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The night before they move in together, Dazai insists that they sleep on their own apartments. In his wise words, “the tradition is for the bride and groom to not see each other before the wedding day”.
Despite being his boyfriend—or more accurately, because of it—Chuuya is quick to ignore the wisdom and go straight to calling him out on his bullshit. “N-Nonsense! We’re just going to move in together! N-Not get married!”
Dazai blinks, then waits until Chuuya’s too flustered by his expectant gaze and lack of response.
As expected, an additional tirade of, “N-Not that I don’t want to… just… not now… and anyway! We’re just moving in! What the hell?!”
Another blink, before Dazai lets his lips jut out in a pitiful pout. “…‘Just’ moving in? I didn’t know you felt that little about this milestone in our relationship, chibikko.” A beat, and then: “Oh, it’s because you’re little too, hmm?”
Chuuya kicks him in the shin and then shoves him out of his apartment, bellowing reminders about the moving company’s schedule tomorrow. Dazai blows kisses as his goodbye, before swooping in quickly for a farewell kiss, that turns into five, ten, twenty pecks. Eventually, after fifteen minutes of kissing against Chuuya’s door, Dazai is finally kicked out.
Not even five minutes later, his phone pings with a message from Chuuya about tomorrow’s schedule. He’s going to receive another reminder later before he goes to sleep, and another three tomorrow as a lead-up to his morning alarm. It’s top-tier motherhen nagging, and he’s enjoying it dearly (much to the bewilderment of his motherhen friends, Ango and Kunikida, as Dazai has always complained incessantly when it’s them doing the constant reminders).
It’s incredibly cute when it’s Chuuya doing it though, because Chuuya knows that he’s smart enough to remember things, and yet he can’t help but nag at him anyway. The chibi is definitely excited about them moving in together.
The thought buoys his footsteps as he practically skips down five flights of stairs. Normally, he whines about this torture against his legs—which is why their new place is a bungalow cottage that’s on one of the old residential areas—but he’s a lot more energetic today. He texts a barrage of kissy-faces to Chuuya’s number, then queues a few more. He then fires off a text to his dutiful kouhai waiting for him at their arranged meeting place, telling them that he’s on his way.
“I’m late because Chuuya begged me to not leave him,” Dazai proclaims shamelessly as soon as he arrives at the front of a department store, where Akutagawa and Atsushi are waiting for him. “It really was so difficult to get him to let me leave, okay!”
Akutagawa looks ready to believe him, but Atsushi flatly asks him, “Dazai-san, isn’t it more likely that Chuuya-san kicked you out?”
Oh, his dear kouhai are learning how to talk back, how wonderful!
“I merely wanted to give you two a chance to have a lovey-dovey moment,” Dazai says sweetly, and laughs in delight at the way both Akutagawa and Atsushi sputter incoherent denials. “Now, onwards! We have a lot of ground to cover!”
“I’m confused though,” Atsushi eventually admits once they’re all inside a clothing store. “Why would you need a lot of new outfits for tomorrow?”
Akutagawa’s “Just because you are too financially-challenged to buy new clothes, jinko...” is cut off when Atsushi elbows him, and the two of them end up swatting each other.
“Oh, children,” Dazai sighs fondly. “I need one outfit so I can look seductively disheveled after pretending to unpack boxes. And since the chibi surely can’t resist ravishing me in those clothes, I’ll need a change of clothes so I don’t spend more time being sweaty. Then, we can check the water pressure by taking a romp in the shower—so that’s another set of clothes ruined. An apron so I can pretend to cook then distract Chuuya that way. An outfit that would look nice against the house’s backdrop…”
“I really do not want to hear any of this,” Atsushi claims, then adds, “I think it’s more likely that Chuuya-san will punch you if you let him do all the unpacking. And wouldn’t he be too tired to um, indulge, uh, all of those fantasies?”
Dazai smirks. “You’re underestimating Chuuya’s stamina.”
Atsushi shuts up because he really doesn’t want to know these things about his senpai.
Akutagawa coughs, before, “…against the house’s backdrop, Dazai-san?”
“Of course! The picture we’ll take once we arrive!” Dazai hums as he goes through a rack of clothes with terrifying speed, especially for someone whose main fashion accessories are bandages and shamelessness. “It’s going to be an important picture! One that would be framed! I need to look very dashing!”
It’s Akutagawa’s turn to shut up, because there’s no arguing with the exuberance of his senpai’s words.
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The night before they move in together, Chuuya is all too relieved when Dazai insists on the harebrained scheme of not seeing each other until they actually move in together. His heartbeat goes through a thousand frantic beats at the ‘wedding’ comment, and he’s almost kicked Dazai’s legs hard enough so he can’t leave without skittering like an ugly bandaged crab.
Once he’s sure that Dazai has left the premises, he immediately opens a video group chat with his support group… no, that’s a lie, they’re just busybody gossipmongers, that’s what they are. They’re also very helpful when it comes to not pulling punches in their opinions, so…
“Is it too weird if prepare fluffy socks for him on our first night?” Chuuya’s reviewing the things that he’s packed—most of them were already packed by the moving company they’ve hired—while pacing around the room. He thinks of Dazai and his low blood pressure and poor circulation and tendency to have freezing toes. “I’m not sure if the ventilation in our room will be too much for that idiot…”
“Are you actually his mother?” A pixelated Yosano asks while seated on Ane-san’s armchair, because Ane-san apparently has to help Kyouka-chan with homework and she plays favorites. “Because then I’ll want to ask if spanking is involved with you two.”
“No!”
“Shame,” Yosano says with a shake of her head, which is echoed by Higuchi, who then adds, “I think the socks would be very sweet.”
Beside Higuchi, Gin is doing her duty as a dutiful spy on the shopping trip that her brother’s been roped to. Softly—in contrast to her actual words—she says, “Dazai-san is going the naughty route, brother says that he’s looking at skimpy aprons now.”
“Stop telling me those things!” Chuuya shrieks, because he does want to be surprised by whatever shenanigans Dazai has prepared for him. Then, he blinks and goes, “Did Akutagawa really say ‘skimpy’? Is he okay?”
“Focus, Chuuya-san.”
“Okay, socks are fine.” He breathes in to settle himself. “Should I go for the cedar aftershave or—”
“It depends. Do you guys want to have a functional home or do you guys want to prioritize christening every surface of the house?”
Chuuya ends up choking on air at that, then quietly chooses the cedar-scented aftershave, the one that drives Dazai absolutely batty trying to lick his skin. Then, he shares a picture of the front of the bungalow they’ve bought together to the group chat. “I’ll need to choose an outfit that would fit the house’s backdrop better. Should I go with the orange—”
“—No,” everyone in the group chat says. Even Kajii, Tachihara and Hirotsu-san actually participate this time, if only to express their vote against the neon orange biker jacket that Chuuya’s recently bought and personally thought was quite cool. (Though, it’s possible that Kajii’s just automatically rejected a non-lemon fruit option.)
“…Backdrop? You’re planning a photo shoot or something?”
The question is asked jokingly, but Chuuya nods anyway, flushing. “That idiot will want to take pictures of when we arrive there. He’s gonna want to frame it and caption it with something annoying like, ‘me and my dog’ or some other shit. I’ll bash his head with the frame if he does, but… It’ll be nice if we match.”
Gin is laughing at him, one hand daintily covering her mouth. “You don’t have to worry about that, Chuuya-san. I’m sure the two of you will look very nice in your first family picture.”
“F-Family—!” Chuuya sputters, but doesn’t actually refute anything.
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The day when they move in together, the two of them wake up at the same time, jittery with excitement, as they simultaneously text each other their good mornings.
[good morning, darling chibikko. get up already, sleeping more will not let you grow anymore!]
[don’t you dare show up wearing just bandages and nothing else, shitty mackerel. the sun’s already as bright as your ugly mug, gtfo of bed already!!]
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The picture that they take is perfect—
—even if the caption that Dazai writes on it is indeed ‘me and my dog ♥’.
The framed picture stays, because Dazai hangs it over the highest part of the wall that Chuuya cannot reach.
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The night when they move in together—
“Thanks for the socks,” Dazai whispers as he entwines their legs together.
“I simply didn’t want your ice cube toes against mine!” Chuuya continues to deny any accusation of sweetness by making sure to thwack Dazai’s chest multiple times.
The two of them stay that way—entwined, in love.
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end…?