had sunken down the hill. In winter even hot chocolate and hot water bottles. Fabrizio even had the genius idea to build a treehouse, which wasn’t such a good idea they figured. So a picknick table it was. Their bond grew closer, trusting each through and through. At times when one wasn’t really feeling like talking, the other one would offer comfort through a hug, a shoulder to lean on. Words weren’t needed in those moments. They understood each other like no one ever has.
Until it all stopped one day. Giovanni didn’t show up anymore. Without saying anything, without an excuse. Fabrizio felt heart broken, his best friend in the world left him. He still went to their spot every week, hoping he’d show up one day. But after weeks Fabrizio gave up.
He wants to search for him but how? After all he doesn’t even know his real name, or where he lived or worked. He should forget about him, get on with his life. Then why does it feel like a break up? His aching heart and sadness give him the hint. He couldn’t hold back the tears no more. He wanted to scream and shout at him. He wanted to hold him close, bury his face in the crook of the mans neck. Smell his hair, kiss his cheek, hear that contagious laugh, drown in those brown eyes.
Cazzo.
Only now he realises how deeply in love he actually is. Sure, he acknowledged before that Giovanni is an attractive man. Even the thought of intimacy has passed in his dreams every now and then. But he shook them off, thinking nothing of it.
What if Fabrizio discovered it earlier, what if Giovanni felt the same. Then he wouldn’t have left him. But it’s too late for that now. Fabrizio will never have the answer… Maybe it was not meant to be.
The following years he lived on his life. Met a woman, have two children and built his career, then being a single dad. Occasionally he felt the need to tell the man everything that has happened to him, to quickly visit their spot hoping to find him there.
But he never did, until one day, 17 years later.
He was anxious and nervous, going to Sanremo again. Everyone was going on about it, asking him if he had rehearsed enough, if he thinks he’ll go through, if he’s nervous. It became too much for him, so the only place he could think about that will give him some peace of mind is the spot on the hill.
Without thinking much of it he climbed the familiar path, getting scratches and bruises from the branches he used to. Once reaching the top he stretched out his body and closed his eyes. Taking in some fresh air and smiling when smelling the grass and flowers.
Opening his eyes again, his mouth fell suddenly open. There, on the old picknick table is sitting a man. Long dark curly hair, thin body but broad shoulders. Wanting to take a step forward, he, like all those years ago stumbled the same stump, making the man gasp out loud and looking at him like he’s some mythical creature.
Slowly the man stood up in disbelief, approaching Fabrizio. ‘’Francesco?!’’ ‘’Giovanni?’’
In shock the two man stared at each other for a good minute before flying into a tight hug.
Fabrizio was speechless, sniffing and wiping away a small tear. ‘’You- What- I-…’’ He looked straight into the man’s eyes. ‘’Why did you leave me? Why didn’t you tell me?’’
‘’I didn’t do it on purpose. I- I quit my study and needed a place to live here in Rome but I had no money. I had to get back to my hometown, to Bari. My mom needed me and I had no time to say goodbye.’’ He looked down at his feet. ‘’ I guess I couldn’t, because I didn’t want to say goodbye and see you hurt. And I regret it to this day. I did come back the few times I went back to Rome, but I never found you. I knew I lost you forever. I don’t even know your real name.’’
Fabrizio fell quiet. He doesn’t know what to say or think, still being hurt.
‘’I had so much to say to you, you made me realize so many things after you stopped showing up. And I never got to the time to tell them to you. Even years after you were still on my mind, but I told nobody about. It felt wrong to do so, it was still our secret.’’
The man grabbed his hands and intertwined their fingers. ‘’I’m so so sorry. I know you could never forgive me, and I’m not asking you to. But… I’m here now. I know it sounds crazy but you can still tell me anything you know.’’
Without hesitation Fabrizio poured it all out. ‘’I was in love with you. Which I only realised after you left, so I never got the chance tell you. And now look at us, years later. You’re even more handsome then you were back then, I like the long hair.’’ He admitted honestly.
He blushed at his remark. ‘’You look very handsome too, I like the beard. But to be honest, short hair suits you better.’’ They both started to laugh, it felt like the old times again.
‘’I forgive you. The universe apparently didn’t think we were meant to be.’’
‘’It maybe was not meant to be at that moment. But I think it is now, because otherwise we wouldn’t both be here. Oh and- I kinda was in love with you too. Okay maybe not a bit, but like- a lot.’’
That feeling of warmth and butterflies entered his body like it did the first time. His hands found their way on the mans cheeks and pulled him towards him. This kind of confidence came over, and he felt like being on top of the world.
‘’Tell me to stop, or else I won’t be able to hold back.’’ The other man breathed heavily upon his lips, looking mesmerised at them. But just as he finally could have the taste he was yearning for, for all this time, was being stopped.
‘’Wait.’’
Fabrizio quickly pulled away. ‘’I’m sorry, I thought that- I don’t know what I thought, I’m sorry you’re obviously not in love with me anymore which is logical.’’ He stumbled upon his words.
‘’No it’s not that. It’s just-‘’ The man took his hand and started shaking it.
‘’My name is Ermal Meta, born in Albania but moved to Bari when I was 13. Nice to finally meet you.’’
Fabrizio was astonished at hearing the mans real name. It sounded so good, and it suits him much better then Giovanni.
‘’I’m Fabrizio Mobrici. Born and raised in Rome and still live here with my two children. Their mother and I split up a few years ago.’’ With a short pause to breathe he continued talking. ‘’Can I please kiss you, Ermal?’’
‘’You can, Fabrizio.’’ They both smirked at each other and finally met lips. Softly their mouth moved but soon stared moving more passionately. Like finally getting a sip of water after being days in the desert.
Right at that moment, a bright future started for them.